TRIGGER WARNING: blood.

 

 

The first time Yujin had felt the blooming sensation in her chest, it wasn’t entirely unpleasant. At first, it surprised her a bit because the foreign, weird yet tingly feeling intensified in her chest out of blue one peaceful afternoon when she was in the library. The tingly sensation blossomed at the very center of her heart, eventually crawling around her chest like unattended, slithering vines on old cracked walls of an abandoned mansion. It stayed like that until it suddenly burned in a harmless way.

 

But when she looked up from her book in alarm, and her eyes darted on the person in front of her — suddenly, her chest exploded with something. It felt like there were blossomed flowers filling her chest, shimmering, and tingling Yujin’s heart a bit.

 

Yujin was frozen that moment, her eyes wide as they never left to stare at the woman across the table, peacefully reading the book of her choice that time — Unexplainable Rare Conditions of Humans, the Third Edition — a medical book about rare illness some people got which couldn’t be explained thoroughly, as if it was magical. Yujin knew that book very well because Minjoo loved reading those kinds of books. It was rather intriguing, and the older woman wanted to take up Medicine once they entered college next year so she was gathering knowledge about medical stuff.

 

Her breath hitched once she saw Minjoo reaching for the stray hair covering her face, tucking it on the back of her adorable big ear with a slight frown on her face because it was distracting her. The afternoon sunlight was hitting Minjoo’s soft features, making the latter glow even more. And suddenly, it felt like a small, soft thing entered her lungs, stuck, and Yujin’s breathing got even ragged as the blossoming sensation in her chest got stronger as she gaped more.

 

“Are you okay?” Minjoo’s soft, melodic voice entered Yujin’s ears, and flowers exploded within her, snapping her back to reality, shaking her head a bit to collect herself.

 

The corner of Yujin’s lips tugged upwards, giving Minjoo a crooked smile as she pushed back the thoughts forming to the back of her head, and ignored the flowery feeling rumbling in her chest. “Yes.” answered Yujin, and she chuckled when Minjoo’s worried expression on her face didn’t fade, eyeing her best friend closely.

 

A hum came from Minjoo’s throat, and Yujin shivered at the sound, her gaze following Minjoo as she fixed her eyes on the book again.

 

All of a sudden, the flowery and tingly sensation in her chest and heart subsided bit by bit. Yujin was left dumbfounded, clutching her chest gently as she almost got drowned by her thoughts. She shook it off, shrugging that maybe it was just normal, the feeling was away now anyway.

 

It would never happen again.

 

***

 

But it did.

 

The next time it happened, she was with Minjoo again — strolling around the mall, having fun after their exhausting exams. They didn’t get to see each other much these past few days because they were studying like crazy for the midterms but now that it was done, they were free from the hell — they decided to have some fun and loosen up after going through such stress and pressure.

 

“Hey, this ice cream flavour doesn’t at all, surprisingly.” Minjoo commented as she took another scoop of ice cream from her cup, shoving it in then gave out a delighted moan, savouring the tasty flavour.

 

Yujin was distracted for a second, yelping when the ice cream on her own spoon started to melt, droplets of the melted liquid landing on her clean white uniform shirt. She immediately dropped the spoon back to its cup, cursing under her breath as she wiped the mess off her shirt with her own hand.

 

She was surprised when Minjoo reached for her neck to steady her, wiping the part of the shirt that got dirtied with a tissue, gently damping the tissue on the spot — an attempt to remove the small mess even though the liquid penetrated through the cloth already, creating a patch of dot. Yujin didn’t care about it, all she could smell was jasmine from Minjoo, and how close their proximity was.

 

There it was again, the blossoming sensation in her heart, making its way around her chest again. Suddenly, she felt light.

 

Pursing her lips together, Yujin tried to stay still, not liking how she suddenly felt uncomfortable having her best friend being too close like this to her, feeling Minjoo’s slender fingers resting on the exposed skin of her neck and collar. And seeing her up close like this… her heart went wild when it wasn’t supposed to be.

 

Minjoo took a step back after a few damp, crumpling the tissue using her hand then went to the nearby trash can to dispose it before settling beside Yujin again, continuing to eat her ice cream, not aware that Yujin became silent and her mind suddenly malfunctioned like her head just lost a screw.

 

“We should invite Chaewon-unnie and the others soon,” suggested Minjoo out of a sudden, finishing her ice cream, and Yujin continued walking with her ice cream melting on the cup she was holding, matching Minjoo’s pace as she usually did. Even though Yujin was a fast walker, it was already an instinct to match Minjoo’s unhurried pace every time. It was like this ever since they were still kids.

