I can’t believe it’s been more than a month since the internship, and we were able to finish it with flying colors.

 

Flying colors din ang naging progress namin ni Winter because of it. And for that, gusto kong dalhan ng buko pie si Sir Vin.

 

Ning: Pst. Bati na raw kayo ni Winter ah :p

 

Me: Kinwento niya?

 

Ning: Oo. Giliw na giliw si teh. Hehe congrats.

 

Me: Hehe masaya siya? Thanks Ning. Coffee tayo soon? Kamusta si papa mo?

 

Me: Sama kayo ni Giselle kay Win sa enlistment tomorrow

 

Ning: Punta kami Manila ni babe :( Coffee na lang tayo soon. Mwah!

 

“Texting Win?” Yeji sat beside me, binigyan ako ng coffee.

 

Nasa apartment niya ako tonight. May ginagawa kasi sa building ng apartment ko and the sounds coming from the renovation is giving me headacheds sa umaga.

 

I took a sip before answering, “No. It’s Ning.” I looked at the door of her room, “Nandiyan pa si Hyewon? Or did she go home na rin?” Lagi lang kasi silang nagkukulong sa doon.

 

“Nope. Umuwi na.” Tipid niyang sagot.

 

“Are you guys together? Ang gulo niyo.” I chuckled, she didn’t look amused kaya nanahimik na lang ako sa pagtawa, “What’s wrong?”

 

Ngumiwi siya, slouching on her sofa, “I actually asked her.” She let out a hollow laugh, “Hanggang friends lang daw kami. So that’s that.”

 

That’s odd. Akala ko kasi gusto siya ni Hyewon beyond their “arrangement”. I thought she changed at tumigil sa na pag-sleep around lang without doing commitments.

 

I guess I’m wrong.

 

Or baka tama naman talaga ako? But Hyewon is just being in denial since this is new to her? Who knows. Ang hirap din niyang basahin minsan.

 

“Anong sabi mo when she said that?”

 

“Nothing. Ano bang sasabihin ko pa, diba? We swept the topic under the rug.” She shrugged, “It’s not like I’m in too deep already. Bahala siya. Basta ako nagtanong and she refused. Eh di go.”

 

Ayoko naman ipakita sa kanya that I feel bad for her so nagbiro na lang ako, “Baka hindi for you and makipag-jowa sa friend.” I said, pertaining kay sa nangyari rin with her and Ryujin.

 

“Right.” She laughed pero genuine na this time, “Ryu reached out to me. Nangangamusta.”

 

“Oh? Kamusta na ba kayo?” Hindi ko na sila napapansin na nagkakasama or nagkakausap man lang, “I thought okay naman? Though I don't see you hang out with her anymore.”

 

“Yeah, okay naman. Not as close as before, though. Ayoko naman mag-worry si Lia about me kasi diba.. They almost broke up.” She took a sip from my coffee, “Okay na rin na ganito kami ni Ryujin. At least we have a friendship to go back to anytime.”

 

Tinignan ko siya, my brows furrowed, “Di ka na talaga nanghihinayang sa chance noh?”

 

“I used to. Pero okay na rin ‘to. Iniisip ko na lang na if natuloy yung chance, we would have still broken up. Nasayang friendship. Yada yada..” She laughed at herself, "No point in dwelling, Kars."

 

I nodded in understanding, “Good mindset.”

 

She has a point, though, doesn’t she? Pero iba iba naman ang tao. Sa experience ko kasi, wasting chances won’t get you anywhere.

 

Where’s the fun in life if you’re not gonna take a leap of faith, diba? I'm pretty sure I've learned that the hard way.

 

Winter: See you tomorrow. Hehe

 

Napangiti ako.

 

I’ve been smiling a lot these days dahil sa kanya. I don’t think I can waste any more chance.

 

Me: See you. Daanan kita sa inyo. Sweet dreams <3

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

“Oh Karina, ang aga mo.” Bungad ni Tito sa akin. Past 6am pa lang when I arrived at their house to pick Winter up.

 

Nag-mano ako kaagad sa kanya, pinagalitan pa ako dahil ginagawa ko raw siyang lolo, “Good morning po, Tito. Sunduin ko po si Winter, may online enlistment po kami mamaya.” Noticeable na tumaba nang kaonti ang Papa ni Winter.

 

Maybe because he finally lived a healthy life at hindi na katulad dati na sobrang mabisyo.

 

“Pasok ka.” Pinagbukas niya ako ng gate, “Kamusta na si kumpare? Ang tagal nang di nakakauwi ah. Di na kami nakakapag shot shot.”

 

I smiled timidly sa mention ng Papa ko, “Okay naman po. Busy lang po.” Sobrang generic ng sagot ko.

 

It’s sad na I don’t specifically know kung kamusta na si Papa dahil we’ve really been cold to each other lately since that day sa SM North.

 

“Ikamusta mo na lang ako sa kanya.” Pumasok na kami sa bahay nila. He pointed at Winter’s room, “Nandiyan si Winter sa kwarto niya. Puntahan mo na lang.”

 

I tiptoed papasok ng room para hindi magising si Yuna. Dahan-dahan kong binuksan yung pinto at sumilip sa loob.

 

I almost lost my balance when I saw Winter’s . Well, naka bra naman siya but still...

 

Sinara ko kaagad yung pinto without making a sound. My god.

 

We really need to not walk in on each other habang nagbibihis or kakatapos lang maligo. Naalala ko nung lumabas kami that Sunday morning after the party I went to.

 

 

Dead battery ang phone ko when I woke up. Buti nagising ako kahit walang alarm. Maybe because of my anticipation ng lakad namin ni Winter.

 

Hindi ko pa siya mai-text to let her know that I’m about to get ready so I decided to just take a shower first.

 

I need more sleep dahil puyat ako kagabi but my mood is good this morning despite the lack of sleep. Talking to Winter last night before I went to bed is probably one of the reasons.

 

Napakanta tuloy ako sa shower.

 

“Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth?

Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth

They say in Heaven, love comes first

We'll make Heaven a place on Earth!”

 

Mabilis lang ang shower ko since I’m running late sa lakad namin ni Winter. Baka sa resto na lang kami magkita or kung saan namin mapag usapan.

