Wrong. So wrong. Yoobin had never been more wrong in her life. How could she have borrowed the wrong books? How did this happen? She must have been in such a hurry that accidentally borrowed the pack of books that was next to hers on the counter of the library. Gosh. She needed to get back there and return the books immediately. 

 

She found herself in front of the library's counter that morning. She was talking with the girl on the counter, as she finally left the pack on it. The girl had explained to her that no one had taken the pack of books she had left behind so the girl had placed the books back on the shelves. All Yoobin needed to do was search around again. Yoobin thanked her but as she was about to turn around and head deeper into the library she was faced with Yewon. 

 

"Oh, hey unnie. Are you here for books?" 

 

"No, I'm here for coffee." Yoobin decided to tease lightly. 

 

"Yewon, we're at a library. Of course I'm here for books." Yewon giggled but her laughter soon faded away as she stared at Yoobin and then asked her finally,

 

"What did you just call me?" Yoobin was caught off guard. She had accidentally started a habit of calling Arin Yewon in her head, so much that now even when she had to speak out loud to her, she even called her that. And actually, it wasn't a habit. Yewon had introduced herself as, well Yewon so… it was only normal to Yoobin to call her that. What could she do? 

 

"Uh sorry I meant-"

 

"No it's ok. I like it." Yewon immediately cut her off and smiled at her. Yoobin sighed slightly. Of course she liked it. No one was calling her Yewon so Yoobin being the only one calling her that would of course make Yewon like it! 

 

"So I'm assuming you want to borrow books as well, right?" She decided to change the topic and Yewon nodded her head.

 

"Mm nae. Some for college." Yoobin nodded and the two started walking down the hallways, searching for books between the shelves. 

 

"What books are you searching for exactly? I might have them back in the dorm, since… I've read everything related to college classes."

 

"Oh really?" Yoobin nodded with a smile. She even messed up Yewon's bangs slightly. Ever since she had told herself Yewon was just a little sister to her it had become a lot easier to be around her and she felt a lot lighter. She still felt… things, but she tried to push them away and ignore them and just see the poor feelings she had towards Yewon, as… Jiho's best friend. It was her responsibility, as Jiho's best friend, to make sure Yewon was alright and happy at any time. 

 

"Then let's hurry and get back to the dorm."

 

"Easy there little one. I still need to borrow my own books." Yoobin said casually. Yewon pouted slightly and knitted her eyebrows as she observed Yoobin from the side. After a few seconds of silence she finally mumbled,

 

"Little one? I'm not that younger than you. Only just a year." 

 

"Yeah but you're still a little one. Oh, I'll text Jiho that you're coming to the dorm so she can get us some lunch." 

 

"Ah, no need to bother her. We can just buy some food on our way back there." Yoobin looked at Yewon slightly confused. Those actions of Yewon's were those that worried Yoobin. But she tried her hardest to pretend that she was innocent and wasn't understanding Yewon's actions. 

 

"Ok fine." She only mumbled and returned her attention back to the bookshelves. 

 

When they returned back to the dorm, they were all alone. Completely alone. It shouldn't bother Yoobin but deep down she knew she was on full alert, terrified about Yewon's possible and weird words and actions. Yet she tried her hardest to be strong and pretend like things were fine. 

 

"We're here. Let me check my bookshelf." Yoobin said and headed towards her room. Yewon followed her though anyway since she was bored to wait outside in the living room. 

 

"Your side of the room is really pretty." She commented as she sat on Yoobin's bed and kicked her crossed legs back and forth. She bit the inside of her cheek playfully as she stared around the room before her eyes were settled on Yoobin. 

 

"Thanks. I like having my stuff organized." Yoobin said, not fully sure why she revealed so much about herself. She wanted to treat Yewon like a younger sister but at the same time she didn't want to get too close to her or else she was going to end up getting more hurt. 

 

"I can tell. Your room is really really organized. All your books are settled according to alphabetical order, your pens are all settled according to colors, your socks are all in colors as well, your shoes are all next to each other in the perfect order, according to the weather. It's so fascinating to watch." Yoobin just giggled slightly. 

 

"Jiho could never…" she only muttered and laughed. As soon as she turned around to face Yewon with a few books in her hands, she was met with the girl, sitting comfortably on her bed, staring at her intensely. She was caught off guard but tried her hardest to remain cool and unbothered. She couldn't help but notice Yewon's intense habit of biting her inside of her cheek though which would only hurt her cheeks so she rushed to correct her. 