 

Yujin felt the flowery sensation engulf her whole chest as she witnessed Minjoo’s lips curve up into a small meaningful smile when she mentioned that specific name. There was a sudden itch in her chest, and Yujin didn’t like it.

 

She was clueless as to why she was feeling like this, and it was slowly driving her insane. But it couldn’t be helped. The sensation wasn’t too harmful but it was making her feel scary things, and making her think something that she shouldn’t have thought.

 

Her eyes unconsciously went to her best friend again, and her heart raced at the sight of Minjoo. The older yet shorter woman was giggling over a monkey mascot dancing nearby, mimicking his moves slightly while smiling brightly before taking another scoop of her ice cream.

 

These… feelings weren’t here before, that was for sure. Her heart never fluttered hard like this at the simple sight of Minjoo until just recently, and she always saw Minjoo daily so she was so used to seeing her face all the time but why was she getting prettier, and prettier each day to Yujin’s eyes? It was all a sudden, everything was always a sudden. And Yujin was getting off-guard.

 

“Yujin-ie, we should take a picture with that funny monkey,” Minjoo said, squealing excitedly like a child as she tugged the hem of Yujin’s shirt repeatedly, almost shaking in great excitement as her honey doe eyes sparkled at the sight of the mascot then moved her hand to hold the taller woman’s wrist — dragging her.

 

Minjoo’s skin on hers… warm. It was warm, and distracting. It wasn’t like this before. And slightly, it was alarming Yujin a bit because of all of these foreign feelings she was currently feeling when she was with her best friend…

 

Maybe, it didn’t mean anything. Maybe, Yujin was going through a phase where all teenagers went through.

 

She ignored the tingling sensation in her chest again, the soft willowy feeling trying to penetrate gently through her lungs. She could smell a scent of jasmine coming from herself. Minjoo was too far away for Yujin to smell her.

 

A breath was puffed out to calm her racing heart. There was a hint of jasmine on her tongue, a faint scent of the said flower lingering around .

 

***

 

Yujin’s eyes followed Minjoo’s movements from the bleachers with pursed lips. She intently watched the older woman scurry on the court, desperately catching the ball, and received it, passing it to another player. Yujin saw how determined Minjoo looked, with her expression tight and serious, almost scowling and tense knowing the other team was the one leading.

 

It was one of Minjoo’s best traits in Yujin’s opinion. Minjoo was a determined woman, always striving to work hard to achieve something she wanted. Winning, for example. The older woman wasn’t entirely competitive but she was always determined to not bring the others down, she was driven by passion and effort. She was a humble, hard working athlete. As an athlete, too, Yujin was still amazed at how Minjoo could be so intense yet gentle at the same time when it came to her sport of choice. She looked up to her best friend a lot.

 

Just witnessing Minjoo desperately run around the court to follow the ball or support her teammates made Yujin’s heart flip in admiration.

 

Minjoo’s hair was tied up into a bun so it wouldn’t be a distraction, and now disheveled, and damp from sweat, sticking on the side of her face. Her jersey was also drenched, and wet, she had been playing in the court for a long time now since she was one of the aces of the team. Droplets of sweat were rolling down from her temples — she would occasionally wipe it with her palm or the collar of her jersey.

 

Yujin noticed that Minjoo was panting heavily, exhaustion creeping up to her but the flames in her eyes never faded one bit, always remaining in a stance and ready. The taller woman gulped, chewing on her lower lip when Minjoo jumped when the setter gave the ball to her, spiking the ball across the net, and it was a flawless in — she saw the subtle smirk forming on Minjoo’s plump pink lips as she landed on her feet, her eyes sparkling as she high-fived with her teammates.

 

But when Minjoo turned her head to the bleachers where Yujin was, and their eyes met — Yujin could feel another flower blooming inside her, multiplying rapidly as Minjoo threw her a grin, and raised her brow smugly at her as if to say, ‘Did you see that spike? Hmph, be proud of me!’, and Yujin’s chest felt like it was once again filled by beautiful shimmering flowers. It felt like Yujin was laying on top of a pile of flowers.

 

She smelt jasmine as Minjoo gave her another smile before focusing on the game again. She didn’t even get to smile back at her friend.

 

Damn, Yujin’s poor heart was surrounded by jasmine, bewitched by Minjoo.

 

“Oi, Ahn Yujin, snap out of it.” Yena’s voice entered her ears and Yujin flinched on her seat, turning her attention to her friend who was sitting on the bleachers just one row above her — giving her a mischievous, meaningful look while grinning playfully.

 

Rolling her eyes, Yujin shook her head, and gathered her things, putting it in her gym bag then slung it on her shoulders before standing up from her seat. “Let’s go, we still have our own practice.” The taller one said, walking to the exit with Yena following behind with her signature playful smile not leaving her lips.

