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Never Gonna Let You Go

A quick written shot. I apologize for any mistakes.

 


 

I’m sorry, Seul. I can’t do it anymore

 

Seulgi is not the one who can memorize well. But that very sentence, and the scene along with it, always have a place in her head.

 

The monolid walks to the certain spot near Han river. With her mask and hat on. The old hat from a long time ago that she always used when she visited this place. With the same mood. Along with some distant memories.

 

I’m sorry. But I promise I’ll always cheer on you everywhere you go.

 

“.”

 

She mutters on her breath. Looking up at the sky. It’s clear sky tonight. Cold. But the stars can be seen clearer than before. Maybe because It’s past midnight.

 

It’s beautiful. She’ll l-

 

She stops her thinking by shaking her head and starts to walk back to her car.

 

It’s been 4 years, you, dimwit.

 

-

 

They just got back from their 2nd concert. It’s past midnight and Seulgi enters her room. Her own room now that the company finally gave them their new apartment.

 

She’s done showering and sit at the dress table to do her night routine when her eyes land at the green army hat, hanging perfectly on the top of the mirror. While its friends sit warmly in the drawer.

 

Did you come today?

 

Seulgi remembers the time when she and her groups finally held their first ever solo concert. It was magical. But nothing can beat the feeling when someone knocked the make up room that day.

 

“Seulgi ssi? There’s a flower for you.”

 

It was a bouquet of sunflowers. She knew who it's from. She calmly took it when inside, her heart thumping like crazy. There was a card attached to it.

 

I know you’ll do it perfectly. Congratulations, Seul! I’m proud of you. Always. -JH

 

 

She wondered about it yesterday. Today, after she’s done with the 2nd day concert, the look a like bouquet from a year ago make a present.

 

Sorry I couldn’t make it yesterday. Got a lot of work. You’re really look cool today! Never missed a chance to blow my mind. I’m proud of you, Seul J - JH

 

“And you never missed a chance to make me feel like this.” She whispers under her breath with the kind of smile that her members call it: whipped.

 

That catch Wendy’s attention. The taller girl just shakes her head when Wendy asks about it.

 

-

 

With the same faded green hat, she walks to the old castle near the lake. The place they used to visit when they were trainees.

 

She puts her body down on the freshly mowed grass and looks at the castle afar. She misses her. She misses her like crazy just because she found their old photo together. Standing side by side at the old practice room. Their height was the same that time.

 

She picks out the wrinkled picture in her hands and see it again. Time flies so fast. With her running like crazy chasing her dream, but her mind sometimes left behind on that old spot in her head.

 

I can’t walk side by side with you, but I will always walk along with you.

 

“I miss you. I ing miss you.”

 

She shed tears before she drowns her head between her knees. With the painful memories rushing in. And the warmth that used to envelope her, replaced by the cool autumn breeze.

 

-

 

“Seulgi?”

 

The familiar voice calls her not far behind. She turns her head and finally she meet her. The girl who turns into a fine woman. Seulgi knows perfectly where she live, but she had no gut to meet her. At any time.

 

“Unnie?”

 

Joohyun smiles so bright behind her glasses. Even if she’s just wearing a normal working outfit, with a blazer and all, she looks really beautiful in Seulgi’s eyes. No idols can compare to her.

 

“Wh- why you casually buy street food like this?? Are you alone? Did someone following you here? Are you okay?”

 

Behind her mask, the brunette smiles widely that her eyes hidden behind those monolids.

 

Her genuine concern gesture. Nothing change.

 

She assures the older that everything’s fine. She had a free time after shooting an MV and decided to walk around.

 

Seulgi realizes there is a group of people behind them, wearing business attire same as Joohyun.

 

“They’re my friends. Colleagues at work. I-"

 

Seulgi doesn’t let her finish and just blurt out before she had a chance to cry on the spot, “Are you free tonight?”

 

-

 

The squishing sound of the beach sands heard along with a soft wave sounds. Side by side they walk with their sandals hanging on their hands.

 

“I’m sorry I never met you after that day.”

 

The sentence that she’s holding since they met earlier. The sentence that makes her contemplating, when is the right time to say it.

 

Seulgi only stares at the ocean ahead then answered, “I’m sorry too I never made an effort to visit you.”

 

“I understand.”

 

Seulgi stops and that makes Joohyun stops ahead of her. The latter gives a question looks, grabbing at the black jacket that envelopes her.

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t attend your mom’s funeral. I’m really sorry, unnie. I’m r-"

 

“She asked about you.” Seulgi looks with her teary eyes. “Days before she’s gone.. She asked if you’re okay after debuting, she asked if she would had a chance to meet that bright cheerful little girl again.”

 

Seulgi tears fall down.

 

“I said you’re okay, at least she will be. Because she’s strong and I always pray for her too.”

 

Seulgi tries to hold her sobs but failed eventually. Joohyun swipes the tears with her thumb and a warm smile on her face.

 

“You know.. there’s the last thing she said to me about you. She said: if you met her, please say that she’s doing great, she looks so bright on the stage doing what she likes. And tell her that I hope I can meet her again in the next life, with the same smile plastered on her face.”

 

That’s why Seulgi had no guts to visit her. She missed the funeral because of her schedule so packed they didn’t give her permission to go. She’s too ashamed to face Joohyun, especially her late mom.

 

Joohyun invites her to sit at the dry sands below. While she rubs Seulgi’s head to calm her down.

 

“She didn’t mad, she understand. I understand too. We can visit her later, Seul. It’s okay.”