 

"You're biting your cheeks."

 

"Oh, do I?" Yewon wondered, totally unaware of it.

 

"Yeah. You'll get hurt. What kind of habit is this even?" Yewon shrugged her shoulders. 

 

"I dunno. I just don't seem like I'm able to stop it at any time soon. I do it without even realising when or how." Yoobin nodded her head as she sat next to her on her bed. 

 

"I used to bite my nails a lot. To the point that they bled." Yewon looked at her in shock and horror as her eyes immediately fell on Yoobin's slender hands and long nails. Yoobin chuckled. 

 

"I said I used to. My fingers are perfectly fine now. It was hard for me to stop it. Especially when I read or studied, it was something that accompanied me a lot. But I tried hard to stop it because it was hurting my hands and then they didn't look pretty at all, all bloody and disgusting, ya know." Yewon nodded as she leaned slightly closer. Yoobin decided to ignore it, as she finally decided to let loose a bit and just live in the moment. She was tired of always controlling herself. After all, she was just giving some advice to Yewon as an older friend. Nothing else. 

 

"As you said, it was hard to stop it though since most of the time I did it without even realising it. But I tried my best and whenever I caught myself doing it I just played with a hair tie instead. It didn't help immediately since there were a lot of moments where I would forget about it and return back to that habit. But I kept on trying and so my fingers became better, less bloody. So I kept on going. Seeing the process I've made, made me want to try more and more and so I did. I didn't give up even though it seemed hard at times. And so, here I am now. Look!" She said and showed Yewon her perfect fingers, that were slender, long, soft and healthy. Her nails were strong and long and perfectly made in a beautiful light purple color. 

 

"Wow. That's… that's amazing unnie. Really." Yoobin hummed in response. She didn't want to share this much with Yewon but here she was doing so. Sometimes it felt too hard to stop herself from doing stuff. She stood up and went to her desk. She searched for her hair tie and returned back to Yewon. 

 

"Here. I used to use this. You can use it now too. If you feel like this will help you since… ya know it helped me too." Yoobin wasn't really sure why she became this sentimental or why she gave Yewon something so personal yet here she was doing so. Yewon looked at her surprised but happy as well. She took it and thanked her happily. 

 

"Thank you for the books as well. You're a heroine today unnie!" She said happily as she stood up and went towards Yoobin. It was so fast that Yoobin didn't even have the time to process the whole action. 

 

Yewon's lips still lingered on her right cheek, even though it was brief and it was hours ago… 

 

Yoobin didn't think much about Yewon. She tried to, at least. She became slightly closer to the girl lately. Ever since she had stopped trying to avoid her at least, they stumbled on each other around college pretty often and talked for a bit. It was… nice. 

 

Only for that to be crashed down one noon. Yoobin and Jiho were sitting at one of the tables of the huge campus' cafeteria when Mihyun came rushing to Jiho. She told her she heard someone saying that someone bullied Yewon in the backyard. Jiho stood up and rushed outside in milliseconds. Yoobin barely made it behind her. Was she worried? Of course she was! Why would someone want to bully Yewon out of nowhere?

 

As soon as they reached the backyard they only found Yewon sitting down at a bench. She was alone. But she looked clearly discollected. Jiho rushed by her side and hugged her immediately. Yoobin bit her lips as she awkwardly stood by their side. It was at this moment that Yoobin realized once again that she wasn't in Yewon's life. Yewon was with Jiho and only Jiho could run so fast and worry so much and care so much about her. Jiho, and not her. 

 

She felt numb at that moment, hearing Yewon's light whimpers as she tried her hardest to not cry. She was so sensitive and it broke Yoobin's heart but once again… Yoobin was so numb at that moment. Nothing could touch her. 

 

"What happened? Can you calm down and tell me?" Yewon only shook her head at Jiho's words. 

 

"I swear whoever did this to you, they're gonna die!" Jiho said seriously and Yewon shook her head immediately. 

 

"Don't hurt her." Yewon said immediately and her eyes fell on Yoobin for a brief second. 

 

"Oh, so it's a girl. Give me her name and I promise you I'm gonna make her life a living hell."

 

"Jiho, Arin doesn't need violence right now. All she needs is your comfort." Yoobin said. Jiho looked at her and mumbled a "you're right" before she focused back on Yewon. 