 

“We won’t wait for the match to finish? Minjoo might search for you,”

 

“No. She knows I also have practice. We might get late if we wait for the game to finish.” Yujin answered, not liking the knowing tone Yena was using. Well, she was already used to it because the older woman liked to all the time.

 

Yena hummed and didn’t respond after, speeding up her pace to match Yujin’s long, fast strides, barely keeping up as she looked up at her, zipping up her windbreaker jacket until her collar. “You know,” She started off, and Yujin knew Yena was ready to tease again. “You looked so in love as you watched Minjoo earlier back there.”

 

Yujin just gave Yena a look of disbelief like she said something ridiculous. “What the hell are you talking about?” asked the taller, almost like a hiss but because of the thought, her heart fluttered a bit.

 

Shrugging, Yena averted her gaze but there was still a knowing smile plastered on her pouty lips, pocketing her hands in her jacket to look a little bit nonchalant. “Well, you always look at your best friend like you’re in love with her, Yujin.” She replied, and before Yujin could even snap, the older swimmer athlete added, “You can always deny it using words but your eyes… they never lie, Yujin. I’ve been witnessing it for years now, and I’ve quite experienced it myself before so I know.”

 

Yena then glanced at Yujin as they entered the pool area, spotting some of their other teammates from the corner, warming up or either talking. Yujin gave Yena a look like the older woman was a complete lunatic but Yena just gave her a playful huff, smacking her arm lightly.

 

“It’s always hard to fall for a close friend. Take your time to sort your feelings out, Yudings.”

 

That afternoon, Yujin was in a complete daze throughout the practice. Coach Kwon nagged at her a few times for being too distracted, and later on asked what was wrong with her. Yujin lied through her teeth that she was fine, and that she was just thinking of her sick dog at home.

 

Yujin could feel Yena’s worried, regretful gaze from afar, even when she was underwater but she ignored it, she knew her friend was just trying to help her admit something that was already there. And Yujin couldn’t breathe.

 

Was she in love with Kim Minjoo? Harboring deep romantic feelings for her instead of sisterly, friendly one? Yujin recalled everything — from the way Minjoo could make her feel until she finally realized that Minjoo indeed made her world shake.

 

Yujin’s heart. It bloomed for Minjoo. Yujin’s flowers. They blossomed for Minjoo.

 

When Yujin resurfaced from the pool, ascending back into the world — she could taste a tinge of jasmine mixed with chlorine on the tip of her tongue again as she desperately gasped for air. And this time. Yujin concluded that she was indeed in love with Kim Minjoo, and she couldn’t escape.

 

***

 

The first petal appeared when Yujin and Minjoo hung out with their group of friends consisting of; Yena, Chaeyeon, Hitomi, Yuri, and Chaewon. It was a weekend and they planned to hang out at the Han River Park, and have a picnic all together.

 

Yujin and Minjoo, as usual, arrived together. Yujin always fetched Minjoo from her house whenever they would go outside.

 

At first, everyone was having a blast. They were loud and noisy as usual. Yujin and Yena chased each other around the grassy field, teasing each other, and Yuri followed after finishing her sandwich. Chaeyeon just laughed on the side with Hitomi, holding their phones up to film their childish antics.

 

Yena and Yujin talked before about the latter’s feelings for Minjoo. She finally admitted, and told Yena how she felt for her best friend, that she had been unconsciously loving and pining on Minjoo for a while now. Yujin was slightly devastated but being in love with Minjoo was almost inevitable.

 

Kim Minjoo was lovely, almost perfect. She was caring, and always by Yujin’s side ever since they were younger. She was like… Yujin’s other half at this point. Without her, Yujin couldn’t even function properly, and it felt like Yujin couldn’t live without Minjoo near her.

 

Yena comforted her, and asked what she should do but Yujin firmly decided to let the feelings be — hoping it would fade, and not bloom further because Minjoo was her best friend. And she would never ruin their close friendship because she caught feelings for Minjoo! She had always known that Minjoo only saw her as her little sister, and best friend that was all — nothing more.

 

And that fact, well, Yujin accepted it but her heart mourned at that.

 

These days, her chest felt heavy, she almost couldn’t breathe every night whenever she was thinking about Minjoo and how beautiful her smile was. And that Yujin wouldn’t be able to call Minjoo ‘hers’. There was always something clogging as she tried to hold back her cries. She would occasionally taste the bitter taste of jasmine.

 

It was driving her insane. It hurt. It was so painful. Something was penetrating her lungs, and it would always make it harder for her to breathe. Maybe it was suffering, maybe it was because she was in great pain that her love might not be reciprocated.