 

I think I heard some movements outside of my door… Baka nag-iimagine lang ako? I ignored it at patuloy lang na nagbihis.

 

I was about to wear my shirt nang marinig ko ang pag bukas ng pinto.

 

Napaharap ako kaagad to protect myself from the intruder pero si Winter ang nakita ko, “Hala! Sorry!” She shouted. Tumalikod kaagad siya.

 

“Winter! What are you doing here?!” Was I drunk kagabi at sinabi ko ba sa kanya na puntahan ako sa apartment? Wala naman akong maalala na sinabi kong ganon.

 

Bakit siya nandito?!

 

I’m flustered over her seeing me na naka undies lang.

 

Akala raw niya ay tulog pa ako, “Sabi kasi ni Yunjin!” Ah, okay. That explains it. Siya pala ang may gawa. For sure sinadya niya yun!

 

Patay sakin yung bruhildang ‘yon mamaya.

 

We went on sa pag-sigaw sa isa’t isa, trying to explain ourselves. Parehong mataas ang tono namin and it’s actually funny kung may ibang nakakarinig sa amin.

 

“Sorry.. Magbihis ka na..” Her voice is calmed now. Naka-recover na kami both from what happened but I can tell na she feels bad from walking in on me.

 

Mabilis akong nagbihis then lumapit ako sa kanya to ease her worries, telling her that it’s okay na and it’s not her fault.

 

Hindi ko narealize na masyado akong malapit sa kanya kaya when she faced me, halos magdikit ang mukha namin.

 

I took a big gulp.

 

Both of us pulled away. May inabot siya sa akin, “Hangover meal mo.” She was serious about bringing me lasagna…

 

I don’t need a hangover meal dahil hindi naman ako hungover but still, I’m really happy sa kanyang gesture.

 

My stomach growled, “Is it okay na kainin ko muna before tayo umalis?”

 

“Oo naman..”

 

I got forks for each of us at nag share kami ng lasagna na dala niya habang nagkekwento ako ng ganap kagabi.

 

Parang hindi siya nakikinig? Bakit siya nakatitig lang? It’s making my face heat up, “Why are you staring at me?” I bluntly asked.

 

She didn’t take her glance away from me which was surprising dahil sanay ako sa balisang Winter.

 

What she said almost had me choking on my food.

 

“You glow when you’re happy.”

 

Nahiya ako agad. It was what my friends told me last night bago matulog last night. Sabi nila kahit daw naka inom, blooming daw ako at mukhang masaya.

 

Winter noticed it too.

 

What she doesn't know is isa siya sa mga dahilan.

 

“I am.”

 

Masaya rin daw siya, she said.

 

Hopefully, isa rin ako sa mga dahilan kung bakit.

 

 

“Karina.” I looked up from my seat sa sofa nila, “Kanina ka pa ba? Bakit di mo ko tinatawag?” She's dressed already. Mabuti naman.

 

Hindi ko pa rin maalis sa isip ko yung image ng niya.

 

“Kakarating ko lang. Nagbibihis ka yata so hindi kita inistorbo.” Tumayo na ako so we can leave na rin.

 

May pagtataka sa mukha niya, “Pano mo nalaman?” Ay. Oo nga naman, paano ko nga ba nalaman?

 

I was quick na mag-isip ng reason, “Sinabi ng Papa mo.” Sorry Tito… ginamit ko pa siya sa pagsisinungaling ko. Nakakahiya!

 

She shrugged it off and we went out of their house. Nag trike na lang kami papunta sa kanto para sumakay ng jeep.

 

Almost 7am na when we arrived at Yunjin’s house. Nasa McDo raw ito kasama ni Jeno and only Hyewon, Yeji, and Yujin ang nandito sa bahay.

 

“Go diyan ka muna sa sofa. I’ll check on others lang sa may kitchen.” I let her set up her laptop muna in preparation for the enlistment. Dala ko rin yung sakin pagpunta sa kusina.

 

“Hey guys.” I interrupted Hyewon and Yeji’s moment. Okay… so mukhang okay naman pala sila and wala lang yung drama the last time I talked to Yeji.

 

I guess both of them are okay na dun sa arrangement nilang friends-with-benefits.

 

“Kasama mo si Winter?” Hyewon asked, not letting go of Yeji’s hand.

 

“Yup.” Kumuha ako ng banana sa fruit basket. I opened my laptop after kong maupo. I’m nervous sa makukuha kong subjects sa SAIS, “Yej what was the subject that you failed?”

 

Natawa si Hyewon, binato ako ng crumbs ng pandesal niya, “Ang insensitive?!”

 

Napatakip ako ng bibig, “Ay sorry.”

 

Yeji didn’t look bothered at tumawa lang din naman, “It’s fine. I’m over it. Re-take ko na lang this sem and hopefully, hindi si Rufino ang makuha ko. Why?”

 

“I was thinking of taking it na ngayong sem. Tingin mo?” Pinagpipilian ko kasi kung yung Eng10 or yung isang major ang ite-take. Diba mas okay daw na i-take yung tougher subjects nang mas maaga?

 

“Hay nako teh! Next sem na. Malay mo kicked out na si Rufino by then.” May point siya.

 

“You're right.. Sige next sem na.” I saw Yujin, galing siya sa garden at ngiting ngiti when she saw Winter sa sofa.

 

They were talking, I could hear faintly yung pagtataray ni Winter sa kanya kaya natatawa-tawa ako habang sineset up ang laptop.

 

Hyewon and Yeji’s sweet talking sa harap ko was getting too much for me to take kaya tumayo na ako para bumalik sa tabi ni Winter.

 

Akala ko ba walang something sa kanila?! Ang gulo. Oh well. Bahala silang maging shunga with each other. I’m over that phase.

 

Wow naman.

 

“Ang sungit mo talaga! Buti na lang cute ka.” I heard Yujin say. Kaya naman pala inis na inis si Winter sa kanya.

 

They haven’t noticed me until paalisin ko si Yujin, “Dun ka nga. And stop annoying Winter.” Winter looked at me gratefully.

 

Yujin being Yujin, she had to make a snarky comment before leaving, “Gusto mo lang makatabi si Winter eh..” Well, totoo naman. And what about it?

 

“Hey.” I didn’t hesitate na tumabi sa kanya.

