It’s been a few days since her talk with Seulgi and Wendy’s feels a lot lighter knowing Seulgi still supports her. She feels better and secure at the thought that she can just vent to Seulgi just about anything and she wouldn’t judge her at all.

Maybe that’s why she’s been contemplating about going to the hang-out. She knows that Seulgi wants to go – she’s always been the more social one between the two of them, but she also knows Seulgi wouldn’t go if she doesn’t. Maybe it’s out of respect, finding out about the Joy situation, or maybe Seulgi’s just more comfortable having Wendy around. But now, Wendy feels a little indebted to Seulgi and she wants to be a good friend like Seulgi has been for her.

“Seulgi-ya? Are you home?”

Upon entering their shared dorm, Wendy hears the low muffled sound of the television.

Seulgi has to be home, right? There’s no way she’d leave the house with the TV on. Wendy can recall the few times Seulgi has scolded her about turning off appliances to save electricity and to prevent burning their dorm down.

“Seulgi-ya?” Wendy calls out again. She shuts the front door while haphazardly removing her shoes and placing it on a rack just beside their door.

Wendy trudges to the living room, only to be met by a sleeping Seulgi – head tilted up, limbs spread across the couch, mouth wide open.

Aish.

Wendy reaches into the plastic bag on her right hand and found a rogue piece of lotus root chip. She breaks it in half and places the smaller piece in Seulgi’s mouth.

Seulgi’s response was almost instantaneous.

Seulgi goes into a coughing fit, patting her own chest trying to get the chip unstuck from . After a particularly violent cough, she ends up spitting out the piece of chip Wendy has almost killed her with.

“Yah! What is wrong with you? Can’t you wake me up like a normal person?” Seulgi’s voice is raspy, probably from sleep, but most likely from her violent coughing. “I don’t know? Maybe give me a tap on the shoulder? Instead of trying to choke me to death with a chip!”

Wendy can’t help the snort that came out of her. She presses her lips together, stopping a laugh from coming through. She did almost kill Seulgi, she really shouldn’t be finding it that funny.

But Wendy wasn’t heartless, so she quickly got a glass of water and offered it to Seulgi as a peace offering. She gives Seulgi an apologetic smile, and Seulgi, being the weak human being she is to Wendy’s dimples, rolls her eyes and accepts the glass.

“How was dinner at your parents’?”

“It was good. Mom cooked braised short ribs and she gave me the leftovers,” Wendy says, raising the plastic bag in her hands. “Have you had dinner yet? I can heat some up if you want.”

“Yes. Please.” Seulgi muttered in between gulps of water.

Wendy walks over to the kitchen, taking out a plate from one of the cabinets. She transfers the food into the plate and places it in the microwave.

“So, I’ve been thinking.”

Seulgi hums in acknowledgement.

“We should go. To that hang out thing.” Wendy looks down at her hands, suddenly very interested with the ring on her finger. “With Joy. And her girlfriend. And Chanyeol.”

“Wannie, we don’t have to go. It’s okay really. I see Joy in class way too much anyways. And sometimes Yerin comes by with Chanyeol for lunch. Did you know they’re cousins? I didn’t even know Chanyeol had a cousin!”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Seulgi walks over to where Wendy is and takes it upon herself to remove the food from the microwave.

“We should go anyways. It might be nice to see them outside of school.”

Seulgi grabs a fork and starts gnawing through a piece of rib. “I don’t mind going, but I also don’t want to push you into doing something you don’t want to. Considering y’know…”

“I’m okay now, I swear. I think I was just a little overwhelmed when you asked me last time.” Maybe it was just lingering resentment, was what she wanted to say. But she didn’t want to feel that way about her. “You were right. We were very close, and she was a really good friend. I shouldn’t throw all of that away because of some stupid teenage crush.”

Seulgi pauses her eating for a bit, looking at Wendy with the utmost sincerity. “Wannie, it’s not stupid.”

“We should go,” Wendy repeats again. She didn’t want to argue with Seulgi about the definition of a crush or love. She was barely ready to accept that part herself. She was afraid that she wouldn’t be able to stand her ground and come out of the conversation with acceptance.

Seulgi knows Wendy can be stubborn when she wants to be. Knowing this, she sighs in defeat. If Wendy has decided she wants to go, then they will have to go.

“Fine.”

Wendy smiles with her signature eye smile, knowing she has won. She feels relief too, dodging the oncoming lecture from Seulgi.

“But we’re not staying long.”

Wendy tilts her head in confusion, as if asking why?

“What? We don’t want your cute little gay heart falling again, right?” Seulgi teases.

Wendy groans at the teasing but it also makes her feel lighter. She realises that she no longer feels a sharp gnawing pain when talking about Joy, and that ultimately makes her feel hopeful. Hopeful that she can be friends with Joy without feeling angry. Hopeful that she can go back to that time back in high school where her friendships weren’t tainted by agony and rage. She feels light again, and so she smiles at the teasing.

