sorry if this is boring lmao 

The following week, you were gone from his mind. Tucked away in a corner and Jaehyun had forgotten about you until one day, Manager Min asked him how the party was. Jaehyun stood beside her in the recording room, her eyes focused on Jisung who was nervously staring at the paper.

“One more time. You sound great, just try to make it less awkward,” the producer said and Jaehyun shifted. Manager Min glanced at him, frowning.

“Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be in the practice room with the rest of 127?” she asked, Jaehyun shaking his head. He had a queue, he wanted to ask her to bring him to the Han River after the day was over. Jaehyun desperately needed privacy and his dorm wasn’t cutting it.

He wanted a run, to go away from people for a while and Manager Min sighed, the female nudging him. She was quick-witted and she knew that he wanted something, the female urging him to say it.

“What is it, Jaehyun?”

“Just want to go for a jog, was hoping you’d drive me there,” he said and she nodded, not asking further. Jaehyun was often moody—this was something that everyone could tell from time to time. There were times when he would be happy and everyone could see it, and there were times when he couldn’t hide his annoyance.

At the world and at everyone.

“You forgot your wallet in the car a week ago when you came back from Eunwoo’s party,” she began, Jaehyun subconsciously feeling his pockets as she spoke. “Drunk less.”

“Yeah,” he said, frowning. “Drank a little bit too much.”

“You know, I’m okay with you drinking a lot as long as I don’t have to clear any rumors about you,” she said and it was a topic that she often brought up. Manager Min knew Jaehyun’s history with girl group idols. She was filled on it by Haechan.

Blabbermouth, Jaehyun thought to himself.

“I’m pretty sure you don’t have to,” he said, shrugging. “The girl I was with that night doesn’t seem like the type. She’s also in the entertainment industry so she knows how it is—”

A smack on his arm and Manager Min was glaring at him.

“What happened?” she demanded, Jaehyun blinking rapidly. “Did you guys—Oh my god, were there sasaeng’s there?”

“Geez, calm down. Nothing happened. We kissed. She didn’t even call, we’re not talking. Until now, there is no news leak or anything.” Jaehyun didn’t want to explain to her how you were. If you didn’t initially post a photo of him and Johnny, he was pretty sure you didn’t want any attention. “I got it, okay? You… Just chill.”

Manager Min narrowed her eyes at him before turning back to focus on Jisung.

“And you and Johnny?” Jaehyun finally asked, the female turning red but refusing to look at him. “Heard he broke up with Elaine.”

“Not my problem, Jae,” she said back before turning to him. “You know what they say?”

“What?”

“You lose them how you get them.” She breathed. “I like Johnny, he’s a cool guy. But how much can you trust someone if he is supposed to be in love with someone else?”

“I’m just surprised that he’s able to date,” Jaehyun mused. “We’re idols, such things come hard to us.”

“I know. Everything is going slow, how it’s supposed to be. Because there is no such thing as diving into feelings, is there?” she began before she leaned down to press onto the microphone. “You’re doing amazing, sweetie! Jisung, try again. You got it!”

“Oh, the pep talk.” Jaehyun rolled his eyes and she chuckled, pushing him away. “I’ll go home, I guess. See you in the a.m.”

He bid her goodbye, heading home.

Now, you. It seemed like the universe had plans for you to meet Jung Jaehyun. That day, you had just come home giddy from an extra shot of coffee. Chris Bang from Stray Kids had accidentally switched coffee with yours and instead of one shot of coffee—it was two and you could feel the jitters.

“Hey, Edward!” you chirped, removing your bag and quickly putting a small amount of food into his pet dispenser. Your tabby cat meowed and you petted him. You wanted to send Edward to a weight-loss program, your cat being too obese for a tabby cat.

Weirdly, Edward’s Instagram had gotten a lot of followers and as much as your cat was famous for being big (in an unhealthy way but you blamed the pet food dispenser for that), you were working hard in trying to get him to be healthy.

So, you sat down on the floor and tried to make him do some sit-ups, Edward following your orders three times until he rolled away and meowed.

“Mommy is going out to go for a run, okay?” you told Edward. “I know it’s late but I need to get the coffee out.”

That was how you ended up running, your bright pink running shoes that you have had since you were a senior in college covering your 6 sized feet. Jaehyun had just gotten out of the car, a beanie on his head and a mask covering his face. Manager Min had used her car and it was less conspicuous. Jaehyun was ready to run, the male leaning down to tighten the laces on his shoes when he looked around.

Freedom.

There were very few people at this time. Those who were awake were those who were lonely or lost and Jaehyun was both. He hoped that this run would perish his mood swings, Jaehyun taking a step forward.

“I’ll be in the car. Have a few documents to handle, take your time,” Manager Min said and he could already see that she had laid out a few documents on her car dashboard. Workaholics.

He finally began to run. What was he running from? From the fact that he was blessed with fame? Was it a blessing or was it a curse?

