[ wish you were sober – conan gray ]

 

“It’s just one party, Minjeong!”

 

Napabuntong hininga na lang si Minjeong nang magpumilit na isunod siya ni Ningning dun sa party na sinasabi niyang open for all sa university kung saan sila nag-aaral, and kung di lang sobrang kulit nitong kaibigan niya na nagpupumilit pa rin ay malamang nakahiga na siya ngayon at tulog na, dahil dis oras na din ng gabi.

 

“Sige na, minsan lang naman to, Minjeong!” dagdag pa ng kaibigan nilang si Ryujin, at konti na lang talaga ay palalabasin na ni Minjeong ang dalawang ito mula sa kwarto ng dorm niya (not even caring that Ningning is dormmate – she’d have to find somewhere else to spend the night kung magpapatuloy siya sa kakulitan nito), but somehow… these two idiot friends of hers have a point.

 

Two years na siyang nag-aaral sa university na pinasukan niya and yet she haven’t even attended even just one party dahil sige siya mag-aral to the point na nagkakasakit siya, and when given the chance… parang gusto niya ring maexperience ang pumarty hanggang sa parang bibigay na siya.

 

“Fine… but no fashion choices from you both. Sakit na nga ng ulo to eh.” Minjeong says, and there she kicks out those two friends na agad namang naexcite dahil sinabi niyang sasama na siya, and she has half of a heart to lock the door and stay here all night as a last resort, but she finds herself picking up a slim fit jeans and a loose shirt na pinatungan nalang niya ng flannel na jacket mula sa closet ni Ningning.

 

“Taray… nag dive pa talaga sa closet ko. Hoy, balik mo yan mamaya ha!” Ningning shouts, pero natawa naman si Ryujin nang itaas lang ni Minjeong ang middle finger niya, the three of them moving towards one of the frat houses sa univ, the big party being held there.

 

“I heard na frat daw ni Jeno at sorority ni Karina yung nag organize nung big party.” Bulong ni Ryujin habang nakikinig lang si Minjeong sa pinaguusapan nila, at napatakip naman ng bibig si Ning na parang gulat na gulat sa mga naririnig niya mula sa ever so chismosa nilang kaibigan.

 

“Girl, so totoo nga? Sila na?” tanong ni Ningning, and Minjeong finds herself zoning out from the conversation while she silently follows the two of them to the frat houses near the back of the univ, tucking her arms as the cold seeps even through the flannel na suot niya, but she doesn’t mind as she stare up towards the stars, a sight that she had not even seen too much dahil nga lagi siyang nasa dorm lang most of the time.

 

“…babatiin ko lang sila Giselle. Ryujin, hoy wag mong iwan si Minjeong ha.” Utos ni Ningning, at tumango na lang si Ryujin habang inaya na niya si Minjeong na umupo sa isa sa mga couches na may nakalahad na food and drinks, the music starting to get louder each second habang sila ay tumatango lang sa mga bumabati sa kanila.

 

“Hey, Ryu!” sigaw nung isang babae, at napangiti naman si Ryujin at agad na binalaan na lang si Minjeong na wag muna umalis dun sa inuupuan nila at kukuha lang siya ng drinks, at babatiin na din ang tumawag sa pangalan niya – Minjeong recognizes her to be Lia, that uptown girl na laging kasama ni Ryujin at times, at magpoprotesta pa sana si Minjeong pero hindi na siya narinig ni Ryujin na diretso lang sa pag-alis.

 

Puta. Eto na nga ba ang kinatatakutan ko.

 

The shy woman only sat down upon the comfy couch, grabbing one of the red solo cups na inalok nung isang lalakeng may dalang tray, at iniiwasan lang naman siya ng ibang mga lalakeng dumadaan sa harapan niya habang yung iba naman ay may kindat pang nalalaman, and Minjeong donned her please face, kaya wala na talagang lumalapit sa table kung nasaan siya.

 

Well, except for one.

 

This woman, looking already tipsy (or even already drunk as hell, Minjeong observes), is only wearing a tank top and leather tight jeans, her hair honestly a beautiful mess that cascaded down her shoulders, at natawa naman ng konti si Minjeong nang mapansin niyang sinasabayan ng babaeng ito yung music na nagpeplay sa speakers na nakakabit all over the frat house, but her laughter was soon cut off when the woman moved closer towards her.

 

Ripping away the red solo cup that Minjeong was drinking, she proceeded to put her lips over the part where Minjeong had been previously drinking and drank the rest of the alcoholic drink that Minjeong had only been holding as decoration.

