REUNION

 

It took him more than one week to gain back his consciousness. And a few more days before he is able to walk around freely. It takes 18 days for him to be able to get on track with his training. Although he was pardoned from doing missions until he fully recovered. 

Mingyu knocked on his small office room and went in with a cup of coffee.

“Hyung, Chan is coming back in three days,” Seungcheol’s eyes flicker to the coffee in his hand. A turbulent emotion could be seen swirling in his eyes. A small part of Mingyu feels thankful to the small display of emotion. His hyung had been impassive and emotionless since he got back.

“I am aware.” He simply said, his face is back to the cold set. He looks like S Coups all the time. 

“Uh- that’s good, then. Will you be fine, hyung?” S Coups nods in answer. 

Mingyu frowns. He looked up and saw Wonwoo leaning on the doorframe of the office, just quietly observing. He pouted at Wonwoo, sending messages that he did not succeed to talk to Seungcheol. 

Wonwoo shook his head then gestured for Mingyu to follow him and let Seungcheol with his own thoughts. 

As soon as Mingyu steps out the room and the door had closed, Seungcheol heaved a big sigh. He don’t know what he would do.

Should he play the fool and just get along with everything? Should he just make use of the time they had before Chan decided he is not it?

Clenching his jaw, he throw his glance outside the windows. He’s feeling so vulnerable inside. The thought of losing Chan in his life, just scared him. Maybe even more than dying. But could he change the fact that Chan just doesn’t feel the same way as he did anymore?

Torturing himself further, he let his eyes stray to Chan’s photo still in the frame of his office. Chan himself had put the photo on the table, saying that it would help him to not forget him. Chan did.

Seungcheol shook his head. That’s stupid, utterly stupid. To let such thought sink into his mind. The only betrayal that he couldn’t forgive would be if Chan throw away his life. Other than that, he’ll try his best.

**

Night before Lee Chan supposed to return, Seungcheol let himself be further vulnerable as he steps into the younger room. His scent had slowly faded. But the room is still the younger. Everything about the room is his, and he feel as if he is surrounded by him.

Seungcheol lay on the bed and sunk onto his bed. The bed still had the scent of him lingering. As he let the younger detergent smell embraced him, he feel tears started to form.

How could he forget him? How could he do this to him? Leaving him at a place without him knowing, without waiting for him. For the first time after his near death experience, he cry. He sobs his heart out. He let the fact that he was cheated on by the man that he loves more than his own life. That sooner or later he would be left behind by the same man.

"Why did you leave me, Chan?”

The older sobs like a baby on the bed. When suddenly a pair of hands engulf him. He looks up and saw Seungkwan and Myungho.

“I don’t know what wrong hyung is, but we’re here.” He let the two of them embrace him, and he let himself broke. But he didn’t tell them why. He don’t need them to know and alienated Chan when he got back later.

“Hyung? Do you want to talk about it?” Myungho whisper. Seungcheol just give a little smile, and lift his head. Only then he realized, there’s also Dokyeom and Jun in the room peering worryingly to him.

“I am just overwhelmed that Chan will be coming home tomorrow. Sorry for disturbing your sleep guys. Go back to sleep. I am fine now. Thank you.” They give him one look of concern before walking out of the room.

He once again left alone in the room. With Mingyu lingering at the door.

“Mingyu, do me a favor and don’t blame Chan on this.” Mingyu frowned in displease.

“But hyung, he-.”

“I know. But to be fair, I’m the one who send him away the first place.”

“That doesn’t give him the right to-.”

“Mingyu,” he sternly call out to the man. Wonwoo who seems to be Mingyu’s shadow appear and laid his hand on Mingyu’s shoulder.

“At least confront him, hyung. You can’t just let yourself be waste away like this. I won’t meddle, but I care about both of you.” And Seungcheol understand. He understand that care, and he relate. So he relent.