His feet bounced off the ground and the cold air made his eyes water, Jaehyun squinting. He didn’t think about the weather—it was the last thing that he thought about. He slowed himself down into a jog, not expecting to hear someone barreling towards him from behind.

You did not see Jaehyun, no. You weren’t one who jogged outside much and that was because you always kept your eyes on the ground. This time was no exception and you focused just on the feeling of running. It was liberating, like nothing could stop you when—

The one thing that stopped you was the man in front of you, your nose slamming against your nose and you flailed, the male turning just to grab your arm to stop you from falling.

“Sorry!” you exclaim, regaining your balance when his perfume made you look up. You knew this perfume, the smell so familiar to—

“Oh,” he said, the voice of Jung Jaehyun coming from the man. He said your name and you froze, Jaehyun cocking up an eyebrow. Now, what were you doing here by the Han River at almost 3 a.m in the morning?

“J-Jung… Jung Jaehyun?” you asked, the male looking around like he was scared of being found out. His beanie covered his hair and his mask covered half of his face but you knew it was him. It was a feeling of familiarity, the way he carried himself to the way he grabbed your wrist and pulled you after him. “Wait, where—”

“If you could recognize me with one look, I can’t be standing around here,” he said and he sounded pissed. Like he was done with everything. You have always been rather sensitive to other people’s emotions and Jaehyun didn’t sound very happy to see you.

“I didn’t follow you if that’s what you are asking,” you said and he scoffed. The sound made you frown. “I recognized you by your perfume, I think you have nothing to worry about.”

Okay, that sounded wrong. He stopped walking but both of you were under a bridge by the river. He removed his beanie and you blinked, wondering how you ended up there with him. He removed his hand, almost like he also had no idea what he did.

Jaehyun acted on impulse. He apologized for dragging you along, he had no idea why he did that either. He took in your pink hoodie, your pink shoes, and your black sweat pants. Your coat was loose and old and you had opted to change to something comfortable instead.

“What are you doing here?” he asked and you moved your hand back and forth to try to explain to him that your heart was palpitating. He didn’t seem to get it so you just waved your hand even more aggressively.

“Nevermind,” you concluded, your feet beginning to jump on the spot. Jaehyun found himself chuckling. “I drank too much coffee today so this is why.”

“I do that on some days, too. Have you ever tried to take Valerian pills?” he asked and you shook your head, Jaehyun telling you that it was a herb. You were beginning to walk beside him now, Jaehyun pulling you to the side of the river to sit down.

“How about you? Why are you here?”

Jaehyun wondered what to tell you. He wondered if he should tell you that he was slowly getting tired of putting up an act but when he turned and saw you staring at the moon, he thought to himself that you didn’t need to know.

“How’s Edward?”

“Still fat,” you answered and he laughed. You opened up your phone to show him Edward. “I’m trying to teach him sit-ups these days.”

Jaehyun was watching you, his eyes flickering momentarily to the photos of your cat just for him to go back to you excitedly showing you Edward and his many poses. You sounded excited, sounded happy despite being you and he wanted that.

How was it that he was Jung Jaehyun and still sometimes hated how his life had turned out?

But the grass is always greener on the other side.

“And you?”

“Mhmm?” he asked, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear absentmindedly. “What me?”

“What do you do in your free time other than run by the Han River?”

“I…” he paused. Did you want to know the idol version? How he would listen to CDs on Cigarettes After and try to make his life look interesting? Or did you want to know what he really did? That was to be on his phone, not moving from a spot until he had a schedule. “I guess I listen to music, update my bubble, and go to the company when I’m not working so I can practice my dance moves.”

You blinked, wondering if you didn’t phrase your question clearly. You were sure you asked him what he did in his free time, not what he did on the daily basis.

“What’s bubble?” you asked, Jaehyun racking his brain to try to explain it. You were sure you had heard of it before, you just didn’t know how it worked. Did idols post things like on Twitter? Jaehyun was a step faster, the male grabbing your unlocked phone from your hand and going to the app store.

With that, he had downloaded bubble and subscribed to himself, explaining as he went along. How he could communicate to his fans and now you’d see all his messages for a month.

“I don’t do it much, though. Sometimes, I don’t know what to say,” he told you and you laughed, staring at the subscription. “But I can’t see who sends what. This is what I see.”

He pulled out his own phone, the messages on his phone blasting from the bubble app. Not a single identifier and it was like he was receiving messages from robots.

“Oh. This is the first time I got myself subscribed to someone on Bubble,” you tell him and he smiled proudly.

“Be honest, you are a Johnny fan, aren’t you?”

“Not at all. I told you I like you because you’re handsome,” you said to him and he laughed at how cheeky you had become.

“Only because I’m handsome?”

“Only because you’re handsome,” you confirmed, Jaehyun reaching over to pinch your cheek. What a friend, the kind of company that felt like romance but wasn’t romance just yet. “You should go, Jaehyun.”

“Right,” he said, standing up to dust himself off. “Come, let me walk you.”

