With the exception of important holidays, we don’t see our other friends very often. After graduating, they moved on with their lives elsewhere, and there are days when I really ing miss them.

So, sometime in the past, we came up with a way to stay in touch. And what was that, you ask?

Boardgame night.

Oh yeah. It was totally self-explanatory. A bunch of adults getting together to play board games coupled with alcoholic beverages.

Yes, it was as bad as it sounded. Most of our games stayed PG-13, but when they didn’t. Oh boy. was so wild.

Our last board game night hadn’t been for a while because things happened. And by that, I meant Sehun and his forever girlfriend ending it right there.

It was so awkward because it’d been snowing outside. None of us could go anywhere. We were stuck with the pissed couple who broke up over a ing game.

I mean, okay, fine, it was probably deeper than that. There were probably some internal issues running rampant. Sehun’s ex-girlfriend was friendly, but she was never our friend.

Other than what was required, I don’t think she liked us very much. Always thought that we were a weird bunch. To be fair, we were just kind of scholarly, and maybe that’s why she felt left out half of the time.

None of us shamed her for not finishing college. She wanted to become a hairdresser, and for the longest time, Sehun was super supportive. He told her that she might even be their breadwinner, but that was a bluff. The boy was graduating to become a software engineer for ’s sake.

He was going to make six figures right out of college.

Apparently, she wanted to go out with her friends, and she wanted Sehun to tag along. But he wanted to attend board game night because he hadn’t seen Irene, Seulgi, Jongin, Kyungsoo, or even Taeyong in a hot minute.

She gave in because he made a fair point of going with her last time. But that didn’t mean she was happy.

She sat sullenly in the corner, pissed at the entire world. Sehun did his best to make her happy, but she wasn’t having it.

Eventually, her mood affected his, and so he ended up drinking a lot. But since Sehun could rival Winter with their alcohol tolerance, he was fine and dandy. His girlfriend nagged him to stop, and he exploded and told her that he was done putting up with her .

The rest of us got fairly quiet. Taeyong and Baekhyun who were in the midst of their intense monopoly war even stopped to stare, and trust me, nothing stopped them.

When Baekhyun and I were still together, he used to babble after drinking too much about winning the next game, whatever game, against Taeyong. Those two were the most competitive of our bunch. It didn’t help that Taeyong was a math major and that Baekhyun was some sort of a genius himself.

Anyway, rivalry aside, Irene, the eldest and the one with most common sense, got up to separate the two of them.

Irene and her girlfriend split the couple and talked privately to each one. Thankfully, everything cooled down but what was done was done.

They were going to stay broken up.

So, after that night, no one brought up board game night for a time.

But time went on and I missed those ers. I wondered about them a lot, so I got up the nerve to text the entire group and when everyone commented their availability, it, I made plans for the night, and everyone RSVPed.

Even my ex-boyfriend.

Honestly, I didn’t care that he was gonna be there. I wasn’t small-minded, and he always got along with everybody else. They accepted him before, and just because things didn’t work out between us didn’t mean I was going to make him go back to being alone and isolated.

Hell, I lived with him. If he bothered me that much, I would’ve moved out on that first day.

Anyway, Kyungsoo and Jongin brought disposable silverware and plates. They were godsend because doing dishes was not ing fun after a party.

Irene and Seulgi brought more alcohol.

And Winter and Sehun weren’t complaining despite loading us with different types of booze already.

“So, how’s everything going?” I strike up a conversation with Taeyong as we’re setting up the game selection.

Taeyong had briefly caught me up on his life. He was doing great and was so close to finishing his master’s in math.

Bless his heart. Differentials and the hundred different kinds of geometry made my head want to split open. I had to applaud him for his continued working brain.

But it wasn’t about school that I wanted to know. He knew exactly what I meant.

He smiles like he does when I bring up his daughter. “She’s growing up so quickly.”

Two years ago, he met someone. They were pretty committed but then he quickly found out that she still had feelings for her ex-husband. Things ended amicably between them, but not until she informed him that she was pregnant.

I liked his ex, and she was really awesome about letting him see his daughter. It must be hard for him to be away from her right now, but he didn’t look too bothered about it.

“I bet,” I comment, “how old is she now?”

“Aya’s fourteen months and three days,” he answers.

I snort. “You couldn’t be a normal person and tell me she was one?”

Taeyong sends me a dirty look. “Shut up, Danny.”