 

Her frowning face is long gone. Ang aliwalas ng mood niya bigla, “Hi..”

 

Ang sungit niya kay Yujin kanina but nung ako na yung kausap, she suddenly sounded soft and shy.

 

Haaaaay.

 

We compared our schedules. May few subjects na pareho kami and sana makuha namin sa SAIS ang mga ito.

 

“Oo.. para ano, para lagi tayong ano, classmates.” Why is she rambling? Ako lang naman ito. Cute naman, so hindi na rin ako magrereklamo.

 

I pointed it out, “You’re rambling.” My tone was playful. Nakakatawa yung pag simangot at subtle na pag nguso niya dahil sa pang aasar ko.

 

Nagcheck na lang muna ako ng curriculum on my laptop. Since two sems na lang ang natitira, I can’t afford na mag underload ngayong sem at overloaded naman sa next.

 

Kailangan kong i-balance if I wanna graduate on time.

 

Natahimik yata si Winter kaya I checked on what she was doing. And… busy siya sa pagte-text this early morning.

 

Maybe it’s Ning or Giselle.

 

“Daming katext this morning ah.” I should just keep shut next time. Maybe I’m getting too comfortable for my own good?

 

O siguro hindi naman ‘cause Winter told me anyway kung sino ang mga katext niya. Si Olivia at Mark daw, and also Ningning.

 

She even called Olivia as “Liv”. Kainis! Close ba sila? Maybe nagkakatext sila ngayong bakasyon? That's not impossible to happen.

 

But as usual, parang wala naman interes si Winter when I asked about Ate Irene’s sister. Maybe casual friends lang sila.

 

“Kamusta pala? Matutuloy ka ulit sa sayaw?” Oh, she remembers yung sinabi ko sa kanya last week.

 

Yeji and I had a talk kasi about SSDC and our passion for dancing. It died down nung nag focus kami pareho sa acads kaya hindi na kami active.

 

However, gusto raw niyang bumalik since wala naman siyang subject other than Eng10 this sem.

 

I’m also thinking of dancing again kahit pa semi-active lang since kailangan ko pa rin naman mag focus sa subjects ko ngayong semester.

 

“Still thinking about it. Pero yeah, nakakamiss nga. Baka bumalik din si Yeji kahit hindi super active.”

 

She nodded at me, saying that I should try again basta hindi ko pinapabayaan ang acads, “Tsaka ang galing mo kayang sumayaw.” That made me smile widely.

 

“Talaga? I’m good at dancing?” I’m milking this way too much. There’s just something about being complimented by her compared sa kapag iba ang pumupuri sa akin.

 

She touched her nape, “Ah.. Oo naman. Gusto mo i-cheer pa kita eh.” Okay, so tingin ko pareho kaming gusto na lang ipa- shut up ang sarili from being this bold.

 

Kay naman nilubos ko na, “If ichi-cheer mo ako then I guess wala akong choice but to join again..”

 

Our little moment got interrupted by Yunjin and Jeno. Kakabalik lang nila from McDonalds. Hindi man lang ako binilhan ni gaga ng kape!

 

Jeno was mumbling things about Yunjin and him being a cute couple kahit hindi pa naman sila. His confidence is astonishing.

 

“Karina.. bilang bestie ka ni Yunjin, tingin mo naman magiging kami diba?” It's weird being labeled as Yunjin's "bestie" because all my life, si Winter lang yung naging best friend ko.

 

But for the past year, si Yunjin naman talaga yung naging sort of closest friend ko so it makes sense lang na we look like best friends to other people.

 

“Well, she did give you a chance to date her. I’m sure hindi niya gagawin yun kung hindi ka niya gusto.” I answered honestly.

 

Wala naman ibang nababanggit lately si Yunjin na ibang guy kung hindi si Jeno lang. I'm pretty confident magiging mag jowa sila soon.

 

Lumuwag naman ng ngiti ni Jeno dahil sa sinabi ko. I'm glad nabigyan ko siya ng sort of assurance. He probably values my opinion bilang "besties" nga ang tingin niya sa amin ng babaeng nagugustuhan niya.

 

Kaso gusto kong bawiin ito when he turned to Winter, "Ikaw, Winter? I feel like Olivia has a cute little crush on you."

 

Bakit niya naman nasabi 'yon? Did Olivia tell him? Todo abang tuloy ako ng kung ano ang reaction ni Winter.

 

Okay, Karina, kalma. Hindi naman daw niya ka-close. “Hindi ko siya type.” She said after.

 

That got my attention. 

 

“What’s your type then?” I'm genuinely curious. May similarities ba kami ni Minju? Who are the other people na nagustuhan niya or naging crush niya?

 

I want to know...

 

"Hala.. Matangkad siguro tapos ano, ewan ko, mahaba buhok?"

 

Okay?

 

Matangkad ba ako? I feel like considered naman yung height ko as matangkad. Also, humaba naman na ulit ang hair ko.

 

Minju is also tall at mahaba ang hair niya.

 

"Kapre?"

 

I laughed out loud dahil sa sinabi ni Jeno. Inasar ko kaagad si Winter because of it, “Winter, gusto mo pala ng kapre ha!" Not knowing na ako pala yung matatameme sa isasagot niya.

 

"So kapre ka?"

 

I swear you can cut the tension with a knife.

 

Is she implying what I think she's implying? O baka nabigla lang siya and she didn't know kung anong ibig sabihin ng sinabi niya?!

 

Winter...

 

Ano ba!

 

“So gusto mo si Karina? That's what you mean by that right?”

 

And for a split second, I was hoping she'd say yes. Pero bakit naman niya gagawin yon? That would be weird.

 

For all I know, she forgot her feelings for me and friendship is all she has to offer na lang. I'm not sure why that thought made me bothered.

 

She saved herself by rambling, “Ah— I mean, kasi diba matangkad siya tapos mahaba buhok.. I mean— If, ano, if ganon yung definition ng kapre eh di.. kapre siya.”

 

It was a good excuse, but I sulked internally. I'm being childish. I should stop feeling like this especially when we just regained our friendship.

 

I really went from resenting her to slowly being cool with her to... whatever this is that I'm feeling.

 

The transition is uncanny.

 

Yunjin went back, sitting on Jeno's lap and acting as if hindi niya kasama yung lalake since this early morning. Talk about clingy, “You literally were with each other like 5 minutes ago!”