“I will Mingyu, just give me some time. Thank you, you know. For not telling, and be there. And of course Wonwoo too.” Seungcheol smirk as Wonwoo scratch his head awkwardly. He knows the close bond between the two and it’s not a surprised to him if Wonwoo knows.

“Don’t torture yourself too much, hyung.”

“I’ll try my best.”

That night Seungcheol closed Chan’s bedroom door, and vow to not to set foot into it every again.

**

He was tossing and turning all night trying to find peace and sleep. But he can’t. Chan will be coming back tomorrow and he is not ready.

Ironically, by the morning he was numb. As if his feeling just drain out of him.

Even when the sounds of the car engine drive into their front house, he remain motionless. He could feel a pinch of hurt when he saw Chan coming out of the car, and unloaded his luggage from the car, with a bright smile. He saw how the other member come out to welcome him.

He watch this all from the second floor balcony. But he didn’t go down, he didn’t have the heart to. Maybe he lied when he says he’s numb. Because right now, as he walks down the hallways to his small office, he feel as if his heart was stuck at his throat. And he don’t whether to swallow or just throw it away.

As he lock the door, he know he was just running away. All because he is still not ready to face the younger. He is not ready to pretend happy.

“Seungcheol hyung? Hyung?? Cheollie? Hey, where is Seungcheol hyung?” Their voice is nearby. He knows. But he keep his silent.

“Uh- Seungcheol, went out. He got some matter to take care of,” Wonwoo’s voice rang out from the hallway.

“Oh, I see. Uh- then I’m going to go rest first. Wake me up when Seungcheol hyung had come back,” silent then sounds of feet walking away.

Seungcheol scoff at himself then. How long will he hide and be a coward?

He bend over and let himself sit on the floor reveling in his pathetic behavior.

**

He wasn’t able to stay away for long. By the time it was afternoon, and Chan is up and about, he decided to show himself. They were in the kitchen, only the two of them.

Chan’s face light up as he bounce toward him. And Seungcheol smile to the younger, trying his best to keep the sadness out of his smile.

The younger stood on his tiptoe and try to peck him on the lips, but Seungcheol turn his head to the side, and Chan’s lips landed on the corner of his lips instead.

Chan stood frozen in front of him. A pained look settle on the younger’s face.

“Hyung?” Chan look to his hyung face and the way he seems to avoid him.

“Uh- I haven’t shower yet. I’m full of dirt from work right now.” The pained expression on the younger fades and a smile replace the frown. He knows how much Seungcheol didn’t like to be touched intimately when he think he is dirty.

“Of course, hyung. Uh- I’m back! You didn’t forget me, did you?”

Something feels like a thorn rises to Seungcheol’s throat, making it hard for him to swallow, and even to speak. The back of his eyes burned and he could feel the tears that threatened to fall. But still Seungcheol forced a smile. He masks away the betrayal and the pain that he felt.

“How could I? I would throw away my life before I forget you. What a pity,” He whispered the last part under his breath, making sure the younger one would not be able to hear him.

“I’ll go take a shower first, Chan. You go and enjoy your first day back home.” The younger one nods his head. Seungcheol turns around to walk away from the kitchen. It proves that being in the same room with the younger, who looks like he is still very much in love with him, kills him from the inside.

He keeps questioning whether Chan is being true or everything is just an act. 

“Ah, talking about that, I’m going to go out with one of my friends from the centre. I hope you don’t mind, hyung,” Seungcheol clenched his jaw, then he simply turned his head a little, and gave a smile. 

“Of course I don’t mind.” But he was bitter. And a bigger part of him is telling him to go and follow him. 

He glanced back at Dino, and saw the way he kept on humming as he went around the kitchen happily. He silently sighs, then turns around and really leaves the space this time.

And more than anything, he hates the fact that he’s not the reason for the younger person's happy face. Deep inside, he knows, one day he’s going to snap, and that will be the end.

And he decided, at least not now.