Middle school meant puberty, breakouts, and mood swings.

Middle school meant Winter thought she'll be with her friends for life.

Middle school meant being with them the whole day, texting them the whole night, and seeing each other even on weekends. 

Middle school meant feeling something strange in her stomach that she didn't know how to describe, didn't know how to label, didn't know how to express into words that others will understand.

It also meant identity confusion (but Winter didn't know it's called that then) and having strong feelings about certain someone in her circle (she also didn't know what it's called back then.)

It was always the four of them, really. 

Their teachers would always ask them when one of them is missing. Their classmates know they stick to each other like glue. Their parents know each one of them.

It was always Chaeryeong, Yi Zhuo, Winter, and Minju.

Most of the time, it's Winter and Minju.

Middle school meant Winter would write on those scented stationeries and give letters to her friends, somehow taking more time into putting more effort into Minju's letters than the rest. 

For what reason, she never really knew. She knows (not that she'll admit out loud) that she favors her amongst them all and she knows if she ever tells anyone Chaeryeong would cry. 

So she gives the letters individually and goes out of her way to make sure they won't see the other girls' letters. 

Middle school meant pet names and that's why she calls Chaeryeong Choco, calls Minju Honey and leaves Yi Zhuo as Ning Yi Zhuo because she said she likes her name. 

Chaeryeong and Minju would call her Gyeoulie and Yi Zhuo would always pretend to vomit whenever she hears it. 

Yi Zhuo has only called her Gyeoulie twice and it was when she's trying aegyeo. She usually calls her Minjeong-unnie but when she's angry she's called—

"Yah Kim Minjeong!" Winter hears as soon as Yi Zhuo arrives, flinching as soon as the girl opens the door to her room.

Yi Zhuo then throws an apologetic look towards Karina, smiling at her and nodding towards Winter.

"I'll leave you guys to talk." Karina excused, but not before Yi Zhuo grabs her arm and says "We're still going to have the talk, alright?"

Karina chuckles and Winter facepalms.

"What are you— you're moving back to Busan?"

Winter tells her about what happened—well except the part that Karina can hear their thoughts—and Yi Zhuo stares at her in disbelief.

-

"What are you doing here?" Yi Zhuo looks in surprise as she stares at the too-familiar motorcycle in front of Winter's house.

"I— I'm here to pick you up." Yeji offers the helmet, the one with NYZ and spray-painted butterflies and Yi Zhuo thinks somehow those butterflies went up their way to her stomach.

Yi Zhuo ignores it.

"How did you know I was here?" 

"Winter texted me." 

"That snitch—"

"It's too late for you to go home alone. She's worried about you."

"Worried about me but would ask you to pick me up?" Yi Zhuo said and started to turn her body towards Minjeong's door again to confront her best friend.

She feels a hand stop her and she felt tingling electricity over her body.

Yeji's fingers wrapped around her arm felt like thousand fireworks lighting up the dark, night sky.

"Don't touch me." Yi Zhuo warns, pulling her hand harshly. 
 

You make me feel too much.

"Yi Zhuo, please. Can you just hear me out?" Yeji begs.

"What is there to talk about?"

"A lot. And I promise—I promise if you hear me out tonight, and you still don't want to do anything with me, I'll stop."

Yi Zhuo was conflicted.

Does she want that?

For Yeji to stop?

-

"What are you doing here?" Lia opens the door to find a grinning Ryujin. "And why the hell are you smiling like that, it's so creepy."

"I brought you ice cream." Ryujin continues to smile wider as she pushes through the door, closing it behind her.

"I told you not to come over, I'm busy." Lia said.

Ryujin rolls her eyes and looks blankly at the screen, paused in the scene of Sam wearing her cheerleading outfit and Deena holding her box of things.

"You're rewatching Fear Street?" Ryujin yells.

"Yeah, I loved the plot." Lia answers timidly from the kitchen.

"Yeah... the plot..." Ryujin teased, pressing play on the remote and watching as the two girls yell at each other.

"You never liked horror movies." Ryujin notes, opening the lid of the ice cream. Lia sat down beside her, passing her the spoon.

"Yeah but Sam is hot and so is Deena and newsflash, I'm gay." Lia quips.

"I think this is the first time I heard you say that?"

"That I'm gay?"

"No, that someone else is hot that's not me." Ryujin jokes.
 

"Yeah, that you're gay." Ryujin says when she saw Lia looking at her blankly.

