Prologue

“I was up all night studying, Jongin,” I yelled, my throat feeling a horrible sensation from all the other yelling I was doing prior to now. “Clearly you don’t know what that’s like because you’re not taking the sooneung this year – or ever by the looks of it!”

“You think I don’t want to take that stupid test?” He screamed back. I’m sure the ahjummas and ahjussis that lived in my building were greatly aware of the verbal warfare that was going on between me and my boyfriend of two years. I swear I saw a curtain shift slightly in one of the apartment windows above us, but right now I didn’t care. My tiny hand was enclosed in a fist and I was more than tempted to give my pretty boyfriend a good punch in the face. He was being a .

“A text would have been fine, but did I receive any? No!” He continued. “I get that you’re studying for sooneung, but damn it, Min Seol! At least give me some consideration too!”

“I was swamped with a lot of studying material!” My temples began to throb. “The CSATs are coming up really soon and every minute of my study time counts! I’m sorry if I can’t text you back. Geez! Will you relax?”

I pushed past him, clearly fed up with this whole argument. As soon as my shoulder bumped his, he grabbed me by the arm. I could feel his anger pulsating through to his tight grip. For a minute, I thought he was going to squeeze my arm to disuse. The fire in his eyes weren’t dying down and I could hear his heartbeat banging against his ribcage. There were only two appropriate situations when that happened: after he just completed a rigorous dance practice session, or he was livid beyond repair. And since he wasn’t sweating head to toe from dancing, then he obviously was pissed.

“Let go of me!” I growled, trying to pry my arm away. I failed, however, since my boyfriend’s impeccable strength (no matter how skinny he looked) was evident in his hold on me.

“God, Min Seol! Will you just listen to me?” Jongin gritted through his teeth. I could feel his fingers tightening around my arm, his knuckles going pallid. “You don’t know how tough it is to be a trainee for SM and then have a girlfriend!”

I scowled. My eyebrows were going to fall off by now from all that furrowing. Or I was probably going to gain some deep, ugly wrinkles prematurely. “What are you trying to say, Kim Jongin? Do you want to break up?!”

Jongin nearly fell over, his grasp around my arm loosening up immensely. He looked shocked.

“Wh-what?” He stuttered. “What? No! No way! I – I – ”

“Well, that’s what I’m taking from what you’re saying. So, what is it? Are you wishing to break up with me? What do you want?”

“I – I – ” Jongin blinked incessantly, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so fluster. He swallowed, before finally blurting, “I just wish you were me so you could see how hard it is to be a trainee!”

I rolled my eyes. “Jongin, if I were you, I think I’d do a better job in balancing that career and time with my own girlfriend.”

The fire reappeared in Jongin. “You can never handle being me!”

“I most definitely can!” I said furiously, finally being able to pull my arm away from his hold. I soothingly rubbed the area he gripped, my glare still locked with his. “I can be the most successful singer or dancer or idol or whatever it is that you are and be able to cope with the distance in my relationship with you!”

“That’s your problem, Min Seol. You’re so oblivious to everything around you. You clearly don’t see that this relationship is not working out because of my busy schedule and because of your commitment to school.” Jongin eyes were flitting from mine to something over my head. “And that’s the thing. You think it’s not a big of a deal and that you can handle being me, when it reality, you can’t even manage being you.”

I stayed silent this time. He was right, wasn’t he? There was a pregnant pause, foreboding with some kind of biting pang because of the tension that was apparent in the air. I looked away from him, feeling slightly ashamed because what he said was partly true (or maybe wholly, but I’m too stubborn to even admit that). Jongin let out a heavy sigh as he tilted his head back, his eyes landing on the bright stars above his head.

“I think…” He began, his voice shallow and soft. “I think we should just take a break.”

I looked back at him quickly. “B-break up?”

He stared back at me. His expression remained indifferent and it was hard for me to read his current emotions. I looked on with slight desperation.

“If we can’t handle being together now, while I’m still not debuted, then I doubt we can handle being together when that time finally comes,” he said. His voice, deep and brooding and beautiful, was harsh to hear. The words he said was making it hard for me to breath.

“But w-we can’t break up!” I nearly cried out.

He shook his head, his eyes looking down. “Min Seol-ah, you’ll never understand unless you were me.”

And before I could say anything or even have time to think of something to say, Jongin walked away. I stood there, watching his retreating figure, with a heavy heart and an entirely confused mindset. Here I was, freshly single and still clearly unsure of what the hell just happened.

Still, though. I believe I could’ve done a better job, if I were him.