Musika at ikaw

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Passion. A strong, uncontrollable feeling. Sabi nila, it’s something you should be doing.’Yung bagay na kumbaga ay “calling” mo. Isang bagay na na-eenjoy mong gawin and at the same time, you value it so much. Tipong makakaya mong hindi magtrabaho o mag-aral, pero kahit kailan you can’t give it up. Para bang naka-program ka na mahalin ‘yun ng buong puso dahil iyon ang alam mong para sa’yo--walang nagdikta, sadyang meron kayong connection.


Nung una, it was just a mere liking naman talaga. Walang deeper means--tamang for fun lang talaga, it was a ‘hobby’ as they call it.


Music. It has been there since she was a child. She was born in a musically-inclined family or, ‘yung mommy niya lang talaga. She was her mom’s prodigy, the first reason why she wanted to be a known musician someday. Bata pa lang siya, ginusto na niyang umakyat sa podium na ‘yun at mag-perform like her mother. She was a violinist, a renowned one. She would do tours, concerts, and it was an unending series of composition releases.


“Mommy, someday… I want to be like you po.” She was that one innocent, cheerful young girl. She lived with the music until it became her passion.


It was her comfort, and home. Para bang yakap-yakap siya ng mommy niya everytime she would sit in front of a piano, and let her heart flow out emotions for her hands to put the right pressure on the keys, hitting the right notes. For her, she would compare her life to music--no, music was her life.


Kapag galit siya, it was the piano who was there to express her anger, accepting the pressure and harsh hitting of notes. Naging tool niya ang piano para ilabas kung ano man ang nararamdaman niya. It’s her buddy, her first-ever best friend, and her dearest treasure. Ilayo mo na ang lahat sa kaniya basta ‘wag lamang ang piano niya. Absurd? No, imagine being separated from something that made you feel so fulfilled. ‘Yung tipong lahat man ng burden sa mundo mailagay sa balikat mo, but as long as you have it, you know you can survive. It was that deep, music, piano, and her--Irene.


She would rewatch her mother’s concert tapes to enjoy and learn every note she plays, feeling the emotions that were brought by every verse. She formed a connection that is so deep, and rooted to music to the point na isang kakaibang nota, o pahinga… alam na niya. May mali, isang malaking mali.


She was listening to her mother’s latest piece, her latest composition. A piece with an empty title--what? Muling tiningnan ni Irene and lalagyan ng hawak niyang vinyl record. There was nothing but a blank space. Maski pangalan ng mommy niya ay hindi nakalagay doon.


It was puzzling for her, what was the reason? Para saan? It was released to the public, right?


Holding the vinyl record case, she exited the music room and went upstairs, sa office ng Daddy niya.


“Do you think this craze of yours will bring any good sa anak natin?!” 


Irene was too clueless, and innocent to understand. Everything was nothing but mere noises.


“She’ll have a brighter future if she pursues medicine, rather than wasting her time listening to useless vinyls of yours. Stop this fantasy, she deserves better… be a mother, don’t be selfish.”


Hindi na kumatok si Irene at pumasok sa office, she was too occupied, finding the name or any written word on the vinyl record case to even focus on what her parents were arguing about.


“Mommy, bakit walang nakasulat dito? What’s the title--” Napatigil si Irene, eyes wide at the sight of her father snatching the case in her hands to tear it apart, and burn it in front of her eyes.


Napaawang na lamang ang labi niya sa nasaksihan. Her mind is full of questions, as to why he did that.




“Take your mom out of my office…” Hindi gumalaw si Irene at humawak lamang sa kamay ng ina niya.


“What? Anong hinihintay niyo? Go!” Irene was surprised, making her jolt a little. Hindi niya pa nakikitang magaling ang ama niya, it was the first time.


Little did she know that leaving that office that day was the start of these unwanted changes. This uneventful, and puzzling reality she has to move in.


“Don’t you ever do what I did…” There were tears in her face, and pain in her eyes. Irene was too innocent, wiping away the tears from her mother’s face, hugging her to calm her down without knowing why.


“Tahan na, mommy… music is always there for you…” Saad niya. Irene’s mother laughed at the statement she had said.


“But I can’t be there for music anymore, anak… it’s tiring me out.” More tears flowed down her mother’s face.


“Why, mommy? Music is within us, you said--sabi mo, lahat tayo may sariling musika sa loob ng utak at puso nila… why would you say that?” Indeed, Irene was too young to understand.


Araw, Linggo, Buwan, Taon… maraming nagbago, at maraming nag-iba. Sabi nga nila, hindi naman habambuhay mong gugustuhin ang isang bagay. Hindi habambuhay mamahalin mo ang isang bagay. Ayaw niyang paniwalaan iyon, hindi niya kayang tanggapin iyon. It was too senseless, and too ridiculous for Irene. Passion was never meant to be tiresome--it was meant to relieve, and save you from whatever it is that drowns you.


“Mommy… I miss playing the piano with you…” Irene stopped herself from tearing up, witnessing her mother’s state. The previously renowned violinist is now here, a hospital number badge was on her shirt, staring at nothingness.


“Piano? Piano?! You should never play with it! It’s dangerous, it will kill you! It will eat you to bits, it will bury you alive!” Ramdam ni Irene ang pagkabasag ng puso niya sa nakikita. Her mom wasn’t like this, she could’ve been better than this.


“Mommy, balik ka na oh… samahan mo na ulit ako sa bahay… let’s play--” Napahawak si Irene sa ulo niya. There was blood. Agad niyang tiningnan ang ina niya na ngayon ay hawak na ng mga nurse.


“Please proceed to the nearest Emergency Room, Ma’am... “ Irene couldn’t believe it. Hindi ito kailanman gagawin ng mommy niya. No, never.


Tiningnan niya ang kamay niyang may dugo, her mom threw the disp

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