“You’re like a new mom. Jesus. You sure you weren’t the one pregnant?” I ask, poking his enviously flat stomach.

He jerks away from me, swatting. Some things really never changed about our friendship. I loved him. Truly and honestly. He was one of my best friends.

“You’re a changed man now,” I joke, “you remember those days when we would drink all night until we were living on the toilet for the next two days?”

Taeyong’s smile is tamed and kind of wistful when he reminisces. “. We were so ing reckless.”

“It was college, and now you’re a freaking dad with an almost master’s degree,” I murmur, kind of stunned how far we’ve grown. We were no longer young adults with our heads between our asses.

Some of us had careers and children. It was weird, seeing your friends grow up and live their lives.

He nudges me affectionately, setting down the twister mat. “Okay, get this, my little girl said ‘da da’ just yesterday. Her mom called me, and I was in the middle of teaching my class, right? So, I left the classroom in a rush, thinking it was some emergency, but then I heard Aya talking. I started tearing up and before I knew it, I was crying like a baby.”

I laugh. “That’s so sweet. You have to bring her. I haven’t seen her since she was a preemie.”

He promises that he will, and our conversation diminishes when he leaves to get a drink.

Later, we do a vote, and surprisingly the majority wanted twister.

Baekhyun and I were the only ones with disgusted faces. It’s not that I hated twister, but I wanted to finally beat Baekhyun at Clue.

That wasn’t happening tonight because we were all strapped up for twister.

We were playing in two’s, and we drew sticks for teams.

We were playing tournament-style with a drawing board and everything. None of us took game night lightly. There was a monetary prize after all. You put broke college students together with money, that’s a disaster waiting to happen.

And honestly, I was still sulking over the fact that Seulgi laughed at my face when I showed her who my teammate was.

Being the odd man out, she decided to sit out to be our referee.

Taeyong and Jongin were paired. Then, it was Irene and Kyungsoo. Sehun and Winter.

So that left me and…you guessed it. My scowling ex-boyfriend.

Look. I’m not too happy about this either, but he didn’t need to look at me like I was the antichrist.

“Hey, look on the bright side,” Kyungsoo tells me, “I’ll treat you to food with the reward money.”

We all put a twenty in the pool and decided to split sixty-to-forty for first place and second place.

I make a face at him. “I hate you.”

“Don’t be a sore loser,” he jokes, patting my arm.

We were up for the second game. Right now, it was between Sehun-Winter and Taeyong-Jongin.

Sehun and Winter were doing really well. They staked a claim on most of the mat, pushing Taeyong and Jongin to the edge. We already knew who would win, so it wasn’t a surprise when Jongin finally fell on his with a cool smile and a nonchalant shrug.

“Don’t take it personally, Soo. She might push you over before we start,” Baekhyun chirps, smiling like he hadn’t just insulted me.

True to his words, I do end up shoving someone, but it wasn’t our enemy.

Baekhyun snorts, rubbing the spot where I’d put my hands on. “We’re on the same team, smalls.”

“You guys are making this too easy for us,” Irene chuckles, eyeing our already falling apart team spirit.

I roll my eyes and decide to chug a generous portion of the vodka bottle for good measure. I couldn’t guarantee that my partner would come out unscathed. I might accidentally bury him before the night ended or something.

Kyungsoo and Baekhyun play rock, paper, scissors to decide which team would go first. Kyungsoo won, so Seulgi called out their directions.

Right hand, yellow.

Kyungsoo and Irene are still on the outside with their right hand resting on yellow circles.

It’s our turn now, and Baekhyun and I attempt to stay as far away from each other as possible.

Some would say, we were far from feeling camaraderie.

The game goes on longer than I expect. Irene has killer balance from her youth as a gymnast. Kyungsoo’s smart, so he gets in easy positions and avoids traps.

At this point, their significant others are egging them on, and Baekhyun and I are the underdogs.

Baekhyun has a smug look on his face when he reaches as far as he can with his free leg. I feel his thigh brush against my calves, but for the sake of sportsmanship, I don’t shove him away from me. Besides, maybe I’d go as far as lying to everybody else, but I felt electric sparks zap up my spine like nobody’s business.

I quickly blamed it on touch deprivation and moved on.

Kyungsoo wavers when he’s left with no choice but to place his left palm on the only red circle available within his distance.

He collides with Baekhyun’s shoulder and falls over.

I cheer and unbeknownst to me, grin at my worst archenemy who is weirdly grinning back at me.

