"Joohyunie, pochi ka ba?"

 

"Shut up, Kang! Ilang beses ko na ba sinabi sa 'yong tantanan mo ako?"

 

"Favorite kasi kita."

 

"Whatever, Kang."

 

"Yieee, kinililig ka, Joohyun noh?"

 

"I'm not, Kang. Shut the up."

 

"Shut me up then." 

 

"Don't follow me, or else.."

 

"What? Try me, Bae." Lumapit siya sa akin na may malaking ngisi sa labi. I moved backwards. This girl and her guts! Argh~ she's so annoying and I hate it. I hate her.

 

"Threatened, Bae?"

 

Nag-init ang ulo ko ng nilapit niya ang mukha niya sa akin, and out of my reflexes, I slap her face. Really. Hard and run away.

 

Kakapochi mo sa 'kin, ikaw naging pochi. 

 

----

 

"Goodmorning, Joohyunie!" Kakapasok ko pa lang sa gate ng school, may asungot ng bumungad sa akin. Nakakinis na talaga 'tong batang 'to.

 

"Hindi pa ba sapat yung sampal na nakuha mo sa akin kahapon, Kang Seulgi?" 

 

"Hindi."

 

"Hindi ka ba galit sa akin kasi sinampal kita?"

 

"Hindi."

 

"Bakit? Hindi mo manlang ba napansin na ayaw ko sa 'yo? Na naiinis na ako sa 'yo?"

 

"Hindi ako galit sa 'yo kasi handa akong tanggapin kahit ilang sampal basta galing sa 'yo." She winked and I rolled my eyes. Wink wink pang nalalaman, failed naman.

 

"Pero nakakainis ka na, Seulgi. Layuan mo na ako, please lang."

 

"Paano kung ayaw ko?"

 

"Wala kang mapapala sa akin. H-hindi ko kayang suklian yung nararamdaman mo para sa akin." Huminga ako ng malalim. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit sa dami ng babae at lalaking may gusto sa batang 'to, ako pa yung napagtripan niya.

 

"Kaya nga liligawan kita, diba? Kaya nga gusto kitang ligawan, Joohyun."

 

"Argh! Don't call me by my name, Kang. I'm older than you. I'm your unnie."

 

"Seriously? I don't want to be your dongsaeng then. I prefer calling you sunbae than calling you that word."

 

"Look, Kang. You're popular in school, aren't you? Aware ako sa mga babae at lalaking nagkakagusto sa 'yo. Kaya bakit hindi na lang sila yung bigyan mo ng pansin? Bakit ako?"

 

"Simple, sunbae. Because you're not them, because you're the only person I like." She smiled at me and pat my head.

 

I have to help her moved on from me. I need to.

 

---

"Joohyun-sunbae! Let's have lunch together." Ayan na naman siya. Kakalabas ko pa lang ng room para mag lunch, bumungad na naman yung pagmumukha niyang mukhang monay. Mukhang oso.

 

"Seulgi.." I said helplessly. Lumingon ako sa kaibigan kong si Wendy para humingi ng tulong pero ang gaga, binigyan lang ako ng nakakalokong ngiti.

 

"Sorry, Joohyun. Inaya kasi ako ni Kyungsoo maglunch kaya hindi kita masasabayan ngayon. Salamat naman at dumating si Seulgi. I know you hate thirdwheeling samin ni Kyungsoo, right Joohyun? Gotta go." May halong pang-aasar sa tingin at mga ngiti ni Wendy kaya inirapan ko ito.

 

She eyed Seulgi. "Seulgi, take care of my friend, okay? You know, I trust you."

 

"Yes, Wends!" Sumaludo pa ang oso.

 

Umalis na si Wendy at nakatayo pa rin ako sa kinatatayuan ko. Nginingitian naman ako netong oso'ng nasa harapan ko.

 

"You heard Wendy, didn't you?" Her smirk is like telling me that, 'follow-what-wendy-said-because-i-won-this-time-'

 

"That doesn't mean I have to follow her."

 

"But that means I need to follow your friend's words."

 

Naalala kong kailangan ko pa lang kausapin si Seulgi. "Okay. Let's have lunch together."

 

"Yes!" She jumped in joy. I stared at her while she's jumping like a kid na binigyan ng laruan ng magulang. She even made a fist and did a the 'yes' action. I can see how her eyes formed into crescents and her cheeks became monays.

 

Kung hindi lang siguro ako bina-badtrip nito araw-araw, siguro I'm treating her like a sister now. 

 

She's cute.

 

----

 

"Can't believe that you really let me join you." She said as she smiles widely at me, she's munching her pringles.

 

"Gustong gusto mo naman."

