Sakura's POV:

It's been 20 minutes of pure silence from Chaen ever since I told her that we needed to go back to the company and practice and that this is my problem and not anyone else's problem. She grew more silent, I feel the tension permeating between us, I began to eat my croissant she bought, so she read my online profile? She knew that I'm not allergic to anything and even knew I liked croissants than anything else? Not everyone knew I liked croissants, it was an obscure information from me, which I mentioned in passing at an interview, but the way I said it was kind of in a soft and low voice, very unintelligible. I was impressed by her knowledge of who I am, that it's almost scary to me, because I was a former J-Idol, I didn't have any sense of privacy or anything to myself. Fans know everything about me, from my favorites to my TMI things.

My fans also knew I was a loner back when I was starting for AKB48, only when I got transferred to HKT48 did I meet Anna and Jurina. They were the first friends I made, having had a concurrent position for AKB48 and HKT48, the Annual Senbatsu Rankings also made me popular and was since then tagged as Kami7 member or God7 Member amongst fans. Jurina was a First Generation HKT48 Member where I was only a Second Generation HKT48 Member. But we joined the 48 Group at exactly the same time. She was assigned to HKT48 and I was at AKB48. But Jurina wasn't a consistent member, she was twice demoted to HKT48's Team H, which meant that her appearances are limited.

My demotion was only once, when I was transferred to HKT48's KIV, but quickly regained popularity when I became Vice Captain of KIV. J-Idols had such troubles at a young age, the Annual Senbatsu didn't at all help, because we had to keep our images as J-Idols. Japan's Publicity and Trends are very different from K-Idols, because in Japan, we are voted for the positions we get, as Center of a song, you had to be nice and pleasing to the eyes of the Fans and Producers. Being voted as a Center meant all the pressure falls on you. Unlike in the Korean Entertainment industry, where you had to be beautiful, nice and appreciative of your fans and talented. In Korean Standards every member could Center a song and even own the Era.

My fans knew that I'd rather stay at home and finish a computer game than be out with friends. Which was why I honestly enjoyed the first year of my J-Idol life, often going to museums and aquariums if not playing on my computer or console gaming. I've since had to give these up, because of my busy J-Idol life, but I'm planning to build another gaming rig here in Korea since I'm going to stay here for a while. But going back to the topic of me declining Chaen's offer to have me see a psychologist, I really didn't want to decline her offer, but I already saw a psychologist prior to me moving to Korea.

Let's just say that the psychologist who I had two sessions with wasn't helpful, instead of helping me, I was put down and the therapist didn't believe when I told her that I was a victim of abuse from two closest friends, she made me feel like I was in the wrong to begin with, it was my fault for trusting Jurina and Anna. Like everything I learned growing up in an exclusive and private school, was wrong. Like my personality deserved to be used and abused. This made me hesitate in getting professional help, because although I needed the help in sorting my feelings and the realities that happened, I didn't appreciate the looks I got from the therapist, her eyes told me that I deserved what I got.

Being a Blood Type A, I didn't want to sue Jurina and Anna, I also didn't want to cause trouble for the therapist I first saw, so after two sessions, I decided not to see her again. I've just powered through the past 5 months on my own, alone and helpless. Even with Tomi and Nako being my constant companions, I chose to keep everything under wraps, I quit AKB48 and the norm is to have a graduation concert before leaving the group, but I told the CEO and Main Producer of AKB48 that I didn't want a graduation concert, that I wish to just leave my J-Idol life and start over in Korea. He must've really liked me, because he agreed to me quitting AKB48, HKT48 and KIV without a graduation concert.

Sashihara had to do a concert, other members who quit had to do concerts. Even Nako and Tomi had to do a graduation concert. Everyone but me, because of my trauma. Since I quit a month after finding out the truth, I was deeply traumatized that I hated my life as a J-Idol. I couldn't stand being in near proximity of Jurina and Anna, which was impossible because there are songs where the both of them stood on both my sides. I hated the last month I had to stand on stage with them and perform our songs.

Soon, I finished eating the croissant Chaen bought and was now taking sips of my hot Chai Latte. Waiting for Chaen to finish drinking and people watching. She's just intensely staring at people passing by. Like she's a mixture of lost and worried. I don't want her to worry about me, I just wanted her to be happy and debut as IZ*ONME's Leader. She's a very good leader, very precise and on point with her dancing. When she holds my hand, she's unlike her leader persona, one that's cold and calculating, her hands felt home, her body next to me felt like security. It's crazy, because we just met and I shouldn't be feeling this way with her. I shouldn't feel at home with her skinship with me, this was the reason why Jurina was able to betray me, same with Anna. She takes another sip from her coffee cup, before turning to me and saying.

"Let's go to the grocery, get some food good for the weekend, I'll be cooking for you and taking care of you and your kids. You just need to rest." She says and stood up from her seat, carrying her cup with her and leaving 10 thousand won on the table for our 4 thousand won coffee, chai latte and her cousin's order.