 

Ginantihan niya tuloy ako, “Wow, akala mo siya hindi namimiss ang certain someone kapag hindi nakikita..” My God... Can she keep shut? I felt my whole face heating up. Siguro namumula ako ngayon.

 

Nakatingin lang tuloy si Winter sa amin. She has her curious face on.

 

I tried to mask my nervousness by laughing it off. Kunware na lang nagjojoke lang si Yunjin. My friend only laughed sa pagkabalisa ko while explaining.

 

Ito naman din ang maganda kay Yunjin. Mapang asar si bruha pero she knows when to stop.

 

Natigilan ako when Winter asked me back, “Anong.. type mo?”

 

I lost all the ability to be calm and collected bigla, “I— Uhm.. I don’t.. know. I like who I like I guess. Wala sigurong particular type.” Who’s rambling now?!

 

Natatawa ako sa itsura ni Winter dahil nakatingin lang siya sa akin habang nageexplain ako. Medyo nakanganga pa.

 

Inalis ko na lang kaagad yung topic sa type type na yan. Kasi naman, bakit ko ba yun nai-open open pa in the first place?

 

Well at least alam ko na that she likes tall girls with long hair… I made a note to check later kung ano ba ang exact height ko.

 

Pinatabi ko siya sa akin lalo. I like being close to her.

 

“Nag almusal ka ba kanina? Gusto mo ipag timpla kita ng coffee?” And for whatever reason, I refused.

 

While I like na maalaga at maasikaso siya, I also want her to know that she doesn’t have to do those things for me just because gusto niyang bumawi or something.

 

Or was I thinking too much?

 

Then dumating si Yunjin, may dala siyang coffee for me. I noticed yung pagtingin ni Winter when I gladly accepted the coffee. She didn’t look at me anymore after that.

 

Did she take it the wrong way na tinanggihan ko siya tapos tinanggap ko naman yung kay Yunjin? Baka na-bother siya…

 

“Ikaw, Winter? Gusto mo ng coffee?” Yunjin asked her. I frowned when she stood up para paupuin si Yunjin sa tabi ko.

 

Does she not want to sit beside me anymore? Kasi hindi ako pumayag na ipagtimpla niya ng coffee?

 

Nagtatampo ba siya…

 

Napaupo na lang siya sa tabi ni Yujin when Jeno arrived. Lumayo na nang lumayo sa akin. Parang may mali tuloy.

 

“Gusto mo?” Inalok siya ni Yujin ng hashbrown. Mabilis pumayag si Winter, parang gutom siya.. Should I make her coffee instead?

 

I contemplated for a while but eventually ay tumayo rin ako para ipag timpla siya. Sort of ano na rin siguro, peace offering dahil natanggihan ko yung alok niya.

 

Though I know it’s not a big deal, it felt like she really wanted to do the gesture for me.

 

“Who’s that for?” Hindi ko napansin na nakasunod pala si Yeji sa akin to make her own coffee, “Winter’s?”

 

I’m tired of denying kaya tinungan ko na lang siya, “Oo. Yan? For Hyewon?” I asked teasingly.

 

“Yeah, unfortunately. Antok pa raw siya.. ako sinisisi.”

 

I cringed at her, “Do I even wanna know why?” Kunwareng nag gag ako then I turned serious, “You like her a lot?”

 

Suminghal lang siya at umiling, “It doesn’t matter. I’m enjoying this until magsawa na kami. Or siya. I don’t know.” I really need to talk to Hyewon about this kapag may chance.

 

Yeji is dear to me and she’s one of the reasons why I realized things before. It’s sad seeing her stressed out like this when I know she deserves better.

 

Hindi na kami umimik and we returned sa mga kasama namin.

 

I took a deep breath first before ako lumapit kay Winter. Pinatong ko yung coffee sa harap niya without even looking at her, Coffee. For you.” Bumalik na ako sa seat ko.

 

She kept on stealing glances sa akin and ganon din ako sa kanya.

 

What are we doing?

 

Ano ba to?

 

Why does it feel like hindi naman kami friends lang…

 

And bakit instead na kabahan at mag panic sa possibility na yon, mas na-excite pa ako with what’s about to come?

 

Sumama ako sa kanila sa Ken's and apparently, sasama rin daw si Minju.

 

"Hello mga sissy." Binati namin si Minju pag pasok ng car, "Hey, Win. Musta?" I was listening intently para marinig ang sagot ni Winter.

 

Parang okay naman si Winter with Minju's presence. Nag usap na rin nga naman sila sa QC I think a month ago so they should be fine.

 

In fact, nakikipag biruan si Winter sa kanya and she seems comfortable with Minju.

 

Twice na kaming nagkakatinginan sa rearview mirror. I just couldn't stop myself from looking at them while they were being playful.

 

Winter: Pst

 

What is she doing?

 

I like it.

 

Me: ??? What? Haha

 

Winter: La lang hehe

 

I'm trying so hard para hindi mapangiti dito sa tabi ni Yujin.

 

Karina: Papansin lang? Haha stop texting me. Magkasama tayo sa car.

 

Winter: :(

 

No.. Bakit sad face?   

 

Me: Why???? Bakit sad?

 

Winter: Hehe la lang

 

Me: Alam ko kung bakit :p

 

I actually don't know kung bakit. Gusto ko lang din maging playful with her.

 

Wow. Inggitera lang, Karina?

 

Winter: Bakit? Haha

 

Me: Secret

 

I didn't reply after that at baka kung ano pang kalandian ang masabi ko sa kanya. Nakarating na kami sa Ken's and she volunteered to order along with Yujin.

 

Katabi ko si Minju.

 

"Kamusta, sis?" She asked unsurely. There's a hint of awkwardness in her tone and I can understand why. Kahit ako kasi hindi ko alam how I'm going to act around her.

 

But I smiled nonetheless, "I'm good. Ikaw? It's been a while." I see her sa campus minsan but we don't really talk.

What are we even going to talk about? Yung failed chances namin with Winter? Are we gonna bond over that? Natawa ako sa thought.

 

"Okay lang. Nag intern ako sa acting agency." That got my attention. I asked her details about it and she was happy telling me about her experiences.