 

After all, Yujin knew that Minjoo was interested in someone. Someone who wasn’t her.

 

Her eyes darted on Minjoo across the field, seeing her sitting on the picnic cloth as she ate her sandwich, scrolling on her phone. Yujin fought back a smile threatening to form on her lips — she was about to run towards the older woman when Yuri suddenly tackled her on the ground with a laugh, and Yena followed suit, laying on top of Yuri — leaving the tallest yet youngest on the very bottom with a groan.

 

And when Yujin looked up to see Minjoo again, she spotted another figure sitting down beside her, and it was Chaewon — it was clear as a day that Minjoo’s cheeks became flushed, and pink when Chaewon sat beside her, offering her a yogurt and Minjoo accepted it with a shy smile.

 

Yujin’s face dropped, and went grim a bit as she watched Chaewon and Minjoo talk wholeheartedly as they sipped on their yogurts. They were staring at each other intently, and the sweet smile on their lips never faded as they talked, like they formed a whole new world with just them occupying it.

 

Something filled Yujin’s chest, and it was burning painfully, crawling all over her chest, and suffocating her. Her heart raged in jealousy. Never did Minjoo look at Yujin like she was her whole world but Yujin always looked at Minjoo like she was the reason that Yujin had existed.

 

Yujin’s throat itched so bad. She wanted to throw up. She couldn’t breathe. A lot of things just filled her chest, not allowing her to breathe at all. And her lungs…

 

Yujin stood up from her spot after Yuri and Yena rolled away from her, opting to chase each other instead. The taller woman tried to regain her normal breathing pattern as she shakily dusted off the grass and dirt stuck on her clothes, her eyes were shaking, and there was something stuck on the back of .

 

In reflex, she gagged a bit, and cleared afterwards — freezing when she realized that something was inside . Something came out from .

 

Slowly, her trembling hand reached for her tightly pursed lips, and finally parted them. Yujin poked her tongue out a bit, and her fingers touched something soft resting on top of her tongue. She grasped it gently with her index finger and thumb, taking it away from .

 

Yujin’s breath hitched when she checked the soft, small thing that she got from — it was a small white flower. Jasmine, Yujin recognized it immediately. It smelt like Minjoo, and it was Minjoo’s favorite flower.

 

A whole jasmine flower in . The petals were still intact, and it looked fresh.

 

Yujin watched the flower fly with the wind, floating in the air, mingling with the dandelions midair. Yujin didn’t even notice that Minjoo was calling for her attention, she was just tense and frozen in her spot as she eyed the flower in horror.

 

No, it couldn’t be.

 

(Yes, it could be.)

 

***

 

After that, it was followed by another one… and another one; Yujin kept finding flowers in when she was feeling something negative at that very moment. Her chest would contract, burn, and she would feel suffocated — and then would itch. Once Yujin cleared to reduce the itch, she would feel a petal or a whole flower ascending from inside her to .

 

There was a time Yujin couldn’t suppress the urge to cough. She coughed up six flower petals in total. Jasmine. It was always jasmine. And it all reminded her of Minjoo, and she was probably the reason why she got flowers inside her chest, slowly clogging up her lungs.

 

Yujin was alarmed but the moment she realized that it wasn’t a one-time thing, she knew it was an illness. A rare illness, only to the selected people could happen. A rare yet popular illness to mankind because of how magnificent and… sad it was. Too unexplainable of how it happened, or where it came from. Questionable.

 

Hanahaki Disease. A disease where one conjures up flowers inside one’s chest while suffering in one-sided love, unrequited love. It could be deadly because the more the person got hurt, the more flowers would rapidly increase inside their chest — filling up their lungs until they couldn’t breathe no more, from flowers and from extreme pain and despair.

 

There was a cure, of course. First, the person who was loved by the said person would return their feelings. That was the known effective cure of them all — the painful flowers would subside the moment they learned that their love was actually reciprocated. Second, well, if the feelings couldn’t be returned then… they needed to move on. Not very effective at all because in many cases, the reason why people got Hanahaki Disease was because of their extreme love and desperation for their feelings to be returned. Or the worst option, one would erase their memories with the person they loved to lose their feelings.

 

Yujin would go for the second option. The first one? Geez. There was no way… and the third? Hell no, she would rather die rather than forget her wonderful memories with Minjoo. It was equivalent to dying anyway, and what was the whole point of erasing anyway because for sure, once Yujin met Minjoo again, she would fall in love all over again just like that.

 

She would only hope for the best. She would keep it a secret to everyone, even to Yena. It was bearable anyway… it hurt but Yujin could manage it. And the flowers… well, she probably coughed up a whole bag of jasmine flowers and petals already.

