Chapter 1


“So, we’re all in love with your US debut song or some of us call it your comeback song called ‘Radio’. Can you tell us a little about the inspiration behind this song, Wendy?”

The soloist smiles, “Well… The melody itself makes you feel a tad sad. And for the lyrics… it took days for me to finish them. It’s about a relationship that I know wouldn’t last but I tried it anyways. So, I wrote this song as some sort of a reminder for myself that I knew this impending doom was coming yet I was happily standing on my ground, waiting for it to just sweep me off my feet.

Sometimes you just want to live in a moment, without thinking how bad it would be. How sad you would be when the storm hit you. Then after it hit you, sometimes you just want to stay soaked in the sadness, you know? Like it’s bad for you, you know that, but you just need some time to mourn. That’s why I wrote ‘This song on the radio. Even though it pains me to listen. Now in my heart, constantly in my heart. Imma keep it playing on and on and on’. I just want to be constantly reminded of the pain. A little masochist, I’d say, but I’m sure all of us who have been broken hearted before can relate. It’s part of moving on too,”

“I do, Wendy… I do. It’s sort of your mind trying to get you out of that sad zone too, isn’t it? Sort of like trying to make you understand that it’s the reality now. You guys have broken up. It’s not imaginary,”

“Spot on, Ellen,” Wendy smiles at the show host.

“It’d be amazing if you could actually give us a little hint of how this ex might be, hmm?”

The blonde chuckles, “Ex is an ex. Let’s not dwell on the past.”

Ellen smiles back, “Well we’re not getting his name… Anyways, some fans, have been speculating that the song is actually about your relationship with your company back then. They were saying how your potential was not maximised in SM. Any comments on this?”

Wendy musters a small smile, “If everything was going well, so well for both of us, I wouldn’t have moved half a world away, would I?”

The show host laughs.

“I like Universal Records, we are more flexible about lots of things and I’m sure my fans know how much I want to go international. So, when I got this offer, I just couldn’t pass it up,”

“Okay… Now folks, you already know how this masterpiece was created by your one and only Wendy Son. Let’s hear the song that has topped the Billboard chart for the past three weeks, shall we? Give it up for Wendy Son!”

Wendy gets up from her seat and moves to the stage. She sits on the seat in front of the grand piano and presses the keys. As the instrumental music starts, Wendy sighs a little and stares at the camera, “You know this song is for you.”

--- ---

Seungwan plops tiredly on the hotel’s bed. She was scheduled to perform on shows in America and she loved it, she really did but after her energy pill left, how can she still be energized? She unlocks her phone and opens Instagram. She searches for #Sooyoung and she scrolls down her phone. A soft smile etched on her face and not long after, tears stream down and she sighs.

She’s gone for good now. You knew this would happen. You knew how hard it’d be to maintain same relationship in Korea yet you tried it. You both did… Park Sooyoung… You know I love you so much, right?

Her thumb stops scrolling down at an image of the actress wearing a shirt that’s way too big for her and she sighs again, you’re wearing his shirt now? They don’t look good on you unlike my clothes. All my clothes fit you perfectly. She smiles sadly.

--- ---

Sooyoung fixes the jacket on her lap as she chuckles at Chanyeol’s joke. They’re driving back to her apartment after their first anniversary dinner date. He’s a gentleman, a warm guy, a perfect boyfriend material. He’s loved by the media for his perfect idol image too. She should feel fortunate to be able to date him but she still feels a little empty for a reason that she knows too well.

The radio in the car switches to a pop song not long after and she bops her head according to the beat. She glances at Chanyeol who smiles at her and she smiles back, “Eyes on the road. I don’t want to die tonight.”

“Alright, princess. I’ll tell the death not today,” he chuckles and she scoffs but a smile is still plastered on her face.

“Your jokes are always dry, oppa,”

“You love it anyways,”


“Aww, come on,” he whines a little and she chuckles. The car goes to silent except for the song on the radio. Her body grows tense when a song that is too familiar to her is played. She closes her eyes and leans on the headrest, facing the window so that her boyfriend won’t be able to see her expression at all. She still feels her heart ache, knowing well this song is for her.

Cause in my mind, nothing lasts. The fairy tales in my head… I don’t believe in fairy tales.

“Seungwan unnie, we’ve been dating for three years now and everything is well, isn’t it? Why are you changing your mind?”