 

Minju could be funny at times nga pala. Natatawa ako sa mga kwento niya about the people she worked with.

 

After our laughter died down, bigla lang siyang nagtanong, "So.. Are you gonna pursue Winter? Or is she pursuing you na?" She's smirking at me na mapanloko.

 

I know she didn't mean for it to be uncomfortable. Just her self being chismosa at mapang asar to remove the awkwardness between us.

 

Napa-isip tuloy ako.. Isn't it too early for that?

 

I mean.. Hindi pa rin nga ako sure if that'll happen again.

 

Although napapansin ko na minsan, more than friendly na kami sa isa't isa. I just chose not to put much thought into it muna.

 

Dumating na ulit sina Winter sa table, I helped her with the tray na hawak niya, my mind full of Minju's question. 

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

Two weeks into the school year and I'm already drained from acads. Wala ngang Math ang course ko, pero grabe lang ang papers and research!

 

I'm not as grade conscious as other people in the University. Ako yung tao na basta makapag pasa, I'm good. It also takes away the pressure that college brings.

 

"Done ka na magreview?" Kakalabas lang ni Yunjin sa CR.

 

I closed my reviewer, "Yeah iniiscan ko na lang. Mamaya yung pa-meeting ni Yujin for EK right?" Na-mention yata ni Winter sa akin ito kahapon, "Sunod na lang tayo after class."

 

"Yup." Nahiga siya, putting her head on my lap, "My parents tried to talk me into going back to the US with them." She blurted.

 

"What?" This is a brand new information from her. Akala ko for good na siya dito? "Anong sabi mo?"

 

She doesn't look bothered at nag kibit balikat lang, "I told them I'm capable of deciding for myself. Gusto kong magpa-iwan. I don't like living in the US. It's sad."

 

"And? What did they say?" I unconsciously massaged the side of her head.

 

"Nothing. Wala naman silang magagawa. They can go back there naman, kaya ko naman mag-stay dito if ever." That, I believe. Feeling ko naman kaya niyang mag thrive on her own. And she has this independent woman aura in her.

 

Naging supportive na lang ako, "Do what makes you happy. Nandito naman ako and our other friends."

 

She jutted her lips out at tumingin sa akin, "Will you let me stay sa future apartment niyong dalawa ni Winter? I'll be your servant."

 

Natawa ako, "As if. Baka si Winter pa utus-utusan mo."

 

Bigla niya akong kiniliti, "Yie! So iniisip mo ngang magkakaron kayo ng own place ni Winter in the future?!"

 

I grabbed her hair at mahinang sinabunutan siya, "That's not what I said." Pinatayo ko na si bruha para makapag ayos kami for our next class.

 

May long quiz!

 

Sino naman kasi ang matinong prof ang magpapa-long quiz after two weeks? Wala pa ngang maraming topics ang nadidiscuss.

 

I was putting my perfume on when Winter texted.

 

Winter: May class ka pa diba?

 

Me: Unfortunately so :( May long quiz din so baka sagad sa oras.

 

Winter: Sundo kita pag umulan? May payong ka ba?

 

I stifled a giggle. Buti busy si Yunjin sa pagme-make up.

 

Me: I don't. May nagnakaw sa lib the other day nung nag stay tayo don, remember? :(

 

Winter: Ay oo nga pala. Bili tayo ng another payong for you next time hehe

 

Me: Okay :* We're going to class na. See you later po

 

Winter: Okay po hehe ingat kayo

 

"Yunjin, let's go! Male-late na tayo!" Pagalit ko sa kanya. She's applying her usual winged eyeliner kaya napapatagal. Puro kaartehan.

 

She looked up from the mirror at tinarayan ako, "Porket tapos na kayong mag-text ni Winter mamadaliin mo ako?"

 

Why does she know everything?!

 

Nakarating kami sa class on time and as soon as dumating si Sir, nag quiz na kami. I was able to answer most of the questions pero may mga hindi rin ako naaral. But I'm confident that I'm going to pass.

 

Nahuli ko pa si Yunjin na tumititig lang kay Jeno habang nagsasagot ng quiz. 

 

Late natapos ang class since nagdiscuss pa si Sir after ng quiz. Grabe talaga, one of these days I'm going to report him dahil lagi siyang sagad sa oras kung magpalabas ng students.

 

"Tumawag si Yeji. Sabi ko on the way na tayo." Hindi na namin ginamit ang car ni Yunjin at naglakad na lang papunta sa SU, malapit lang naman ito from CAS.

 

Nandon na sila when we arrived.

 

Hinanap kaagad ng mata ko si Winter who was already looking at me. She even got me a chair at nilagay sa tabi ng seat niya, "Dito ka." She demanded.

 

I touched her shoulder and squeezed it lightly, "Thanks Win. What did I miss?"

 

Siya.

 

Na-miss ko siya.

 

Corny.

 

Apparently, hindi pa sila nag-sstart sa meeting at all dahil inantay muna kaming makarating dito, “Wala kang vacant kanina noh?”

 

We exchanged photos of our schedule before the classes started kaya both of us ay halos saulo na ang sched ng isa't isa.

 

Which made me instantly wonder... Saulo ko rin ba ang sched nila Yunjin and Hyewon? I don't think so. Just Winter's.

 

“Yeah. Ang daming papers and activities. I’m tired.” I honestly am. Kulang din ang sleep ko lately.

 

I froze when I felt Winter's hand on mine sa ilalim ng table. And as if hindi pa yun enough, she caressed my hand with her thumb, “Okay lang yan.. pahinga ka mamaya pag uwi mo.”

 

I relaxed sa hold niya, "I will po."

 

Po?

 

Really?

 

Ano 'to, text message?

 

Ramdam kong aalisin niya na yung pagkahawak sa akin kaya ako naman ang nag-matapang na hawakan siya nang mahigpit so her hand won't leave mine.

 

The meeting went on. I think nagdidiscuss sila ng transpo namin pero hindi ako makapag focus sa sinasabi ni Yujin dahil sa mga kamay namin ni Winter na magkahawak.

 

“Hindi yata tayo kasya don pero nagsabi naman si Gi na pwede rin yung car niya.” I heard Ning say sa tabi ni Winter. For sure sa kanila siya sasabay.  

 

“Kina Yunjin ako sasakay. Is that okay?”

