IN THE EYES of NO:ZE

VIEW (In the Eyes) | JUNGZE
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Jihye’s life used to be what everyone calls ‘normal’. She goes to different dance studios in and out of Seoul to either conduct or attend classes. It was simple back then, she could go around without much attention, or could spend time with her friends in a café or anywhere without anyone pulling their phones up to take unconsented pictures and videos of her. Now, wherever she goes, cameras are following her.

 

She used to dream about becoming famous but she wants that all because of her dancing skills, not by a viral video that people gushed over because of her looks. Those years of being told that she should be an idol or being asked why is she not an idol is haunting her once again. She did not spend hours upon hours of hard labor in practices, less sleep, and doubts from her own parents to be only recognized by her looks.

There were times that she hates having it, don’t get her wrong, she’s thankful that she was gifted by it because a lot of opportunities came knocking at her door thanks to that but she wished she’ll be known past her appearance, she wants her talent to be as known as her looks. A woman can wish, can’t she?

So when the message from the production director came talking about a survival show, she immediately grabbed the chance to make her wish come true. It’s a good opportunity and never pass a good one, she thought.

 

The line-up is no joke, most of the participants are the ones she considers her teachers or those who have such great resumes. One group that sticks out to her the most though was YGX. Yeojin is one of her few closest friends on top of being one of her dance class students and Leejung, their friendship somehow regressed back to being acquaintances but they had good months together. The younger has been so busy and Jihye could not even remember the last time they hung out. Despite her growing intimidation just by seeing the line-up, she found comfort knowing she has her teammates with her and some friends she could turn to in case things get so hard.

 

And indeed, things really had gotten so hard.

 

Jihye is a type of person who doesn’t really voice out much of her emotions, she tends to keep it all in as much as she could — afraid that she might cause inconvenience to others, after all, it’s not just her that has problems or struggling. So when things became too tough for her, when she can’t even win a single battle while her teammates won, she started doubting herself.

Ansso, being the person who can really read her after years of having tight-knit friendship began comforting her. She badly needed one but no words can remove the black magnets signifying her failures stuck right against their group name. She doesn’t have any battles left but some of her teammates still do so if she can’t be a leader that wins battles, then she’ll be a leader that will be supporting and cheering for her teammates.

 

 

The taping resumes, a few battles after, a few more wins and losses for their team, it has finally come down to the final battle and Leejung became the final battler of their team. Jihye has been a long fan of Leejung’s style, not to mention how both fluid and sharp the younger one is at dancing. Just 23 years old — standard age — and Leejung is on a whole different level than any of the choreographers around her age, or any choreographers really. She admires her resilience, her courage, her bravery, her imagination, her sharpness, and her ability to come up with mesmerizing movements after just hearing a few beats of the song. She’s convinced that this woman knows all the songs out there because there is in no hell way for someone to dance and also sing the song as if it was pre-planned.

Just like she had expected, Leejung won making her team the very first team to become an overall winner. She was also unbeatable that day, truly a monster. A leader that can be relied on, she aspired to be one because right now, she isn’t.

 

The taping finally ended and they all retreated to their respective waiting rooms.

Yeojin and Leejung came in shortly after, they’re probably there to check in on her, Jihye is pretty sure they are just trying to comfort her after having a bad day in the battle arena but she’s honest with her words, it’s just the beginning and she will do everything she can so this won’t happen to her again. One damage to her ego and confidence is enough to make her strive even harder, and to become better.

 

Jihye wasn’t sure why the youngest in the room was very silent, the Leejung she knew was talkative, very extroverted, an exact opposite of her but that’s nowhere to be found. So she tried to strike a conversation with her, Leejung’s voice cracked followed by flushing pair of cheeks which she finds very endearing but the youngest quickly regressed back to just listening. Maybe Leejung finds it uncomfortable, of course, it has been a while since they last hung out.

Maybe that’s the reason why so Jihye ignored the weird and unexplainable churn in her stomach.

 

Being in competition with veteran, seasoned, and well respective choreographers is bound to be bloody especially to someone like her who is still making a name for herself. She knows that her choreography was only chosen because it’s simple, and by simple means, they could easily take the main dancer’s position off of her. Was she scared? Heck, she was but she told herself that if she keeps that attitude, she won’t last here so she fought for it.

She made it.

There were instances that intimidation by the other leaders was slowly eating her up but she is very thankful that Leejung was there. The youngest would come in for practices with a huge and infectious smile on her face. Not to mention that she has somehow already built a relationship with others, she is that easy to get along with. Jihye wasn’t sure if Leejung noticed her being overwhelmed with tension and pressure from others but she’d suddenly strike a joke and that bomb impending to explode would shut off totally.