“Sooyoung,” Seungwan chuckled bitterly. “People love you with him,”


“He loves you for real, you know that. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you. He longs for you, Sooyoung… The company might want you both in fake relationship to boost up your popularity and you might be using it to date safely with me. But Chanyeol? He’ll be using this to try to get your heart,”

“Leave Chanyeol oppa out of this. He knew that if I agree to this, it’s just for publicity, I don’t care if he likes me for real. I don’t want to break up with you, Seungwan unnie,”

“Sooyoung,” she sighed. “Tell me then, where do you see us next year? In two years’ time? in five years’ time? In ten years’ time?”

Sooyoung frowned, “Unnie… don’t do this to us.”

“We’re not going anywhere, you know that. We’d still be the same, having late night dates with caps and face masks on. Having ‘friendly’ meeting because we’re besties from the same company as what the public knows. I- I want to kiss you in front of everyone to show them you’re mine… I want to cover your shoulders when you wear those- those y tops,” she chuckles but a tear escaped her eyes. “I- It’s hurting me knowing I can’t do the things I want to do with you. Knowing no matter how many years have passed, we’d always be like this because Korea is still very conservative,”

“If we break up and you find someone else, you know it’d still be the same, unnie… So what’s your point?” Sooyoung asked, a little irritated by her girlfriend.

“I’m… I’m going to US… And I’ll find a label there to support my career… You know idols’ popularity last only for a few years and for females, once we hit our late twenties or early thirties, we’re going to be replaced by the younger generation and the next thing you know is that nobody likes you anymore,”

“You’re saying you’re trying to hit two birds with one stone? Leaving Seoul so you have a better career and to date someone freely?”

“Sooyoung,” the older sighed. “You know I love you… Going to US is only for my career. I-“

“So you’re saying because you’re still in your early twenties right now, you’re going to seize the opportunity for your career? It doesn’t matter if I become the victim in your masterplan. You don’t care about hurting me?”

“Sooyoung-ah,” Seungwan sighed. “I’ll let you go happily if you want to go somewhere to pursue your dream… I don’t want to stop you. I know I won’t stop you. Why can’t you support me?”

“I don’t know, unnie,” Sooyoung scoffed. “Maybe if you actually want to try to have a long-distance relationship with me then I’ll support it. But you’re asking me for a breakup right now. Am I wrong?”

“Soo, we both know you won’t like long-distance relationship. Do you remember that time when I had my concert for three weeks overseas and you were in a bad mood? I’m going to be overseas for years, Soo. I might not even go to Seoul for holidays or whatnot. I’m staying there permanently until I change my mind. Are you sure you want a long-distance relationship with me?”

The younger woman stayed mum at this.

“Communications between us would be difficult, you know that. And it doesn’t matter if we’re both free without any schedules. We both know you like me to be physically present. I know you love me being affectionate to you. How can I do that when I’m half a world away? It’s better to end things, Sooyoung. It’d hurt much lesser in the future,”

“You’re selfish, you know that?” the younger woman muttered softly and plopped on the chair, feeling exhausted from their argument.

“If I’m selfish, I’d drag you with me. I’d ask you to forgo your career and be with me so we can date freely there,”

Sooyoung looked up to her girlfriend with teary eyes.

“I know you love acting and your family is here. I’ve thought about this for a long time and I-“

“Is that why you’re growing distant the past few months?”

Seunwgan nodded and her girlfriend sighed, “This is best for both of us. You know that, Soo.” She then kneeled and took her hands, “I- I think Chanyeol oppa is a good man. Give him a chance, please? Maybe when we meet again and you’re already happy with him.”

“I don’t like him, unnie,” the older woman sighed. “I’m in love with you,”

The older smiled sadly, “I’m sorry, Soo. You know I’m in love with you too but we’re just dragging this on and I just- other than having you, I don’t have any other reasons to stay here in my current label or find any new labels in Korea. You know how much I want to go international. You know my family is in Canada too,”

Sooyoung looked at her and her jaw flexed, “When are you leaving Seoul?”

“In a month. My contract with SM ends this Friday. I want to use the last three weeks to pack up and-“

“Spend time with me,”

Seungwan smiled, “You like that?”

Sooyoung nodded, “I don’t know when I’ll see you again and lots of things can happen by the time I’ll see you again.”

“Ok… Whatever Park Sooyoung wants, Son Seungwan will give it to her,”

The actress smacked her arm, “I don’t want to break up with you but we’re still breaking up, dumbo.”

“Except that?”

