Leaving the Philippines for the second time around wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.

 

Siguro kasi nung unang beses na umalis ako, maraming doubts, malakas ang kaba, and mostly takot ako in general.

 

Alam kong maraming magbabago at maraming mangyayari na hindi ko inaasahan. I even thought na baka hindi ko kayanin ang SNU at marami akong ibagsak.

 

But the possibility of losing Karina was what scared me the most nung una akong umalis papunta sa Korea. Ang dami daming pumapasok sa isip ko before kahit alam kong matatag kami as a couple.

 

Hindi mo rin kasi masasabi kung ano ang mga mangyayari.

 

Experiencing the first six months away from home eased those doubts. Pati na rin yung naging short stay ko sa Philippines for my break.

 

Yung mga napag daanan namin ni Karina while I was away — the petty fights, the Yujin thing, the lack of time for each other — made us stronger as an individual and as a couple.

 

Those things made our foundation stronger than ever. That even if we decided to prolong our break, I know hindi kami dadating sa point ng hiwalayan.

 

"You okay? Your eyes look watery."

 

Napapunas agad ako ng mata sa sinabi ni Minju. Hindi ko na namalayan na nagdadrama na pala ako habang tulala.

 

Magkatabi kami sa plane ngayon pabalik ng Korea. We decided na sabay na lang din umuwi dahil we both didn't want to be alone sa byahe.

 

Our parents dropped us off sa airport. Hindi ko na pinasama si Karina dahil baka mag iyakan lang kami. Nakapag paalam naman na kami sa isa't isa before ako umalis and marami siyang ginagawa.

 

I sniffed, kunware may allergy lang. "May allergic rhinitis kasi ako."

 

Narinig ko ang mahinang pag tawa ni Minju, "You don't have allergic rhinitis, Winter.." Mapanuksong sabi niya. "This is just like when you told me before na banlag si Karina."

 

Naalala pa niya yon?! Yun pa yata yung time na grabe magselos si Karina sa kanya. MU days. "Wala akong matandaan, Minju.." I acted innocent. Akala mo naman talaga.

 

"Sure." She chuckled, parang hindi naniwala sa sinabi ko. "Anyway, is there something wrong with your legs? Parang kanina sa airport nahihirapan kang maglakad." Dagdagi niya, halatang worried.

 

Nanigas ako bigla. Pwede bang matulog ka na lang Minju at wag nang magbusisi pa...

 

Paano ba naman kasing hindi sasakit ang legs ko, eh grabe yung ginawa sa akin ni Karina kagabi. Last night ko kasi sa pinas.

 

Ayoko na lang isipin muna dahil feeling ko nagkakasala ako.

 

Pero shet.. Ang hirap hindi isipin. Parang bawing bawi kasi yung six months na wala ako sa tabi niya. Grabe si baby, ang lakas ng stamina kahit pagod sa acads.

 

Hinihingal akong humiga sa tabi ni Karina. May aircon naman pero pawis na pawis kaming dalawa. "Babe baka hindi ako makalakad nang maayos tomorrow.. ma-postpone ang flight ko."

 

Kinuha niya yung comforter at tinakpan ang hubad naming katawan. She put her arm under my head at yung isa ay nakayakap sa bewang ko.

 

"Parting gift. Para hindi mo ako masyadong mamiss. Why, did you not like it?" Inayos niya yung gulo gulo kong buhok.

 

Tinignan ko siya, she also looks spent and satisfied. "Hmm, parang bitin.." Maloko kong sagot. It's anything but 'bitin'. Alas tres na yata kami natapos. Kanina alas dose lang ah..

 

Kinurot niya nang mahina yung tiyan ko, "Bitin? That's like, how many rounds? Gusto mo pa?!"

 

Mapanuksong ngumiti ako sa kanya, "Six months kaya akong mawawala ulit baby.."

 

Okay, mukhang na-convince ko si Karina dahil natahimik siya bigla. "Sabagay.. Want another round for the road?"

 

Yes!

 

I answered her with a heated kiss that she quickly returned with the same passion. Agad akong pumatong sa kanya, wala akong pakialam na kung namamanhid na ang mga hita ko. Pang anim na buwan ito!

 

"Winter! Are you sure you're okay? Pinagpapawisan ka bigla." Umiwas agad ako ng tingin kay Minju. Ano ba, Winter! Mahiya ka nga!

 

Uminom ako ng tubig, feeling ko kasi kailangan ko at this very moment. "No, I'm fine. Uhm, nabagsakan lang kasi yung legs ko ng ano, uhm.. ng chair."

 

She's looking at me weirdly pero hindi naman na nag comment about what I said. "How's the Yujin thing pala?"

 

Hindi naman na ako surprised na tinanong ito ni Minju. Isa kasi siya sa sobrang nag alala din sa akin after nung nangyari sa beach.

 

She even told me na wag kong i-overthink yung sinabi nung kaklase ni Karina. Ganon din ang sabi sakin nila Ning when we returned back sa villa that night.