"Well, I am. So, yay?" 

"I don't think I'm gay." Ryujin adds.

"Yeah, you told me." Lia murmurs as she takes a spoonful of the cold snack.

"But that doesn't mean I can't be your girlfriend, right?"

Lia chokes on her ice cream.

-

Winter never dwelt on her thoughts about Minju.

Well, there's nothing to dwell about really, but now that she heard that Minju was asking about her when she left, she felt—

Restless.

And after finding out that there's a slight possibility of them meeting each other back home, her thoughts are suddenly filled with the other girl.

Somehow, she's thankful they're in her room and Karina doesn't have a clue of what she's thinking, but at the same time, she feels guilty thinking about another girl.

"Something is bothering you." Karina notes.

"No, nothing, it was just the talk I had with Yi Zhuo. It was umm—weird." Winter explains.

"Let me hear your thoughts?" Karina jokes, acting like she'll pull Winter out of the room.

"Noooo. That's unfair." Winter pouts and whines. She sighs before looking at her girlfriend. "But you know what, I want us to be honest with each other. Especially when I can't really lie to you." 

"Hmmm."

"And I— would it be better if we really go outside and you can just read it in my head or-"

"No. Let's stay here." Karina stops her. "I want to hear your thoughts from you, not from your head." 

Karina thinks sometimes, messy thoughts are just hard to deal with because she knows some of those aren't even sorted yet, and saying it out loud helps in organizing the jumbled wire of thoughts in their head.

She wants to hear Winter, not the jumbled noise in her head.

Karina moves to sit with her back on the headboard of the bed. She pats the space between her legs, silently asking Winter to sit in between.

The younger complies and presses her back to Karina's front, feeling comfortable in the position.

Karina circles her arms around Winter's body, placing her chin on the girl's shoulder.

"Where do I start... ottoke~"

Karina giggles from behind her and waits patiently.

"Have you ever felt something so strong for someone that you didn't know how to explain?" Winter starts.

"In the past, yes." Karina murmurs.

"Really?" Winter asks curiously, slightly looking at Karina's head on her shoulder.

"Yeah. But now I can describe it and now I know I just like you so much." 

Winter felt heat traveling to her cheeks up to the tip of her ears. 

She feels guilty even more.

-

Han River and corndogs.

If you mention those words, Yi Zhuo would have a certain image in her head, going back to the first night Yeji brought her there.

Now, in the same place, eating the same thing, sitting in the same grass, Yi Zhuo can't help but feel like it's Deja Vu.

"What are we really doing here?" Yi Zhuo asks, barely, with full.

Yeji smiles and reaches out to wipe the corner of Yi Zhuo's lips, messy with cheese and crumbs.

Yi Zhuo stops chewing midway and looks down.

So much for pushing someone away that has had this impact on her.

"I'm sorry." Yeji starts. 

"I don't even know where to start." Yeji laughs nervously, holding on to the half-eaten corn dog. She looks out at the river and watched as people passed by.

These are the times that I think about
Red lights and the feeling that I needed you

"I'm a very difficult person, I know." Yeji says, so soft Yi Zhuo barely hears her. "I'm so used to being like- like this, that I'm honestly confused about what's happening to me." 

Yi Zhuo listens attentively, her young heart knows more than to drive Yeji away.

We drive around for the longest time
My heart beats at a dead end

"And I know we're still young, and we don't know what we're feeling—I don't know what I'm feeling, but if I'm being honest, I've never felt this way before." Yeji continues, not looking at the younger.

"I wish I have a back story to tell of why I'm like this." Yeji laughs nervously again. "That would have been easier. But I don't. My parents love me. My sister loves me. My twin loves me. And I don't have any single clue of how I became what I am now." Yeji rambles and Yi Zhuo felt her heart sting. 

Do you need me too?

"Maybe I'm just a jerk, or something." Yeji laughs again.

Yi Zhuo continues to stare, because Yeji is here, under the moonlight, baring herself open for her.

And now I'm out there running like a lonely soul on fire

"But if you think about it, maybe that's exactly why I'm like this." Yeji puts down the corndog into the container. "Maybe because I'm so used to people around me loving me unconditionally that I ended up being the jerk I am today."

Everybody's talking and I can't get through the night

"Yeah, you're a jerk." Yi Zhuo agrees and they both chuckled.

Somewhere in the middle, did it eve