15: Third month and missing ChewNever Together
It was the day of our first comeback of the year, the 3rd month since Tzuyu left me alone. To say that I was mad because on all of the times I have sent her messages, she only seen zoned me, was wrong. I truly understood why Tzuyu left JYP, I understand now why she did it. I can't stop messaging her though, it has only been three months and second day since she dropped off the baked goodies for us along with Mina's birthday cake. I wanted to see her, I wished for the nth time today that my Magazine Photoshoot had finished early, then maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to meet Tzuyu again. We were getting our make up done, I was already done and was now waiting for the rest of Twice to get ready.
I've read the first of the three letters Tzuyu left to Yoo. The one labeled 'When you're feeling sad.' I read this letter once I was back at the dorm, a day after I was hospitalized. It brought me great comfort, despite her absence, it felt like she was just in Taiwan and would be back soon from her vacation. She really knows the right things to say. She was the sole person among my members that knows how to make me smile. She was the only one who I told all my worries about being a member of Twice. She was the only person who cradled me in her arms that night Dahyun missed practice. She was the only person who listened to me cry, she was the only one who cooed me to sleep.
She has seen me at my worst days, she was the first person who knew me as Minatozaki Sana, the girl who trained tirelessly for three years at JYP Entertainment. My favorite memory of us was that same night when Dahyun missed practice. That night as she cuddled me into her arms as I cried my heart out from all the exhaustion and desperation I felt, she whispered these words to me; 'You are a Minatozaki, you could've been a Japanese Royal, I'm sure we'll go through everything with out a hitch, I'm always rooting for you, Sana Unnie.' I heard her say those words before finishing things off with a light chuckle. She wiped my tears and told me to sleep, she reasoned that I needed to sleep, because we have a long day for the next 3 days.
She held me tighter into her arms, she allowed me to sleep for the night. Had this been on a normal setting, I'd be sleep walking and talking. Momo my bestie has witnessed countless nights of me sleep walking and talking. But that was the first night I haven't slept walk and talked. Mic was especially vigilant towards me, because the first night back from the hospital, I began sleep walking and talking again, Mic even filmed me on that episode of sleep walking and talking. She showed me the following morning.
Mic sleeps now cuddling me, her legs are on top of mine. So that I wouldn't sleep walk. So far, she was awakened by me sleep talking and crying. She whispers to me to hush and that Tzuyu and I will be together soon. Then according to her, I'd fall back asleep. I was so lucky that I have a member like Mic. Jihyo was the literal God among the members. The power of her voice was enough to shut Park PDnim down or anyone who chooses to criticize her. Truly her nickname God Jihyo suited her well. She served as the protector of Twice against Park PDnim. I was brought out of my own reverie when Momo sat beside me.
"My Satang is lost in thoughts again, mind sharing your thoughts? Is it Baby Chu again?" Momo said as she tucked a stray hair back behind my ears.
"I miss her, Momo." Was the only thing I could say without crying.
My mind kept berating me not to cry, because it'll ruin my make up. Momo suddenly smiled at me and encircled me in a hug.
"I know she heard of our scheduled comeback, she'll probably watch your performance, so stop feeling sad. Smile, my Satang, don't let anyone's decision fall heavy on you. Tzuyu didn't decide to leave JYP because of you, she decided she had enough of Park PDnim, always keep that in mind." Momo whispered into my ears and continued to linger into the hug.
She pulls away after a minutes of silence.
"Smile, my lovely bestie. Smile for Tzuyu and our onces." Momo said.
I leaned my head to her shoulders and said.
"I'll try Momoring. I can't promise, but I'll work hard." I replied.
She allowed me to use her shoulder as my head rest until it was time for us to perform.
"One in a million, Annyeonghaseyo, Twice imnida!" We bowed before our performance, the format of the shows in Korea are like this, before every performance, a group interview with snippets of our lyrics or highlight chorepgraphy is shot, then a commercial break then back to us on our stage performance.
Somi who competed with us on Sixteen was one of the hosts for Inkigayo. Somi introduced us using the title track I'll be your good girl.
"The bad girls of Twice is back with their new song I'll be your good girl. Let's give it up to Twice!" Somi exclaimed and Somi together with the camera crews, rushed to our side.
The interview has commenced, we were asked about the concept. Yoo explained that this was the third installment of our album Eyes wide open and I can't stop me, which had two main songs that depicted Twice falling into temptations and being reckless, like the story goes in the Catholic's Bible. The second installment which was the single and title track I can't stop me, was us making a deal with the demons like in the Book of Revelations, causing the War between the Archangels and the Dragons or the Demons.
Then, it was my turn to speak.
"Deh. This third installment depicts the triumphs of the Archangels, putting a close on the trilogy. We hope you'll love our new song, please give us lots of love! We promise we'll be your good girls." I butted in.
"We'll be right back here on Inkigayo! So, stay tuned!" Jihyo said.
After the camera pans out, we were ushered into the stage. We got ready for our initial formation. It only takes a minute for the commercial to finish, then we'll be back live. I was the center of this formation, we again had a flower formation. Hands will be waving as well as bodies. Dahyun and I are supposed to have a dance move together, but I successfully declined and suggested that Momo and Dahyun should do this. Luckily everyone agreed. Everyone was considerate enough to avoid pairing me with Dahyun. It was the least I could do since Chewy left me.
Momo was right earlier. She'll definitely watch our performance. So, I decided to smile, like I used to before Tzuyu left JYP. Momo's words were enough to boost my mood. The in-ear monitors sounded.
'Artist on Stage, Intro 2, 3, 4'
We started to wave our hands in different directions. Then body rolls.
'Verse 1. 2, 3, 4'
We danced through the first verse and so on and so forth. Soon, we were done with our performance.
We went back to the Green Room and watched the rest of the show through the monitoring television in the Green Room. We sat around the green room. I wasn't in the mood to be vibing with my other members. I chose to settle down at a corner and watched as the rest of the members were being noisy and loud. Laughing like the crazy people they are. In normal circumstances, I would join their jokes, laugh and try to initiate skinship with them. But, since Tzuyu left, I lost all my desires to act cute and initiate skinship with my members.
Since that day, I avoided Dahyun like the plague. SaiDa was a work thing. I'd only be with her when Park PDnim says we do a live or other content. But promotions like this, I s