She’s very thankful to her for that.

Leejung would also encourage her, would tell her that she’s doing amazing and great. It may seem nothing to Leejung but it meant so much to Jihye. To have someone who believes in her, someone whom she can finally lean on when things are getting hard is something she treasures the most. Needless to say, that mission became bearable to her because of Leejung. If it wasn’t for the younger’s constant cheer, those beautiful smiles, and infectious laughs, she’d probably had already broken down.

 

Came the next mission, Jihye already knew it’s going to be hard for their team because out of all teams that they are going to go up against, it had to be the most experienced group, the one being led by the most respected dancer, choreographer, and teacher in their community.

She tried her hardest not to get intimidated, after all, she is the leader of her group and she can’t crumble just like that, but the difference in experience — and maybe their ability too — is so obvious. The mission exposed a lot of what she lacks as a leader, and as a choreographer. She already knows all that but being beaten in a landslide victory was a huge slap, they can’t even give them a close fight. She gritted her teeth until the end, she knows their team is going to be at the brink of elimination.

 

It would be a lie if she’d say she expected their team to be chosen to battle against another well-seasoned team because she honestly didn’t. She thought YGX would somehow spare them this time out of personal relationships but they didn’t. Despite all that occupying her thoughts and a whole different set of insecurities, she knows how Leejung and Yeojin’s minds work when it comes to this. You would always want to eliminate a group that knows how to be a problem and adjust in a long run, Jihye is fully aware that her team is capable of doing that, they may be a rookie group but their resilience will always come up whenever it’s needed — or at least that’s what she’s trying to convince herself.

 

Despite being a rookie group, they tried their hardest and best to fight so they could still stay in the game but the experiences and abilities are too far from one another — they were the first team to be eliminated. It broke her heart to be sent home this early because she knows that their team has a lot of things to offer, she felt robbed of the opportunities that her teams could do and show.

But that’s the reality for you, everyone wants to survive and whoever can adapt quickly will stay, they weren’t able to do it so they need to pack up.

 

Jihye tried her best not to crumble on the battlefield, leaving a promise that their team will not stop and will continue to improve but the moment they nestled back in their room, she started crying. All she could ever say at that moment were gratitude and apologies, gratitude for putting up with her, gratitude for fighting until the very end, apologies for not being enough, for not being able to lead them to victory, and for not being able to make their stay longer as they had planned. It , being the first team to leave, . All she wanted is to prove to people that she’s far beyond her face, she wanted to prove it through this show but ended up leaving so early.

 

 

All the other teams started pouring in and comforts them, one of the things she would definitely miss would be their growing bond because when the cameras were off, when they’re off the stage — they are friends, they shared a bond only they could experience in the show. Jihye continued to cry, Rozalin came in and started telling her that she did great, that she was amazing, that this should not be the basis of who she is as a dancer, that there’s a life beyond this show, that she had proven her abilities far more than she thought she did — her choreography was a staple move of the show, it went viral.

Jihye felt Leejung’s presence standing behind Rozalin, she had no idea why but she wanted to hear something from the younger, encouragement perhaps? Assurance one last time? She’s not sure what it is but she just wants to hear her voice, or at least be a receiver of Leejung’s touch but none of that happened. She would be lying if she’d say she wasn’t disappointed because she is, she thought they are already back to being friends, like a talking-matter-stage kind of friends but guess it was all in her head.

 

 

Jihye and her team went on their lives, getting bombarded by fans, teaching dance lessons, being part of celebrities’ dancer crew and Jihye having projects of her own, here and there. As her life continues and became just another watcher of the show, she would always make sure she has nothing to do during the broadcast. She’d watch very avidly as any other fan would.

 

The survival show pretty much occupies the majority of the time of the remaining teams but Leejung still somehow has so much time to participate in choreographing two songs by one of the hottest artists in the world. Of course, Jihye watches music shows whenever she has time and finds herself looking forward to one specific stage — to see Leejung. Those cat-like and charismatic eyes would always grab her attention, not sure why but it’s very attractive.

 

WANT soon followed their footsteps and by then, she started rooting for YGX — being the only group that is new and has a short time being as a group was one of the reasons why. As the show continues, she witnessed Leejung’s growth as a leader and choreographer. She did not even doubt that Leejung’s choreography for Cold Blooded would be chosen. She had seen the advanced clips like everyone else and YGX’s not only fit the song but the attention to detail that Leejung put in in terms of Jessi’s placement and movements were immaculate. Once again, proving everyone that she’s really in fact being on a pedestal of her own.

