Johnny didn’t know when it started.

He totally didn’t expect it.

It didn’t come like a storm like how it usually did—an intense wave of feelings and wanting to be with someone he was attracted to. It came subtly but it was there.

He remembers the day you were first introduced to the team and at first, everyone wondered why they needed an additional manager in the first place. A female, for that matter. They already had three male managers, four if you counted the driver slash coffee handler intern that followed the other three around. Three and it was already hard for them to breathe.

WayV got it easier when it came to freedom. Johnny wondered if it was the culture. They seemed a bit more liberal than his 127 or Dream friends but he knew that it was what they were used to.

But it all started with the fact that Jungwoo was caught by a sasaeng or a smoke break. Doyoung called it the “Domino reaction”. An event triggering a series of rule changes and clamoring for systematic perfection. They were NCT—they started with an experimental concept that took off and they couldn’t that up.

It was then rumored that male managers were fine. Sure, it was easy for the boys because of they were all men. But men were men and they weren’t very detailed—that was when you came in. That was your scope, the first line of connection between the management and the managers. You would have to have every little detail set out, schedules, people and orders to be directed to the managers and that included place sweeps (and finding a way to get rid of the sasaengs when it came to it).

A female touch, they called it.

Johnny remembered thinking that it was ist. That men could be meticulous and detailed, too. He was proven wrong thereafter when Yuta began to feel pain on his knees and upon mentioning it once, he was sent to the hospital faster than anyone could bat an eye. No, you were the type who wouldn’t let it get worse. The male managers would have thought he could have held out.

Men did that, didn’t they?

The first day he met you, you were standing with three of the male managers in front of you while they gave you a brief overview of what to do. You were wearing a black blazer and comfortable sneakers. In your hand, you held a plastic bag with high heels in it and Johnny could see how you leaned forward to process the information.

“You can skip the briefing about the members.” Johnny heard you say. “I wrote their names down in flashcards. I know who belongs in which unit. I just need to make sure who is inactive and who is not. I hear there are VLIVE scheduled for some of them?”

Johnny tore his eyes away, not paying you any mind. His first impression of you was that you didn’t enjoy small talk. That too, would be proven wrong soon otherwise.

Hyunsik, 127’s manager that was under hot fire for letting Jungwoo get caught smoking was standing in front of you, his hands clasped over his stomach. He had gotten a beating for it—Johnny knew that very well because he had witnessed it.

“You know, you can relax. I’m not your boss.” He heard you say and it was followed by Hyunsik’s nervous laughter. “Jisung’s on a break, right? Have you checked when his appointments would be? We don’t want it to clash.”

“Yes.” Dream’s manager was a buff man and man of little words. He took his job very seriously and the Dreamies were terrified of him. Jisung, especially. Johnny knew that from Haechan, the younger male always coming back with the hottest gossip of the week, alternating between groups.

Johnny had tuned out, his hand going to his phone to see that he had gotten a text message to which he replied with a small smile on his face. A recent budding romance with someone he had known for a while, Johnny’s fingers tapping against the screen when he heard your voice.

“Johnny-ssi, right?” Your voice was soft and when he looked up, he momentarily forgot about the female he was so excited to talk to and his fingers froze halfway to typing down the text when he flashed you a smile. You knew his name and it seemed like you knew everyone else’ too. How many hours did you spend trying to memorize all of them, he found himself wondering.

“I was wondering if you could do me the honors of gathering everyone around,” you said, your eyes curving up. He noticed that you didn’t have a domineering tone nor did you demand he do it, instead your question was spoken in a way where he could say no.

It was something small, but with a career that was hard to have any choice in anything, it made him feel like your addition to the team may result to positive change.

“Oh, sure.” He nodded, still not knowing how to address you by. He scanned the room and despite almost all the members being there, the two most important members were gone. Doyoung and Taeyong.

No wonder you asked him.

You didn’t seem at all nervous, just deep in thought. Johnny glanced at the screen, quickly sending a “Did you eat yet?” text back to his current muse before pocketing his phone and slipping it into his sweatpant pockets. He began to gather everyone around.