 

“Yujin, you look paler than usual,” Minjoo commented one day when they were walking home together, and Yujin flinched a bit, looking down at Minjoo, her heart skipped a beat when she was greeted by the older woman’s worried, sparkly honey eyes.

 

Well, Yujin was feeling sick indeed recently — after realizing she had a disease that always made her cough up flowers, and that she was absolutely helplessly and hopelessly in love with her best friend — it drained her, just too much to take in and to accept. It didn’t help that the disease was making her really feel sick.

 

Her chest pounded, and Yujin ignored it, throwing a smile at her best friend for assurance. “Really? But I’m feeling perfectly good though,” Yujin lied through her teeth. She was slowly becoming a full-time liar now, and she never lied to Minjoo, like ever — until recently.

 

Minjoo puckered her lips a bit, forming a slight pout to say that she wasn’t convinced at all and Yujin weakly chuckled at that, reaching for the shorter woman’s hair, ruffling it, earning a huff from her. Minjoo then linked their arms together, and Yujin was a little bit taken aback but the skinship wasn’t unwelcomed.

 

“Let’s get some ice cream then. My treat. Sounds good?” said Minjoo, looking at Yujin with a small smile, and her brow was curled up in a suggestive manner. Yujin couldn’t refuse that.

 

“Yes.” sang Yujin, tightening her hold on Minjoo. The flowers calmed down, shrinking a bit, and was replaced by a more pleasant sensation in her chest like… flowers dancing with the breeze of spring.

 

***

 

Yujin got out of the pool, panting a bit after finishing up a lap. She took off her goggles and cap, looking at Coach Kwon who was giving her a satisfied nod. Yujin was slacking recently because of the flowers and Minjoo resulting in Eunbi getting disappointed with her performance. Even the others were getting worried about her because she wasn’t like this at all, and people were expecting a lot since she was the one who would compete for the nationals soon.

 

The flowers, thankfully, were calm that day, not affecting her in any way so she got to put up a great performance for the practice.

 

Yena was also giving her a proud smile from the bench. Yujin was happy for herself that day, she should really be like this at all times. The flowers were seriously restricting her movements, and all.

 

She showered, dressed, and tidied up her things. She bid goodbye to her teammates and exchanged thumbs up with Yena, and went to the gym where Minjoo was still practicing. They agreed to walk home together, and since Minjoo wasn’t present in the pool area, then their practice must be still ongoing.

 

Yujin excitedly leaped on the stony pathway, entering the gym with a small smile on her lips, and when she got inside, she was immediately greeted by Minjoo’s teammates who were already cleaning up the court. She greeted back with a chirp before roaming her eyes around the place, and finally spotting Minjoo.

 

However, she wasn’t alone. Yujin’s smile dropped instantly when she saw that Minjoo was sitting with someone — and she could hear the laughter from her spot. Yujin’s eyes went to the other person, and her breath hitched when she recognized that it was Chaewon.

 

They were laughing happily while sipping on their yogurts, and Minjoo even playfully slapped Chaewon on the arm while the latter chuckled, leaning on Minjoo to whisper something while the volleyball player just blushed a bit at their close proximity.

 

Yujin could feel the flowers blooming inside her chest painfully again as she watched the scene before her. Her heart was crushed, and she drowned in the sea of flowers. Tears formed in her eyes because of pain that she was feeling from her heart, and from the flowers flooding her insides.

 

Before either one of them could spot her — Yujin turned around, and ran away from the place, feeling itch, her lungs clogged with flowers. It was so painful. Minjoo looked so happy with someone else. The image of Minjoo laughing with Chaewon as she stared at the latter with sparkly eyes was the last straw — the urge to throw something up finally won over.

 

Yujin threw up flowers for the first time.

 

She crouched down, holding her chest as flowers continuously fell out of — landing on the ground, and some flew away with the wind. She gagged them all out while crying, the pain on her chest started to dull but the flowers seemed not to stop coming out from .

 

Yujin gasped for air once the flowers finally stopped coming out of her insides, and her chest was feeling a little bit light but overall, she felt . Her legs gave up, and she landed on her bottom, heavily breathing as she wiped off the saliva dripping off her chin. She shakily took a breath, and looked at the pile of flowers she threw up — gasping softly when she realized that it wasn’t just jasmine this time.

 

At first, she thought it was blood but then when she got to take a good look — she realized that it was another type of flower. Yujin picked it up with her trembling hand. The flower was still fresh and fiery.

 

Amaryllis.

 

Yujin threw up amaryllis and jasmine flowers. And both flowers reminded her of Minjoo in a lot of ways.

