Just Winter making Karina go against everything she was used to.

Taylor Swift - Death By A Thousand Cuts

(A good amount of the story took inspiration from Tamako Love Story)

 

For the past few days, Karina found comfort in laying flat on her bed while mindlessly staring at her ceiling.

 

Well, technically not mindlessly because her head was so full of thoughts it’s been going numb to the point of nothing at all. Her friends have been clowning her for spending the first days of summer after their high school graduation this way, but what else can she do?

 

All her friends are soon moving to Seoul, accepting University offers left to right while Karina is going to take a gap year. Don’t get her wrong, Karina is smart, in fact, she’s received scholarships from universities there too, but her dad wanted her to take a gap year to have experience in their HQ in Seoul for experience before majoring in business.

 

Yes her dad is a CEO, sure you can call her a chaebol but she might kick your shins. 

 

The thought of university and the change that would happen in her life scared her. 

 

Karina looks out her open window only to sigh again for the 3rd day in a row as she sees that her across-the-street neighbour still has her blinds completely shut. 

 

Her across-the-street neighbour, family friend, and best friend, Winter Kim. 

 

They’ve been friends since pre-school, meeting when the neighbourhood a little outside of the large city was constructed. The girl was special to her, as they experienced each other’s highs and lows, throughout puberty even. They shared secrets that they wouldn’t dare tell others, not even to Ning Ning and Giselle.

 

Their secrets that they would whisper from a paper cup with a long string being the only thing that connected them in the depths of the night.

 

Karina smiles just thinking about it. 

 

Though, their senior year, Karina knew something was wrong. How it felt like Winter was hiding something from her, she remembers how much the feeling irked her. 

 

They tried corning her about it, but she told them that it was a secret that she would never tell because it wouldn’t matter soon and that it wasn’t a big deal. Karina didn’t believe her, Winter was playing with her fingers, almost nervous. The Winter she knows is never nervous. 

 

When graduation came, Winter happily told them that she got accepted to Seoul National University, they were all happy for her but Winter said she might not accept it because Karina was staying back. Karina urged her to accept the offer, but Winter was so adamant about staying with her instead.

 

Karina figured that this was the secret, but the timeline in her head just didn’t make sense. She let it go… until 3 days ago. 

 

 

3 days ago.

It was a Tuesday, a normal Tuesday with her typical morning walks with Winter. All went well until a certain life-changing moment that Karina recalls.

 

They were by a river, small stepping stones laying there that they were so familiar with. Winter and Karina stood on land though, just watching the birds fly over the body of water.

 

“H-hey Karina?” Winter asks, facing her. The early morning sun made her face even prettier than normal, or maybe Karina got too much sleep or lack thereof.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Listen I-” Karina waits for her friends to continue, but nothing comes. So she doesn’t dwell on it and continues to watch the birds from afar. She feels the sudden absence of the girl and notices that she starts walking along the stepping stones, farther and farther. As a habit from their childhood, Karina follows right behind her because she always follows Winter around.

 

In fact, she would probably follow her to the edge of Earth. She closely watches Winter make an abrupt stop on a stone that she didn’t notice, in the process, tripping on her own foot. Karina was just waiting on her own downfall, bracing herself for the impact, but yet again, nothing came. She opens her eyes slowly to meet Winter’s worried ones.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“U-uh yes sorry about that” Karina straightens herself, taking note that they barely fit together on one stepping stone. Karina was going to step on the next one over when she felt Winter’s grip on her wrist tighten.

 

“Karina”

 

The seriousness in her tone made Karina’s thoughts on how to escape her embarrassment stop completely, looking at the girl in front of her. 

 

“I-I’m… I’m planning to move out of Ulsan and to Seoul” Winter painfully breathes out. Karina blinks, processing the words that came out of Winter’s pretty mouth.

 

“T-that’s great Winter! I’m so proud of-” 

 

“Karina! Don’t you get it? I won’t be by your side, or at least not until your gap year is over. I can’t walk across the street to see you or look outside my window just to see you looking out of yours anymore!” It was obvious how desperate Winter was to see Karina feel an ounce of disappointment or for her to beg her to stay, Karina didn’t notice at that time but inside she felt that. 

 

But Winter knew what her best friend was like, how she would never act on her selfish needs. Winter wished Karina would be a little more selfish.

 

Karina just gives her a reassuring smile, one which Winter did not reciprocate back.

 

“That wouldn’t be a problem, Winter. Do you live in the 50s? We can call, text, video call, even mail each other letters if you want!”

