It's not that he didn't like Jungsoo.

Sure, they didn't get along back then, but it was (slowly, but surely) something they were able to overcome. Jungsoo has been a constant in his life that he will forever be grateful for. They now understood each other in a way that Heechul never thought two people with such different personalities could ever get along. The days when they would have the most childish fights were long gone and they can enjoy each other's presence with no worries now. 

So when Heechul rejected Jungsoo's (almost) confession, it wasn't because he didn't like him at all.

"It's been a while since I've seen the others. I mean I last saw Jungsoo over a week ago, I think? And that's despite us living in the same neighborhood. Still, at least we text or call sometimes."

His feelings towards Jungsoo has always been all over the place ever since they met. Because he deals with things so differently, Heechul never understood him and why others would even side with Jungsoo. There were moments when he would be timid and some people would pretty much take advantage of how hardworking Jungsoo is, but he never complained. Sometimes, Heechul would do the complaining for him instead because it was absolutely irritating to see, but other times he'd stay still and wait for Jungsoo to do something about it himself, only for him to handle everything that was thrown at him with a smile. And once again, Heechul is stuck between frustration and amazement when he reflects back on it and realizes he could never deal with half the things Jungsoo had to deal with.

For a short while, Heechul steered clear of him, especially when Jungsoo's surrounded by their other friends, because the way he easily got along with them and made them trust him enough to actually seek him out for a short talk or a bit of advice made him a bit jealous. He felt like since they were the same age, the younger ones should be able to go to him for help too, but he didn't know how to show them that they can rely on him when he's mostly just known to be the one who plays around a lot and would teach you how to drink and party at a club. (Heechul's also known to be the pretty one, but that's not the point here.) The feeling hits harder in moments when he sees how much Donghae, who Heechul treated like a younger brother, and Kangin, who was a year younger but sometimes acted like the older one between the two of them, looked up to Jungsoo. 

"Hyung, that's nothing. I'm literally roommates with Hyukjae hyung and I haven't seen him or talked to him in two weeks."

Kangin's close friendship with Jungsoo stood out the most. He was amazed at how well they got along since he knew that Kangin's personality was closer to his than it was to Jungsoo's. They were both quite quick-tempered people who preferred going straight to the point and dealing with things as soon as possible rather than taking a minute or two to think about it. Heechul and Kangin went drinking together several times and, one time, in a tipsy state, Heechul asked the question that had bothered him for a while because he doesn't understand how it doesn't infuriate Kangin when Jungsoo does things the way he does. 

Apparently, it did. Kangin talked in a low tone, slightly drunk himself, about how he gets so mad whenever Jungsoo doesn't speak up about things that bothered him or take up work that he doesn't have to do. But Kangin must have been a bit more open-minded and a bit more patient than Heechul back then because Kangin went straight to Jungsoo about it and got some answers.

Jungsoo didn't speak up about things that bothered him because he felt like complaining would pass the burden onto someone else. Someone else would have to adjust for him or work harder to change the situation, and it felt wrong to have someone do that for him when he could just push through and handle it anyway. He was always someone people described as hardworking and he was willing to go a mile further than necessary because he decided that if he was going to be a part of something, he wasn't going to do things half-heartedly. And he did things that others didn't want to because, hell, someone's gonna have to do it anyway and he'd rather it be him than force the younger ones to do whatever it is.

The joke within their group of how Jungsoo was an angel without wings started to seem less like a joke after Heechul heard all of that. But there was this angry voice in his mind declaring that an angel without wings would make them a human, and humans have limits, and he would rather die than see Jungsoo reach his because of damned selflessness.

"Speaking of Hyukjae, call him up! I haven't had a drink with him in a while. I called Jungsoo awhile ago too, but he said he couldn't go because he had other plans. So rude, as if anyone's more important than me."

When Hangeng left, the pain was indescribable. All he knows is that eating became more of a chore when it felt like he was just chewing sand and he kept going out to meet friends despite not really remembering it well the day after because being alone meant he couldn't find a good enough reason to keep the tears down. The future they could have had just disappeared within a blink and all those plans and promises made became fuzzy memories that Heechul looked back on and wondered if they really talked about those or did it all just happen in his head. 

In that state of emptiness, he wouldn't have thought that Jungsoo would be the first one to see through the sociable mask he's put up, but he should have expected it. When Jungsoo pulled him aside (and that already is a difference between them because Heechul would have called out the lies and the mask in front of an audience but Jungsoo, as always, was considerate) to tell him to be honest with him and that he would always be free to meet up or at least answer the phone if he needs someone to talk to, it felt like a bucket full of ice cold water just poured down on him.

Jungsoo never treated him like one of the younger ones who he protects fiercely and coddles subtly, and who, in return, end up developing strong trust in him and subconsciously depending on him. And the difference in their relationship to Jungsoo's relationship with the others was something Heechul didn't realize he appreciated until that moment. Rather than shielding him from as much as he can, Jungsoo has always shown belief that Heechul can handle it but wouldn't hesitate to give warnings or support. Instead of being careful with whatever advice he gives so as to not hurt his feelings, Jungsoo was willing to call him out with no sugarcoating if Heechul was going too far. Heechul didn't need someone to help him out every step of the way, but Jungsoo somehow knew that he'd be grateful to have someone who supports him and watches his back when he needs it.