 

“Hoy.” Minjeong utters, and she pulls the woman close and had her sit down upon the couch next to her at inagaw yung solo cup na inubos na nung babae yung laman, for the woman might even fall down any moment now – ilan na kaya ang nainom nito?

 

“Pretty…” the woman uttered, and Minjeong could not help but get red as she noticed that this drunk woman is sitting beside her, staring so much at her and her side profile, at nang lingonin siya ni Minjeong ay ngumiti naman siya ng sobrang laki – this woman is a literal child when drunk, Minjeong thinks.

 

“What’s your name, pretty girl?” tanong nung babae, at sinagot nalang ni Minjeong yung tanong niya para tumigil na ito.

 

“M-Minjeong Kim, 2^nd Year Business Ad. Ikaw?” she says, and internally she cringes out of embarrassment – she never really is fond of starting up conversations.

 

“Ah, Business Ad! I’m Katarina Yoo, 3^rd Year Music… tsaka sorority head ako! Although I don’t know kung bakit nila ako binoto…” she said, practically whining, and Minjeong fights the urge to smile at this woman’s inherent innocence when she gets drunk, but then she remembers what Ryujin had said earlier habang papunta sila dito.

 

Siya tsaka si Jeno…

 

Tama ba?

 

Eh asan si Jeno?

 

Hala, baka sapakin ako nun.

 

Ha… bakit ako sasapakin, eh babae naman ako, hindi naman ako lalake?

 

Eh kasi bakla ako…

 

“Binoto ka nila kasi magaling ka.” Minjeong said shortly, and Katarina only laughs at that, grabbing another one of those red solo cups pero mabilis na inagaw iyon ni Minjeong at ininom ng straight, although she winced dahil sobrang tapang nung alcoholic drink na napiling madampot nitong babaeng ito.

 

“No drinks for you, baka magalit pa si Jeno.” Sagot ni Minjeong, at napatawa naman siya ng mahina nang makita niya ang tila confused na expression sa mukha ni Katarina, then pouting like a little child dahil sa sinabi ni Minjeong sa kanya.

 

“Gago, bakit naman magagalit yun? Girl, di ko papatulan iyon.” Katarina utters, chuckling as she swiftly grabbed one of the shot glasses at ininom iyon bago pa siya mapigil ni Minjeong.

 

“Bakit? Akala ko kayo?” Minjeong asks, prying further for no reason at all, just because she had grown curious of this woman beside her, and because now she doesn’t even mind staying a little more tonight, when kating kati na siyang umalis kanina nung iniwan siya nila Ryujin.

 

(Although she won’t openly admit that.)

 

“No, we’re not together, noh. That’s a cliché I won’t resign myself into. Besides, I only have my eyes set on someone else.” She says, and at the mention of someone else Minjeong notices that Katarina looks at her sternly, but she does not pry into that further, as if it’s a bomb that might blow up on her.

 

Pero hindi rin pinalampas ng curiousness niya.

 

“…and who’s that someone?” Minjeong asks, and Katarina smiles at her, at parang nagslow mo ang paligid sa sinabi nitong sunod.

 

“Funny, ‘cause I’m looking at her right now.” Katarina utters, and that immediately brings red upon Minjeong’s system – upon her cheeks, her nose, her ear, and she blames it all on the ing alcohol, on this messy party, on the noisy music blaring words and lyrics she could not even understand –

 

She blames it all on drunk Katarina Yoo.

 

“Lasing ka lang.” Minjeong utters, taking one of the shots that Katarina had been getting from the trays na lumalapit sa kanila, drinking one or even two of those, pero nakatingin pa rin si Katarina sa kanya at hindi umiiwas ng tingin, watching her down those drinks fervently.

 

“Honey, I’m drunk as hell but you’re all I’m looking at.” She says, like it’s nothing, like every word she utters does not melt Minjeong to her very core, like every word makes her even redder than before.

 

“Ang… Ang ingay dito. T-Tara?” Minjeong stutters, all confidence she has in her system shattering at the woman’s stare never faltering upon her, and those cold fingertips intertwine with hers, kept warm by the flannel she had been wearing, and soon only four or five frat members and some students would testify later that they saw the two leave the party in the middle of it.

 

*

 

From Ryujin:  Hoy, nasaan ka

Puta, lagot ako kay Ning nito

Minjeong, call me when you wake up, wherever you are pls

 

From Ningtot:  GIRL

                        I SWEAR

                        NASAAN KA????

                        MAPAPATAY KO TALAGA SI RYUJIN PUNYETA NAMAN

                        WAIt

                        MAY NAKAKITA DAW NA MAGKASAMA KAYO NI KATARINA YOO?

                        GIRL????