Sooyoung chuckled but as seconds ticked by, tears stream down her face and Seungwan pulled her into a hug, “I’m sorry… It’s best for us, Soo. I’m sorry.” Sooyoung hit the older woman’s arm again and again, trying to convey her pain but they both knew, the ache in their heart could never compare the burning pain on the arm. “I’m sorry,”

“Soo? Sooyoung?” Chanyeol’s voice disturbs her reminisce and she looks around.

“Oh, we’re here,”

“Were you asleep?” He smiles at her and she nods.

“Would you like to come up?”

He shakes his head, “I have an early schedule tomorrow. I need to rest.”

“You can always sleep on my bed, you know?”

“I’d be making love to you, Sooyoung. You know that,”

The woman chuckles, “Alright then. I’ll see you tomorrow night?”

“I- I have something for you,” the guy smiles before he grabs a box from the backseat. “I bought you a watch…”

“A couple watch?”


“I’ll put it on whenever I go out,” Sooyoung pecks his lips and she watches him beaming and she caress his cheek with her thumb.

“I’ll always put on the bracelet you gave me too,”

The actress can’t help it but to kiss him and as they part for air, he pecks her forehead, “I’ll see you tomorrow night, Sooyoung.”

“Ok, drive safely, oppa,” she smiles before pecking his lips and exiting the car. She instantly enters the doors and her smile wipes out when she enters the lift. She sighs as she leans to the side of the elevator, this is bad… I’m just using him, am I?

She punches in the keycode to her apartment and enters quickly. She takes off her cap and toss it to the couch then she plops on it, opening the box and stares at the watch.

“Soo, what couple items that we don’t have, hmm?”


“Should I buy them for us?” Seungwan asked, her hand already grabbing the iPad lying on the coffee table.

Sooyoung rolled her eyes, “Stop buying stuffs and save your money, unnie.”

The older pouted and put back the tablet.

“We don’t even wear watches daily. Why should we buy them?”

“Couple items?”

The younger straddled the older, earning a surprised look and Sooyoung pecked her lips, “I don’t need couple stuffs. I need more of your clothes.”

Seungwan snickered, “One day, your fans will know how much of a cheapskate you are.” She groaned when the younger woman smacked her arm. “Half of my wardrobe is already yours now.”

“Isn’t it more intimate for couples to be wearing each other’s clothes?”

The idol frowned, “I don’t wear your clothes..?”

“Well, I do… It’s an intimate thing for me. It makes me feel you’re around me even though we are apart,”

Seunwgan’s expression softened immediately at this, “Do you really feel that way?”

Sooyoung smiled and looped her arms around her neck, “I do… If you want, feel free to wear any of my clothes too, we’re the same size anyways. I’d be happy to see you wearing my shirts.”

“Yeah?” the older asked before she leaned in to kiss her.

“Yeah…” the younger answered as their lips part.

“Will it be too much though? You know our fans are quite… passionate. I don’t want them to suspect we’re dating or something,”

“Best friends wear each other clothes’ too? No?”

“Right,” Seungwan smiled and kissed her again. She then sneaked her hand inside her girlfriend’s shirt, caressing the soft skin. “I still want the couple watch though?”

Sooyoung smacked her girlfriend’s chest hard, earning a scowl.

The actress smiles at her memory, and she walks to her wardrobe, taking two boxes that has been left untouched for a few months now. She plops on her bed and open the first box. She takes the watch, and her finger trails the object, touching the gold material and the leather strap. She sighs before she puts it back. She then opens the other box and chuckles sadly as she looks at the exact same object. I bought this for you, Seungwan unnie… You wanted couple watches, right?

She closes the box and toss both away from her bed, not caring if she might damage the goods. She then takes her phone and goes to the search engine, searching her ex-girlfriend’s name. She clicks on a few articles, and she quickly grabs her laptop, watching Seungwan’s performance in Ellen DeGeneres.

--- ---

Sooyoung hums to the tune in the radio and Chanyeol throws in some remarks as usual. She chuckles when he talks a bit about his group members. How they all are obsessed with her character in her latest drama – Ms. Psycho. To be honest, she’s quite obsessed with her own character too. It’s a very refreshing role to play Ms. Psycho, very different than her usual role of a sad girl whose love life is tragic.

She stares out the window once the conversation dies down and she hears that familiar tune again.

“Oh? Isn’t this Wendy’s song? Wow, I have to say she’s doing much better with her current management than with SM,”

“Yeah… it’s her song,”

“It’s been four or five months but this song is still everywhere, I’ll change the-“

“Don’t change the station. I love her voice,” Sooyoung cuts him.