 

***

 

It wasn’t the last time Yujin threw up or gagged a lot of flowers like that. It was just the first of the many.

 

From that day on, Minjoo seemed to spend a lot more time with Chaewon than Yujin. And the taller woman tried her best to understand, just smiling whenever Minjoo would reject the offer of her walking home together or hanging out when it was weekend because she was going to meet with Chaewon or had plans with the latter.

 

And the pain just increased a lot after that. Each day passed, the flowers became more violent and painful inside her chest. The itch, and the urge to cough or gag even became constant, and it hurt so bad but nothing could beat the pain she was suffering on knowing that Minjoo was falling for Chaewon deeply. That hurt more rather than these monster flowers suffocating her.

 

There was a time Yujin coughed up flowers in the middle of the class, thankfully, she managed to cover with her hands, and spotted petals of jasmine and amaryllis. And when she was in the practice, she had to excuse herself two times to the bathroom to gag out the flowers stuck in the back of .

 

It was obvious enough that she was getting sicker. Well, she was coughing up flowers. And she was bound to feel sick at all times. She couldn’t even eat, always out of appetite, and sluggish and paler than usual. The change was too evident no matter what Yujin did to cover them all up, it was still visible. Yena was very concerned about her health while Minjoo… She didn’t even notice the changes much because she was getting distant from Yujin, always with Chaewon most of the time.

 

Yujin was flaming in anger and jealousy because Minjoo wouldn’t even spend a little time with her anymore. But it was for the better if Minjoo was away, to be honest. Minjoo might know that Yujin was suffering from that freaking disease, and because of her! This way, she might move on from her but so far, no progress at all even though she was so upset with her.

 

She couldn’t even sleep because of the thoughts haunting her, and because of the flowers… she kept throwing up.

 

At this point, her bathroom was full of flowers already, every corner of her room smelt of jasmine mixed with amaryllis, reminding her of Minjoo always. It was driving her mad.

 

Yujin thought of seeking professional help but she was ashamed that she was crazy over her best friend. She didn’t want to bother anyone. She wanted to suffer alone instead. She didn’t want any pity from people. The sympathetic look Yena would always give her was enough. Minjoo didn’t need to know that Yujin was madly in love with her to the point she was throwing up flowers Minjoo loved and flowers that Yujin reminded of Minjoo so much.

 

But she would rather die than lose her memories with Minjoo.

 

“Yujin, are you seriously okay? You look ill these days. You need to go to the hospital.” Yena insisted one day when they met each other in the pool area. Yujin was weaker that day because she cried and threw up a lot last night because she saw that Minjoo posted a photo of her and Chaewon together from their last ‘date’.

 

Yujin’s head was pounding, and she couldn’t breathe at all, flowers were stuck all over her insides but she still went on with her day like nothing was happening.

 

Shaking her head, Yujin just sluggishly opened her locker but Yena still got her eyes narrowed at her, very concerned but she ignored the older woman, and did her thing. “I’m going to call Minjoo, and tell her to accompany you to the infirmary.” said Yena, whipping her phone out from her pocket.

 

Yujin just snorted, slamming the locker shut to face Yena with a cold look on her face. “No need. She’s too busy with Chaewon.” responded Yujin, and the flowers raged over the mention, and the urge to cough intensified as the flowers started to ascend from her chest again up to .

 

Yena was dumbfounded when Yujin ran while clutching her chest but she didn’t follow, and the taller woman was grateful for that. She rushed to the nearest bathroom and she was relieved that no one was occupying any stall. She entered one of the stalls, slamming it shut, and finally threw up the flowers that had been begging to go out from inside her.

 

After finally emptying the flowers stuck on the back of , Yujin fell on the floor, trembling and trying to catch her breath. Once she calmed down a bit, she wiped , and when she checked her palm — she spotted a smudge of crimson blood on it.

 

Her eyes widened, squinting her eyes, and bringing her shaking hand closer, inspecting it. Blood. It was indeed blood, almost drying up and painting onto her skin. Yujin gulped, feeling a tangy, rusty taste lingering on with a faint of jasmine.

 

She slowly turned to the toilet, gasping when she realized that the red things splattered on the seat and floor were not the petals of amaryllis… but it was blood. She spotted a lone jasmine flower tainted with blood. Her own blood.

 

Yujin was slowly entering the deadly stage of the disease.

 

And she just shrugged it off, wiping her mess with a tissue and went back to her class with shaking hands. She was scared but she was more scared to lose Minjoo than herself.

 

***

 

“Are you free today? Let’s visit our favorite playground later at night.” asked Minjoo, peeking behind Yujin with her signature smile.