 

Minutes passed, Seulgi takes Joohyun’s hand and grabs it firmly then asked her to go back to the hotel. Since it’s getting late and Joohyun’s flight is early in the morning.

 

Still with their hand interlaced, Seulgi keep her company until they reach her room. And sometimes Seulgi rubs the other's hand slowly with her thumb.

 

Bold.

 

 

With her disguise outfit still on, she stands beside Joohyun in front of her hotel room. No good bye words exchanged. Just stand in silence. Thinking if this is their last meeting again.

 

Seulgi’s the first one to pull Joohyun into her embrace after she wears the jacket that she lend Joohyun a while ago.

 

It’s been a long time since they touch. Since they smell each other perfume. Since they felt each other’s heartbeat like this.

 

It’s been a long time since they felt like on fire under each other touch, but calm at the same time.

 

Joohyun lowers her head and digs it into the broad shoulder.

 

“Will someone get mad when I do this?”

 

Joohyun answers by shaking her head and clings both of her hands onto the bomber jacket. “I’m sure it’s different if I’m the one who asked the question, leader nim”

 

Seulgi scoffs. “I couldn’t careless about it.” The taller woman pulls away slightly and look gently into the brown eyes. “Can I contact you again when we’re back in Seoul?”

 

Joohyun’s answered with a nod and thin smile that makes her cheek looks fluffy. Seulgi left after leaving a peck on Joohyun’s now reddish cheek.

 

Bold.

 

-

 

Seulgi tries to spare her time for Joohyun. Especially after the comeback that get more hype than before. Thank God for that.

 

Schedule overseas are flooding. She usually get tired if it’s required of more than 4 hours flight. But with Joohyun presence, she tries hard to visit her.

 

“I know how great your latest comeback is. And now with the year end comeback preparations. No need to squeeze your schedule just to see me, Seulgi-ah.”

 

Joohyun once said when Seulgi tiredly came into her apartment after dance practice.

 

“I’m not going anywhere.”

 

No. Seulgi is too afraid to lose her again.

 

 

 

She never been so careful before. Just so the weird obsessed fans or journalist won’t follow her around. Especially on Joohyun’s space.

 

She hates the image of Joohyun getting annoyed by some aspect of her life.

 

She’s grateful enough that Joohyun’s apartment is located not in the center of the Seoul nor the packed urban area.

 

There were times when Seulgi come unnoticed. Want to give her surprise, she said. It did work, but sometimes she knocked on the empty room. But it worked more than failed, so the idol just keep doing it.

 

Like right now, standing in front of the white door, with drinks in hand and paper bag on the other. Still with her airport outfit.

 

She knows the code, but seeing the surprised face everytime the other girl open the door is entertaining for her.

 

“Hey.”

 

“You’re not surprised.”

 

“How could I if the articles about your outfit today are everywhere.”

 

She closes the door and walking behind the slightly taller woman. Looking at the leather jacket, skinny jeans, and that green streaks on her hair.

 

“And after I see you in person, I agree with them.”

 

Seulgi chuckles and takes a glimpse at the laptop on the desk. Word and Excel open up at the screen.

 

“You’re working? Do I disturb you? I can leave if y-"

 

Hands slapping on her shoulder make her stops midsentence.

 

“It’s okay. I can have a rest while you’re here.”

 

Seulgi nods, hiding her insecurity of invading Joohyun's time and space to work. To living her life. Her normal life.

 

They don’t say a word while they eat the bento Seulgi bought on the way there. It’s always nice to be together. Even just spending it in silent.

 

“So,” Seulgi turns her head to the woman with glasses beside her. “What’s with the fuss I read online earlier this week, you and JB?”

 

Seulgi choked on her latte. Surprised that Joohyun who doesn’t look at social media frequently still know about the rumor.

 

“Honestly speaking, it’s true.” Joohyun’s eyes go wide listening to the statement.

 

“No. Not in that way. We did hang out, but there were more of us. My cousin invited me to hunting photos at night with her friends, and her friends invited JB. I didn’t follow him so I didn’t know he uploaded it first. So… there’s that.”

 

Joohyun hums and slumps her body onto the couch. Both sitting again in the comfortable silent. With Seulgi contemplates something in her head. Her old painful memory pokes her.

 

So that’s the reason why you didn’t say anything when I confessed the other night??

 

“I never stop, you know.”

 

It’s complicated, Seul. You know why I did that.

 

Joohyun looks at the back of Seulgi’s head. Doesn’t really understand what she mean, but deep down she thinks she knows. Joohyun decides to stay silent.

 

I’m sorry, but I have to do it, Seul. I’m not going to mad at you if you hate me after this.

 

“I never stop liking you. After all those years, I still like you, unnie.”

 

She confessed for the second time. She doesn’t turn her head. Afraid her tears will go down when she sees Joohyun and only looking at the soft rug beneath them.

 

And after all these years, she still weak as hell in front of her. Seulgi hates it so much. She wants to be strong for Joohyun.

 

Seconds passed and Seulgi panicked a bit because of the lack response. Then Joohyun hugs her.

 

“Me too, Seulgi.”

 

Seulgi widen her eyes before she envelopes Joohyun’s body with her toned arm.

 

“I’m sorry it took me so long to say it. I liked you too that time, and I still do. No. I like you more right now.”

 

Seulgi kisses the spot between Joohyun’s neck and shoulder.

 

She once scared enough to had that thought. She’d curse herself if she’ll let the girl in her embrace slips again for the second time.

 

The idol inhales Joohyun’s scent before she asks the latter the million dollar question.

 

And of course Joohyun says yes. With a kiss on the lips that she kissed once, in their teenage year.

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