“O-Oh, ok,”

This song on the radio. Even though it hurts me to sing it. Now in my heart, constantly in my heart. This never-ending song, on and on and on

“I heard you’re close with her,”

“Yeah, we were,”

“How is she in US?”

“I don’t know… We lost contact, too busy with our own stuffs,” she replies. But itches to say that they’re busy moving on.

“You know, Kyungsoo has the biggest crush on her, especially after she featured on his song,”


Chanyeol hums, “He said he even tried to score a date but Seungwan would always tell him that she’s seeing someone and he deserved better. She didn’t have to say she’s seeing someone just to reject him but oh well, Kyungsoo appreciate how nice she was.”

“What if she was seeing someone?”

“I did tell him that but I guess Kyungsoo didn’t want to believe it,” he chuckles. “I saw her once practicing in the studio, belting out the high notes, I was in the room next to her but I can still hear her voice. It was years ago but god, the impact, she really has a nice voice and I swear I could feel all her emotions,”

“That’s her talent,” Sooyoung smiles. “She moves people with her voice,”

“You befriended her because of her voice?” he teases her and she snickers.

“I was the main female character of her music video. She’s a nice person. She made me feel comfortable and relaxed,” she smiles as she reminisces the first time she met Seungwan. “It was my debut too… thanks to her, I got to be where I am right now,”

--- ---



Seungwan smiles sadly as she reads the title of the article. They finally release it to the press, hmm? This took a while… Didn’t you agree to it many months ago? Instead of avoiding the article, she clicks on it instead. She reads how they were just a close junior and senior in SM but they got close after Sooyoung was invited to Exo’s showcase for their fifth album. She stares at the photo of her ex-girlfriend smiling happily, holding Exo’s light stick and she closes the article.

Her hand itches as she stares at the contact ‘Park Sooyoungie~’ on her phone. She wants to congratulate her but she knows well she’s just hoping her ex would talk to her again, the congratulation is just an excuse to text her first. But she knows she shouldn’t, right? Not when Sooyoung didn’t even congratulate her on successfully debuting in US/ coming back with her sixth album.

She doesn’t even care about you anymore, Seungwan. Why would she? You broke her heart. Birthday has passed, new year has passed but there was no text from her. if she wanted to remain in contact with you, she would’ve messaged you on that occasion.

Seungwan goes to the club for the first time since she stepped her foot in US. She drinks a little above her limit and knowing how slack Universal Record is as compared to SM, she doesn’t bother to hold herself back. Knowing how this is US, not Korea, she also brings a girl home, unaware of how paparazzi has been following her for months. After all, she’s the IT girl in US now. There was Taylor Swift, there was Olivia Rodrigo and now, Wendy Son; the Korean born Canada is that popular. She wasn’t aware of it, not when her head is constantly thinking back of the ex-girlfriend she left in Seoul just to pursue her career.

She wakes up the next morning from the constant ringing of her phone. Groaning, she grabs her phone, “Hello?”

“Wendy! Don’t go out of that hotel. Paparazzi is swarming around the Lobby. Get that girl out of your room and we’ll get you out the back door,”

“What?” she asks, her head is throbbing in pain and she doesn’t even know who’s calling her. She moves her iPhone from her ear before she reads the contact name, Peter White, her manager. “Can you repeat what you said?”

“Get that girl out of your room. Don’t go anywhere. Paparazzi are at the Lobby. We’re coming to get you out,”

“,” she curses and glances at the sleeping figure beside her, realising what foolishness she just did yesterday. “Ok, I’ll wait for your call again. Sorry for the mess,”

As soon as she ends the call, she wakes up the girl who’s deeply asleep. She gently shakes her body and thank god she’s not a heavy sleeper, “Good morning.” She smiles a little and the woman buries her face into the pillow.

“Is this the time for you to kick me out?” she mumbles, her voice groggy, but Seungwan finds it so soothing. The woman looks up to her and the idol feels her breath is knocked out of her lungs. This woman is gorgeous. How can anyone wake up with that face? Sleepy face yet so beautiful.

“I… I had a great time with you… But I’m sorry, you’re right. It’s the time,”

“Do you even remember my name?”

Seungwan shakes her head, “I... I don’t… Can I please know your-“

“If you can’t remember my name, how did you know we had a great time then?”