 

Yujin’s tired, pained heart fluttered still at the sight of her best friend. Even though she knew it would hurt her — she smiled, and replied, “Yes. Sure, let’s go.” Maybe, this would at least ease her heart and the flowers in her chest.

 

As usual, Yujin fetched Minjoo from her house that night, and they walked to the playground side by side. Even though Yujin was so tired, and weak after throwing up the flowers filling up her lungs — she still went. Minjoo was more important.

 

Throughout her journey to Minjoo’s house, she coughed out a bag of flowers, and she emotionlessly watched them fly away in the midnight air while some landed on the pavement. Someone spotted her actually, and she wasn’t shocked at what she saw but she was rather pitying Yujin but the latter ignored her, continuing walking as she suppressed the urge to throw up and relieve the itch on .

 

Thankfully enough, Yujin managed to hold up the flowers threatening to come out of while she was with Minjoo. And when the older woman was distracted, Yujin would discreetly spit out the petals from .

 

When Minjoo went inside the store to buy themselves some drinks, Yujin insisted to stay outside because she badly wanted to throw up the flowers because it was suffocating her so badly that she couldn’t even speak anymore without the petals flying out between her lips.

 

Yujin ignored the blood tainting the flowers. Her blood made the beautiful amaryllis flowers redder...

 

“I missed spending time with you,” blurted Minjoo when they reached the playground, sitting on the swing each side by side with cola on their hand. Yujin was mum, wanting to snicker and retort something related to Chaewon but she was too weak to even say anything, she could only give Minjoo a tight smile.

 

Minjoo then grabbed Yujin’s hand, catching the latter off-guard. “Are you really okay, Yuj? You look sick these days, and I can’t catch you often anymore. I heard that you also stopped practicing swimming for a while. You lost some weight too.” She asked, worryness lacing her tone, and Yujin was moved.

 

These past few months were really hell for Yujin. With her handling her feelings for her best friend, the disease, the flowers, and all. Funnily enough, Minjoo only noticed it recently when in fact, Yujin wasn’t well for months already. It was upsetting. Minjoo was so distracted with Chaewon that she didn’t even get to check on Yujin often anymore.

 

“I’m okay now,” Now that you’re here, spending time with me. “Don’t worry.”

 

Minjoo’s hold around her hand tightened, and Yujin felt warm. She felt warm. It felt nice to be near Minjoo like this again. The way their fingers were intertwined perfectly… Yujin missed it, loved it.

 

At least, the flowers had calmed down, knowing that Minjoo was near but still, flowers filled her lungs snuggly.

 

They caught up a lot, talking about random things, and surprisingly, Minjoo didn’t insert Chaewon into the topics. They shared laughs at the gossip they got from Hitomi, and many things. And it felt like the old days, it felt like Yujin didn’t lose Minjoo at all. She was so happy, and she wanted it to stay this way.

 

Once the night went deeper, they decided to finally go home because it was a school night, they needed to wake up early tomorrow for their classes. Yujin walked Minjoo home as usual, their houses were just a few blocks apart anyway.

 

“Thank you for walking me back home, Yuj. I had fun tonight~ I missed my best friend so much.” Minjoo said, playfully slapping Yujin’s arm while wearing a very sheepish grin. The taller woman just weakly chuckled, nodding, but Minjoo’s words stung.

 

“Me too, I missed you a lot,” Yujin whispered, and her voice was laced with sadness, hoping Minjoo would catch that. And she did. The older woman gave her a look of pity, she was guilty for not spending much time with her best friend, that was for sure.

 

Silence engulfed them, and Yujin awkwardly shifted, ready to bid goodbye when suddenly, Minjoo took a step forward, looking serious all of a sudden. “I want to say something important, Yujin-ah.” Her voice was deep and serious that made Yujin’s heart skip a beat.

 

Minjoo was looking at her with those sincere doe honey eyes that Yujin had always loved, and Yujin felt the flowers inside her blossom and shimmer. What was she expecting…?

 

“I’m falling for Chaewon, Yujin-ah. I’m going to confess to her tomorrow,”

 

Yujin deflated, and felt her world shatter alongside her heart. Every flower inside her withered in an instant, and her ears were ringing. She wanted to throw up, tears were threatening to fall. She should’ve expected this but why… Why did it hurt so much? She couldn’t even breathe anymore.

 

She clenched her fists as her heart raged with the flowers. All she wanted to do was throw up those flowers that reminded her of Minjoo so much, and cry. Who knew one-sided love could hurt like ?

 

Yujin forced out a smile even though her lips quivered. “That’s nice. I hope it goes well, Joo.” She replied, taking a shaky breath, thankful that no petal fell out from . Her chest was burning, and heavy. Everything was just too much. She could feel the bitter taste of the petals on her tongue. She needed to go away.

