2018XXXX

"Jaehyun have you talked with the Managers?"

This is the only time I wished hyung isn't as nosy as an old lady. 

My head hurts actually. I got back from the school, and as soon as I hit my room, I was pestered by Haechan, saying the managers wanted to talk to me. I kinda had an idea two days ago when I saw Johnny hyung packing his things, but god-forbid I'll be rooming with Lee DongHyuck. He's a cute dongsaeng; but I need some peace. Especially now.

"Yeah," I answered nonchalantly, hoping against hope that Taeyong hyung won't push it further. He simply stared at me, and it was both unnerving and reassuring. For what was an infnity, he did not say anything; he just looked straight into my eyes... no, I feel like he could see into the very depths of my soul.

And that will be dangerous. 

Unwillingly, I broke off from his trance-like stare and headed towards my room. I could tell that he quietly followed me, again, that felt unnerving. I put on my most annoyed look and turned to face him. "What is it hyung? I really am tired and I want to rest."

Taeyong hyung only had that sickeningly usual I-am-your-guardian face before answering, "You do look sick," He reached out and touch my forehead and I thought I would collapse. "You want me to cook for you? You looked like you haven't eaten." He quickly removed his hand on my forehead and it took all of my strength not to take those bony hands back and cry on his thin shoulders. Back when were trainees, I could just pull him on the side and talk to him or rant or even cry...

...I could only watch him as he walked back to the common dining area, where I could hear some member (it was probably Haechan and his big appetite) asking him to cook an extra for him. That had been the story so far since I had debuted with hyung. I always, ALWAYS, had to watch as Taeyong hyung takes care of everyone since he'd been dubbed as a leader. For years I am okay with it. After all, hyung is probably one of the most hardworking people I've known in my life that it sometimes takes a toll on his own body. But he would always smile and reassure us that he is enjoying every minute as long as we could do well with our unique group. But can't I feel childish once in a while and have his whole attention like before? I was his favorite. He said I am still his favorite... but we have so many members. And there's that funny Tom and Jerry relationship he has with Doyoung hyung. Sometimes I feel like my stomach would burst open with their constant bickering, but sometimes I feel so envious that they can interact with each other so openly. 

I can't do that. The Management just had a talk with me.

Ah... I need to lie down and think.

==000==

He didn't make a sound, but I am so attuned to every fiber of his existence that even if I was snoring away into dreamland, I could easily sense when he's near. There will always be this sudden change of atmosphere when he comes around. People say it's charisma; I call it simply as pheromones.

Because that is what he is. A walking, talking, breathing ball of pheromones.

God knows how that fact made my head spin countless times, and God knows how many times I've had to suffer from women AND men trying to feel up this hyung.

"Jaehyun-ah, I made you some Samgyetang, eat some before it gets cold..."

"I - " I answered instinctively, and immediately regretted doing so. "I just want to sleep, hyung..."

I felt a bony hand on my shoulder and I felt a chill because I suddenly had the urge to crush him into an embrace. Years ago, I would have thought nothing of it as it was something natural for a dongsaeng like me. Add the fact that hyung had 'spoiled' me rotten; and it always felt good to have all his attention...

...But...

"You could always tell hyung what's bothering you, you know?" His words cut off my already spiraling imagination and it made me wince inwardly. His "Mom" nature is kicking in and I knew better that he wouldn't leave me alone unless I tell him. I racked my already tired brain to find the most acceptable response.

"I just - don't know..."

"What?"

"I don't know why the management is suddenly talking about idol image, and then making me attend some acting courses..." It was lame, I know, but at least it was partially true. I then felt him rest his head on my back.

"You've got a lot going on, I guess..." 

His muffled voice and warm breath almost made me lose it. It took all my will power to keep still because if anyone would find us like this, they'd probably think that they're witnessing something so intimate like a scene from a romance movie...

... But this isn't a movie; and he is MY hyung. Lately though, I find myself reminding of that fact way too often.

I am just a close dongsaeng. He IS my hyung; a family...

"Hyung," I answered carefully, controlling my voice so as not to show so much. "I'm okay with taking acting classes, but I don't understand why the need to act like some 'Prince'? I mean, I don't even understand what that means."

He did not speak for a while, and his silence unnerved me. Taeyong hyung is that kind that you don't really need to watch out when he's talking; it's his silence that speaks volumes. Sometimes he'd be patient and gently scold us, but when he really gets annoyed or really displeased at someone or something, his silence will literally send everyone shivering. I was about to turn and face him to check if he was angry when his hand that was on my shoulders slid down to lock me in an embrace. I really forgot how to breathe at that point.

:Jaehyun-ah," He finally spoke ever so softly and I felt my tension subside. "Do you want me to talk to the management?"

I finally turned to face him before answering; unintentionally my voice sounded like I was whining. "It's alright hyung, you've already got so much on your plate also."

A wave of pain crossed his face and I nearly cursed at the reason behind it. Just a few weeks ago, some b*stards tried to drag him into an obviously fabricated bullying scandal. We all tried to keep our silence and he was adamant that we don't get involved; but god knows Johnny hyung, Yuta hyung and I were so close to hunting those 'people' and beat them up. Worse, Taeyong hyung was told to just endure it and be mature about it; but we can tell how much he's been suffering. He tries to hide it behind his gaming; and he acts all cheery and leader-ish in front of us. And just as soon as that pained look flashed, he immediately gave me a small smile before asking,

"So you're okay with the classes but not that 'Prince' image?"

"Yes,"

"Aigoo," He gave me a small chickle before burying himself on my shoulder. "Building an image is just like acting on a role, but I guess it can kind of take over your actual personality, I guess..."

"So you're okay with me changing like that?"

"Nope," Hyung answered so honestly I felt myself melting.

"Then I don't want to do it." My resolve's finally gaining strength.

But hyung shook his head... why is that pained look back? 

"I don't like it..." He started, finally meeting my eyes. "But you HAVE to do it."

Now my resolve's crumbling. "Why?"

I felt his arms embracing me tightly, and there was another pause. 

"I can't always be there to protect you..."

"From what?"

I heard a soft sigh. "I don't care what kind of 'role' you have to play... as long as you can promise that you'll be my Jaehyun when I need you. Like my favorite maknae... always..."

I couldn't understand the cryptic message, but I decided to let it pass and a bit."So I'm just a maknae?"

"Nah..." And then he chuckled a bit before continuing. "