 

I really appreciate my friends for checking up on me dahil sa nangyari. Alam naman kasi nila na there's something about that girl na trigerring sa akin but I told them wala lang yun and nag usap na kami ni Karina.

 

"No idea pero sabi ni Karina si Yujin na raw yung kusang umiwas sa kanila after." I shrugged.

 

Dapat lang naman talaga na siya na yung mag initiate na umiwas. Grabe rin yung hiya ni Tzuyu and Somi sa amin ng friends ko kinabukasan dahil sa inakto ng classmate nila.

 

All Yujin does is make everything awkward and make everyone apologize for her actions especially when she's drunk.

 

Tumango lang si Minju. Parang gusto kong ako naman ang mang intriga sa kanya. "Excited ka nang makita si Chaewon?"

 

She rolled her eyes at me at tipid na ngumiti, "We're not a thing, Winter.. If that's what you're insinuating."

 

"I'm not insinuating anything kaya. I was just asking." Kunwareng na-offend pa ako.

 

She started fidgeting with her fingers habang nakatingin sa kanyang lap, hindi pa rin nawawala yung maliit na ngiti sa kanyang labi. "Alam mo ba.. Between me and Chaewon, siya yung mas shy. That says a lot."

 

I chuckled, it does say a lot. Kung si Minju eh sobrang hinhin, mas lalo pa siguro yung isa.

 

Medyo nagulat ako na nag open siya about Chaewon all of a sudden. Ito yata yung first time na nag respond siya about it aside sa pangba-brush off niya when Yeji and I . Just like what I did just now.

 

She sighed, "Before tayo umuwi sa Philippines, she actually told me she likes me. In a non-friendly way."

 

That, I don't know. "Oh? Di mo nakwento yan.. Akala ko ba close tayo, Minju?"

 

Natawa lang siya pero hindi pa rin makatingin sa akin, her smile doesn't reach her eyes. "I think I like her too, Win. But I don't know.. For a long time I'm used to just being on my own, you know? Kilala mo naman ako."

 

Natahimik kaming dalawa. I'm thinking of what to say to her next. I feel like for the longest time na magkakilala kami, she's always the one extending help sa akin at nagbibigay ng comforting words about my relationship with Karina.

 

I nudged her, urging her to look at me. "Ayokong magpaka drama dito sa plane but.. But I think you should just let yourself experience and share that happiness with someone. You've already proven naman na sa sarili mo na kaya mong maging masaya without leaning to other people.."

 

"Siguro minsan, hayaan mo rin yung sarili mo na kiligin." I added, pareho kaming natawa. "I never really told anyone this before, even Karina, but I admire how you handle yourself, Minju. How good you are to other people and especially to yourself. Which is really admiring."  

 

She looked away, parang nahiya sa natatanggap na compliment galing sa akin.

 

I continued, "That's why it's not surprising na nagustuhan ka ni Chaewon. And there's nothing wrong with exploring things with her. Don't be too scared.. basta at the end of the day, you know what you truly deserve and that's what matters."

 

Grabe, hindi ko alam saan ko hinugot lahat ng sinabi ko. Siguro ang dami ko rin kasi talagang natutunan sa life from my friends and from my experiences with Karina.

 

She gave me a slight nod, "Thank you, Win. That was.. Thanks for saying that. I'll, uhm.. I'll talk to her when we get back."

 

We smiled at each other. Mukhang na-comfort ko naman siya with what I said. I gave her the neck pillow na hiniram ko sa kanya kanina. "Go matulog ka na. Para maraming energy to talk to your future bebe."

 

Hinampas niya lang sakin yung pillow in response at umirap nang pabiro.

 

To be honest, one of the most unexpected friendships I had was with Minju. Hindi ko inasahan na magiging ganito kami ka-close especially after niyang umamin sa akin before.

 

I never felt anything more than friendship sa kanya dahil si Karina lang talaga ang gusto at gugustuhin ko, but I'm really thankful that Minju stayed in my life. I'm glad siya yung kasama ko sa SNU.

 

I hope her thing with Chaewon blooms into something more but if hindi naman, I'm also confident that Minju will be just fine. She never depended on anyone to be happy, anyway. Pero sabi ko nga, okay lang din kiligin minsan.

 

Naistorbo nananaman ng turbulence ang thoughts ko.

 

Good luck na lang sa CR ng airport pagbaba namin ng plane.

 

 

 

 

 

Expectedly, the next two months have been hell, to say the least.

 

Sabi na nga ba, preview lang ang nangyaring stress nung huling weeks ng second term. Ngayon, talagang bakbakan na.

 

Iniisip ko na lang ay last four months naman na kaya kakayanin ko na ito. At least may karamay si Karina! Pareho kaming lunod sa acads.

 

Kapag talaga hindi kami yumaman after ng lahat ng paghihirap sa graduate school, magrereklamo ako kay Lord.

 

“Hey, Winter! You wanna hang out with us?” Niyaya ulit ako ni Trevor kasama sina Hyewon at iba naming classmates. Kakatapos lang kasi ng presentation namin. Very draining.

 

I looked at him regretfully, “Sorry, I have to talk to my girlfriend tonight. But maybe next time. Enjoy!”