The idol stared at the girl for a moment, “I remember some of our conversations, I think… I remember I asked you to stay the night with me. I- sorry, I don’t know why your name slipped off my mind, I-“

“You’re not snobbish,”


“I expect the girl who topped Billboard charts would just throw some cash at my face or something to shut me up but here you are, apologising again and again,”

“I- I wasn’t in my right mind. I don’t even go to clubs usually,”

The girl chuckles, “Okay, superstar… Let’s not get too personal. We’re just having a one-night stand. Don’t need to explain everything to me. It’s just .”

Seungwan feels her cheeks blush a little before she nods her head, “Yeah… Just .”

“Your Asian blood is still too thick. Do they not have one-night stands in Korea?”

“We do,”

“I’m surprised you dragged me home with you though, not some man,”

“I- I…” Seungwan pauses and frowns.

“You don’t like men,”

The soloist shakes her head and when she realises that she’s answering the woman’s question a little too easily, she gets weary. What if this woman will sell the information to media?

“Is this why you left Korea?”

“No… I’ve always wanted to go international,” she replies honestly.

“Hmm… Just what I thought,”


“I’ve been a huge fan of you since your second album ‘Slow Motion’,”

Seungwan smiles, a little relieved knowing that it’s her fan. Her fans wouldn’t be so mean to sell her secret to media, won’t they? Well, she hopes so. “That’s my favourite album out of everything else.”

“Radio is not your fave?” the girl props her face with her hand to look at her, the bed cover falls a little, letting her s in sight for the blonde. The singer can’t help it but to glance down before looking into her eyes again.

“Too many sad songs,”

The stranger smiles, “You’re good at those though… singing sad songs.”


The blonde hears loud laughter, “Didn’t know my favourite singer was this cute in real life.” This makes the idol smiles a little.

“Ok, I should go now… Before your manager comes in here and still see me in my glory,” the girl gets up from the bed, not bothering if her body is uncovered with any fabrics. Seungwan can only watch her fan whom she slept with having curves at the right places despite being shorter than her. She watches her fan putting on her bra and shirt but she doesn’t bother to wear her underwear before she puts on her skirt.

Her fan then goes to the bathroom and she hears the running water not long after. The idol sits still on the bed as she waits for the woman to come out. It doesn’t take her longer than five minutes and she goes out looking much fresher.

“Okay, time to go out now. Done washing my face, done brushing my teeth,” she smiles a little.

“You’re not… You’re not wearing your underwear?” she points at the piece of fabric hung on the floor lamp.

“You’re watching me?” the fan chuckles and Seungwan’s face goes red.

“I… I just-“

“You ripped my , honey... My apartment is like three blocks away. I’ll be fine,”

The idol frowns before she grabs her jeans jacket that she spots resting on the chair and ties it around her waist, “It’s not safe. It might be windy outside or you might meet some .”

The fan hums and pecks her cheek, “Thank you for the wonderful night… and this jacket too. I’ll frame it like any other crazy fan would.”

The idol grimaces, “Are you- Are you going to do that?”

The shorter girl snorts, “Of course not. I’m just going to wash it and dumps it in my wardrobe. Unless you want me to mail it to your company address?”

Seungwan shakes her head, “Keep it.”

“Such a sweet idol,” the raven hair smiles and pecks her cheek again. “I better go now. Hopefully they won’t recognise me,”

“I- I have a cap,” the idol quickly grabs it and puts it on her. “Please be safe,”

The fan chuckles, “You’re such a sweet person, Seungwan.”

“You’re Korean? Why is your pronunciation that good?” the idol asks, quite confused as why this foreigner who’s been conversing with her in English can easily say her name.

“Yeah… I’m born in US though, not Canada like you,”


The fan chuckles, “Thank you for the gifts. I’ll treasure them… don’t worry about our conversations, it’d stay between us.”

“Thank you,”

“You should wear some clothes by the way… unless you don’t mind your manager seeing you ?”

Seungwan looks down and covers her body with her hands immediately, earning a laughter.

“You’re adorable,” she mutters softly before walking to the door.

“What’s your name?” the idol asks, effectively stopping her fan from opening the door.


Just before the door closes, Irene’s head peek from the gap, “Help me to dispose my underwear, please?”

“O-Of course!”

A/N Hello everyone... I have spare time lately and i got this sudden inspiration for this story about idol x fan so why not write?

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter as a little gift to lighten up your mood during Covid. Please do take care of yourself :)


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