** "You feel so much like home that every time you hug me I want to sleep." **
"Joohyun-ah," you greeted with your ever sweet voice. Your eyes sparkled in longingness and I recognized it as a message for me to give you something only I can do.
I gently closed the door of our room. I went to your direction. My steps synchronized with the beat of my heart as I approached you. You gave me the sweetest smile that controlled my lips to mirror yours. You spreaded your arms mouthing how much you missed me when in fact I was just gone for not even twelve hours.
But I felt the same.
"I missed you too..." I replied to you. I ran my hands through your hair before climbing to our bed and lied beside you. I laid my head above your chest where I heard the rhythm of your heart. You wrapped your arms around me as you made a satisfied sound.
"How was your day Sooyoung-ah?" I asked even though it was always been the stereotyped topic we always had. I know what would have been your answer since you answer almost the same every day. However, when you opened your mouth, I did not expect you to say something different.
"Seulgi, Seungwan, and Yerim came here. They did a cooking contest and Yerim surprisingly won the game." Your chuckles tickled my ears as I found myself chuckling back, but there was something that bothered me by the sudden changed.
Why are you so happy tonight, Sooyoung?
I held your other hand and intertwined our fingers together creating a spark of warmth to me. I wondered if I was the only one who felt it. Were you able to still feel the tiny current between us?
"What did Yerim cook that made her win?" I asked you as I ignored my distracting thoughts.
"She made a seaweed soup. It was so delicious that Seulgi cried." You replied. I knew your smile never left your face, so even though I raised my head to see you, I had confirmed what I expected. "And about Seulgi and Seungwan, they burnt their dishes because they kept on fighting with each other. I wonder if they will still keep on fighting once they live together in the future." You brought down your face to look at me. "What do you think?"
"I think they will stop because Seulgi would prefer to eat than to cook."
You laughed at my answer despite it not being funny. You laughed and it was not a fake. It was a heartfelt laugh. And I swear in my name's sake that I wanted to stop that moment. You really looked so lovely when you laugh. The way your eyes closed, the way your lips spreaded to each side of your cheeks— it was so entertaining. You, laughing was the show that I would keep on repeating.
"My sense of humour must have been broken now." you confessed, probably because you saw me just staring at you without any reaction. It was always like this, right? Misunderstanding was really inevitable between us. It was the same with the day I first met you. It had always been the same on how we were able to come this far. Maybe misunderstanding were weant to ruin relationships, but it became the blessings in disguise to our relationship with each other.
"It is. Even your no-jam Joohyun was able to make you laugh." I responded to you. I rested my head back to your chest. I also wrapped my legs around yours bringing you closer to me.
"It is an achievement for you." You said and again, your chuckles vibrated against my ears. You were spoiling me with your tickling voice, weren't you?
I, then feel your fingertips brushing my messy hair. I felt anxious for a moment thinking that it might not be that soft against your skin, but you complimented me before I could even apologize. Then you called my name.
"Joohyun-ah..." you said, almost whispered as I hummed in response, almost unheard. "Tell me about your day..."
I honestly do not want to talk my day, but because it was you, I took a deep breath and complied after.
"We got four new junior employees. They were already excellent despite being a baby in the workplace."
"Do you remember their names?" you asked in a manner that have another meaning.
"I know that I'm bad when it comes to people's names, but I do remember them."
"Aww granny can remember names now."
I raised my head to glare at you, but instead of being scared, you actually stole a kiss from me and told me that I am cute. "I am not cute." I objected and you kissed me again. Eventually, I felt my meeting eyebrows separated as my lips pouted. Then you stopped spoiling my lips. You were grinning. And I complained again, "I want more kiss."
"Not now my baby Hyunie." you responded, but you still kissed me when I was about to return to my position. It was not similar from the previous kisses. It was heavy, a bit forceful as you clawed my head to keep me in place, but there was a control maintaining the gentleness as if telling me not be afraid. Eventually, I found myself responding giving you my everything through the kiss and you did the same, throwing your compacted emotions to me in one go.
We kissed and as if our body connected, we stopped at the same time. Our lips parted, both of our chest rised high and low. The only difference at that time was you having your eyes closed and I, staring at you.
"Joohyun-ah..." you called, but I did not reply.
"Hyun-ah..." you called again yet I still did not dare to reply.
You, then slowly opened your eyes. Your eyebrows furrowed yet there was a tiny smile plastered in your face. You transferred your hand to my cheek and slightly squeezed it. "Your skin is really soft. I wanna keep on touching it."
"Then keep on touching it. It's yours anyway."
"Nah. I'm already contented." You smiled. "Tell me about your day instead."
