Donghae is uncomfortable.

He had woken up a little sweaty from a nightmare and had been upset to find that he was alone. Hyukkie had left him a note reminding him that he'd had to leave early for a meeting down in Gangwon. And he won't be back until the evening.

Donghae had been okay for the most part after waking up.

He showers. He eats a good, balanced meal and then finds Shindong in the kitchen.

"Teach me to cook!" Donghae requests from the chef. Shindong stops his work dicing onions, turning to him. 

"What would you like to make?" he asks. Donghae stops. He hadn't thought that far.

“Um,” Donghae says. “Hyukkie’s favourite?” 

Shindong chuckles, ruffling Donghae’s hair. 

"That's a little too difficult for a beginner," he says. "How about we bake some cookies instead?"

Donghae's eyes widen.

"Cookies? Yes!" he says, bouncing on his feet. "Can we?" He loves cookies. He loves all sweets, really, and Hyukjae likes them too, so he can make the cookies and save some for his husband when he gets home. 

Shindong chuckles again and opens a few cabinets, pulling out an assortment of ingredients, bowls, mixers, and measuring spoons.

“I’ll walk you through it, okay?” he says. Donghae nods. "First, put in three cups of flour."

Donghae scrambles through the measuring cups to find the right one and fills it with flour.

"Done!" he says.

"Okay, and then one teaspoon of baking soda," Shindong says and Donghae obeys. It's relaxing, he finds, to measure out the right amount of the ingredients and then mix them together.

"How do you know all of these measurements and ingredients?" Donghae asks as he uses his hands to ball up the dough for each cookie. He puts his first one carefully on the tray Shindong had given him.

"Well, I've done it many times," Shindong says. "It's the same way you know where the arteries of the human are, or how to throw a knife accurately, right?"

Donghae makes a noise of understanding.

"That makes sense," he says. He finishes his last few cookie balls before grinning up at Shindong. The chef laughs. Donghae tilts his head. "What is it?"

"Here," Shindong says, handing him a wet towel. "You have flour on your face."

"Oh," Donghae says, scrubbing his face with the towel. "Better?"

"Much," Shindong says. "Why don't you head out. There are a few things in the oven right now, but I'll put them in and you can come to get them later."

Donghae pouts—he had wanted to see them bake.

"Okay," he says reluctantly. He looks at the cookies one last time before sighing. "I'll see you later, then!"

Shindong gives him a wave, and Donghae heads off. Without the hustle and bustle of the kitchen, it feels strangely quiet. He bites his lip, clenching his fist. His nails dig into his palm, and that pain helps momentarily quiet the roaring in his brain.

"Donghae?" he hears Siwon say. Donghae perks up, turning around. 

"Siwon!" he calls, throwing himself at his bodyguard. Siwon doesn’t flinch, catching him and hoisting him up.

"Hello Donghae," Siwon says. Donghae makes a vague noise of greeting. "How are you?"

Donghae shrugs. He doesn't know how to communicate what he's feeling: the roaring in his ears when it's quiet and the itch that has settled under his skin. And even though it was easier to ignore when Shindong was teaching him to bake, it’s steadily getting worse.

“What are you doing today?” he asks Siwon instead.

“Well,” Siwon says, adjusting his grip on Donghae so that he’s sitting higher up on his hip. “I was planning on doing a little target practice.”

Donghae fidgets a little.

“Can I join you?” he asks.

“Of course,” Siwon says, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Donghae giggles, wrinkling his nose. He's glad that Siwon doesn’t put him down as they walk to the range in the backyard, and he settles into Siwon’s grip, resting his head on Siwon’s shoulder. 

"Hey, I'm going to put you down now, okay?" Siwon mutters when they get to the backyard shooting range. Donghae hums and slides off of him. 

He spots Heechul at one side of the otherwise empty range. The man is cleaning a sniper rifle, and Donghae jogs over. 

"Heechul! You should join us," Donghae says. "Please?"

Heechul blinks up at him, for a second before he puts his sniper rifle down. 

"Some shooting?" he says. Donghae nods. "Okay."

Donghae grins, taking Heechul’s hand and pulling him over to where Siwon is setting everything up. Siwon wordlessly hands him his gun. 

"Thank you," Donghae says. He sends the target back and holds his gun out. 

Shooting is of second nature to him at this point—he never misses. But he hates shooting the way he was trained to, precisely so only a single bullet hole is visible in the target.

Instead, he shoots a pattern into the target and brings it back. He unclips it, admiring the heart he'd shot into the paper before he hands it to Heechul.

"Here," he says, grinning. Heechul takes it, his eyes tracing the heart.

"Thank you, Hae," he says. 

"What about me?" Siwon says, pulling him into a hug. Donghae laughs. 

"I was going to do one for you too," he says. Siwon growls, nuzzling his cheek. 

"You better," Siwon teases as Donghae giggles, trying to break free. Siwon holds onto him for another few seconds before letting him go. 

Donghae loads another target onto the clip and sends it back. He reloads his gun slowly, one bullet at a time, rather than taking one of the preloaded clips. When he's finished, he pushes the clip back into the gun, turns off the safety, and aims.

It only takes him a minute to make another heart in the target for Siwon.

“Here you go,” Donghae says. Siwon takes it and smiles, kissing him on the cheek again.

“Thank you, that’s very nice of you,” he says. 

Donghae beams. 

With the individual target practice now done and boring, they set up some moving targets as a challenge. It’s a little more fun, especially when Heechul shows Donghae the newest inventory of rifles and pistols. Guns have never been a weapon that Donghae prefers, but it’s still nice to do some target practice every once in a while.

They shoot until the sun starts to dip, and both Siwon and Heechul have other obligations to fulfil. Donghae latches onto Heechul for a little while before finally letting go when Heechul has to leave.

“I’ll find you later, okay?” Heechul reassures, ruffling his hair and Donghae sighs.

He’s once again alone. He debates going to find Kyuhyun and asking him for help but ultimately decides against it. He can wait until Hyukjae gets home.

He heads back to his room and sits down on the bed. He wrings his hands, gritting his teeth at the roaring in his ears. He can’t shake the feeling that he hasn’t completed a task that was given to him, that he was missing something and in the next minute or so, his father will come through the door to punish him for failing to do what was assigned.

He knows there’s really only one way to fix this, as it so often happens after staying idle for so long. The distractions today had helped him ignore it for a while, but he just can’t ignore it any longer.

He needs to do something. 

"Love?" he hears Hyukjae say from behind him and suddenly, all of his worries momentarily disappear. He turns, beaming at the sight of his husband. He loves Hyukjae so, so much, that sometimes he doesn't know what to do with himself. Granted, Donghae doesn’t know what to do with a lot of his emotions most of th