My schedule ended a few minutes earlier than usual.

I was able to smile for the camera and have a little chat with the fans. But when the windows rolled up and the blinding lights disappeared, the chaotic thoughts and jumbled feelings came rushing like a speeding bullet and I couldn't feel anything other than immense pain.

I rest my head against the window and close my eyes hoping to get some rest and maybe, sort this chaos within me.

My hand shot up to clutch my chest –the place where the pain is the greatest. I wish I can cry, some people say crying helps relieve some of the pain but for some unknown reason there are no tears, there hasn’t been tears since the day I learned everything.

The car comes to a halt and I hear the handbrake being lifted up.

I slowly open my eyes because I didn’t remember the car ride to be this short. When I look around, I notice that we are nowhere near the dorm. “Where are we?”

Oppa looks back at me with a smile on his face. “This is me apologizing”

I raise an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?” I didn’t wait for his answer because the car that pulled up beside us caught my attention. I immediately open the car door. “Unnie?”

Hyoyeon smiles. “Come on. I’m taking you with me”

Unnie doesn’t have to tell me twice as I hopped out of my car and into hers. I didn’t even notice that I forgot to bring my bag with me where my phone and wallet are. I only realized it when we’re already in SNSD’s dorm but then

I remembered I don’t need it anyway.

I don’t know what the occasion is but when we arrive, there are different kinds of drink on the table and it looks like it’s been waiting for us. I know I shouldn’t drink because I have an early schedule tomorrow but can I really say no to my unnies?

Yuri-unnie is also here, in fact its just the three of us here. She cooked delicious food for us and I honestly don’t mind living here if it means I will get to taste unnie’s delicious cooking.

I was in the middle of eating when Yuri-unnie pass me a glass of wine. The smile on her face made it impossible for me to refuse it, and the bigger smile she gave me when I accepted the glass made it clear to me that I will accept everything they handed to me.

“I know it’s not ideal to drink when you have work tomorrow but you look like you needed some”

I know their intentions are pure and I’m happy that I have dependable seniors willing to help and cook for me to cure my heartache.

I took a sip. It was tasty and somewhat tastes familiar. “What brand is this unnie?”

“Uhm…”

I almost throw my glass when I saw the label of the bottle Yuri had lifted. Flashback to that time when I was having dinner with her and it was the same wine I had ordered for us.

I know it’s not the wine that got my stomach churning because I said earlier, the wine was tasty. I know it’s not the food either because my unnies look fine.

It must be my heart rejecting anything that’s related to her.

I blindly reach for a glass, anything to get rid of this bitterness on my tongue.

“Wendy wait!”

I couldn’t wait and I completely ignore Hyoyeon-unnie as I chugged down the contents of the glass in one go.

I settle the glass down and wipe the corner of my mouth with the back of my hand then look at my unnies who are looking at me with their mouths open.

“What’s wrong, unnies?”

Yuri-unnie was the first one to recover, shaking her head. “Are you feeling okay?”

I nodded. “Why wouldn’t I be?” Wait. Yes, I can feel it now. Damn I thought that was water.

I know my eyesight is poor but it’s not hazy and I can feel my world spinning but I just shrugs it off.

“Kid, are you okay?”

I turn to my side, I can’t make out her features because of the haziness but I’m pretty sure this is Hyoyeon-unnie. The skin tone tells me so.

“I’m fine unnie” I answer then rubs my eyes hoping to remove the haziness.

I felt a tap on my back.

“You’ll live, just don’t do that again” I heard Yuri-unnie’s laugh. “Don’t blindly reach for a glass in a table full of alcohol”

I dumbly nodded.

Our conversation resumes and I’m trying my best to focus on what they’re saying but I’m starting to feel the alcohol settling on my brain and I can no longer comprehend what they’re saying.

What is this ringing in my ear? I ignore it and just took a piece of meat. Funny, I can’t taste the meat like my tongue is numb or something but no matter, I still continue putting meat inside my mouth.
 

♦♦♦

Our little party continues until the food is gone and only alcohol remains. Since its already way past midnight, Hyoyeon-unnie already went to her room leaving me and Yuri-unnie.

Yuri-unnie kicked me out of the living room and told me to sober up while she cleans our mess. I offered to help but she told me, because of my state I might just end up giving her more work than help.

I didn’t argue with her anymore because I know she’s telling the truth. I can’t feel my fingers, well more like my entire body, and because of that I know I will break a few glasses and plates.

The living room was getting warm, or is it the alcohol inside my system? I decided to step out to the balcony. I know it’s time for me to go home and try to at least get some decent sleep but I also know that I won’t get an ounce of sleep even if I wanted to.

Wind continuously blow aga