 

I don't know, feel ko lang magpaalam sa kanya kasi for the past weeks ay lagi kaming magkasama outside class... Baka kasi hindi okay sa kanya na hindi kami same ng sasakyan?

 

Ang assuming ko naman.

 

For all I know, baka nga wala lang sa kanya..

 

“Oo naman.. kung saan mo gusto. Baka kila Ning ako eh." Nagdalawang isip tuloy ako if kila Ning na lang ako makikisakay.

 

Ang laki naman ng problema ko.

 

After the meeting, kami na lang nila Winter, Jeno, and Hyewon ang natira. Sabay na lang kaming naglakad palabas ng campus.

 

Hyewon turned to me na parang may gustong sabihin, "I forgot to tell you.." Ano nanaman kaya ang trip niya? "Okay wag kang magagalit ha pero sabi ko kay Miyeon pumayag ka na makipag dinner sa kanya on Friday."

 

What?!

 

Sino si Miyeon? And bakit ako makikipagdinner sa hindi ko naman kakilala?

 

I want to smack Hyewon's face.

 

Alam niyang I was going to disagree so inunahan ulit akong magsalita, "Wag kang magalit! She helped me a lot dun sa paper na magka pair kami. She has been a fan of you daw since SSDC. One dinner lang naman! Sabihin mo na lang di ka interested."

 

A "fan"? I barely joined competitions and performances nung SSDC time ko. And that was like more than two years ago.

 

I'm going to say no, of course. Walang reason for me para pumayag. I'm not some celebrity na pagbibigyan yung "fan" niya for fan service.

 

Pero mapilit si Hyewon. And she gave me her paawa na look. Ayaw sigurong mapahiya dun sa Miyeon. Sinumbat pa sa akin yung favor na ginawa niya para sa akin dati.

 

I let out a tired sigh, "You're so stupid.. Just this once, okay? And I'll tell her I'm not interested." Sabi naman niya I can tell the girl na hindi ako interesado.

 

So okay lang naman siguro.

 

Until I glanced at Winter who looked like she doesn't want to be here.

 

It was Jeno's turn to ask a favor for her. Bibisita raw yung friend nila na si Olivia sa Friday dito sa LB, "She asked if she could meet us. Pero I told her hindi ako pwede. Ikaw na lang ha."

 

Isusumbong ko 'to kay Yunjin!

 

Bakit niya pinapasa kay Winter yung responsibility?

 

"Sige lang." My heart sank with her answer. Although parang wala naman siya sa mood when she said that.

 

"Uwi ka na ba?" Tanong ni Winter sa akin. Kaming dalawa na lang ang naiwan and nandito na kami sa may gate ng UPLB.

 

"Yeah.." I answered. There's a sudden shift of mood sa amin. Okay naman kami when we were at SU. Naghawak pa nga kami ng kamay.

 

I have a feeling kung bakit nagkaganito...

 

"Sige una na ako.. Uhm, sa may Raymundo gate ako dadaan." Usually, hinahatid niya ako sa apartment before siya umuwi.

 

I guess not today.

 

Naglakad na lang ako paderecho para sumakay ng jeep. Nilingon ko pa siya after a while but she wasn't there anymore.

 

What the hell happened...

 

I blame Hyewon. And Jeno!

 

Also myself.

 

Hays.

 

The day after, I was wishing na sana maging magka group kami kahit sa isang project pero kontra yata ang universe sa akin.

 

Magkaklase kami, pero hindi kami nakakapag usap dahil hindi naman kami magkatabi.

 

Gusto ko siyang lapitan after class but I'm also shy to do so kasi feeling ko hindi kami okay. Nagmamadali rin siya because of her next class.

 

Sa madaling salita, we haven't talked pagkatapos nung nangyari.

 

It's already Thursday. Two days na since I properly talked to Winter and it's killing me dahil namimiss ko na siya... Hindi ko tuloy ma-enjoy ang milk tea ko.

 

"May date ka raw tomorrow with Miyeon?" Asked Yeji.

 

Parang naeskandalo si Yujin sa pagkakalingon sa akin, "Date? Hindi si Winter? Sino si Miyeon? Maganda?"

 

Sumasakit ang ulo ko sa dami ng tanong niya. Can she at least talk pag nalunok na niya yung pearls? "It's not even a date. Hyewon set me up against my will."

 

I checked my phone for the hundredth time this day.

 

Wala pa rin text from Winter.

 

"Eh bakit ka pumayag? Kaya ba hindi kayo nagkikita ni Winter lately? LQ yan?" Both of them laughed. Walang nakakatawa.

 

"Binudol ako ni Hyewon. Pero baka hindi na rin naman ako magpunta." Tumunog ang phone ko, sobrang bilis kong chineck ito, hoping Winter remembered na buhay pa ako at magtext.

 

Unknown Number: Hey! Si Miyeon 'to. I'll see you tomorrow ❤

 

Hindi ko na lang muna nireplyan.

 

"I'll get going. May project kami na need tapusin sa SU." Nagpaalam na ako sa kanila.

 

Sumigaw si Yeji, "Hayaan mo si Hyewon. Ako na bahala don. Makipag bati ka na kay Winter!" Talagang inannounce niya ha.

 

It's getting late and we're still not yet done sa presentation at write up kaya inalis ko muna sa isip ko yung dilemma ko with Miyeon and Winter.

 

"Water and CR break muna saglit." The leader of the group announced.

 

I stayed in my seat to take a quick rest.

 

My phone vibrated and I was not even hoping na si Winter ito. I lost hope na magtetext siya ngayong araw.

 

Winter: Hi

 

Oh. Okay.

 

I replied immediately.

 

Me: Hello

 

Bumilis bigla ang tibok ng puso ko dahil finally ay nag text na siya sa akin. The effect she has on me is unbelievable.

 

Winter: San ka? Gusto mong mag takoyaki?

 

My God.

 

Of course gusto ko! Pero the timing couldn't have been any worse. Marami pang kailangan tapusin sa project and I can't just leave nang biglaan.

 

Although the urge to lie and say na may emergency is strong. Pero hindi ko gagawin.

 

Me: Would love to. Pero nasa SU pa kami, may ginagawang project :(

 

Ugh. Sayang talaga...

 

But at least she texted.