Being one of the oldest had its perks and everyone began to gather around Johnny like flies swarming around food. The managers too, followed suit. It wasn’t long when you began to introduce yourself.

“Last name is Min. You can call me Manager Min,” you said with a proper bow. You had pushed up the sleeves of your blazer and Johnny could almost see you psychoanalyzing everyone with your eyes. You may not know it, but you had a certain demeanor despite trying to be friendly.

It may be your resting thinking face, or maybe it was the way you tilted your head at everyone, thinking to yourself if they needed more rest. Surely, they were all exhausted.

A few words of hello’s and a wave of 23 of them bowing to you made you chuckle.

A few of them were older than you and a bunch of them younger. When you had taken the job, you knew you were well versed in the art of management acquiring two degrees under the subject and a few years of assisting managers in the entertainment industry.

It would be easier, you thought, considering you had other three managers with you and you would learn as you go. It was a team and you enjoyed working in a team as opposed to working on your own.

“I will be handling a lot of your personal and public affairs along with these three very capable men.” You had motioned to the three managers; Hyunsik, Woojin, and Baekbeom. Hyunsik cracked a smile. “Please bear with me.”

You spoke as if you would be a burden but you didn’t mean it that way. In your mind, you were an outsider looking in while everyone was already there. You didn’t mean to suddenly come crashing into a system that was already set up—you just needed the leap in your career.

But you knew people well and most didn’t like change.

It was the way Kun’s eyebrows furrowed when he knew that a few things wouldn’t be the same and the way Renjun tilted his head at you, trying to understand the need for a female manager. They wouldn’t say it, of course. Not to you, but you knew a little bit of what they were thinking.

You wished you would do well.

And do well you did.

It was hard at first, trying to adapt to their ways. Details, they had emphasized. Details. That would include their dorms, the room they would do their VLives in, the things they would say. You had to be on the very top making sure no mistakes were made.

Of course, it didn’t help when Lucas once flashed his cigarettes at that one Vlive. Good thing NCTzens were quirky in their own way and ended up tweeting about how wet they got from the unintended slip-up.

Yes, a couple of them were under fire for the cultural differences when it came to phrases spoken in Chinese or Korean, the dispute between international and Korean fans causing a racket.

And absolutely, they were a victim to mistranslations like every other idol and you had to help clean that up with other teams, coming out with proper translations and a statement.

Romance was pushed very far back in your mind, the only thing you focused on was their wellbeing.

Unlike Johnny.

Johnny had found himself thinking multiple times, he didn’t know when it started.

Maybe it was when they all decided to take a vacation for three days to celebrate NCT’s recent success. It was happy for all the members and Johnny had to pretend he didn’t see you run into the bathroom to wipe away the stained mascara because you were almost at your breaking point.

That was when he realized that it was strenuous and emotionally draining for you. Maybe because you didn’t feel like they understood how much you worked so everything would go smoothly, or maybe it was because your team members were all men and they had worked this job way before you came in so whatever you said was deemed as useless or brushed away.

Johnny could see how close to Hyunsik you had become, the 127 lead manager the only one who you seemed to feel at ease with. That three-day vacation was good for him and he remembered it being normal because the first day he was still on the phone with his girlfriend.

“Yeah, babe,” he found himself saying, turning back to focus on his conversation with her. She was a friend back in Chicago and he used to see her as nothing but a classmate. A back seater, she was. When Johnny left for Korea, he didn’t even bother telling anyone until he went back to Chicago and saw her in the Target store one night.

Like every other idol, Johnny had a spare Instagram account. This account would be for close friends and those he trusted. He first gave her his ID for a chat application, not thinking much about it. If she ever spread it out to people, all he’d have to do was deactivate it.

But Eileen wasn’t like that and she was rather sweet. Their conversations were simple and slowly it turned into something more, Johnny seeking her presence on nights he was lonely. It hit him hard when she told him that she thought she was falling in love with him and Johnny found himself blurting it out back.

Was he in love with her, though?

A few months ago, he would have said yes.

Now, he didn’t know anymore.

Back to the vacation and his girlfriend on the phone, Johnny spent most of his time alternating between catching up on sleep and watching s enjoy the house-turned-hotel amenities. Upon seeing you cry; he told his girlfriend about it and empathetic Eileen told him that it isn’t a job for many.