The other hand held me by my left wrist. Like a child, she dragged me with her. I felt so small at this time, it was like I've done something to cause her to pull me like a ragdoll, like I was the most inconsiderate person. My other hand held my cup and I was on the verge of crying again. How could I cause her so much trouble? Since the first time we met, she's been nothing but considerate, warm and friendly to me. Soon, we reached her car, which was now parked in front of the main exit of the hospital. Her driver sees us and smiles towards Chaen, he opens the door for us. Her sedan was a Mercedes-Benz Class C Avantgarde, Black. The sedan looked serious and intimidating. The magnitude of her Family's status screamed INSANELY RICH. I sat at the back and made myself relax.

I took another sip on the cup, her side of the door opened and I saw Chaen sat beside me. The driver closed her door before opening his door. Chaen told him to drive us to the supermarket near WM Entertainment. He instructed him he could go right after he drops us off at the supermarket. She looks back at me and asked me.

"Or do you want the ride going back to the dorm?" She asked me.

"If you're walking, I'll be walking too." I replied to her.

"Good." Was her only reply, devoid of warmth and happiness.

She's being cold and uncaring again. I wonder what her sister meant before she left last Tuesday. Why was Chaen's heart broken? Was it Chaen's fault? What exactly happened the past 5 years? The silence filled us, all through out the ride, I focused on taking sips on my cup, as I watched the sky and the clouds, the buildings, it was only 10 a.m. I distracted myself until I felt her hand intertwined to mine. Her thumbs lightly grazing my purlicue. I let her hold my hand and didn't pullback my hand. We reached the supermarket and like the first time we were here, we shopped with her arms trapping me in the cart. We bought meats, vegetables, Shirataki Rice and Noodles, Instant Ramen Packets. I bought some snacks, dried plums, dried squid flakes and some potato chips. I like Dried Plums, Squid Flakes and Potato Chips, these are my favorite snacks.

As usual, she carried all the heavy groceries and I was left with my bag of snacks, another bag of instant ramen on the other hand. She looked graceful even when she just walks with heavy bags. Beautiful and Handsome when she's smiling, not like earlier when she was giving me a silent treatment. I decided to tell her some of my story, half of it at least. After all the panic and worries I caused her, I owe her this one. I'm just trying to find the right moment, the right timing. I wondered if she's someone unaffected by stories of people around her. I think everyone had a sad story, a burden everyone keeps at the depth of their souls, a problem too big and unsolvable.

We reached my dorm and I opened the door for her. She puts all the heavy bags right away on top of the kitchen island. She immediately got to work by sorting out all the groceries she bought for me, she paid for everything, including the snacks I picked out for myself. Such a Father she is, she tolerates everyone, including me when I pulled our cart to the snacks section of the supermarket, she didn't say anything, just got all the items I wanted from the aisle and dumped them in the cart, albeit unwillingly, she still paid for the snacks. She beat me to it actually, by handing her Black Card to the cashier. I read somewhere that the Black credit card was the most coveted card in South Korea, it requires a high net worth the spending of each holder needs to be at at least 120 thousand U.S. Dollars. Her family is really rich, making me wonder what she's doing training at an obscure korean entertainment company, when she can just build her own agency and debut with them. I was trying to help her unpack the things she bought for our dorm. But she stops me dead in my tracks and told me.

"Sit down in the living room, don't move and don't even think of anything else but yourself, how you're going to improve your dancing and singing skills, from now on, you are not allowed to think of anything else that would give you an anxiety attack again." She said, her voice booming around the 50 square meters of my dorm.

Then she didn't even say sorry for raising her voice to me, she just went on to take out things from the bag, sorting things out and packing them in the pantry and refrigerator. I wanted to cry at what she did, but I am devoid of that right, right now. She bought the groceries and paid for them. I gave her worries that were unnecessary to begin with, I declined her offer for professional help, even bringing me to her cousin who was a psychologist and this was all because of my trust issues eating at me day by day, the more I thought of Jurina and Anna, the more I get myself in trouble, even fainting after crying so hard.

I was at fault here, so I took her advice and started to walk back to the living room. I sat in front of the television we brought from Japan and had set up here once we got to this dorm. We already watched a netflix movie here once after setting it up. I was good with electronics, I always set up stuff in our old AKB Dorm, I set up my own computer too. Often the gaming rigs I had back in Japan were set up by me, I had four in Japan, two on the dorm and two at home, I've since had those in our house with my parents. I also have a gaming laptop modified by me and the start up of this laptop will make you feel as if you're using a computer. No lags at all, it was an impressive gaming laptop I had.

I looked for a series on the television after turning on the WiFi router and modem. I found an interesting series Tempted. It starred Park Sooyoung or Joy, a member of my favorite band Red Velvet. I played the series, and leaned back on the couch, which we also brought fr