When Jungsoo offered up an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on, Heechul decided to offer the same back. He had realized that Jungsoo had done so much to help him, but his brain failed to bring up memories where it was the other way around. So, when they met up and he talked about all sorts of things (the good, the bad, the weird, and the painful), he made sure Jungsoo would open up as well. Through that, Heechul felt like he was able to see Jungsoo more clearly and understand him to the point that the mutual truce they had on their differences was broken down and replaced by an actual good friendship instead.

"Hyung, you're out of touch again, huh? Work keeping you busy?"

That friendship was tested (especially on Heechul's side) when Kangin left. It was the first and only time he had ever seen Jungsoo with so much anger and pain, and the way he wore a mask the same way Heechul did back then to hide it all terrified Heechul who didn't know what to do and was debating on leaving him to deal with it alone instead. Immediately after that thought crossed his mind, he slapped his hand to his face (several times) because it was absolutely stupid. Jungsoo didn't leave him alone back then! Why was he stupidly considering the stupid decision to leave him alone when he's obviously in need of support?! So stupid!

When Kangin left, it happened suddenly, with no prior notice. It was during times when Jungsoo and Heechul were already both busy with work and were only able to meet once in a while. Heechul had been hurt since he thought of him like a brother, but he only realized how much of an effect it had on Jungsoo when they met up for dinner a couple of days after Kangin left. 

He would still smile and handle everything that he had to do, but it reminded Heechul too much of the old days and his eyes lacked the usual spark it had when he genuinely enjoyed his company. Jungsoo would say a lot of things, drag their friends into recalling an old story and falling into a never ending rant about things that barely mattered, but with all the things that he would say and do, Heechul could see that he was just holding back and looking for distractions. He knew what that was like more than anyone after all. When they met up again and Jungsoo was still acting like everything was fine, Heechul still didn't know what to say, so he let his impatience and quick temper speak for him. It never led to any good results, but he didn't have Jungsoo's talent in talking about the serious things. He followed Jungsoo up to his apartment, blurting out any excuse he could think of, and grabbed a beer from the refrigerator before turning to him and calmly speaking. At least he started pretty calmly, but the more he thought about it, the more agitated he got, so the shouting started in less than a minute. 

Jungsoo took it all silently until Heechul realized what was happening and fell silent at the sight of his friend's tears. With nothing left to say, he walked up to him and held him tight, murmuring words that he remembered Jungsoo had used to comfort him with before. It was a quiet night with small talk and Heechul staying the night as moral support but apparently, it was all Jungsoo wanted. They never talked about it again, but Jungsoo got better as time passed by. (Heechul never told anyone about the nightmare he had of Jungsoo just holding everything in again, but it really pushed him to up his level in maintaining in touch with Jungsoo even in their busy schedules.) There is a huge sense of relief and happiness in seeing one of the best people he knows get back on his feet and carry on stronger than ever that Heechul would sometimes pause for a minute just to admire how amazing Jungsoo really is.

"What do you mean?"

He started to realize that if his feelings for Jungsoo in the start — irritation, awe, jealousy, amazement — were described as 'all over the place', the phrase would be an understatement now.

He always turns red in embarrassment when he remembers how one of his co-workers said he was moping the entire day like a heartbroken teenager and realized that it was because Jungsoo said he was too busy to meet that day. When he became too busy himself to meet up on the day Jungsoo was free, Heechul would go on a murder spree on one of his phone games during break times, cursing out the disappointment and longing to be somewhere else instead (like Jungsoo's house where he cooked really good food).

(Heechul also realized he was weak for people who cooked him good food, because first it was the fried rice, and now this? He honestly did not expect it.)

"Hyukjae hasn't been drinking for two months now, so he wouldn't come over if we call because his goal is to stop for five months and this would all just be tempting. And Teukie hyung has a date tonight."

When Jungsoo confessed, Heechul froze where he stood. The bastard didn't even look back as he left with his bright eyes and sweet smile, leaving the next move to him, but Heechul's partially thankful he didn't look back because, if he did, he would've seen Heechul just standing there, frozen like a statue, staring at the spot he was just standing on. (How embarrassing.)

He stayed there for five minutes (though it felt like an hour) before he turned to walk in his building, trying to stop the smile growing on his face. He bit his lip as he waited impatiently for the elevator to go up so he could keep in the happiness and excitement until he got to his bedroom and shouted into his pillow, Kibok running to him in concern and Heebum judging him from the door. Heechul turned to stare at the ceiling, sighing in content as the faint light from the hallway hit his eyes, and he slowly fell asleep thinking of nothing but good things.

They say that you should take at least a night to sleep on big choices because the next day might give you a new perspective on it. Heechul doesn't know who 'they' are or where exactly he heard it from, but it was terrifyingly accurate because when he woke up and got ready for his schedule he thought about how busy he was and th