 

Minjoo smiled brightly at her, giving Yujin a brief hug before rushing inside her house, leaving her friend outside the gate, in a daze.

 

Yujin went home alone with a broken heart, and tons of jasmine, and amaryllis blooming rapidly in her chest and lungs. She didn’t even bother that petals and flowers were falling out of her parted lips as she walked lifelessly on the dark streets, leaving a trail of flowers on her way.

 

That night, Yujin was sprawled in her room’s bathroom — blood tainted flowers of jasmine and amaryllis surrounding her. She gasped for air, finally trying to stand up on her wobbly legs, and used the toilet seat full of flowers to support her. She helplessly clutched on the sink, knuckles turning white, holding it like her life depended on it. She eyed the mirror, her reflection — her puffy eyes were bloodshot, her hair was messy, and her pale lips were smudged with crimson blood, a petal peeking out between her lips.

 

But it wasn’t herself who she saw in the mirror but Minjoo and Chaewon who were smiling at each other happily. Her heart ached.

 

When would this madness end?

 

She slightly turned her neck, eyeing the flowers laying on the tiled floor, piling up on the sink and toilet seat, seeing it painted with her own blood. She scooped the flowers she coughed and threw up, they gently rested on her palm, they were light and it tickled her skin.

 

They were beautiful. Even though she knew they were hurting Yujin. And even if they were tainted with blood. They looked beautiful and magnificent, like Minjoo, despite the flaw.

 

***

 

Yujin still went to school the next morning even after all of that. She was like a zombie, dragging herself along the school grounds, and she earned a lot of concerned looks from the students. She just hoped she wouldn’t bump into Yena this time or any of her friends, especially Minjoo.

 

She decided to skip because she was scared that she might throw up flowers in the middle of the class but she let a few petals fall out from as she walked to the secluded part of the school — only to get greeted by the sight of Minjoo and Chaewon — the two people who she badly didn’t want to see at all, they were the last people who Yujin wanted to see that day.

 

And they were hugging while giggling, and it didn’t take long for Yujin to realize that Minjoo had probably confessed to Chaewon already, and judging at their lovey-dovey actions, they were finally official. Yujin’s stomach churned, and there was the suffocating feeling in her chest again. But this time, she couldn’t bear it anymore as she stared at the new happy couple from a distance.

 

They didn’t even notice that someone was watching, that Yujin was watching them. And when Yujin witnessed how Minjoo cupped Chaewon’s cheeks lovingly as she smiled at her, and how Chaewon s her arms around Minjoo’s slim waist possessively — then leaned in… Yujin fled away in a rush with dilating eyes.

 

Yujin just found herself standing at the poolside, hot tears endlessly pouring from her eyes, and petals escaping . She couldn’t even push the flowers away, they were filling up , , and Yujin let them fall endlessly.

 

She let her bag drop on the floor, and dressed into her swimming attire. Emotionlessly, she slowly went to the water, sinking to the cold water but she cared less about it — it comforted her. The water had always been her safe haven.

 

She swam at the very center, and let herself sink below, and shut her eyes, trying to erase the scene she had witnessed earlier in her mind but it was almost completely inevitable. Instead, she thought of Minjoo and how her eyes turned into small little crescents whenever she smiled. Every memory with Minjoo went on flashback in her mind. The flowers raged even more.

 

Yujin was once again drowning.

 

***

 

 

Minjoo saw Yujin in the pool, floating calmly on the water, her back was facing the ceiling, and her front was fully submerged into the once clear blue water. She wasn’t moving at all, even if Minjoo had called her name a few times already.

 

But the pool was full of flowers — jasmine and amaryllis, Minjoo recognized, they were floating too, staying on top of the water. It was a beautiful sight, actually. Except for the fact that there was a tinge of red surrounding Yujin.

 

However, Minjoo was too late. Yujin was already lifeless.

 

Yujin drowned.

 

Yujin drowned in water. Yujin drowned in her own pool of thoughts. Yujin drowned in suffering and pain. Yujin drowned in flowers.

 

***

 

A/N: and please, don’t kill me :] i beg you. AHHAHAHAHAH so, how was it? hmm. this was a commission but they let me freely write anything so yeet thank you again @/oinkoinksistah <3 i hope you liked this even though its angst KSKSKSKSKS whoops~

 

ive been wanting to write hanahaki au ever since so... jinjoo hanahaki aus are so rare tf!

 

anyway, i hope despite the ending, you guys still liked it! come, freely curse at me at the comment section or in my cc: rosesrunaway. or if youre brave enough to curse at me on twt then tag me!!! <3

 

always stay safe!