 

"Siyempre! Like you turned down my offer everytime I asked you. This is the first time we had lunch together, you know?"

 

"Lunch tapos pringles yang kinakain mo."

 

"Bakit? The best kaya tong pringles. You want some?" Kumukha siya ng isang chip and she stretched her arm, gesture na parang sinasabing isusubo niya sa akin yung chip na 'yon. I glared at her.

 

"Don't enjoy the moment, Kang Seulgi. I need to talk to you about something." I said seriously.

 

"Ohh. Aaminin mo na ba sa aking gusto mo rin ako?"

 

"No."

 

"Ouch. No talaga, Joohyun?"

 

"Unnie. Call me unnie sabi eh."

 

"Sunbae." She cleared . 

 

"Anong gusto mong sabihin?"

 

"I want you to stop liking me."

 

Her face became serious. She frowned and straightened her lips. She leaned her back on her chair and crossed her arms.

 

"I won't give up on you, Bae Joohyun. Kaya kahit ilang beses mo sabihing ihinto ko yung nararamdaman ko sa 'yo, I will never do that. I'll keep on fighting."

 

"What if you're efforts are becoming useless, Seulgi? I can't reciprocate your feelings. Ilang beses ko ng sinabi sayo yan."

 

"I don't mind if my efforts are becoming useless. Atleast I tried  I tried expressing my feelings for you the way I can, Joohyun." 

 

"Pero Seulgi, you're just wasting your time." I said. She leaned forward sa may lamesa and she placed her chin on both her palms. Looking at me.

 

"I'm not with you right now if I think I'm just wasting my time.

 

"You know, everytime I'm with you I can feel that I'm living. You always make me feel alive. Even if I'm aware that there's no chance you'd reciprocate my feelings, kuntento na ako sa kung anong meron tayo sa totoo lang. Knowing that you know me and my feelings for you. Knowing that you're giving me attention, it's enough for me, Joohyun. Enough at the same time not enough. Everything I feel towards you is ironical. Haha. I can't explain, really. All I'm sure about is that I want you to be mine, you know?"

 

"I c-can't--"

 

"Shhh. Stop giving me the same answer, Joohyun. I heard you say that a hundred of times now. I'm aware you can't. I'm aware you don't like. I won't ask you the reason. I'm already hurting, I don't want to hurt myself more."

 

"Gosh. I'm sorry, Seulgi." Napayuko ako. Naiinis ako palagi sa kaniya, pero hindi ko naman alam na nasasaktan ko na pala siya. 

 

"Bakit hindi mo pigilan yung nararamdaman mo kung nasasaktan na pala kita?"

 

Huminga siya ng malalim at umiling-iling. She smiled, halatang pilit.

 

"Ayaw mo ba talaga sa akin? Because I'm gay? Because I'm a girl?" I see, she's changing the topic now. Okay.

 

"No, it's not like that."

 

"I know that's your reason, Joohyun."

 

She's right. I can't imagine myself being with a girl. I never felt an attraction towards a girl. I can't see Seulgi being someone who I can be with. Kahit na ma-effort siya. Kahit na nacu-cute-an ako sa kaniya. I can be friends with her but that's all. 

 

"Fine. You're right, Seul. I really can't imagine being with someone, being with a girl."

 

"Ahh." She nodded. 

 

"I'm really sorry, Seul. If you want, I can make you straight." I slapped my inner self for telling that. Aish! Think before you speak, Joohyun! Damn.

 

Napatawa naman si Seulgi ng mahina. Nang nakakaloko. "But I can make you bend, Joohyunnie."

 

Sinabi niya yun with a husky voice. With a deep voice. I find that voice y. Namalayan kong nag-iinit ang mga pisngi ko kaya tinago ko ang mukha ko gamit ang mga palad ko. "What the heck are you saying?" I said hiding the feelings I really felt. 

 

Damn it. Why the heck did I find her voice y?

 

---

 

If only I didn't meet that kid that day. If only I didn't approach her that day. If only I didn't find her cute that day, I wouldn't face this disaster she's giving me. Yeah, a real freakin' disaster. Didn't I make myself clear yesterday? 

 

"Accept this, Joohyunie!" She smiles at me sweetly. Damn it. 

 

"Kang Seulgi." 

 

"There. I love it when you say my full name, Joohyunie."

 

"Don't call me with that nickname, Kang."

 

"Accept this then!" She waved the buoquet of purple hydrangeas she's holding.

 

"I can't accept that, Kang."

 

"Please.." she pouted her lips and looked at me as if she's a kitten who's asking for milk from her mother. Damn it.