 

Minjeong blinked through the haze brought by the alcohol and the apparent hangover she would have for the first time in years, at nanlaki naman ang mga mata niya nang marealize niya na nakatulog siya sa loob ng kotse ng kung sino mang hudas na sinamahan niya kagabi –

 

No, it’s only been three or four hours since they went to the party, judging by the clock in her phone that stubbornly read 3 AM with its brightness turned all the way up, waking her up immediately after a series of vibrations from the notifications of texts from her two friends pouring in.

 

Pagkabasa niya nung hulihang mga messages, dun niya naalala yung mga nangyari, at sakto naman siyang napalingon sa katabi niya.

 

Wearing her flannel jacket, using it as a blanket for the cold of this vehicle – this Rubicon – that they’re in at the moment, at kahit labag sa loob niya ay medyo niyugyog na niya si Katarina na tulog na tulog sa driver’s seat.

 

“…just a little more, Minjeong.” Katarina says, at nanlaki ang mga mata niya nang marinig ang pangalan niya, and her face turns red again as the woman takes her hand and puts it under the flannel, intertwining it with her fingers again while she pulled the woman closer to her, letting Minjeong awkwardly rest her head upon the woman’s shoulder.

 

“…I… ano… I have a paper to do mamaya…” Minjeong reasons out, at narinig naman niyang bumuntong hininga si Katarina at agad nang umayos ng upo, clearing as she wore the flannel (hindi na siya nilabanan ni Minjeong nang sabihin nitong sa kanya muna ang jacket nito), and there she smiled upon the woman.

 

“I’ll drive you over to your dorm.” Katarina says, at agad namang umiling si Minjeong, not really wanting to inconvenience this girl more –

 

“In one condition, you have to let me sleep on your bed while you’re doing those papers. Or better yet, sleep with me muna – not in the ual terms, but just lay beside me and sleep. Inaantok pa ako.” She said with that apparently sleepy tone, at sino ba naman si Minjeong para humindi?

 

“…alright. That works.” Minjeong says, although ramdam na niyang papagalitan at sesermonan siya ni Ryujin at Ningning mamaya pag umuwi ang dalawang ito sa dorm at madatnan silang dalawa doon.

 

Putting off thinking about the consequences, she stares at Katarina na inistart na yung Rubicon niya at agad nang umalis ng parking, driving towards their dormitory, at agad niyang naisip ang sinabi nito kanina.

 

Is she even drunk when she said that?

 

Or nakalimutan na niyang sinabi niya iyon?

 

“…wish you were sober.” Minjeong utters, not knowing na nasabayan niya yung kantang mahinang nagplay sa radio ng sasakyan ng babae, at pansin naman niyang napangiti ang babaeng nasa tabi niya ngayon, probably hearing about what she just said and probably guessing about the undertones of those four words.

 

“I’m perfectly sober, Minjeong. Don’t worry, ikaw pa rin ang gusto ko.” She says, like it’s nothing yet again, at agad namang umiwas ng tingin si Minjeong sa kanya at tumingin nalang sa bintana.

 

“…how? Eh hindi nga kita gaanong kilala?” she asks, and Katarina lets out a chuckle hearing those words.

 

“I see you in class, I see you whenever your friend, Ningning would spend time with my friend Giselle, I see you whenever Lia would make me go with her para samahan siyang puntahan si Ryujin, I see you whenever you’d try to go into the sorority just for fun but would then back out.” She says, chuckling as Minjeong reddened from that, dahil honestly hindi niya talaga napapansin si Katarina and does not know her except from the fact that she’s a sorority head and honestly, the most beautiful girl she had ever seen.

 

Now that girl is sitting next to her, driving her to her dorm.

 

“So I’m not drunk. I’m perfectly sober to say that I’ve admired you from afar so many times, and maybe alcohol would give me the courage to tell that to you.” She says, chuckling at her words.

 

“And it did. So will you be sober enough to tell me that we can be together? Or kailangan maglasing pa tayong dalawa just so your strict thoughts would be free?” natatawang sabi ni Katarina, at napabuntong hininga na lang si Minjeong at nagpasyang ngumiti.

 

Wala namang mawawala, hindi ba?

 

“Fine.” She says, their hands intertwining yet again.

 

“…did I kiss you bago tayo makatulog, Katarina?”

 

“Ewan ko… although is that my lipstick on your lips, right there…?”

 

“HA? KATARINA???”

 

 

Nineteen but you act twenty five now

Knees weak but you talk really proud, wow

Ripped jeans and a cup that you just downed

 

 

Take me where the music ain't too loud.

 

 

[a/n: probably longest one yet. sana all.]