Night had fallen and as much as you hated it, the idea of you having to talk to the managers again tomorrow haunted you. You lean back against the couch, another glass of wine to calm your nerves when there was a ding and you grabbed your phone.

Johnny had sent you a voice message and you frowned, playing it when his voice yodeling made you burst out in laughter.

You: That made me feel better, Johnny.

Johnny: Good. I was hoping it would.

You: It did make me laugh. At least I feel like I’m not alone.

The idea of you being alone in the apartment made Johnny pause, the male on his bed. His fingers hovered of the screen with hesitation, Johnny running a hand through his hair when he finally pressed the call button. He was just checking on you—you were a manager but you were also a friend. That was the least he could do.

You answered it in less than a second.

“Yo,” Johnny said and you hummed. He could hear you moving around in the background. “What exactly are you doing?”

“Don’t ask me. I don’t even know,” You answer. “Woah, woah, woah. Gimme a moment.”

Johnny waited for a second and your voice came back breathless.

“Got it!” You chuckled to yourself and he frowned. “A praying mantis was in my room.”

The sound of the sliding window and Johnny guessed you let it go.

“What’s up, John Jun Suh?” you asked and Johnny smiled. “You need anything?”

Now, he hated the fact that you thought he was calling for something but he didn’t blame you for thinking that way.

“No. Just checking on you.”

“Aye, thank you for that,” you said gratefully and he could hear a sip. He had his eyes closed and he imagined you on the couch, a glass in your hand as you took in the wine. “I’m feeling so much better but it could be the alcohol.”

“Wine is medicine, they say,” Johnny answered and you chuckle. He opened his eyes, the question at the tip of his tongue. Should he ask you if he should come over? Should he not? The silence made Johnny nervous, the male opting to ask you what you were doing.

“Just sitting around. What do I tell the managers tomorrow?” you ask suddenly, a groan of frustration following your words.

“Need company?”

His words made you pause. You wondered if Johnny was hitting on you but a part of you kind of narrowed it down to his upbringing. He was a naturally chill and caring dude—a six-foot teddy bear of warmth and cuteness. Surely, if Haechan constantly begged to come over to level up a game, Johnny wouldn’t be far off from the kid; would he?

Like father, like son.

“Do you even know where I live?”

“You told me,” he pointed it out and you nod slowly, forgetting that one conversation.

You were okay with Johnny being there and not being there but having company did sound a bit more appealing than being alone.

“I’ll pick you up—”

“It’s a two-minute walk.”

Johnny, on the other hand, hated to admit that he felt happy that he may spent some isolated time with you. Johnny had always thought that he was a solid man; a good man, at least. The betrayal of his own ideals was beginning to make him think otherwise.

Nothing would happen in the hours of him paying you a visit.

“Sure then. Do you want to ask Haechan if he wants to come, too?”

The fact that you doted on Haechan didn’t bother him until now, Johnny clearing his throat to sound like he wasn’t irked by your question. He mumbled that maybe he would, standing up to peek into the living room to see that Haechan wasn’t around.

“Haechan isn’t around.”

Was he lying now? He didn’t even check the room properly.

“Maybe he’s with Chenle,” you say and Johnny jumped at the opportunity to agree, slipping out of his bedroom. The living room was empty and he guessed those who had practice or Vlives the next day would have gone to sleep.

He finally put on his mask and began to make his way towards your building. It would be the first time seeing how you lived—Johnny’s phone buzzing in his pant pocket when he finally saw that he had gotten a video call request from his girlfriend.

Holy , what was he doing?

When he didn’t answer, a text came and it said “Must be busy. Talk to you tomorrow.”

It was funny how he still ended up by your doorway, Johnny taking in the shadows under your eyes and the way you answered the doorway with your gaze on the phone.

“What’s happening?” he asked, entering your apartment. Two bedrooms, a kitchen and a big living room. He could see how well kept it was, expect your papers all over the dining room table.

“Nothing… Just. Dreamies,” you mumbled, Johnny seeing you pause by the doorway, your eyes still strained on the screen. “Just—Nothing I can’t handle.”

