“I'm jealous of the rain that falls upon your skin” -Labrinth

She sat where she was supposed to. She stayed where she was supposed to. She talked to who she was supposed to. She was engaged who she was supposed to, with me. But she was never happy for why she was expected to be.   

We sat still throughout the ordeal.   

Short glances to each other when we were referred, by then I’d see her lip’s corners rise up. With her empty gaze, hiding it with her kindness that she always had. She was not one without it, she was charming. A princess a nation would ask for. She was loving to her family, thoughtful to her people, and kind to the strangers.   

The ceremony ended, and now under the grey sky at their garden. The wind is starting to leave its rippling marks on my blazer as it continuously blows, getting stronger and stronger. I look for a settling angle where it wouldn’t create much of a mess of my hair. I settle for one that gives me a view of her running towards the children, ready to throw herself and perfectly catch them in a hug if she stops purposely holding her pace back. The wind blowing towards her in every angle as she runs around almost in circles as she tries to keep up with the children.   

She halts and I saw her give the sight of slight shivering with the off-shoulder dress and short hair leaving her shoulders and neck vulnerable from the cold blow. But she welcomes it  

Sipping on my tea, she continues to merry herself with the children.   

Feeling the faint drops of rain on me I look up at her. She was oblivious to it; her smile showed no signs of leaving. It gets brighter while the gentle bullets from the heavens became stronger.   

Now under the shed with us, her parents knew how she didn’t want to be but she had to be. She walked towards me halting. She stood at the edge finding every opportunity to feel the rain on her, she reaches her arm out of the shed, feeling every drop she could.   

She was brighter now from the mere feeling of the rain on her arm, but it showed how she it would have been brighter if she could welcome every single drop all over her. Her light giggle from there subtly ringing in my ear as I pay attention here. We both suppress, but she does not succumb to it like how I do.  

I stand here and look at my whole life beside her without any mere contact needing no permission from her, and I watch all the raindrops meet her skin needing nothing from her. I clench but they still fall on her.   

 

 

---

"I'm jealous of the nights that I don't spend with you" -Labrinth

I walk on the hallways, trying to keep up where my new shared quarters are. I halt by glass window, looking at the tonight’s moon. I glance down and see her settled on the grass with her little sister right beside her. Her arms stretched out to the night sky tracing every constellation she could. Her little sister Yeri, trying to imitate every movement she could.   

Nothing new, nothing special, they were simply taking their time laying on the grass. On their own little world where they allow the milky way to swallow their subconscious and them as a whole.  I could see her steal glances at her sister beside her in their own milky way. I could already imagine her smile for her sister. I could already hear her laugh, her heart full.  And I could tell her fingers were bare from any anchor to me. Took it off as she always did when nobody was looking.   

I resume my journey to eagerly finding my new quarters. After a long stride I find the doors leading me towards it. I open it expecting nothing much not even the supposed girl I was to share it with.  

 

 

---

 

Of course, binding us together, our parents felt the need to associate ourselves to each other.   She was one of my few friends. The numbers made her more special to me. Even if I was just one out of a bigger number. Anyone friendly, charming, and light as her is bound to have a good number of friends beside her. I felt no inferiority of those contrasting numbers neither did I feel inferior to those friends. They weren’t as bound as we were to each other.   

We’ve had our own fun growing up together, and at some point, I started seeing her more than just a woman I was expected to spend the rest of my life with. It stopped feeling like a duty to me, but something I should thank all my lucky stars for.   

We were at the garden; I was at my pace with her tailing me. An odd sight for us when usually she does all the leading and I submit to her charms. I was leading her deeper and deeper into our garden. It was a maze for her but I knew where I was leading her; towards a riverbank.  

We’ve always been to the river near the castle, but this one spot I wanted us to be. Jokes and laughter were flying all around as we made our way to the spot. When we finally arrived, my heart was full when I saw her in awe of the view that she was now part of, my favorite part. Barefooted she walked among the flowers, hands brushing every flower she could.   

After a long while we settled by the blanket spread out by the river. Nothing else but us. We spent our afternoon like that. She was busy adoring the flowers and I with my book and my mind and heart full of her. A simple afternoon had my soul serene, while I noticed my heart getting heavier and heavier as I acknowledge it more and more. It was nothing, my heart, it was simply because I knew this would never stay.   

On our way back. A steady and slow pace, perfectly denoting that it won’t be of our satisfaction if this day ended contradicting to our pace. It really won’t be for me. She halted as she no longer felt my presence beside her. I tried to collect everything in me, so it wouldn’t end up bursting out of me as soon as I look at her. “It was a very fine day. Thank you, Chanyeol, for the beautiful scenery you showed me.” His heart flew  

I clenched my fist and a silent deep breath out, the way they all do when they needed some courage. “It’s always a fine day with you Wendy.” Her soft smile and eyes glimmering as I let these simple words slip out of my tongue. Slowly did the smile fade and eyes soften as I slowly, surely and surprisingly find and say the words that were as close to what I felt for her.  

 

 

 ---

"There's nothing to forgive" -Labrinth

“ I’m sorry, Chanyeol” Her voice and head low, hands clasp together, feet planted to where she was standing. Every bit of her were contrasting to the Wendy I know, the Wendy everyone knows of.   

“No, don’t be” “If anything. I should be the one who’s sorry. This was never right in the first place.” I take one more glance of her fingers bare from anything of what was us. She proceeds to have herself bare from that as she took off to her parents.   

 

 

  ---

"But I always thought you'd come back" -Labrinth

The music filled the room, leading a number of gentlemen dance their way in to some maiden’s heart. I stood by the balcony that gave the perfect view of the ball. It’s been 4 months since I’ve last seen her, since she last wore the ring. I tried my best not to think of her for those 4 months. I tried my best not to think of our possible encounter tonight.  

I watch as Councilman Doh bashfully ask her for a dance. Their soft smiles; a smile from her that I was always deprived of even after a whole life of engagement. A smile I always yearned for, and still have been for the past 4 months with the hope she might really, one day, give me.  

I watch them merry on the dance floor. Their laughter does not reach to me as the sound from the bow of the violin meeting the strings echo my despairing heart’s longing. Getting louder and louder each second.