 

Yoobin never really got to know what had happened during that time. She was pretty sure Yewon told Jiho but not at that time. That time she refused to talk to anyone and say anything. She only said she was hurt by someone's words. The incident was soon forgotten but not by Yoobin. Yewon's red eyes after crying so much, Yewon's trembling small frame. Yewon looked so weak at that moment and Yoobin felt so useless for not being able to help her that much. For not being by her side. She didn't need to, though, cause Yewon had Jiho already. What Yoobin couldn't forget as well, was how Jiho was so protective over Yewon, how much she hugged her and kissed her, how needy Yewon's kisses were on Jiho, Yewon, who was never this expressive in front of anyone else. But no, during that moment she was needly kissing Jiho like there was no tomorrow. Whoever had told her and whatever they had told her must have affected her a lot… 

 

Yoobin couldn't forget how Yewon's eyes fell on Yoobin's between her needy kisses with Jiho. She felt clearly uncomfortable being caught watching them kissing so she tried to look away. But Yewon didn't seem to mind. She even seemed slightly provocative. 

 

Yoobin couldn't forget how Jiho was so sweet and caring to Yewon all day. How she got her out for ice cream and bought her lunch. How much she cuddled with her all day and even brought her to their dorm to sleep with her. 

 

Jiho was indeed a nice girlfriend because she was really serious about Yewon. 

 

Yoobin couldn't forget that. 

 

So, when she met Yewon for the next time, at a silly, messy and crowded party she and Jiho had arranged —it was clearly Jiho's idea— she wasn't expecting much. In fact, she even avoided the girl. She couldn't forget all those things. She couldn't forget how in love Yewon was with Jiho and vice versa. She couldn't forget the needy kisses and the provocative stare. She couldn't forget how much in pain she, herself, was in. Neither how numb she felt. 

 

As soon as her eyes caught Yewon somewhere around the room, she immediately distanced herself and headed towards the kitchen, to refill her plastic cup with some more beer. 

 

What she wasn't expecting was for her to actually stumble on Yewon anyway. Even at the kitchen, where Yewon wasn't supposed to be according to where Yoobin had seen her for the last time, Yewon had somehow made it there. 

 

"Oh hey. You're not with Jiho?" Yoobin immediately asked her. Yewon shook her head and pointed towards the living room where Jiho was dancing on the couch, the rest of her friends gathered around her cheering loudly and dancing along with her. 

 

"It's way too chaotic." She said. Yoobin observed the place. It was indeed way too chaotic for anyone to handle. Too many random kids, dancing around or making out, too much beer, everywhere around the place, too dark to be seen doing whatever unholy things anyone could think of. Even the lights were way too dim. All Yoobin could think of was how hard she would have to work to make this place look nice as it was before and not a chaotic forest like as it was right then. 

 

"Yeah. It is." Yoobin mumbled. She filled herself some beer and sipped from it, deep in her thoughts. 

 

"Do you always sit at the corner of those parties and do nothing but drink alone?" Yewon asked her curiously. Yoobin only hummed. 

 

"So will you decline my offer to dance with me?" 

 

"Yeah. I'm not that type." She tried to speak as gently as she could. 

 

"Ok. I tried at least. Will you refill my cup as well?" Yoobin shook her head. 

 

"I think you had enough alcohol for tonight, kid." Yewon looked at her surprised, with her brows furrowed. 

 

"Huh? Who are you to tell me how much alcohol I can drink?" 

 

"I… was just saying." Yoobin tried to speak calmly even though she was clearly taken aback. 

 

"Forget it." Yewon mumbled. She left and went towards Jiho instead. She dragged her away from that huge group of people and started dancing closely with her. Yoobin was surprised but she shouldn't have been. After all, Yewon and Jiho were together. What surprised her even more was how good of a dancer Yewon was, how close she was with Jiho and how provocative she was to Yoobin by staring at both her and Jiho so ily. 

 

She bit her lips hard as soon as she saw Yewon kissing Jiho passionately, biting her bottom lip and dragging her into their kiss more. It hurt too much to handle so Yoobin walked away. She headed towards her room, a slightly more quiet place to be since it was locked. Of course they wouldn't let stupid college students to mess up their rooms. 

 

She sat on her bed and sipped from her drink slowly, trying hard to collect her thoughts. Yewon was acting weird. Yet, it shouldn't have been Yoobin's problem. She should remain cold and distant cause it was the only way to keep things collected and not end up doing something she wasn't supposed to.