 

“Sure! Take care!”

 

I said bye at nauna na akong lumabas ng lecture hall. Meron kasi kaming scheduled call ni Karina sa facetime. Well, more like ako ang nag schedule.

 

Before kasi ako bumalik sa Korea nung nag bakasyon ako sa pinas, nag request ako sa girlfriend ko na baka pwede kaming mag usap pa rin kahit papano kapag pareho kaming may free time.

 

Usually ay occasional updates lang kami and that’s fine naman dahil alam naman namin pareho na busy ang isa’t isa. Pero sabi ko, when both of us are free, we can call each other.

 

Okay lang naman siguro yon diba? Kahit on a break kami?

 

Napapansin nga ni Minju na hindi na raw ako lumalabas kapag free time at kapag nagyayaya sina Trevor o kaya Chaewon.

 

Ewan ko ba pero parang mas naging extra clingy ako sa girlfriend ko after ng bakasyon ko sa pinas. Baka dahil na rin dun sa nangyari kay Yujin. Or baka dahil sa ginawa niya sakin nung last night ko. Hihi.

 

Kaya ayun, lahat ng free time na meron ako, nilalaan ko na lang sa pakikipag usap kay Karina. Wala rin naman problema yata sa kanya.

 

I got home at kumain saglit ng noodles then I took a quick shower. Tapos na yung first presentation sa isang subject so I'm making this night sort of a break. Bukas na lang yung hindi ko pa nagagawa.

 

Nahiga na ako then I called her. Hindi pa siya sumagot nung unang call so I tried agad. Nakatulog kaya siya?

 

She answered sa pangalawang tawag, "Baby?" Parang medyo maingay sa paligid niya. Hindi pa ba siya nakakauwi?

 

"Babe? San ka?"

 

Medyo nawala yung malakas na ingay so I'm guessing she went outside, "Sorry. Pumasok ako sa car para tahimik. I'm here at Somi's. Her family held a mini party and she invited us."

 

Napakunot ang noo ko, "Okay, babe. But you said wala kang acads tonight and free ka to talk.."

 

Hindi siya sumagot agad, I can hear her steady breathing. "I know, baby.. I just wanted to go out. It's been draining lately."

 

Natahimik kaming dalawa.

 

"Can I be honest?" Sabi niya bigla.

 

I hummed in response, wordlessly telling her to go on. Feeling ko may something.

 

"You haven't been going out with your friends there.. You spend all your free time talking to me and I— I feel like parang I should do that as well otherwise I'd feel bad.."

 

Medyo natameme ako sa sinabi niya. Hindi ko alam ang isasagot bigla. I didn't know she felt this way. Gusto ko lang naman siyang makausap every time I'm free.

 

I finally spoke up after a while, "You.. you feel required talking to me? Kapag free time mo? Kasi yun yung ginagawa ko.. Tama ba?"

 

She exhaled loudly, "Yeah.. Uhm, honestly, I think you need to go out as well, baby.. Marami kang namimiss na opportunities to connect with your co-business ad students. As well as sa friends mo diyan."

 

Naalala ko yung palagi kong pag tanggi sa get togethers ng group even sa mga social nights that are being held sa business school to get to know my future colleagues better.

 

Pero bakit ganon, parang feeling ko mali na gusto ko siyang makausap every chance I get? Is that so wrong?

 

"Do you.. not want to talk to me minsan?" I asked, medyo nahihiya ako. I suddenly feel insecure.

 

"No!" She exclaimed, "No, babe. That's not— that's not what I meant. I guess what I'm trying to say is that our break was supposed to let us focus on ourselves and not just in academic aspects.. But to also connect with other friends and people."

 

She paused then continued, "It gets really lonely for me sometimes sa condo and our friends often have work so minsan gusto ko lang sumama kina Tzuyu sa free time ko.. To take my mind off acads and thesis.."  

 

"We prolonged the breather because we didn't want to feel pressured, right? But that's what I'm feeling.." She sounds soft. Apologetic, even.

 

I wish I'd known this before. Hindi ko naman kasi alam na ganito pala ang nararamdaman niya.

 

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" I asked.

 

Medyo nalulungkot ako sa nagiging usapan namin. Feeling ko somehow pinepressure ko si Karina. Which is the opposite of what we wanted when we decided na ituloy yung "breather".

 

"Because I didn't wanna upset you.. I liked it before, I did. I just didn't expect you to always devote your free time solely to me.. Sometimes I feel bad for wanting to go out with my classmates during my breaks instead of talking to you."

 

Medyo mabigat sa pakiramdam yung malaman ko na ganito pala. Baka nga sumobra na ako at hindi ko namalayan na nagiging controlling din ako sa free breaks ni Karina na sobrang rare.

 

Para saan pa nga't nag take kami ng breather kung ganito?

 

I kind of feel responsible dahil naramdaman ito ni Karina. "Hindi ko sinadya.. I'm sorry you felt that way."

 

She was quick to answer, "Hey, no.." She laughed unamused, "God, now I f