I put my palm above your hand as I slowly nodded. I urged to look at you while giving you my answer, but you embraced me, forced my head to stick in the crook of your neck with your strong arm preventing my stubbornness to come up. Then you spoke again stopping me from telling you my story for the day.
"Hyun-ah, by the way, I love you."
"I love you too, Young-ah." I replied receiving a soft chuckle.
"It's been too long since you called me that." you told me.
You want our night to stay longer, do you? You always bring topics before I could answer your first question. Honestly, I wanted it too, Sooyoung. Every night was my night of wishes for us to be together forever.
"Will you call me that again?" you asked.
"Young-ah," I complied as I heard your chuckle again.
"Ahh my heart felt weakened. It's wiggling like a gelatin."
"Hearts do not wiggle, Young-ah."
"Here we go again, Hyun... What are you doing to me? You can stop calling me that name now. I might not handle it."
I know that you don't want me to stop.
"You're really stubborn, you know that?"
"I like hearing your heart beating for me." I told you.
"You like my heart beating for you? How about me?"
"I love you."
There was a recognizable silence between us. "Young-ah?" I asked, feeling my concern rised up. You did not reply, but you sighed. That was already enough for me to relax my muscles from being tense.
"Did I scare you, baby?"
"I was processing what you told me. It was so beautiful to hear." you replied and I felt that you kissed my head. "I love you too, Hyun."
I waited for a second before I was able to get myself to speak. "Do you want me to tell you my story now?"
"Right, it's time to hear your story."
"Listen, okay? I'm not gonna repeat it." I told you. "Don't sleep yet."
"I'm not gonna sleep without your permission."
"I hope you don't." Because you had always been sleeping in my bed time stories and I cannot help, but to suffer insomnia because you looked like an angel whenever your eyes were closed.
I hope your promise can withstand everything, Sooyoung.
"So, what's the name of your junior employees?" you asked.
"Jimin, Aeri, Minjeong, and Yizhou. See? I really remember their names."
"I'm proud of you."
"You should be."
"I am. I am so very proud of you in everything."
I smiled a bit as I continued. "The CEO was very pleased of our team's performance. Our Queendom Project was chosen, but it was cancelled due to some changes."
"Aww, that's too bad."
"Indeed, but the CEO treated us in a good restaurant as our reward. Their foods were delicious. I wanna go there with you and feed you."
"No thanks. I believe you're more delicious." you chuckled.
I only smiled before continuing my story. "The owner of the restaurant turned out to be her partner. CEO-nim is so lucky. She got a chef partner. She doesn't have a problem with foods."
"You're just basically complaining about the foods I cooked for you."
"I am not. Even though you burnt the pancakes, made the eggs too salty, forgot to put any seasonings—"
"I ate all of them because it was you who made them."
I felt your lips touching my temple and I recognized it as your way of appreciating my action.
"Then we also met their daughter. She was so cute and she chose me as the unnie she wants to be in the future. I wish to have a daughter like her."
"I wish too... I want five kids and I want to name them after us— Joohyun, Seulgi, Seungwan, Sooyoung, and Yerim." you said
"Sooyoung would be my favourite." I replied.
"That's bad, Hyunie."
"I'm not talking about our future daughter. I'm talking about you. You would be my favourite and would always be my favourite."
"I don't know if I should be happy or not." You patted my head. "Continue baby,"
"We went back to the company and had to welcome some unexpected guests. We met our CEO's mother. She looked so scary, but when she interacted with us she was so kind."
"You're the same with the CEO's mother." you said. "Do you remember my first impression of you? When we were in college, freshmen, when I sat beside you and I thought you were mad at me, so I had to apologize."
"And I answered that it was just my usual expression."
You laughed a bit before speaking again. "You said that in a very innocent tone of voice and I had to control myself from laughing in class. It was so irony with your facial expression. I misunderstood you for the first time."
"I also misunderstood you for the first time. I thought you were the happiest person in the world, but—"
"No. I am the happiest person in the world and you didn't misunderstand it." You ran your fingers through my hair and I pretended I did not feel any shivers down my spine. "And you, Joohyun, is the kindest person I've ever met."
"You forgot about Seungwan."
"She's an angel, so she's not qualified."
"How about Seulgi?"
"She's a teddy bear, so she's not qualified either."
You snorted, but I know you were smiling. You were fond of Yerim after all. "She's a bratty sassy naughty little tiger."
"You're my person, my partner, my baby, my soul mate, my moon and stars, my sky, my ocean, my world, my love, my purpose, my life."
"That's too many."
"Because you are my everything, Joohyun."