Only until I realize what I’m doing and I release myself from my awkward position on fours. I withdraw from him, scooting to sit near Winter.

She grabs my arm and says, “I’m sorry, babes, but our friendship may be up in flames after this game. I’m not getting paid until next week, and I really need a manicure.”

I laugh at her, glancing at her acrylics. “Thanks, I’ll be sure to get one when I win.”

She scowls. “You don’t need it.”

“You don’t either,” I tease.

“Okay, , it’s on. Sehun, you better squeeze your goddamn core like your life depends on it,” Winter quips with her game face on.

Sehun proceeds to . He was maybe half-serious about the game. He was only in it for the fun and not really the prize.

Apparently, Winter and Sehun have great ing telepathy because they’ve pushed us into a corner similarly to the first game they played.

Baekhyun and I literally have no other choice because somehow, the gods are on their side.

We’re mid-game, and the next color and direction is left foot, blue.

He releases a deep groan and whispers to me, “move your foot to where I was.”

I nod, surprisingly following his direction well and not bashing heads like I thought we would. I do as he says, and we’re safe.

Until we’re not.

I stiffen, feeling him kick a leg over my right one. My is literally in the worst place possible right now.

Holy ing .

“Stop moving,” he hisses.

I squint at him, however that’s possible without breaking my neck. “Then, stop getting hard,” I retaliate, bumping into him.

“I’m—“ He cuts himself off, probably embarrassed.

Winter and Sehun are looking quite proud of themselves. Motherers. They did this on purpose. Those masterminds.

I flip them off and dish out colorful insults. Meanwhile, they’re laughing their asses off.

Baekhyun is not happy because he’s as still as a rock. I sigh, feeling his stomach flat and hard against my upper back. What the hell were we doing?

“Hey, do you mind?” I snark.

“Shut your mouth,” he snaps.

I bite back a laugh. Oh, I lived for his misery. “I didn’t say anything.”

“You were about to,” he says quietly. We’re still talking amongst ourselves as Sehun and Winter get into position.

“I totally get it. Some people can’t help it,” I mock.

The round is amped up when we get our next directions. Our positions are even more inappropriate than before, and he’s literally on top of me, hot mouth breathing down my neck.

I try not to think too much of it. I was fine in the department. I mean, it’s been a while, but I was satiated with my toys.

But still, there was something so undeniably eye-opening about this. And it severely proved the point that maybe this wasn’t just touch deprivation because my skin continues to react the same way to him. All buzzy and tingly wherever he touched me, whether on accident or purposeful.

I bit down on my lip real hard to keep from making choked noises because every time his chest expanded, I could feel him closer for a brief second.

Which shouldn’t have bothered me that much because we were broken up and—

Well, naturally, I would assume that I was no longer attracted to him. But I guess that was what was so eye-opening about being so close to him.

I still was. Kind of.

Okay, that was a lie. I wasn’t going to be able to sleep tonight after feeling his weight on mine.

We lose to Winter and Sehun, the night wraps up with everyone settling to a sleeping spot.

Kyungsoo and Jongin took the couch. The rest of the girls took to one room, and Taeyong bunked in with Sehun and Baekhyun.

I brushed him off as best as I could, and things were normal again between us the next day. So I really thought that was it. The confusing event of my body reacting to him. I thought we were never going to address it again, and our weird ually charged energy would stay underneath the surface, hopefully forever.

###

“Stop moving,” I croak, blindly batting at whoever keeps touching me.

It didn’t make matters easier that I was currently suffering from the worst hangover of my life. I hadn’t out or anything, but maybe I shouldn’t have chugged straight vodka.

My life choices , and currently, I was facing the consequences.

Just like this person would if they didn’t stop moving around.

I struggle to move away, but I’m literally trapped. Dazed and confused, I attempt to pry my eyes open, groaning when I indeed confirm that today would be the worst day to ever exist.

“Win?” I ask, patting the person beside me.

We were tangled in a complicated pretzel situation. I blow out a breath, my expression going soft a split second. I was passed the days of waking up to no-named anonymous guys and scrambling to the nearest clinic to test for STIs.

Besides, whoever this was, they were my friend.

At least, I’d hoped so. I blink, slowly realizing that we were in the bathroom. A bathtub to be exact.

How I ended up in this position—I will never know.

I try to push back the fog of my hangover and attempt to remember the events that unfurled last night.

We played twister. Settled into our sleeping arrangements. I needed to go pee, so I stumbled into the bathroom.

