CHAPTER 4

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“So it was Ryujin as I guessed?” Taemin was packing his bag beside me.

"What?" I was confused what he was talking about suddenly.

"Your wallpaper?" he reminded, as I nodded remembering, and a smile crept up my lips naturally,

"You lied to me?" he had the disappointed tone, as he noticed me smiling partially focused on his packing.

“How did you know?” I was shocked even if I knew he was quick-witted to catch such things.

It was already 8.30 pm. when the practice ended finally, after we finalised the first half of the choreography. And we both were the only people in the practice room now as everyone had left early.

“You lied to me!" he forced the answer again, glaring at me, as I found myself smiling at his cute upset face, “You did buy that lie though!” I smirked, making him gape at me in awe, “Yes, I did" "Because I wanted to trust you" his eyes were squinted, forging the offense, taking a laugh from me, "Yeah" "At the cost of my sneakers, right?" I reminded, making him grin sheepishly the very next moment,

"I’m the first one to know then" he was delighted to confirm, as I nodded agreeing, “Hmm!” "As you say"

He’s actually grown up to outsmart his hyungs, taking the advantage of his maknae title only when he wants our attention now.

“I’ve got something to now” He had his victorious smile all of a sudden, glancing at me, excited now. 

“Are you not satisfied with what you already do?” I looked at him, amazed by the way he & Ryujin were like annoying siblings of the group, always ready to attack each other with some or other excuse. I was genuinely curious how much he has more to after their regular bickering.

“She responds too lightly to the usual ones now”  “This is new & fresh” He had a wide exciting smile on his face, making me chuckle, “She will find something too for you then” I warned him, taking my phone from the desk, as we got ready to leave finally.

“Your girlfriend is her darling" "She's probably at more benefit than you” I warned him, just to more, as he snapped back a dead stare to me, walking before me, “Are you really going to take her side now?” he had that rebellious attitude, as I pulled him to my side wrapping my arms around his shoulders, “You both don’t need me taking your side anyways” 

“That’s true” He smiled putting his bag on shoulder, as we walked to the door.

“Are you going to her place now?” 

“Hmm!” I nodded, as he nodded back silently, as we left the practice room.

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I was below her apartment after a very long time, and it felt strange.

Especially after the confession now, it was as if everything was starting a-new again from here.

I wasn't thinking of returning back without visiting her this time. I wasn't thinking why I was overthinking so much. I wasn't thinking now that I have to convince myself that she was my one of the best friends and why was I in love with her? 

Me looking at her window from here, was so often, thinking how she might think, if I ever visited her as not just her best friend, but a person who loves her as more than friend.

Visiting her as a friend wasn't awkward or weird at all & I hated the thought of it more then, that it would be so casual on her end. 

It was strange how I was desperate to see her feel what I felt being around her. 

Being in the most comfortable friendship then, I had started to get jealous of her, how her heart hadn't change but mine had.

It was funny to look back, how I had been thinking about her in so many different ways in this long period of time.

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I rang the bell as I leaned on the side of door waiting for her to open.

My body was too tired to even drive by myself but sending her earlier in the evening, made me crave for more time with her, so my hands just drove the car like I had drank some energy-booster, as I thought of seeing her again.

The door opened.

And there she was standing in her peach cute T-shirt & loose half pant up to her knee, her hair tied in loose ponytail, smiling at me, making my tiredness go away in seconds, as expected.

“Ryujin-ah!” I walked inside to wrap my arms around her, moving in, pushing her back inside, holding her in the hug.

This was the thing I came here for, this hug!

“Oppa must be so tired." she held her hands together behind me.

I stayed silent for some time, resting my head on the side of her head. 

"Aigoo! You worked hard.” She patted my back, holding me.

We silently stayed in the hug for some time before moving to walk in to the couch.

“What were you doing?” I asked, holding her in my arm.

“Watching your last concert DVD” 

I looked at her in surprise. Suddenly concert DVD?

It had been 2 years since we had any concert.

“I had some free time. And I was missing watching you guys perform” She looked up to me, giving a warm smile in return.

“I see” I smiled back, feeling her love and friendship at the very same time now.

I wondered, how much she has grown to like shinee after being our friend.

I mean, we did bothered her with our crazy music games a lot back in times when she was younger and naive, whenever we did hangouts together, it was 1 vs 5, and she had to give in every-time being the youngest.

“Wanna listen anything live?” I asked & her face was lit with excitement immediately, “Uhmm?” she was busy thinking of the song titles, making me watch her innocent excitement in peace, while I was waiting for the request.

 I wondered what she liked the most from the track list.

“Please, don’t go! (잠꼬대-jjamkkodae)” she retorted in her cheerful voice at almost 10pm at night, amking me shush her lowering my own voice,

“Again?” I didn’t expected her to pick the same song yet again, after singing it for her numerous times already now.

I knew she loved this song like crazy, but I thought she would demand a new one this time, she had few more favourites I knew that were part of the new tracklist.

She nodded like a doll with her pursed lips as I looked at her in affection.

I took a minute before I could sing the very first lines that I could remember then,

Nuneul tteo boado.
Ni moseumman seon myeonghande…hu…hu…huu!!!

The surprised look on her face was too adorable, as if I sang the exact line she was craving for.

She was watching me with those soft eyes, as I continued trying to not laugh at her same overwhelmed face and her pressing her fist on her lips in fascination.

