“I love you. I always have” 

You broke down after you whispered your confession. Eyes filling up with tears as I took a step back to take it all in. You must have thought I was disgusted, running off to hide in your room. I could hear you crying and it broke my heart.  Broken sobs in between the heavy sighs, muffled words I couldn't understand.

I spent that night thinking of when you could have begun to develop these feelings for me. I couldn’t figure it out until I realized that the fifteen year gap we had was intentional.

You purposely left because you knew we couldn’t be together. I was an idiot. How could I not have realized it sooner? How your breath would hitch when I held you tight and whispered playful words into your flushed ears. How you would never bad mouth my ex-husband and cared for my child as if she was your own. How you started to drink to try and alleviate the pain you felt.

I felt sorry. Sorry I never realized how much pain you must have suffered. How much you suffered throughout these twenty two years we have known each other.

I spent a long time thinking. Thinking about what it would be like to kiss you, to pursue a romantic relationship with you. It didn’t feel right to me. 

When I managed to catch you in the living room a few days later, I kissed you. I kissed you to see