I guess that explains the bathtub, but I’m still racking my brain for information about this person beside me.

Squinting, I lift my neck, kind of scared I’d break it if I pushed too hard. “Hey,” I whisper, not sure why I felt the need to pat this person down. “I need to pee. Do you mind?”

I hear a soft groan. Kind of familiar. I confirm that it’s a guy, and with that first step, I deduct who it could be.

He jerks a little in an attempt to get away from me but fails and we end up squished and sprawled in the tub.

“Ow,” I release, feeling a sharp tug of my strands from being stuck under his arm.

He lifts his arm slowly and carefully. “Better?”

I nod, about to answer when it hits me. I finally recognize the voice. “What the—“

“Do I wanna know what I’m doing here?” Baekhyun asks, lying weirdly still and very much resigned.

I want to die. This is the last person I’d hoped for it to be. “Don’t make it sound like I drugged you and dragged you here.”

He sighs, using his free arm to push his fingers through his disheveled hair. I don’t know how he does it, he’s really ing attractive when doing trivial tasks. I decided then and there that I have completely lost my mind.

Still, he doesn’t try to move or do anything to detangle us.

“For someone who hates me, you look pretty comfortable,” I comment, lifting my chin to glance at him.

Baekhyun snorts, “I can hate you later on when my head doesn’t feel like it’s being set on fire.”

I’m not sure why his admission brings a tiny pang of hurt, but it does anyway. He must see it because his cold expression softens drastically.

“I don’t hate you,” he tells me in the midst of silence. I’m not sure why he did it. Or why he thought he needed to clarify. But there is some part of me that feels relieved?

And I think that terrifies me because I don’t dislike it.

My mouth dries, and I swallow, the feeling as pleasant as swallowing cotton balls. “You don’t?”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “I don’t hate anyone.”

I make a face.

“Okay, fine, there are people that deserve it, but you’re not included. Satisfied?”

His honesty makes my stomach churn. My perception of him has been shaky from yesterday and right now?

I’m utterly confused, and I don’t like feeling like this. Like the rug’s been yanked under my feet. Like he’s breaking out of the narrative that I’ve sheathed over him in order to cope.

Still, I know that he’s telling the truth because I’m not sure I hate him either. Maybe I’m a little disgruntled and some days he irritates me more than normal. But it wasn’t like I actively wanted to perform a blood ritual on him.

“Okay,” I whisper uselessly. What’s a girl supposed to say when the person who bothers her the most lays down his weapons?

I feel awkward. He feels awkward.

So he asks, “you’ve gotten a little heavier?”

“So what if I have?”

His little laugh resonates where he’s touching me, giving me happy tingles. Nope. Bad tingles. And then he says, “there you are.”

“You’re despicable,” I snap, pretending that he doesn’t affect me at all. Anger is always easier to hide behind. I know. I’m being such a coward, but here I am, still lying in this tiny bathtub with him.

“I wasn’t serious, Dandelion. If anything, your bones are seriously puncturing my flesh.”

I elbow him, satisfied when I hear him yelp.

“I will never understand how you have so much energy in the goddamn morning,” he mumbles under his breath.

I glare at him. “You didn’t complain when you were blowing your load in my face when I—“ I pause, catching myself before I finish a sentence that I surely do not want to finish. I’m a ing idiot.

He releases a strangled sound from his throat, and I’m suddenly restless.

“Quit jostling,” he insists, “you’re going to knee me in the balls.”

When I don’t listen, courtesy of nerves, he somehow uses my body weight to pin me against him. I let out a breathy sound, and he tightens his arm, basically caging me.

“I told you to stop, didn’t I?” He says it into my ear like it’d been personal to him.

Chills zig-zag down my spine, and it’s obvious I have no other choice unless I wanted to out myself.

I stop my struggling, feeling a flush of warmth extend from my toes to my head. Holy . When was the last time I felt some sort of excitement other than getting a p-value below the alpha level?

I couldn’t tell you, and I couldn’t tell you why I suddenly went from avoiding him like the black plague to wanting to put my mouth all over him again.

All this time, I thought that we were done. I thought that there was nothing left. And I was okay with it.

Nothing like Winter said. I wasn’t jealous or anything. He just brought over the loudest, most air-headed booty calls, and when I see him smile at them all innocent and charming, it filled me with a rage that I never knew I was capable of.

“Hey, you alive?”

I didn’t realize I’d zoned out when he shakes me.