Niga inneunge kkumieottan geol
Nae nunmure bichweojin seulpeumi malhae jweosseo

She was standing there, still like a statue, as I continued the next lines looking in her eyes, as it made me feel butterflies myself then.

I was singing really low & soft than the original pitch & was going to sing short, but her reaction was too precious to make me sing the following lines too, which belonged to onew hyung.

Andwaeyo andwaeyo geureoke gajima yo
Jebal hanbeon man hanbeon man nal dashi anajweo yo…

No….. woaho!!

I reached for her hands, pulled her in my arms, as the lyrics said ‘hold me in your arms again’ and sang the lines holding her in the hug,

Dashi nungama..... neol boge dwemyeon,
Geu jarie.....meomchun....nareul anajweoyo…

Ooh baby!

She was squirming inside, resting her forehead on my chest, and I ended the melody, pulling her back, to watch her reddened cheeks, as she crashed back in my arms, soon hiding her face in my neck, giggling softly, as I ended up smiling at her reaction.

For a while, we stayed like that, till she got away from me with her hand on her chest, gasping breath, “Oh!"

"My heart is going crazy right now!” she squeezed her eyes, as if she was in real pain.

“Did you like it so much?” I chuckled at her overreacting, touching her forehead with my index finger, softly pushing her back, making her body swing back a little in a cute way, as I smiled adoring her act along,

“It’s too dangerous to make you sing in front of me” she was shaking her head, sighing out a deep breath, “I won’t do it again" she was making me laugh, as she walked back fanning her face, as she rolled her eyes, as she turned out to walk ahead.

It was her overwhelmed reaction version of many I had seen before, but it was first time I had sang for her holding her in my arms, and this time my heart was going crazy too.

“Ah! Oppa!” she startled me, almost shrieking in the silence suddenly.

“What?” 

“Wait! I’ve got something for you”

She ran into her bedroom leaving me in surprise & came back with a mini memo-pad which seemed like mine.

“Here!” she walked near extending it to me.

It was a mini pocket memo pad I kept with myself to write small one-liners I came up with sometimes as prompts for my songs, “Did I left it here?” I was taking a look at it, not sure if that was the recent one.

“When did you wrote the last one?” she asked, pointing her eyes to the memo-pad.

“Which one?” It had been 2 weeks, I didn’t had it with me. I thought I lost it in the recording room but it was apparently with her.

I wasn’t sure what exactly did she read? What had I wrote last?

I opened it to see the last written page. And it was a 4 lines prompt, I had wrote when I came to see her when she got ill last time.

“I wrote it here when I visited you last month” I agreed, reading it again.

“About me?” she was looking at me expecting a ‘yes’ ... And ofcourse it was a ‘yes’. I nodded in affirmation meeting her eyes, as I saw her blushing, “I see!"

"I thought so when I read it!” she mumbled, her face beaming with happiness now, staring at the memo-pad in my hands.

I was too scared that day, when she was not answering anyone's calls, and then when I reached here, she was in a bad condition, burning with fever, not even able to speak properly, weak & exhausted. 

After I made her sleep, after feeding her the food & medicines, there was a whole pool of thoughts forming in my mind then.

She was in front of my eyes sleeping peacefully, not even aware of how anxious I was after hearing no answer from her for almost 48 hrs, and then saw her suffering like that. I felt hurtful. 

The fear of her being in trouble, something bad happening to her, things like that came to my mind a lot in those hours of not able to reach her at all. And then, I again recognized how I wanted to be in her life as someone she wouldn't resist calling whenever she needs me.

Being her friend wasn't enough for me to feel at peace at such times, the urge of confessing would start developing then again.

That night was one of those nights, when I had so much on my mind, and being alone with her triggered the words inside to come on the paper, thinking about this beautiful word '안녕' which was quite fascinating to me since a while.

I connected it with how I needed to welcome some things and had to say farewell to some if Ryujin & I had a chance to be together ever. So it was all about us. Me & Ryujin. And how we can find our way to each other.

“When did you find this?” I landed myself on the couch reading it once again.

“Last week?” she said staring at me with a calm smile, “When I came back from your house that day" 

"I found it in my bedroom side-desk drawer” 

“Ah!" I smiled knowingly, when she was talking about the day of our confession.

“Do you want to complete the song together?” I asked, looking at her in anticipation, thinking of doing something interesting with the remaining part of poem together.

“Me?” she gasped in shock to my unexpected proposal, “I’m not even near to you”

“I think it will turn out better that way?” I urged, looking at her with a hope now, genuinely excited to try it.

She watched me with still some doubt lingering, “Do you really think so?”

“I’m quite confident” I tried pushing her confidence some more with my hopes rising now. 

I wanted to go back to the days when we read poems together in the old days.

“I can try a bit?" she shrugged her shoulders, "But don’t expect much from me” “You should be doing the more work here” She warned, folding her hands near her chest, looking at me forging a long smile.

I clapped my hands in enthusiasm, as I raised myself to stand, “Okay then!” 

“But I need a shower first" I smelled myself,

I had definitely sweated a lot today because of the dance practice & it was impossible to do anything more without a shower now.

“Yes?” she snapped at me, not expecting that coming forward.

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KimjjongR
I guess I'll be adding few more chapters to wrap this story nicely . Hope you're enjoying reading it!!

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