 

I grabbed the flowers from her and glared at her deadly. "Okay, I'm gonna accept this for now. Pero ngayon lang. Sa susunod talagang may ibibigay ka pa sa akin, I swear, Kang Seulgi."

 

"So you're expecting me to give you something the next time?" Nilagay niya ang dalawang kamay niya sa likod ng ulo niya at sumipol. I rolled my eyes at her.

 

"Oo! Mag-e-expect talaga ako. Siyempre! May gusto ka sa akin diba?" Nasabi ko na lang out of annoyance. This Kang and her guts.

 

"Gustong gusto mo namang may gusto ako sa 'yo, Joohyun-unnie!" Tinaas-baba niya ang kilay, halatang nang-aasar. Once again, I glared at her.

 

"And you're enjoying the attention I'm giving you, Kang Seulgi." I smirked with a hint of annoyance.

 

"Ohhh.. You know what, my name sounds one million times better when you say it."

 

"Every name I say would sound billion times better, Seulgi." You wanna flirt with me huh? Fine. Since I'm in the mood, why not? 

 

"Yeah, you're right."

 

"But my name sounds trillion times better whenever you say it."

 

Lumapit siya sa akin at nagulat ako nang nilapat niya ang likod ng kamay niya sa leeg ko. Nagulat naman ako sa ginawa niya kaya natulala ako. Wait, sinabi ko bang natulala ako? Bakit ako matutulala?

 

"Hey, what the heck are you doing, Seulgi?" I said at hinawakan ko ang kamay niyang nasa leeg ko at tinanggal ito. Gosh, her hand is so warm. I like the warmth of her hand. Wait, did I say I like it? No! She's touching me and I hate it.

 

"Checking if you have fever." Seryosong sagot niya at tumingin sa kamay niyang hinawakan ko.

 

"You held my hand, Joohyun."

 

Seriously speaking, I like it when you say my name too.

 

Wait, what the ? What's wrong with me, really? Maybe because of the flowers she gave me, that's why I'm acting like this.

 

"Tinanggal ko lang yung kamay mo sa leeg ko, Seulgi. You're invading my personal space. Watch yourself. I don't like it when someone's touching me." Talaga ba, Joohyun?

 

Wtf? Bakit ba napaka-ano ng konsensya ko sa akin.

 

"I like the version of you a moments ago." She said.

 

"It made me think that you're finally liking me." She chuckles.

 

"But nevermind, haha."

 

I stared at the flowers I'm holding. "Bakit mo naisipang bigyan ako nito?"

 

"Kasi gusto ko."

 

"Ahh. You know what these flowers mean?"

 

"Yes. Of course! That's why I chose them. They remind me of you."

 

"How?" I smiled while looking at the buoquet.

 

"Because they are purple. You love purple, don't you?"

 

"Y-yeah. How did you know?"

 

"It's obvious Joohyun."

 

"I said call me unnie."

 

"I said I don't like calling you unnie, sunbae.

 

"And you're beautiful."

 

"What?"

 

"Hydrangeas remind me of you because you're beautiful."

 

"But I'm more beautiful than these flowers, Seulgi."

 

"Nope. You may be beautiful but these flowers are more beautiful than you, sunbae." She stuck her tounge out. 

 

"Okay. They may be more beautiful than me, as you think, but I made you fell in love with me, and these flowers can't do that, can they? Hah. Only Bae Joohyun can make Kang Seulgi fell in love." I said playfully as I look at Seulgi who's hiding her face from me.

 

"Hoy Seulgi, okay ka lang?" Natatawa kong tanong sa kaniya habang tinatanggal ang mga kamay niyang nakaharang sa mukha niya.

 

"Damn it, Bae. How dare you do this to me!" Tinanggal niya ang mga kamay na nakaharang sa mukha niya at natawa ako because her face is as red as tomato!

 

"Look at your face, Seulgi! Ganiyan mo ba talaga ako kagusto." Pang-aasar ko rito at tinusok-tusok ang tagiliran nito.

 

"Gustong-gusto mo talagang may gusto ako sa 'yo, Joohyun noh?" Natigilan naman ako sa pagtusok-tusok sa tagiliran niya ng hinawakan niya ang kamay ko.

 

"You're right. Only Bae Joohyun can make Kang Seulgi fall in love." She held my hand tightly. 

 

I have no idea how should I react. She's literally few inches away from me. Gusto ko mang ibaling yung paningin ko sa ibang bagay pero parang magnet yung titig niya sa akin. I can't think about anything. I just want to stare at her eyes, at her face.

 

I love her monolids. They looked like cat's eyes. I love how expressive they are. I can see through them her affection for me. 

 

I glanced at her nose. It's pointed. Pointed but cute. I