That night, however, you seemed fine. He watched you joke around with a couple of members and for someone who was crying their heart out in the bathroom, your resilience was rather impressive.

“You guys need anything more?” you had asked, wiping your hands on the apron. Upon being asked earlier that evening, you had told everyone that you had a lot of talents… but cooking wasn’t one of them. Kun had taken this as a challenge to show you his cooking skills and you had obliged, trying to make some steamed fish. A recipe Kun had fished out from the internet.

“We’re good. Thank you, Manager Min.” Doyoung had replied and Johnny chuckled, digging into the food. After dinner was the first time, he had spent time alone with you. Everyone was upstairs when Johnny had gone down to get himself a glass of water.

He had stopped by the foot of the stairs when he heard Hyunsik’s voice.

“You’re doing fine,” Hyunsik was saying and he heard you reply with a mumble, the usual fighting spirit missing from your tone. “It’s a huge learning curve.”

“It is,” you replied and Johnny peeked from behind the wall, wondering if he had walked down at the wrong time. You were holding a glass of wine and Hyunsik was patting your hand placed on the kitchen island. “Don’t worry. It’s just a lot to handle. But I love the job. They are good kids.”

“You speak as if they are your children.”

“At this point, they are,” you had replied, letting out a laugh that Johnny knew was fake. “Go get some rest, Hyunsik. I’ll clean up here and watch some TV.”

“Alright.” Hyunsik had nodded and Johnny ducked into the bathroom at the end of the hall for a moment when his manager’s footsteps finally faded away.

All this for a glass of water.

When he went to the kitchen, he saw you in front of the TV, your glass of wine refilled. You must have noticed his presence, turning to see him before you greeted him.

“Not asleep?” you asked, Johnny shaking his head. He noticed what you were watching, an English movie about killers running around with animal masks. It was just starting and Johnny walked towards the TV to get a good look at it, Johnny pointing at the screen.

“I saw the trailer of this movie.”

You looked surprised that he was still there but didn’t question it. You felt surprised. In Johnny’s mind, you may have needed a friend. He could tell with the way you gripped the wine glass between your fingers.

“Does she die?” you asked, pertaining to the main character and he frowned at you.

“You want to spoil it for you?”

“I read the spoilers halfway through movies anyway,” you answered and he cocked an eyebrow.

“Really? Who does that?”

You silently pointing to yourself.

He had taken a seat at the edge of the couch, his feet going to rest on the table.

“I just don’t like surprises,” you say, shrugging

“That defeats the purpose of watching a movie.”

“I usually can’t sit through a movie,” you told him.

“Bet you’re the type of person who reads the last page of the book when you first buy it.”

“Correct.” You nodded and he shook his head. A few minutes passed in comfortable silence and Johnny saw your hands itch towards your phone, your hand going to the device when he instinctively reached out to grab your wrist.

You turned to stare at him, your eyes going wide when you jutted your chin out at his direction, tauntingly asking him what was his problem. But a smile was on your face and Johnny liked the fact that you seemed comfortable enough to not be rigid with him and like you would with a friend.

He had noticed that about you with other people, too.

“Don’t search up the spoilers!” He found himself saying and you burst out laughing. “It’s actually a good movie.”

“The ratings .”

“Take my word for it.”

“Okay, Mr. Movie Critic.” You made quotation marks in the air and Johnny let go of your wrists, finally settling back onto the couch. “Are you watching the movie with me?”

“If I leave, you’ll have searched up the plotline and have a movie review by tomorrow.”

He was right and you knew it. Having Johnny beside you was good. He made comments once in a while and you could tell he actually paid attention to the movie. Unlike you who didn’t understand a lot of their decisions.

You felt frustrated and you made it known on one of the scenes when one of the characters ran out of the house and got their throat slit open.

“Holy ,” you found yourself exclaiming. “Holy , that’s so stupid.”

Johnny snuck a look towards you, unable to suppress a laugh at your reaction. You were shaking your head, another sip of wine from the wine glass before you casually offered him one. Johnny thought of declining it at first but alcohol didn’t sound at all that bad of an idea, the male finally caving in and drinking from your glass.