 

Winter: Sige good luck! Text ka kapag pauwi na..

 

"Let's finish this off na guys para makauwi na tayo." We went back sa pag gawa ng project. Extra motivated ako.

 

It was almost 11pm na nang matapos namin. It's good na pinapagamit ang SU building kahit ganito ka-late.

 

Tinext ko kaagad si Winter.

 

Me: Hey. We're just finishing up, pauwi na rin :)

 

Winter: Sunduin kita? May kasabay ka ba?

 

Baliw ba siya? Gabing gabi na. I'm capable of taking care of myself naman at ayoko na rin lumabas pa siya nang ganitong oras.

 

Me: You don't have to.. Gabi na. May kasabay naman ako, taga Umali rin.

 

"Tara na. May masasakyan pa naman tayong trike sa may tapat ng Vega." Tammy said, getting her bag para maka alis na kami. Malapit lang yung apartment ko from hers kaya she offered na sabay na kaming umuwi.

 

Winter: Okay cge :)

 

The moment na nakauwi ako, nagreply kaagad ako sa kanya to let her know safe naman ako and she doesn't need to worry.

 

Before I went to bed, nagreply ako sa text ni Miyeon.

 

Me: Hello, Miyeon. Sorry I have to cancel the dinner tomorrow.

 

Unknown Number: We can resched if hindi ka free :)

 

Me: The thing is I didn't actually want to go.. Sorry.

 

Unknown Number: Oh okay. It's fine :) Ayaw mo lang talaga? Or may magagalit? Haha!

 

Me: Yeah.. I think meron. Lol. See you around!

 

Hopefully, meron.

 

Aaah! Cringe.

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

It's Friday.

 

I saw Jeno sa class kanina and he reminded me of the conversation he had with Winter nung pauwi na kami galing SU.

 

The thing with Olivia.

 

Has Winter been talking to her kaya hindi kami nakakapag usap lately? Probably. Baka pinaplano nila which coffee shop they'd go to.

 

Maraming magagandang coffee shops around UPLB so they have a lot to choose from.

 

"Hi, Karina." It's Giselle. Classmate ko siya sa isang major this morning, "Someone stole my seat from me. Patabi ha."

 

I smiled at her, "Sure." Her and I aren't really close. Sa friends ni Winter, si Ning talaga yung nakakausap ko but Giselle seems like a nice person.

 

Naalala ko yung encounter namin ni Yunjin with Somi sa party, "Kilala mo pala si Somi?" I made a small talk sa kanya just to make us both feel comfy.

 

"Yeah, I met her at some party way way back pa. Why?" Her aura reminds me a lot of Yunjin, although mas tahimik and less makalat si Giselle.

 

"Nakita namin siya sa party and she was asking about you." Natigil siya sa paglalagay ng lip gloss, "She even asked kung single ka. It was weird."

 

Bahagyang natawa lang si Giselle, "Ning would flip. Inis yun kay Somi."

 

Dumating na yung prof and my mind went back to the fact na may coffee hang out si Winter and Olivia later.

 

Mabilis kaming natapos ni Giselle sa activity. Kinalabit ko siya, "Giselle.."

 

"Yeah?"

 

I hesitated at first, pero bahala na, "Did Winter say anything about Olivia? I heard magkikita sila mamaya para mag coffee."

 

She looked confused, "Who the hell is Olivia?" I almost laughed sa kanyang reaction. So hindi niya kilala?! "The only Olivia I know is yung singer."

 

I'm happy na hindi nag-bother si Winter na ikwento sa kanila si Olivia. But at the same time, I'm frustrated because I didn't get any answer from my question.

 

"Nevermind."

 

"Do you want me to ask her?"

 

"No!" Napatingin sa akin yung mga kaklase namin, "Sorry. Invested lang sa activity.." Giselle chuckled at me. I turned to her again, "That's not necessary.."

 

May idea na rin naman ako... Maybe I can ask her to hang out mamaya with me? Then I'll straight up ask her na lang na wag siputin si Olivia.

 

Does that make me a bad person?

 

Ang maldita ko yata with what I'm planning to do.

 

But just this once, I'll be straight up with her. Tama na itong running around in circles. I kind of want to get my point across already.

 

That I can't be just friends with her.

 

After my last class, agad akong umuwi sa apartment to take a shower and freshen up para naman pagdating ko sa bahay nila Winter, mabango ako.

 

Extra points para sa akin siya makipag hang out.

 

Hindi na ako nakapag ayos ng room ko, basta ko lang iniwan na magulo dahil sa pagmamadali. Then pagbaba ko ng building, nagulat ako dahil nandito si Winter.

 

Pinagpapawisan at parang pagod na pagod.

 

"Winter?"

 

She tried to compose herself first before answering, "Karina.."

 

May nangyari ba? Kinabahan naman ako bigla sa tone niya, "Why are you.." I'm still trying to make sense sa nangyayari, "Tumakbo ka ba papunta dito? Why are you.. here." I said gently.

 

Tinawag nanaman niya ang pangalan ko. Okay lang ba siya?

 

"Yeah?"

 

Natatawa ako dahil grabe lang ang pagkahingal ni Winter. It's like sumali siya sa marathon at dito dumerecho afterwards.

 

"Wag kang pumunta sa date niyo ni Miyeon." 

 

I wasn't prepared with what she said.

 

Hindi pa nagsi-sink in sa akin yung sinabi niya when she already resumed talking, "Inistalk ko siya tapos nalaman ko na nag cheat pala siya dati sa naging jowa niya. Nakita ko siya sa exposing thread. Hindi kayo bagay. B-baka saktan ka non."

 

Pinipigilan ko lang matawa.

 

Ginawa niya yun?! And Miyeon was included sa exposing thread? Information overload ako right now. Napanganga na lang ako sa nangyayari.

 

"You came here para sabihin yan?" Naguumpisa na akong mangiti dahil naguumpisa na rin mag sink in sa akin that she was bothered by the set-up date I was gonna have with Miyeon.

 

Nahiya siya bigla, her confidence was slowly fading at napahawak sa kanyang batok, "Uhm, oo.."

 

So dinerecho ko na siya, "I wasn't going, Winter. I cancelled on her." Yung expression niya ngayon, parang ako lang kanina when I saw her sa labas ng apartment building.

