I wasn't supposed to have any practice today. It's Friday and it should be my rest day. But tonight felt unexceptionally heavy for me. Despite Jeno wanted me to have a sleepover, I honestly felt uncomfortable staying in their dorm. The only reason I am here tonight, in this swimming centre is because of him. 

"I'm here, love." 

He had long gone but the memory of him is still alive in my mind and heart. I can never forget that smile and cheeky eyes. 

"Love, let me tell you something. I am having my tournament in two days. You must be so happy right now if you see how good I am!" I excitedly talk alone on the edge of the pool with my legs dipped in the water. 

If Euijin is here, he would be saying things like how I can't even float back then. 

"You surely gonna say that but look at me! I'm gonna make it into the national team!" I smile as I playfully splash the water towards the center. 

"Haechan is gonna be proud of me. And the moment I made it to the national team, I will make sure Haechan shut up and hug me to death...", I pause for a moment before continuing, "Actually no. Probably only till I push him away." 

I miss him. I miss Euijin so damn much. I never show it but to see him lost his life right before my eyes is probably the biggest trauma that could haunt me to death. To the idiot in me that didn't even know how to swim back then, it was such a terrifying moment. 

"Do you know how much I missed you? I think about you everyday. You see, I am crushing on someone now. He is very handsome. Way more than you." I playfully stick my tongue out at the pool, as if he could see me. 

"I thought we're gonna make it into college together. But why are you 3 feet under the ground now? What are you doing down there? Don't you miss me?" 

I am not the type that cried easily. But when it comes to this guy, my heart is just a tofu. And my tears are like a ing waterfall. Why am I even here tonight? 

"Euijin, I miss you so damn much. I love you so much that it ing hurt to do this alone." 

Putting my head in between my knees, I cried. A cry that I hardly show to anyone and a cry that is so desperate to see him at least once again. 

"I miss you so ing much. You're quite cruel, leaving me alone. If you're here, I would be happily in love with you, not even crushing over someone who treat me like stone cold cast iron!" I just had to say that to prevent myself from crying but the tears didn't seem to want to stop. 

"If you're here, I won't even think of crushing on him. I would be thinking of our future. And probably thinking to only be married to you. It's such a childish thought, wasn't it?" 

I was too immersed in my thought and monologue that I didn't notice someone had been standing in the corner, before I even start speaking alone. 

"Lee Euijin..." 

"Is that why you're not sleeping over?" I was startled by the voice as I snapped my head to the back. 

There stood Lee Jeno, wearing the very hoodie and pants that I wore this morning. Wasn't that belongs to Renjun? Well, they like sharing so why not, I tried to not overthink.