!grammatical errors ahead!

Sowon's POV

"We will definitely meet together again." Tears rolled my face as I pressed the 'post' button. I poured out every emotion I've been keeping to myself these past few days. I hugged my pillow and buried my face. Everything hurts. I feel my world crumbling. Sobs escaped my lips as I try hard to suppress my cry. I feel my throat and chest tightening.

I don't know if I posted that to assure buddies that GFRIEND will be back after some time, or if I posted that to assure myself the same thing. But I feel like I'm just giving false hopes to our fans. I know coming back as a whole group is hard, it's either a company will sign all 6 of us or we'll build our own company. I want that to happen, but maybe it's not the same for the other members. After all that had happened, the mistreatments, the disrespect... we're all scarred and we deserve some rest.

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Our contracts already ended and we have officially disbanded. I feel like a lot of things happened, though it's not as eventful as I thought it was. I have so many things to tell buddies but I don't want to worry them because they already had enough. We can't tell buddies everything even though I want to tell them how hard it is for us and how we had no choice. I feel sorry for them. I could've done better. I could've saved GFRIEND.

I know it's harder for buddies. They received an announcement, thinking it was good news, without knowing that it was about to break their hearts. The uncertainties are probably stressing them now too. We haven't opened up about what are we going to do now, because even we... we're still unsure of what to do next. I just want to take a break and spend more time with my family. Something I wasn't able to do for more than 10 years, since I started as a trainee. But a part of me says I should come back as an artist right away to at least make buddies feel at ease. I don't know if I should prioritize myself first, or the people I treasure the most.

The girls also decided to post the same thing on our own Instagram accounts. It was a photo of us at a crossroads with the caption, "GFRIEND Love Buddy, Love u always." It was simple but expressed our thoughts well. We know we can’t keep going as a group for now. Some things are still undecided but one thing’s for sure. We'll be prioritizing solo careers for the time being.

I'm now staying in my own unit. I bought this years ago but never had the chance to live here since I love living with my girls. I thought of living with my mom since she lives alone now after my sister got married, but it's kind of awkward for me because I've been living in a dorm for 7 years. So I just decided to visit her once a week now that I'm on hiatus.

These past few days, I'm just trying to clear my mind. I am currently under repair. Trying to find myself, heal myself, and take care of myself. I don't really go out of my condo. I just try to sleep all day. Sometimes, I go out to attend my Pilates sessions to at least clear my mind. I always feel like I need to do something to distract myself because staying put makes me think of the uncertainties.

I can't sleep and there are no good movies as of the moment. Since I got nothing to do to distract myself, I thought about what happened.

*flashback* May 22, 2021

I can't sleep, knowing that today is the day. Our last day before GFRIEND officially ends. I want to spend more time with buddies but I feel like posting at this time will make them feel overwhelmed. I opened my Twitter app and I saw on-going spaces by our Korean buddies. I joined one and listened to what are they up to. There are also international buddies there and some are helping translate what our domestic fans are saying. I can hear their laughs because of the language barrier they're trying to break. This space made me feel lighter and better.

I just realized that our fans are thinking that we've officially ended today. As usual, our buddies are acting like idiots. I decided to open Weverse and post something.

"Good night, sweet dreams, my loves." I posted that and immediately heard reactions in the space I'm currently tuning in. It's already late and we all should sleep already. Tomorrow is another day to brace. When I posted that, they finally realized that we still have today as GFRIEND.

The door opened and saw Sinb with Eunha. Their eyes and nose are read. I told them to come in and they immediately ran to my bed. Good thing my bed is big and fits three of us. Sinb is on my left side while Eunha on right. I hugged both them and they instantly snuggled in my arms.

"Let's sleep. Everything will be alright." I whispered and kissed their foreheads.

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"I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Don't cry, buddy." Funny how I'm telling them not to cry when I'm also crying. I hate this. We could've had a longer time to spend with each other as GFRIENDxBuddy. If that acquisition didn't happen, maybe we'll be spending more years with buddies, maybe this didn't happen. I'm tired but I can't seem to stop crying. My tears are continuously fall.

I went out of my room and joined the members in our living room. They're all crying just like me. We decided to spend this day together, to be each other's support system. All of us are busy with our phones.

"Buddies must be having it harder than us." All of us looked at Sinb after she said that. I nodded and checked my phone again. Silence enveloped us and we're all just blanky staring at the TV in front of us. I broke the silence and said something that broke all of us into tears.

"I love you, girls. Always and forever." They hugged me and we comforted each other.

Right now, our future is clouded in uncertainty but I know that we'll get through this as long as we're together.

*flashback ends* 

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I'm sorry if I just updated now and if there are errors. Again, this is just a product of my imagination. Comment your thoughts and tell me what to improve. I'll try to upload more frequently. See ya!