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna vomit though—“

I don’t get to finish my sentence because he suddenly lifts me with superhuman strength, and I’m gently set down in front of the toilet, feeling cold air brush the back of my neck.

And it hits me that he's the one holding my hair back.

Look. This information confuses me and overwhelms me like you don’t even know.

And when I do throw up, he gives me back rubs with his other hand.

I hate that it wakes the ancient flutters in the pit of my stomach.

“Are you feeling better?” He asks, glancing quickly at my puke to check if there was anything concerning.

I nod stiffly, staring ahead into blank space.

“I’m gonna get you some Tylenol. Do you think you can wait a little bit?”

My head is in absolute chaos from his words and what they might insinuate still about us, and when he’s gone, all I can do is let out a shaky breath.

It really makes me wonder if our fallout was all me.

###

I hate men. I hate their stupid, ancient patriarchal paradigms especially when it’s in the form of your professor calling you into his office and telling you in his most -ish, non-committal, sociopathic, calm idyllic voice that he couldn’t guarantee a second position in the program for you.

I don’t need to check the time to know that I’ve been sitting on my in front of the math building for maybe an hour.

To answer your question, I did have class. My students were probably wondering where the hell I was. I’ve never been late once. On top of that, I graded all of their assignments in a timely manner. Hell, I’ve dedicated my entire ing soul to plumping up my resume.

So as I’m sitting here, fuming and shaking, all I can think about is my entire life up to this point.

I hardly cry, and courtesy of my ex-boyfriends, they’ll even tell you of my clean track record.

So, yes, it ing surprises me that I’m choked up right now. So beyond pissed, yet I have no one to blame. I’d already known that being a woman in the STEM field was hard.

It didn’t help when there were still men with ego problems, and if you were somewhat intelligent, they felt attacked.

My breathing comes out shallow as I try to hold back angry sobs. I’m so ing done with this.

I should’ve known something was up when I was the only one called to the meeting. There was not a sign of Baekhyun. Not even a hair. Our professor must’ve really hated me because I didn’t see him informing a certain somebody.

Throughout the meeting, I’d been so stunned that I’d sat through the entire thing staring at the chair Baekhyun usually sat on. I’d been so bitter—still am, but I couldn’t help the resentment toward him that boiled up in the pit of my stomach.

Was it his fault that he was favored?

My logical side knew that he was merely born and benefitted from the system, but my petty side wanted him to go missing. Was I possibly being selfish?

I mean, I’ve literally spent so much time kissing our professor’s and it’s all been for nothing. I have never felt so hopeless in my life.

“Hey.”

It takes me a hot second to realize that someone is addressing me. To be fair, I could mope for a million years and still not be done with it.

Eventually, I blink out of my stupor and glance at the person to my left.

“Can I sit?” He points to the empty spot beside me on the bench.

I release a heavy sigh, totally not directed at him. “Suit yourself.”

“You okay?” He asks once he settles onto the bench.

I’m not sure I want to have this conversation with a stranger, so I keep silent.

He clears his throat, smiling nervously. “Listen, uh, you’re one of Professor Stevens’ right?”

I must have a face on because he falters. “Yeah, I am,” I admit, putting him out of his misery. “What about it?”

He shakes his head. “We held a department-wide meeting, and I was there. The professors were discussing the doctorate positions. I heard what happened from my professor.”

I stare at him, suddenly wary of his motives. “Okay?”

He pats my shoulder. “I don’t know. You looked like you wanted to talk to someone.”

“I don’t know you.”

“Still. I’d be easier to talk to, right?”

I swallow. Maybe he has a point. I wasn’t going to tell any of my friends. We were all going to graduate soon, and some of them already had jobs lined up. I couldn’t dampen the mood. I wouldn’t.

He smiles when he sees my shoulders relax. “So…”

I nod silently. “I’m not paying you for my therapy session.”

“On me,” he says, “it’ll be a date…or therapy if the former scares you.”

I snort. “What’s your name, buddy?”

His smile deepens, and I notice he has dimples. “You can call me Chanyeol.”

“Chanyeol,” I mouth to myself. Offering him a small smile, I ask, “where do I meet you?”

“How about the coffee shop across campus? On Monday at noon?”

###

I normally don’t go home, but today’s Friday, and I’ve had a really ty day.

Before John Hopkins, I lived in Annapolis which is about forty minutes of commute. I’d grown up in Maryland my entire life, so it made sense to attend college in-state.