She starts to walk away from Seulgi, but not without quipping back, “I wish that lotus chip actually choked you to death.”

–

The days leading up to the hang out filled her with so much anxiety that she would randomly space out even at the middle of conversations.

Wendy?

She can’t help it though. Normal situations already give her anxiety.

When Seulgi drags her to the movies spontaneously, she spends the whole ride there worrying about trivial matters. Is she dressed well enough? Should she have showered? What if they see someone they know? Does she hide or does she say ‘hi’? Did she remember to wash her apron for work? Is she going to be home on time to do that assignment that’s due in two days? What if she doesn’t finish it and she fails that assessment?

Wendy-ya?

And now she’s going to be hanging out with her bestfriend, her ex-bestfriend who she used to be in love with, the girlfriend of her ex-bestfriend and the boy she used to sit next to in Math class. A lot can change in a year but even more has happened in the past three years they’ve been apart. Now, they were mere acquaintances, only really greeting each other during birthdays out of courtesy.

Wendy-yaaaaa?!

What if they find her boring? She remembers Chanyeol to be very social. What if she can’t converse well? What if Joy sees through her? What if Joy’s girlfriend, Yerin sees through her? What if the small remnants of love she had for Joy comes back full force? She can’t go through that again. She’d rather not fall in love anymore and just stay single for life. Maybe adopt a puppy? And if she still feels lonely maybe a kitten too? Surely growing old alone isn’t too bad, there’s alwa—

SEUNGWAN!

Wendy blinks her eyes a few times, trying to refocus on what she was doing. Her shoulders stiffen, realising that she’d been spacing out again. She looks around and recognition settles right away. Right. She was at Joohyun’s. Her shoulders sag at the realisation that the scenarios in her head aren’t real and she’s very much safe from the simulated scrutiny that plagues her mind. She finds comfort seeing the worried look in Joohyun’s face.

“Sorry, I spaced out again. It’s been happening a lot lately.”

Joohyun nods in understanding, but the worried look on her face doesn’t dissipate. “Are you okay? Is there anything bothering you?”

“I’m okay.” When Joohyun looks at her, clearly not convinced. So, she adds, “Really. I swear.”

Joohyun stops pushing, knowing that the girl probably isn’t comfortable enough to talk about it, but she knows that when Wendy’s ready, she’ll be there to listen and comfort the younger girl.

“It’s funny actually. So, Seulgi and I have this shared elective class right? I spaced out during one of the tutorials. Seulgi said I looked like a fish in a trance, just opening and closing my mouth.”

Wendy smiles at Joohyun, not quite reaching her eyes. Joohyun is a little worried but if Wendy can crack a joke and find entertainment at herself spacing out, then maybe Wendy is okay as she says she is.

“Wait a minute.” A flash of realisation dawns on Wendy’s face. “Did you just call me Seungwan? Who told you? I don’t remember ever telling you that?” Wendy creases her eyebrows in confusion which settles into a curious pout.

Joohyun’s eyes crinkle in amusement at Wendy. She really is entirely too cute for this world. “Seulgi called you that.” When Wendy’s face is still riddled with confusion, so she continues.

“Son Seungwan, where the hell were you?” Joohyun tries her best imitation of a very angry Seulgi.

“Aish. That pabo. How many times do I have to tell her to not call me that in public.”

“I don’t think she was really thinking about that. She was probably too mad to remember, Seungwan.” Joohyun finds herself trying to justify Seulgi’s actions even if the girl completely scared her less with the way she got glared at that night.

“Stop calling me that,” Wendy pouts even more.

“Why don’t you like it? It’s such a nice name.”

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” Wendy rolls her eyes and glares at Joohyun. She fails to intimidate Joohyun though. Even a glaring Wendy is still kind of cute.

“It sounds like a boy’s name.” Joohyun barely hears the small muttering, but she heard it, nonetheless. Her heart softens even more, seeing how insecure Wendy looked.

“Well, I think it’s cute. It suits you a lot. You’re cute. I like it a lot better than Wendy.” Joohyun says with utmost conviction and confidence. Joohyun sounded so sure that Wendy can’t help but start to believe it too.

When Wendy finally starts to relax, her cheeks flush red as she processes the fact that Joohyun called her cute. Joohyun said her name was cute and that she herself was cute. What does she even do with that kind of information? Her brain short circuits a little at the affection.

There was a brief silence before Joohyun turns to Wendy with conviction and a serious expression.

“Wendy’s a pretty name, but Seungwan makes me feel closer to you. It seems like not many people call you that, and not many people get the opportunity to get close enough to know that name.” Joohyun turns a little shy with her next few words. “I know you didn’t technically volunteer that name up for me to know, but