Johnny stood awkwardly in the middle of your living room, his eyes going to the place where Haechan would have played his game.

“Want to talk about it?”

You sighed, Johnny raising an eyebrow at your reaction.

“Don’t trust me?”

“Not that, Johnny. It’s just something small so—”

“Doesn’t seem like it,” he said to you and you shrugged, going to give him a wine glass.

“Jaemin and Renjun fought. People seemed to have noticed it and are calling it the Spring Fight and it’ll blow over—”

“Why would Renjun and Jaemin fight?” Johnny asked, frowning. Jaemin was rather nice… very nice, to be honest. But if Haechan and Mark could get into a Summer Fight, as the fandom called it, anything could happen.

“Jaemin used to sleep with Jisung, right?” you tell him. “Jaemin never had a room of his own so I guess they decided it was time to change and Renjun was the one that had to switch with Jaemin. Now, Renjun sleeps with Jisung and Jaemin sleeps in his own room.”

“Really?” Johnny asked, lifting an eyebrow at the information. “Well, the Dreamies aren’t going to ruin my special time with you, will they?”

Johnny was surprised at how easy he said it; he was more surprised at how easy you responded to it.

“You remind me of that one video I watched of Yuta-ssi telling people that he had a special time.”

The way Johnny said “my special time with you” might as well be him insinuating something and you most certainly hoped that there would be a strong and solid friendship between you and Johnny. You had no idea, however, if he meant it another way.

You put on the TV and began to get ready for some therapy with Johnny Suh, the male leaning back against the couch. You both sat in comfortable silence, Johnny sneaking a look at you. You had your lips pursed and your eyes were still red to what he guessed was from crying and despite national news on the television, you seemed blank until you snapped irritably.

“I mean!”

Johnny jumped, a hand going to press against his chest in sudden shock.

“Am I really that bad of a manager?” you end up asking, Johnny seeing how it still bothered you.

He shook his head when you sigh.

“To be fair, I keep telling myself that there are instances when a person makes a decision and they become a good something but not a good person as a whole.”

He had no idea what you were talking about, asking what you meant. He knew you wanted to talk it out. He could tell that you were thinking about it and he knew you had your way of coping with certain things. What bothered him was how he wanted to take the stress away.

It wasn’t his responsibility.

Johnny propped a hand up on the couch, turning halfway to look at you.

“For example, what if I end up with a family problem and I have a job that is time-consuming. I end up trying to fix my family issues—that makes me a good daughter or sister or whatever, right?”

Johnny nodded.

“At the same time, my friend is going through some things and she needs me. Very badly. But I can’t. So, while I’m a good daughter, I’m not necessarily a good friend.”

“You’re trying to say that even if you’re a good manager to NCT, you’re a horrible co-manager,” Johnny concluded.

“Yes. Now the question is.” You pause. “How do I make peace with it?”

“You don’t.”

“You’re asking me to choose a side?”

“I’m asking you to accept that you won’t always be a good something to everyone.”

Johnny saw how your hands were right by his and he fought the urge to grab them, the male tightening his hands into fists but he couldn’t fight himself by pulling away. You were still deep in thought and Johnny waited for you to speak you sigh.

Your eyes fell on the ring that Johnny was wearing—a ring that he and Yuta went shopping for and you absentmindedly reached out to trace the metal skull.

“What are you? In a gang?” you ask, Johnny taking the opportunity to turn his hands around to grip your fingers, running a thumb over your knuckles. He found himself inspecting your hands, a dark bruise at the edge of the right side of your pinky. “I write a lot.”

He could tell but Johnny didn’t pull away and as you were mirroring each other, both your hands were in the air, against each other when Johnny chuckled.

“I thought you would have small hands.”

“I have long fingers,” you tell him, pulling your hand away before looking at your own hands. “All those piano lessons gone into waste.”

“I don’t know about you, but I can yodel.”

A laugh from both of you when you suggested a movie, Johnny warning you not to even think about searching up the plot of the movie. You told him that you were watching a drama at the moment and he told you to just open it up.

“It’s romance. I thought men hate romance and how will you understand what it’s about unless we start from episode one?”