“Don’t, people can’t see us together,” you finally tell him, Jaehyun pulling up his mask. No one was around but one couldn’t be too sure. “You go first.”

“You sure?” he asked, dropping back down. He didn’t want to leave just yet, because leaving would be going back to reality. You nodded, Jaehyun sighing when his eyes fell onto your lips. Would you say no if he went for it?

He desperately needed comfort, whether it be in a form of a hug or a kiss. He decided against it for a second when you opened your arms to give him a goodbye hug, Jaehyun gravitating into your arms. Both of you were sitting on a sloped land and as he tightened his grip, his body swayed back and forth.

Somewhere in the midst of hugging, his lips found yours, mask pulled down and your arms around his shoulders. He wanted to inhale your lips in, Jaehyun grunting when you finally very softly pushed him away.

It just happened; this time, a sober mistake.

“Go,” you tell him, and Jaehyun bit on his bottom lip, nodding. As you watched him leave, you wonder what you had done to be able to kiss Jung Jaehyun, pushing the idea to the back of your mind. Idols were still humans, you scolded yourself. They think and feel just as you do.

Jaehyun had reached the car, Manager Min looking up in surprise.

“You look better. That run must have done you good,” she said, Jaehyun entering the passenger seat.

“It must have,” Jaehyun answered, a hand going to his phone.

You made Jaehyun feel safe, Jaehyun would realize later. That while the world was turning, you were his anchor. At this point in time, he would tell himself that he still felt nothing but he knew that he was growing fonder of you.

That if he would see you again, he’d do the same thing and kiss you. For selfish reasons, because he liked kissing and he liked kissing you.

That night he laid in bed as he sent a bubble to all his fans.

A song by Justin Bieber: Hold on.

It wasn’t long before Twitter was filled with people reposting his Bubble message. You were sitting down when you saw his message, bringing it up to your face to search up the song.

You know you can call me if you need someone
I’ll pick up the pieces if you come undone

“Oh, Jaehyun,” you sigh. You wondered if he was fine as he said. You wished he was.

I need you to hold on
Heaven is a place not too far away
We all know I should be the one
To say we all make mistakes (we all make mistakes)

“Jaehyun, can we talk?” Johnny asked from the door. Jaehyun looked up. Johnny looked tired, sad, and he wondered if it was his fault that Johnny and Manager Min were no longer on their old terms. “I made a mistake.”

“Sure,” he replied, patting the space beside him.

You’re looking for answers in a place unknown
You need the connection but you can’t get close (can’t get close)

“We’re idols,” Jaehyun found himself saying to Johnny, concluding their conversation. “What can we do? Dating isn’t supposed to be a part of our life.”

“I hate it,” Johnny admitted and Jaehyun nodded.

“To the World, we’re NCT,” he finally said and Johnny smiled.

How hard did they work for them to say that?

‘Cause I know how it feels to be someone
Feels to be someone who loses their way

“Goodnight, Edward,” you called to your tabby cat when you finally texted him through Bubble even if you knew he wouldn’t be able to see it.

Goodnight Jaehyun!

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

As much as you thought about Jaehyun, you did it to make yourself smile. Like a little secret to go back to when you were having one of your bad days. As a stylist, you would find yourself backstage. Patting on makeup onto one of the girl group members, you beamed at how it turned out.

“You look happy,” Chu said to you and you nodded. Her makeup was bright and colorful—it made you feel proud. “It’s good to do something that makes you happy.”

After the makeup was done, you left the waiting room to wander the halls. Backstage is when the idols were just normal idols. Some would be sleeping from exhaustion; some would be nervous and praying. It was a mix of emotions. So genuine.

“Jaehyun!” a voice called and you froze, your eyes darting to the side when you heard the name. You knew NCT would be around but you didn’t expect to actually see him there. You could hear people talking to Jaehyun behind you and you began to aimlessly walk away from the source of the sound.

You wouldn’t know how to act if you met Jaehyun. You simply wouldn’t know what to say.

“Stylist Kang! Leaving already?” a voice asked you this time, one of the backstage managers greeting you as she walked past you, boxes in hand. “Stay for the show. I worked hard on it.”

Jaehyun frowned when he heard “Stylist Kang” from the woman in front of him. The woman in front of him just nodded. Dokyeom was beside him, another idol from the -97 line, chattering on about how SEVENTEEN had worked hard on the comeback.

You could hear the man who called Jaehyun still talking so you turned to wave at the woman, coming face to face with a Jaehyun who recognized you. It took three seconds to register that he had been standing behind you for quite some time and you did what every professional person would do—smile and bow.

Jaehyun opened his mouth to say something, Dokyeom’s voice droning out in the background but you had already whipped your head around and walked away. Your heart was beating fast from nervousness. This would be the first time you’d realize that what you felt when you saw Jaehyun was different.

Your legs brought you away from both of them, no idea where they were bringing you. You found yourself in the dark and underneath the stage. The music was so loud you couldn’t hear your own thoughts and it was just the way you liked it.