“Why?” you murmured to yourself, a hand in the air. “Why in the world would you do that?”

“Maybe they thought it was logical.”

“How?”  

It was obvious now what kind of person you were, if it wasn’t obvious the past two weeks of you working with them. You were logical and you were nice. He knew nothing of how you lived or from what background you came from but you seemed like the type of person who knew what to do with your life.

A few glasses of wine in, both of you were conversing freely. A few curses here and there while you laughed at his jokes and he laughed at yours. There was not a single moment he felt bored and he liked that, the conversation settling once the movie was over.

“What did you eat today?”you asked suddenly, this time the TV off and the only sounds were your voice and crickets that were on the other side of the window pane. “You weren’t around for lunch.”

He wasn’t. He was on the phone with Eileen.

This was when he realized that you liked small talk.

“Oh. Was in my room,” he told you and you nodded.

A part of him wondered if he should tell you about his relationship, a part of him didn’t want to. Hyunsik knew—that was by the grapevine within the 127 members and Haechan’s big mouth. He was warned of it already and the topic was never spoken about by his managers.

But managers were supposed to know yet Johnny couldn’t make himself tell you. Maybe because you were a new presence and a part of him knew that if you found out, you would through natural means.

“We had Doyoung’s cooking for lunch,” you said, crossing your legs over the other, your features going back to your resting-thinking-face. “He cooks a lot, doesn’t he?”

“When he’s at the dorm, yeah.” Johnny nodded and you mirrored his actions. “Kun cooked great tonight, though. Why do you not know how to cook?”

“I’m a take-out kind of girl. Guess it’s more convenient. Gone are the times where women have to cook for their husbands, Johnny.”

He liked how you said his name. So casual, as if you weren’t professionally linked to him and constantly giving him your services.

“Do you know how to cook?” You asked him and he shrugged.

“Depending on what you can call cooking,” he said, chuckling. “Is making ramen cooking?”

“It is if you ask Jisung. It’s not if you ask Kun or Doyoung.”

You had a point, Johnny sipping the wine and you sighed. Johnny didn’t know how long you both sat there in silence or when he fell asleep. The wine had made him sleepy and before he knew it, he was sprawled on the couch with you in his arms. He bet you had fallen asleep first, he would never know. There would also be circumstances if the rest saw him and you this way but Johnny didn’t think it through.

And it was wrong.

Heck, it was the worst thing he had ever done but for some reason, he didn’t shy away from your touch of when your back was against his chest and with his face was buried at the back of your neck; it didn’t feel as wrong as he thought it would.

Maybe just this once, Johnny thought.

He had forgotten how warmth from a women’s body felt. It was different, of course. It wasn’t the same to when Haechan would slide into his bed in the morning to wake him up, the younger male’s feet brushing against his own moments before Johnny would kick him out from between the sheets.

This was warmth.

A shoulder to cry on is a to ride on, they said. But in this situation, a shoulder to cry on may be the reason to break a relationship in half.

Johnny had stirred, his hands gripping your waist and you felt so small wrapped up in his arms.

You had woken up, an aching headache coming from the hangover and when you realized the position you were you, you winced.

Not very professional, you thought to yourself. You too, could not remember when you fell asleep. Did it stop mid-conversation? Until when did you blackout? You didn’t know but you slowly moved around in Johnny’s iron grip and felt his breath hot against your neck. The sun was about to rise and you both were lucky no one came down to get a glass of water or even check out Johnny’s whereabouts.

You moved but then that just made him tighten his grip, his lips barely brushing against your bottom hairline. His whole body was warm and it made you wonder why it was this warm. His arms loosened for a moment and you quickly slid out, your body hitting the ground, a hand shooting up to steady yourself.

Johnny could feel you—he was slipping in and out of REM sleep and he felt you slip a pillow under his head to give him leverage. He felt a heavy coat on his body and as warm as it was, it wasn’t as warm as when you were laying right there with him.

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Maybe it didn’t start from that vacation.

Maybe it started from when you began to constantly show up—to do your job, of course. It was different with a woman around.