 

“Karina…”

 

“It’s not like I’m going to lose my best friend, right? It’s only a city away after all” Karina almost chokes on her words, she made sure not to show Winter anything that isn’t happiness. People knew Karina to be a person who only looked at the positive after all. But, as if the news wasn’t shocking enough, Karina wasn't even prepared for the next one coming.

 

“I’m in love with you”

 

Karina hates how not in touch with herself she felt at that moment. She was hyper-aware of her breathing, her heart rate, their distance, and the contact their skin made. It felt like the first time Winter told her she loved her, in a best friend type of way. A surge of something, probably love, but her mind held herself back. Karina wasn’t familiar with all aspects of love, she doesn't like unfamiliarity.

 

She takes a step back… into the shallow river, causing her to lose balance and fall in. Winter’s hands were too late to grab her waist.

 

That day, Karina ran back home, on her own.

 

Karina lets her head sink deeper into the pillow thinking about that day, her finger hovering over the call button under Winter’s contacts. She can call her, like how she usually would, like that day didn’t even happen, but would Winter answer her like she usually would? 

 

It’s something she can find out only when she tries, but she doesn’t want to know the answer to the question, or at least not yet. 

 

Does Karina even want things to go back to how they were? 

 

Right before she falls asleep, Karina receives a message from their group chat. Ning Ning invites Giselle, Winter, and Karina over to her newly bought condo.

 

The thought of her friends helps Karina drift into slumber.

 

At the start of highschool, Winter and Karina found Ning Ning lost on their campus, they were informed later on that the girl recently moved to Korea and was having a hard time navigating through highschool. They took her in like their own. 

 

Later, once comfortable with the two Koreans, Ning Ning strung along a friend she met in her foreign exchange class, Giselle. After that school year, the four of them were stuck like glue. 

 

Their fondest memory was when all their parents decided to let them have a trip, on their own, to Jeju island during their sophomore year. They did absolutely everything they could fit into their little planners, if you asked Karina if she would want to relive those days again, she would say that she would.

 

Because the past is definite, it makes Karina feel warm and fuzzy, and Karina likes feeling comfortable.

 

“Hello honey”

 

Karina smiles at the sight of her grandma reading by her favourite south-facing window. Because of her grandmother, she learned to love the spot as well, especially during her free time, Karina would be found reading there.

 

“Hey, grandma!”

 

“What’s your plan for today, little CEO” Karina gives her a small laugh, waving her hand dismissively at the nickname. “Going to start a new book?”

 

“Nope, going over to Ning Ning’s house… right about now actually. Do you remember Ning Ning?”

 

Her grandma squints her eyes, trying to unlock the memory of her granddaughter ever mentioning anyone named Ning Ning, then her eyes light up, seemingly remembering. 

 

“Oh! The pretty girl with a lovely Japanese mother?”

 

Karina giggles “No~ That’s Giselle! It’s fine, but tell Irene that I’m out if she’s ever looking for me” She gives her a kiss on the forehead.

 

“Sure honey- Oh, by the way, are you carpooling with Winter?” Karina stiffened at the mention of the name, and it didn’t seem to go unnoticed. “Are you not? All right then, have a good time honey”

 

“Haha.. alright see you!”

 

Once out of the door and walking towards her shiny black car, Karina frowns at the fact that Winter did not in fact ask her if she wanted to be driven… like they usually would. She didn’t spot the girl’s car in the driveway, so she concluded that she was already there.

 

Throughout the whole drive, Karina’s mind was filled with thoughts, but one occupying the most space.

 

She was waiting for the door to ring. Laying upside down on Ning’s living room couch, legs extended to the wall, was Winter with Giselle, looking at her weirdly.

 

“Something’s up” the Japanese girl comments. 

 

Winter keeps a neutral face, ignoring how her long black hair touched the grey rug.

 

“Nothing is up”

 

Giselle shakes her head, adamant to get the truth out of the girl. “No- No. Something is up. You’re hanging out with me more than usual!” Winter snorts, thinking how sad that sounded.

 

“What do you mean? Ning Ning is in the kitchen and Karina is on her way”

 

“Yes but… ugh whatever” they stayed silent for a while after that, just the sound of Ning Ning trying to make homemade pizza in the kitchen “It’s Karina isn’t it?”

 

Winter knew Giselle enough to miss the disappointment in her voice but chose to ignore it because there's a bigger problem in front of her, she’s been found out. 

 

“No, not everything has to be about her. I told you all, right? I’m going to Seoul” out of defeat, Giselle sighs, hugging a fluffy throw pillow closer to her body as she turns her attention to the TV show on the screen.

 

<