I smiled. "And you are more than anything to me, Sooyoung." I said. You know that I am not a wordy person nor someone who expresses her emotions frequently, but you know that every time I find the time to speak like this I would be on the verge of crying because of overwhelming emotions. "I wanna go with you wherever you go, Sooyoung. I wanna stay with you whenever the time of the day." I am too scared to tell you any further, to use terms that might ruin our night because there would never be any night for us again.
"I want the same too. I want to stay. I don't want to leave. I'm concern about you. You might end up scaring more people and I won't be there to enlighten them about your RBF. I'm also concern on how will you handle Yerim. You might end up killing her someday. I'm also concern on how you will keep your eyes open when WenSeul is having PDA. You might become the reason why they would be separated someday. You're still my baby after all. I was the only who was brave enough to take care of you. And I am afraid that you grew fond of me and do not want others to take care of you anymore." I felt your embrace tightened. I've also felt your nose nuzzled my temple as your breathed heavily. It was so heavy that even I, felt the weight preventing my words to come out. "Hyun-ah, you are big now, baby. I want you to explore our world. I want you to do the things you dreamt in doing. Continued the bucket list you did not fulfill yet. While I'm away, you should be happy because no one's gonna restrict you. Our differences will not hinder you anymore."
I found myself nodding. I'm sorry I cannot speak anymore, Sooyoung. I'm so sorry...
"Promise me, okay?"
I silently brought up my hand and sticked out my pinky finger. You slowly linked yours to mine as I decided to hold your hand, chasing the warmth, and intertwining my fingers to yours.
"What happened next to the meeting of the scary CEO's mother?" you asked. "Did she leave after being satisfied that the company have you?"
"The company is so lucky to have you, but I am the luckiest because you are mine alone..."
I nodded again.
"It's getting late, Joohyun-ah..."
I shook my head. Please, don't say it.
"Can I sleep now...?"
I shook my head. It's still early.
"Baby, how about you sing me a lullaby...? I wanna hear your waves under the moonlight voice..."
I did not give any reaction.
I bit my lower lip. Why did you sound like that? Why did you make that tone?
"Joohyun-ah, my baby, please...?"
I released my bottom lip. I forced myself to swallow my selfishness as I slowly nodded, finally agreeing, as I wiped my tears through your cloth. I heard your very small chuckle as you tried your best in tightening your grip on my hand.
"Listen to me, okay...?" I said, my voice was shaking, my lips were trembling. "I'm not going to repeat it ever again..."
"I know..." And I know you were smiling while here I am crying.
I opened my mouth then began to sing for you.
It's time now to sleep
The moon's watching over
You and your dreams ♬ ♪
Sooyoung, I'm so thankful that you studied in the same university as I am. I'm thankful that we became friends. I'm thankful that we fell in love with each other. I'm thankful that you stayed with me until now. I'm thankful that you are the only one Park Sooyoung that came to my life and that you're the only one I can think of. I'm thankful for everything that happened between us. The laughs, cries, smiles, dramas, conflicts, bickerings, and every thing. Thank you for loving me.
My sweet little one
Tomorrow your eyes
They will light up the sun ♬ ♪
Sooyoung, I know that you only read what you told me about your day. Seulgi, Seungwan, and Yerim told me that you asked them to write what happened. You were not able to recognize them and even remembering my name. It had been happening since the past weeks, but you were always pretending that everything was okay. The reason why I also pretended not to know. This night though, was something special because you gave the best replies to our conversation. And I did not know what to feel because despite you, forgetting some fragments of our memories, I was still able to feel your love towards me. Every thing was sincere and every thing felt the same just like before.
But goodnight, goodnight
Sweet dreams for now
Drift off to sleep
On your pillow of clouds ♬ ♪
Sooyoung, my baby, you've done your best. You fought well and I am so proud of you. The battle may have exhausted you too much, so it's time for you to have your long-waited reward. I am now letting you to sleep...
My sweet little friend
They will soon begin
Will soon begin ♬ ♪
Your holds finally loosened. Your heart beat finally rested from drumming. And your breathing stopped. Your sufferings already ended, Sooyoung.
I silently sat up. I looked at your face and reached your cheek. Nothing changed... You still looked so innocent and beautiful, Sooyoung. I smiled seeing the tiny curved plastered in your lips. You were very thoughtful of me.
I kissed your forehead a little prolonged, my eyes tightly closed, before I returned to your embrace. I let myself broke down into tears from the happiness that you were finally sleeping at peace without pains and from the sadness that I would be the only one to see the sunshine when the morning comes.
Song Lyrics from Lullaby by Sleeping at Last.
Oii~ stream Queendom. Don't forget to watch their stage performances if you have time.
Continue to love and support Red Velvet and their individual activities!
Don't also forget to take care of yer health. Ciao~