“Who said we should? Just continue to watch it, I’m here to keep you company.”

He said it very simply and you nodded. You really wanted to know what happened next. By the time the drama went on and the lights dimmed, Johnny found himself watching you instead of the screen.

Johnny then went back to the thought that he didn’t know when it started.

This attraction—you weren’t a damsel in distress, not at all. You knew very well how to navigate life and make the right decisions. Was he attracted to how simple you were?

But Eileen…

She was simple too, wasn’t she?

Johnny didn’t know. That was the thing, he talked to Eileen a lot and knew how her daily routine went but he never really knew what kind of person she was when she was faced with different scenarios. They didn’t go that deep yet and Johnny was a man who never really showed people if he was bothered. Most probably because he too, knew how to handle the ups and downs.

This was different, though.

He was pretty sure at this point that he had jumped into a relationship. Or was rapidly forced into one because of his quick “I love you” back. He was sure he meant it at that time, how was it that it changed in a span of weeks to a month after he met you?

“What are you thinking about?” you ask from beside him, turning to look at Johnny just in time for your eyes to connect. Johnny was deep in thought; he forgot his gaze was on your face but he didn’t look away.

“About why you call Yuta, Yuta-ssi but the rest by our names.”

“Really? You’re curious about that?” You laugh and he relaxed, turning back to the screen. “I’m not as close to Yuta-ssi as with other people. I mean, there are people I call -ssi too, you know. Uh… Doyoung-ssi, sometimes. As a joke. Taeyong, when he’s at the production room and there are people there. Who else?”

“You never called me Johnny-ssi before.”

“We crossed that -ssi bridge quick, Johnny. You and Haechan are my favorite.”

And Johnny kind of hated how Haechan was thrown into the mix of your favorites. Haechan wasn’t here keeping you company, was he? And sure, if he was, he would listen to you if you spoke of it but Johnny was sure you wouldn’t. You would use Haechan as a distraction and most probably end up feeding him and baby-ing him as you usually do.

“You make me feel like I can be a baby,” you tell him. “While with other people, I feel like I have to be an adult. It gets tiring.”

“Are you?”

“What?”

“A baby.”

You looked up, frowning.

“Sometimes. More than I’d like to admit.”

Johnny liked that. He liked the difference and he felt a slight tinge of pride that you acted differently with him. He couldn’t hide a smile, turning back to the TV when he finally found himself asking a question, he was curious about for a while.

“Why are you single? When you have a boyfriend, he can baby you all you want.”

Johnny hoped the way he linked the question would make you think that it was just a connecting question to keep the conversation going. You shrug.

“Got out of a long-term relationship,” you answered and Johnny nodded. “It was stable at best but I think we just lost the spark.”

“You and your boyfriend?”

“Yeah. That relationship made me realize that there is a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone. I think I started off being in love with the feeling of being in love and then got attached. I don’t think I was necessarily in love with him.”

“How do you know the difference?” Johnny asked and you shrug.

“You don’t. Until you lose them. When we broke up, I was sad but I wasn’t that sad. That was weird considering that I spent so much time with him.” You frown. “That got me thinking. Maybe I didn’t love him as much as I thought I did. Maybe I just kept thinking of how I felt when I first met him instead of taking in the fact that I didn’t feel as much anymore but tried to keep it going.”

Johnny blinked. Was that what was happening with Eileen? He remembered how excited he was to talk to her but was it simply because he needed someone to lean on?

“I thought to myself, would that make me a bad person? But then I guess I told myself that even people don’t know how they feel sometimes. It happens. What matters is how you deal with it.” You cracked your neck. “Trust me, we tried everything. Dinner dates, new hobbies, safe words—”

“Safe words?” Johnny burst out in laughter. “You guys must be into weird to have safe words.”

“Please, we all need it, Johnny. And trust me when I say this, when all that does not work… it means your relationship is done for.”

Johnny couldn’t relate. He never really slept with Eileen before, the majority of his relationship with her through the phone.

“When in doubt, talk it out,” you said, smiling to yourself. Johnny guessed that maybe it ended well. “And when we did, it ended with a goodbye.”

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