Growing up, it was only Mom and me. We don’t really talk about my father or you know, his lack of presence.

He hasn’t paid child support since I turned eighteen, and he hasn’t reached out to me either. More like ever.

Since I don’t really know him, it wasn’t like I hated him for it or anything.

Mom had me when she was in college. Twenty-two at most. That’s where they met, and I guess he just wasn’t ready for commitment.

That’s probably the only thing I have in common with him which is ed up in a sense. But, hey, it did make a hell of a good college essay that got me into John Hopkins. So who was I to complain?

Besides, I didn’t need a father when Mom did both roles. She’s amazing, and she’s probably the reason why I aspired to pursue higher education. It was something that she wanted to do but because she had me, she could only get an undergraduate degree.

We weren’t swimming in money or anything, but she made decent money as a real estate agent.

Between the two of us, we lived within our means, and I’d known ahead of time that graduate school would be all me.

“Baby?” The sound of my mom’s familiar voice sends a flutter of warmth down my belly, and when she opens the door, I immediately tear up.

“Hi, Mom,” I mumble.

She’s in her late-forties but her looks say otherwise. Her long, black hair curls down her back and she’s wrinkle-less. I guess that means I still have a few good years left in me.

I leap into her arms when she opens them, basking in the smell of citrus and mint. She’s used the same shampoo since I was little, and the quell of nostalgia is what makes me sniffle.

Mom patiently sits me down and lets me cry for a good half-hour before she lays down the questions.

Starting with…my ex-boyfriend.

My expression gave it all away. Then again, I’ve never been able to hide anything from her. Moms were psychics.

“You’re not truly angry at him, sweetheart,” she surmises.

Big fat tears roll down my face when I nod. “I mean—yeah, besides our ty breakup, he hasn’t done anything to warrant it.”

Mom brings me in for a hug, patting my back. “You’re upset because something else happened, and he’s collateral.”

It honestly feels like there isn’t enough oxygen in the world because trying to speak after a meltdown is literally impossible. Still, I press through. “Our professor called me in today. He told me there’s only one position left.”

I don’t need to finish because she can fill in the blanks herself. Besides my best friends, Mom knows everything there is to know about my life. I admit, it isn’t the healthiest boundaries, but she just understands. “I’m so sorry,” she laments, running her hand through my hair.

“I feel like I wasted s-so much time, and I can’t afford that. If I wasn’t so caught up on getting a PhD, maybe I would’ve made a backup plan. Say that I graduate, how am I gonna pay everything back?”

The admission sends another wave of fear through me. . I’d never admitted this to anybody else, and when you say things out loud like this, it makes everything so…final.

“You can always move back home. It isn’t the end of the world—“

I shake my head. “And have you take care of me—again? What kind of daughter is so useless as an adult?”

She sighs. “Enough of this self-deprecation.” Her words are stern when she continues, “you’ll always be my baby. I don’t care how old you are. We tough it out. We always have.”

I nod, tightly squeezing her. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. What are you sorry for? You’ve never disappointed me.”

“Really?” I sniff.

She chuckles. “Well, maybe except for all those pregnancy scares, but technicalities, am I right?”

I laugh, feeling infinitely better than I have in ages. God. I one-hundred-percent love this woman to death.

###

March 6, 2022

Winter: you okay?

Sehun: Dude, where tf u been?

Baekhyun: call me

###

After today, I vowed to never frequent this shop ever. I literally had to have been cursed or something.

The beginning of the date was good. As someone who's been on numerous dates with guys, some I’ve dated, some not, I was a good judge of character.

Chanyeol didn’t have red flags or anything, but I guess I felt lukewarm toward him. He wasn’t ugly, first of all. But there was nothing about him that set me off.

I accidentally compared him to Baekhyun, and that was my first mistake, not counting the location of our date.

Twenty minutes in, speaking of the devil, I spot him in the queue. My heart literally dropped straight to the bottom of my stomach. . . .

I know I was probably overreacting. I didn’t have anything to hide after all. Going on a date with someone wasn’t particularly illegal. But why the hell was he here? At this time. Out of all places that he could be?

Fate had to be kidding me. I was going to throat-punch the out of it.

There was literally no point in hiding because like some supernatural voodoo magic, he turned around and spotted me in the corner with Chanyeol.

Did he look amused? Nope.

Did he look like he wanted to kill me? Yes.

Did he look like he was coming over? ing yes.