Just being 23 years old and leading number of dancers, the majority being older than her, was no doubt a feat Leejung has. Very charismatic, no hesitation, and no signs of being intimidated, Leejung took her leadership to a whole new level. She directed that performance video so effortlessly and with no regard for anything but the absolute perfection of the output.

 

 

The next elimination came and unfortunately, YGX is one of the teams that need to battle for survival. Leejung remains unbeatable in a 1 vs 1 battle. She easily outsmarted and outperformed her opponent with a smile never leaving her face. But that’s the end of it.

When it was time for YGX to leave the show, Jihye tried on multiple occasions to meet up with them, Leejung and Yeojin, but in all those times, Leejung is nowhere to be found. The reasons would either be too busy or she has prior appointments that she already had agreed on before Jihye sent them an invitation.

It would be a lie if she’d say she wasn’t disappointed because she is. Leejung back then would never say no, despite her busy schedules, she would always find time to meet up with her. Jihye doesn’t want to think that Leejung must’ve been avoiding her, she cannot think of any reason for the younger to do so but something is absolutely bugging her. What it is? She absolutely has no idea.

 

 

Leejung probably thought she was slick enough with those subtle avoidance during the pre-recorded performance of their Hey Mama Halloween Version and during the live show, she was dead wrong. Jihye noticed all that. It’s slowly getting on her nerves, honestly.

She wanted to ask Leejung about it but she thought, maybe she’s just overthinking or overanalyzing so she held back her tongue. So when the show finally ended and their calendars are being jam-packed with guesting gigs one after another, Jihye finds herself looking forward to some of those because she’ll have a chance to finally see Leejung personally.

 

Most of these gigs, she has to share Leejung’s time and attention with the other leaders which obviously adore the youngest and Jihye isn’t the type of person who voices out her want to sit beside the youngest so she would always find herself stepping back and having one or more chairs away from Leejung but when one variety show guesting finally gave her the chance to be in the same 4-women line up with Leejung, she was ready to tell the production director to have her sit beside Leejung. Turns out she doesn’t have to, their sitting arrangement is going to be from oldest to youngest, the oldest being near the female host.

Was she glad? Yes.

Was she pleased? Absoinglutely.

 

 

 

As an introvert and reserved by nature, being put on the spot is one of her worst nightmares but just like when the survival show was still ongoing, Leejung immediately encourages and comforts her. Those giggles and smiles would set her at ease. Jihye had no idea how much she had missed that until that moment, she did something embarrassing and less impressive than what the youngest did but it was bearable because — well, as redundant as this is — of Leejung.

 

 

Comes the interview segment, instead of facing the host, her head would constantly turn to look at the person sitting to her left side. Not sure why, or maybe because she hasn’t been this close to Leejung for quite a while, also not to mention, Leejung’s new perfume is something she likes.

There’s a part of Monika’s interview that moved Jihye very deeply, it’s about her friendship with Lip J. Monika became too hard on herself, sought growth, and wanted to become a better dancer, choreographer, and person just so she could proudly call herself Lip J’s friend — after all, Lip J is amazing, a pro battler who won multiple local and international battles, a living waacking legend, and is very recognized by her talent.

It made Jihye realize something, for her to be able to call herself Leejung’s friend, to be able to stay her friend, to be in Leejung’s circle for a long time, she needs to be like Monika. Leejung, at such a young age, achieved so much, a name being a brand of its own in the dancing community, an unbelievable resume, and an experienced dance competitor — Jihye finally made up her mind, she will be a person that Leejung will be proud enough to call as her friend.

She’ll do it as quietly as possible. She’ll strive to reach that goal.

 

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justmusings
VIEW will be updated once a week, preferably Sundays but who knows, I might update it asap. LOL

Comments

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xrysiryakff #1
Chapter 4: i’ve read this story more times then i could count, this can’t be the end????
TwiceBlackVelvetZy
#2
Chapter 4: Wait what....this is the end???
AFbMZ89 #3
Chapter 3: Is this really the end…. Why authornim. Continue this please. Don’t leave us hanging like this.
Leejung3 #4
Chapter 3: Finnalyyy, been waiting and why you hang us like thiiss
Atheistmoo #5
Chapter 3: Thanks for your update. Merry Christmas everyone
akrr1997 #6
Chapter 3: Why do you leave us hanging like that TT. Looking forward to the collection!
holyminjeongina
#7
Chapter 3: You left me heartbroken authornim pls take responsibility 😩
mcdoketchup #8
Chapter 3: Such a cliffhanger 🥲 thank you for the story!
holyminjeongina
#9
Chapter 2: Update please 😭💖
holyminjeongina
#10
Chapter 2: Update please 😭💖