 

Nilapitan ko siya just because I wanted to get closer to her ngayon. I told her I was going to come by their house so we can hangout... "instead of makipag meet ka with Olivia."

 

She was brave enough to "stop" my date with Miyeon sana, so I did the same by telling her the truth.

 

"Hindi ko nga naalala na imi-meet ko siya.." Hindi niya naalala?! Well, this is funny. Todo worry pa man din ako dahil doon.

 

"Totoo ba? Pupunta ka dapat samin?" She asked.

 

Bigla akong dinapuan ng hiya. I looked down, parang ang interesting ng mga bato sa paanan ko right now, "Yeah.." Then naalala ko yung sinabi niya kanina, "Inistalk mo si Miyeon?"

 

"Chineck ko lang.. Uhm, background checking lang." I almost snorted sa sagot niya. Background checking? Ano siya, FBI? She's way too cute kapag flustered.

 

"Why?" Hindi pa ako tumigil. Gusto ko siyang nakikitang ganito.

 

She looked away, "Eh kasi naman.."

 

Okay, parang hindi na niya kinakaya ang kahihiyan so I stopped teasing already. I invited her sa apartment... Maybe we can hang out there instead since nandito naman na kami.

 

The way we ask each other, para kaming ewan. Bakit kasi hindi na lang namin derechohin ang isa't isa? But aaminin ko, this is nice...

 

May sort of silent understanding kami sa isa't isa.

 

"Kailan ka pala nag cancel sa kanya?"

 

"Why didn't you remember na nakikipag kita si Olivia sayo tonight? Diba namention naman ni Jeno?"

 

She offered to wash my dishes, I told her ako na ang bahalang ayusin ang kama ko and yung sofa. Tapos umorder pa ako ng food for the both of us.

 

Wow, this is so... what's the term? Domestic?

 

Haaaaay.

 

Naalala ko yung sinabi ni Yunjin last time about me and Winter sharing an apartment together... That's not a bad thing to think about.

 

Hindi pa rin siya tapos mag hugas kaya lumapit ako sa kanya, carefully placing my hand on her hip, "Kailangan mo ng help?" I can smell her cologne. She makes me nervous.

 

“Okay lang. M-matatapos naman na.” She stuttered. I'm glad to know na hindi lang ako ang kinakabahan ngayon.

 

We settled on the bed after and pretended to watch the vlog kahit alam kong both of us have unanswered questions to each other.

 

"Why—"

 

"Bakit—"

 

It's funny how in sync we are.

 

Pinauna ko na siyang magsalita. Tinanong nanaman niya kung bakit ako nag cancel kay Miyeon which I was going to answer kung hindi lang dumating yung delivery.

 

Hay nako.

 

I stood up to get the food. I'd be annoyed sa pagpapa-cute nung deliver guy kung hindi lang puro "Winter" ang nasa utak ko right now.

 

Nagulat ako sa pagpunta ni Winter sa harap ko, blocking me from the delivery guy, "Okay na, Kuya. Thank you." Ang sungit niya naman?

 

“Bakit ang sungit mo kay Kuya?” I asked after she closed the door.

 

“Kung maka tingin kasi sayo eh.”

 

Oh.. Okay. So that's why.

 

Patago akong napa kagat sa labi. If Hyewon were here, she'd say ang harot ko. Dumagdag pa yung pagsusubo sa akin ni Winter ng McNuggets.

 

All out yata kami tonight.

 

Okay, then.

 

"May ano ka sa may lips mo.." It caught me off guard nang kumuha siya ng tissue para punasan yung lips ko.

 

Hindi ako makahinga.

 

I did the same sa crumbs na nakita ko on her chin. But instead na gumamit ng tissue, inalis ko ito using my thumb.

 

She held her breath as well.

 

Ayoko nang itanggi pa sa sarili ko.. We can never be friends again because I'm certain my other friends don't make me feel like this.

 

"So.. bakit ka nga nag ulit nag cancel dun sa date mo with Miyeon..?" She asked again. Hangga't hindi ko yata siya bibigyan ng sagot, she'll keep on asking me.

 

"It wasn't a date." Mabilis kong sabi. Then I took a deep breath before speaking again, "You know why."

 

Because for some reason, I know she does.

 

"Ikaw.. Why did you cancel on Olivia?" It was my turn para mag tanong.

 

Tinitigan niya ako, like she's memorizing my face.

 

"You know why."

 

And for some reason, I know I do.

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

"You like holding my hand too?"

 

"Oo.. gustong gusto ko."

 

Her eyes went down from my eyes all the way to my lips. I did the same. Sobrang inviting ng mga labi niya, they look so soft.

 

Are they still as soft as I remember them to be when we kissed before?

 

I swear we both leaned it...

 

Then biglang kumatok si Hyewon.

 

"Karina, hey.. Nakatulog ka." Ginising ako ni Yunjin. We're currently studying sa SU ngayon at nagra-write up na rin for Sir Vin.

 

"Matagal ba?" Nagkusot ako ng mata, "Nanaginip yata ako. Did I talk sa sleep?" Nakekwento nila Hyewon na minsan daw I mumble things kapag tulog. Nahawa na yata ako kay Winter.

 

Wait... Naalala ko na yung napanaginipan ko.

 

Yung almost kiss namin.

 

I've been dreaming a lot about her lately. Kaya laging ang ganda ng gising ko for the past three days kahit hindi pa ulit kami nakakapag kita talaga.

 

"Hindi naman. What did you dream about ba?"

 

Parang kailangan kong mailabas ito, so I did, “About kissing Winter.”

 

She stopped typing, exaggeratedly closing her laptop, “Then do it!”

 

Bakit mas excited pa siya kaysa sa akin? “Ano bang inaantay niyo? It’s obvious na you guys like each other. May sort of silent agreement na nga kayo, diba?”

 

Nakwento ko sa kanya yung nangyayari sa amin ni Winter lately and Yunjin has been nothing but supportive

 

“I know. Panget lang ng timing lately ‘cause we’ve been busy. But I’m planning on it..” I’ve been meaning to talk to Winter na rin naman.

 

Yes, I’m contented na with the silent treatment that we had days ago, but… I kind of want to make it official somehow? Unless ayaw niya, then I won’t pressure her.

 

“You’ll get the perfect timing s