They've known each other for over 20 years. 

That's also almost how long Jungsoo was willing to admit he had a crush on Heechul.

If complete honesty is on the table, there might be a small part in Jungsoo's mind that can say it was a love at first sight situation (because whose heart wouldn't flutter at the way Heechul had introduced himself back then, with full confidence, a pretty smile, and a playful wink). But Jungsoo doesn't want to admit it because he wants to save a bit of pride and, every time he thinks of it, there is a huge wave of self-reproach for being unable to do a thing about it after all those years.

He's heard something before about how if the crush lasts over three months then it's not just a crush anymore. Of course, he's not sure how true that is, but it's definitely been way past three months, no matter how much he tries to twist the timeline, and he has definitely gone way past having a crush.

"Heechul-ah. Can I talk to you for a minute?"

They met back then because of other friends, which was weird considering they were the same age and should have been able to be friends with each other easily. But it turns out it made sense that it took a while to meet since they worked so differently. One of them preferred to stay up at night, the other woke up early in the morning. If the other wanted to go out and take a walk or explore, the other usually stays in and sleeps. Heechul sometimes forgot to eat or would bring food up to his room for him to enjoy alone in front of the computer, while Jungsoo preferred to have company while eating, even watching the people cook so he could learn a bit.

When they got to know each other, it wasn't easy for them to get along. There were situations that lead to misunderstandings. A lot of times, the shortest conversation could have lead to good results, but Jungsoo sometimes needed extra time to think things over and Heechul sometimes became too impatient. Some people would tiptoe around them for a few days because there would be this cold aura between the two that no one, not even them, could tell exactly what the cause for it was, but the tension was there.

"Jungsoo, do you even have to ask? What's wrong, Teukie?"

They grew older though, became more mature. In their group of friends, they were both the oldest and, at some point, started to feel responsible for making sure everyone was doing good and okay. They outgrew the childish need to win arguments against each other and learned to understand their differences and work with it. With that, they also learned how to be better friends towards each other.

"Ah, no. It's nothing like that... I just needed a bit of advice."

They could approach each other without feeling that discomfort or uncertainty about how the conversation would go. There was this trust between them that turned their friendship into a much more stable thing that both of them could wholeheartedly rely on. A system they can turn to when either or both of them are troubled and they can talk with no fear of judgement and just complete acceptance.

"Are you sure you should be asking me? I mean, we deal with things so differently, but I'll try for you!"

When Jungsoo first realized he might like Heechul, it was one of those 'you don't know what you have until its gone' moment when they had a misunderstanding a couple of weeks after they met. He doesn't remember the issue, he tends to forget about it easily after all, but the feeling always lingers after they fight. Still, despite that annoyance and irritation he feels when they're in the same room, Jungsoo can't help but wish to be one of those people close to Heechul at that moment — to be one of those that receives a smile from him that day or to be able to laugh with him. 

He wanted to be the reason he laughs or to make a joke that Heechul will fondly roll his eyes at. At the very least, he wanted to just be in a conversation with him and learn more about this wild phenomenon of a human being. But they were young and full of pride, they chose to avoid each other until one had to apologize or they had to actually interact and work together so they shove their differences aside.

"I have this friend that I've known for a long time, around two decades or so. I've liked him for years but I never got the courage to say anything, so I've tried to move on a hundred times, but I never could. I thought that, maybe now, even though it's been over two decades, I should at least try to do something about it and tell him how I feel."

Heechul was close with Hangeng. That was obvious enough from the start. Jungsoo wasn't jealous of that, and it wasn't his place to be. They knew each other first and they knew each other better. Heechul had loudly claimed Hangeng's dishes as his favorite from the beginning, while Jungsoo had barely even been able to start learning how to cook at that time. 

He can't say for sure exactly what Heechul and Hangeng's relationship was, but he knew it ran deep and that Heechul was so, so hurt when Hangeng had to leave. Heechul changed in a way that Jungsoo couldn't exactly explain and he felt his heart break seeing how the two of them ended up and did his best to help ease the pain.

"He and I are known to be so different from each other but we get along so well. I remember how he always greeted me on my birthday, even though he forgets others' birthdays, probably because his is so close to mine. When I'm having a hard time, he somehow knows when to call me up as if he can sense that I need company and then he doesn't leaves me alone until he makes me smile at least three times."

Heechul became more approachable, but also more distant at the same time. He would always be willing to go out for drinks or a meal when you ask him, but he was rarely the one who invites others out. Of course, that meant Jungsoo learned how to reach out to him and call him out to the ramen place nearby, reminiscent of the old ramen place they used to frequent when they were younger. Heechul started to keep in touch more often and became more likely to answer the phone than some others despite his busy schedule. Jungsoo got to see him more often despite living in the same neighborhood for a couple of years already.

Sometimes though, Jungsoo can tell Heechul isn't fine. It's especially obvious when he talks about the past, which he tends to do a lot. Other people can't seem to tell that Heechul's mood had shifted despite the smiles he kept on or the fits of laughter he would burst into. It felt so strange seeing the most confident person he knows talk about the past like there's a thousand things he regrets or a million things he fears.

Heechul must have noticed that Jungsoo can see through him because he raised his walls a bit higher, but Jungsoo stubbornly brought a damn ladder and climbed over it. He pulled Heechul aside one time and told him, very seriously, that it was no use and that, between them at least, they should continue to be honest to each other.

And Heechul seemed to take that to heart. It started with him calling him up first, then they'd go meet up somewhere at his invite. They would talk and laugh and cry about all sorts of stories in the past or dreams they have for the future. It wasn't often because they still had work and it kept them busy, but it was times they'd both look back at happily in a week of hectic schedules. The approach