By the time Baekhyun closes the distance between us, I’m so intensely irked by seeing him that it's obvious my expression was fueling his annoyance. It wasn’t the first time I had a guy in front of him, but this was more than bump and dump.

Chanyeol sees the dreadful expression etched on my face, so he traces the path of my stare to the person approaching us.

“Do you know him?” Chanyeol asks me.

Poor guy.

I had no idea what Baekhyun had up his sleeve, so no, I couldn’t tell you that this was going to be a pleasant experience.

“Yeah, he’s my suitemate,” I answer quickly.

Baekhyun takes the empty seat beside me like it'd been nothing. Eventually, my shock wears off, and my game face is back on when I sneak a glare at him.

“Nice to meet you…” Baekhyun trails off, raising his eyebrows expectantly at the latter.

“Chanyeol,” my date finishes goodheartedly with no malice whatsoever. What a sweet soul. I didn’t want him to be corrupted by the devil’s incarnate beside me.

The devil, on the other hand, grins. “Right, Chanwoo.”

I cough violently, reaching to pinch Baekhyun’s side. “Chanyeol,” I correct through gritted teeth.

“Whatever, babes,” Baekhyun relinquishes with a dismissive wave of his hand.

Chanyeol frowns, finally reading the atmosphere. “Are you guys…dating?”

I shake my head as Baekhyun snarks, “no, I’m her gay best friend.”

For ’s sakes. Could my life get any worse?

“Oh?” Chanyeol sounds so confused that I genuinely feel bad for ever agreeing to this date.

“He’s being a . Ignore him,” I titter, smiling widely at Chanyeol to somehow make things less awkward.

“Hm? Like you’ve been ignoring me?” Baekhyun asks. His words were far from quiet. It quite literally insinuates that Chanyeol is the outsider.

My smile weakens, and I elbow the motherer beside me, making sure it hurts enough for him to regret he was ever born.

Baekhyun grimaces but doesn’t relent. “So, Chanwoo…what are your intentions?”

I inhale sharply, turning to look at him like he lost his damn mind. “Chanyeol, don’t answer that.”

Chanyeol squirms in his seat. “I, uh, we haven’t…”

“—discussed it yet!” I exclaim, slamming my hands on the table and spilling a couple of droplets of my coffee. “ off,” I hiss toward Baekhyun.

He ignores me. Of course, leaning forward to obviously antagonize the poor guy in front of us. “You planning on answering my question?”

Chanyeol stiffens. “I’m just confused is all.”

“What about, my guy?”

Oh my ing god.

Condescension drips from his tone like syrupy goodness. A perfect oxymoron of sorts.

I’m sweating an entire ing sea right now, speechless from the audacity of my arch-nemesis.

“Chanyeol,” I stutter out, trying to salvage whatever I can, “let’s rain check, please?”

My date nods, smiling politely in response. His face tells me that we’re never doing this again, and I’m too pissed at Baekhyun to apologize for this colossal disaster of a date.

As Chanyeol collects himself and leaves, my phone vibrates, and it’s my alarm for class.

Clearing my throat, I turn to Baekhyun with dead calmness, grinding my jaw so hard that I could snap it. “I’ll talk to you later, babes.”

###

I hate men. No, actually, I loathe them. I loathe the idea of them. I loathe their stupid dangly third leg.

And I especially loathe Byun Baekhyun.

Because if he isn’t passively making my life miserable, then it’s not a day he can just bid goodbye to.

I march into his room, absolutely pissed out of my ing mind, and slam it open.

Baekhyun is .

.

“You assholic, garlic-breathing, stream of piss!” I accuse, pointing dead in his face with my index.

Now, I’m sure you must think that no way a delicate girl like me would be able to stand up to this waste of space. Well, ladies and gentlemen, buckle up. I’m about to rip him a new hole.

“Some privacy, please?” Baekhyun grits out.

I make a face. “Save it. I’ve seen it, and it’s not that damn impressive.”

He raises a brow. “You’ve felt it too, Danny.”

“Don’t call me that, asswipe.”

“You instigated,” he notes.

“That’s a very ty observation, Mr. Scientist.”

“I’m not a scientist, Dandelion.”

“A statistician, mathematician. Schematics. What the hell is your problem?”

He sends me a look then feigns a smile as if to say you’re-the-one-talking?

I huff, gathering enough oxygen to deal with this sad excuse of a human being. “You shooed my date.”

Baekhyun snickers, “I did you a favor.”

“I didn’t ask!”

“You didn’t need to. I simply intervened out of necessity.”

I gape at him, my mouth open—jaw practically unhinged. I can’t for the life of me understand where he gets his audacity. “You’re such a ing dirtbag.”

“Ah, degradation. Danny, it gets old.”

“So does the ‘I’m your father act,’” I spit, fingers curled into air quotations for emphasis.

Baekhyun barks out a laugh. “You wouldn’t even know what a father was.”

I hold my next breath, so angry that I feel like my head will explode. I’ve never felt so insulted in my life. I’ve learned to grow a thicker skin when it came to catty girls and guys. But Jesus something about speaking to Baekhyun places me on a direct path to murder.

I’m on my heel, and now I’m staring straight at him, holding his gaze relentlessly.

“At least I didn’t witness peak bad parenting and my half-wit of a father knew what a head he was and ed off. I can’t say the same for your mother, though, babes. She’d probably run off with you to the nearest chapel if she could.”

Baekhyun looks absolutely furious. Like he too could kill me and hide my body all within the span of fifteen minutes.

“That’s enough.”

I laugh, “now you draw the line? ing hypocrite.”

“Yes,” he growls, “I’m a ing hypocrite. Hell, whatever labels that come spewing out of your mouth. What are you gonna do about it?”

Baekhyun takes a step closer, pushing me to the wall until personal space becomes a thing of the past. My next breath catches in my throat, and I feel a weird spike in my stomach. His heat makes me squirm.

I’ve seen him countless times in our apartment. Brushing his teeth, eating, sleeping, god—he was ing everywhere now that I think about it.

But much like last time, seeing him was different than feeling him. His body was always familiar. And we weren’t strangers by any means.

Feeling his warmth was odd, and I hate that I let myself be in this situation. I still would be pretending he didn’t exist if it weren’t for the he pulled today, except it didn’t seem to matter if I’d been avoiding him like the black plague. It never does. 

“Unstick your nose out of my business,” I demand, “I can make my own judgments of my potential suitors.”

At this, he lets out a genuine laugh, which deeply offends me. “Okay.”

“I don’t like you.” 

His smile loosens until it’s all but a ghost. “I’ve been told several times now.”

My breathing is shallow, and I’m struggling to get my next words out, but I do it anyway. He has to ing know. “I’m not ashamed of my dating history. I don’t care if people know about my exes, but hell—if I’m ever caught dead in a position with you, I will literally never see the face of Earth again.”

“Hate me all you want, but at least have the decency to respond to my text messages.”

“You wanna talk about decency? Let’s talk about what you did today!”

“No, let’s talk about how you avoided me when I needed materials for class. Let’s also talk about how you wouldn’t tell me what Stevens said to you. How I had to find out from your stupid date.”

“What? You talked to him? Again? Holy , you don’t have a bone of decency in your body, do you?”

“Don’t talk to me about decency when you dumped me out of nowhere with no ing explanation.”

“So this is what your territorial bull is about? Why? Do you still have feelings for me, you head?”

I realize that I’m pressed to him, and he’s still . But I’m too ing pissed to care.

He barks out a laugh. “Feelings? For you? You’re lucky if anybody wants sloppy seconds.”

I’m quaking. “If our breakup bothered you so much, why didn’t you talk to me about it?”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “You made it quite clear, Dan. You gave up on us.”

“No. You gave up on me!”

His eyes widen, and for a second, I’m not sure what he’s so surprised about until I swipe an arm over my face only to find out that it’s because I’m crying. Great. My life improves by the minute.

me.

“You took her side,” I whisper. Strangely, the anger that burned me up until a minute ago has now dissipated, and all I feel is embarrassment and sadness—feelings that I’ve pushed so far down that they’ve finally come back to haunt me.

“Who?”

I shake my head, brushing him off. “Ask your mother, Baekhyun.”

When I turn to leave, our breakup, what was once a tiny tear, has now become a gaping wound that’s bled into incomparable damage.

I’m just grateful he doesn’t follow me when I storm out of our apartment building. 

[a/n] hello. it is i. miss bipolar. i'm going to chalk it up to my mentally ill . yes, im taking care of myself. i binged like all of season 4 of aot up to the latest episode. sorry about the blog. i guess i really needed to rant. i also needed the inspiration of anger and what better than aot? hope yall liked this! i haven't written this much in a decade

p.s. this is probably ending in two chapters!