you’re good
(but i’m better)

Warning(s): none
Length: 12.2k words

[ 1 ]

“Do you think she knows it was me?” Baekhyun asks Chanyeol as the two of them walk across campus. “She did give me that blue flash drive.”

“Gee, I don’t know,” Chanyeol says sarcastically. “You told me to put malware into a flash drive, and you gave it back to her. She probably knows.”

“Yeah, but she hasn’t said anything.”

“So? You want her to get angry at you?”

Baekhyun frowns as if that weren’t the entire point. Getting under Nami’s skin and annoying her is the prime reason he ever did it. He had asked Chanyeol to put malware—or a computer virus of some sort—into Nami’s flash drive for the purpose of ruining her day and getting back at her. If she was to never discover this, then there would be no point to all the begging that Baekhyun committed for Chanyeol to do as he asked. The action had satiated Baekhyun, but the satisfaction was only temporarily. After the events at Chanyeol’s Halloween party, he wants blood.

“What if we did something worse?” Baekhyun asks out loud. He and Chanyeol have almost arrived at Baekhyun’s last class of the day—the dreaded Writing 2. “What if we hacked into her files and deleted everything important?”

“Dude, what?” Chanyeol pauses and stops walking. “What’s wrong with you?” For once, he seems to be the one who holds disdain over Baekhyun’s actions. Usually, it’s Baekhyun who reprimands him. “Is it that deep?” Chanyeol asks. “I’m down to around, but I’m not down to around with people’s lives like that.”

“The hell are you talking about?” Baekhyun scoffs and scowls at his friend. Chanyeol has always been supportive of seeking revenge even for petty reasons. “She deserves to have something bad happen to her.”

“We already gave her a virus,” Chanyeol states. “Now you want to hack into her files? Are you even listening to yourself right now? Just let it go. It’s the last year of college, and you’ll probably never see her again after this.”

“Yeah, so?” Baekhyun crosses his arms and lets out an angry huff of air. “You don’t know what she said to me.”

“What’d she say?” Chanyeol asks mockingly. Baekhyun already briefed him of the many things that Nami has called him, but apparently, in Chanyeol’s mind, none of her insults were worth retaliation. “Did she call you out on your rich kid privilege?” A smirk curls itself up onto his lips. “…blondie?”

“Don’t call me that,” Baekhyun hisses. The name had been innocuous at first, but now it’s really starting to annoy him. “And I’m not privileged.”

Chanyeol chuckles at that. “Really?” He raises his brows cynically. “You live in an apartment building that your mom designed and that your dad owns. Is there another person in the world can say that? ing hell. You have a personal chef. You’re the epitome of what privilege is.”

Baekhyun gasps softly, surprised that his best friend would say something like that to him. He and Chanyeol call each other awful names all time as jokes, but Chanyeol doesn’t venture into territory like this.

“What the ?” Baekhyun pushes Chanyeol in the shoulder, causing him to take a step backwards. “I didn’t know we were fighting today.”

“We aren’t fighting,” Chanyeol claims. “I’m just saying.” He shrugs nonchalantly, and the two of them continue their route to Baekhyun’s class. “It’s not that serious. We don’t need to hack into her computer and be s. You know, you were telling me about her, and honestly? I think you’re making this into something bigger than it actually is.”

“So we are fighting.” Baekhyun stops in his tracks to stare at Chanyeol in disbelief. “I’m not overreacting, and I thought you were supposed to be my friend and take my side.”

“I can be your friend and call you out on your bull.” Chanyeol groans, clearly exasperated, and starts walking again, leaving Baekhyun to rush after him.

“What are you talking about?” Baekhyun lowers his voice as they enter the building. “I didn’t do anything! It’s all her fault. She’s literally being so y that we can’t get anything done.”

“Dude…” Chanyeol takes a deep sigh and scrunches his nose. “Maybe that Nami-girl did act like a , and you’re pissed at her, but you’re making it a thousand times worse by continuing to react. It’s not even that big of a deal.”

“It is a big deal. To me.”

“Listen.” Chanyeol stops walking to turn to Baekhyun directly. He peeks over his dark sunglasses to frown at Baekhyun. “If you wouldn’t care about this in a year, then it’s not worth getting mad about.”

Baekhyun stares at his friend in disbelief of his aloofness. Nothing ever matters to Chanyeol in the same way it does to Baekhyun. In fact, Baekhyun and Chanyeol were both ratted out by Nami for possession of alcohol, yet Chanyeol seems to have forgotten that it ever happened. What’s worse is that Chanyeol wants Baekhyun to forget about it too.

“I got into so much trouble with my dad after what she did,” Baekhyun insists. “You know he threatened to cut me off?”

“Oh, wow, imagine that. Imagine not having access to your dad’s chartered plane.” Chanyeol takes his off his sunglasses and wears them on his head. “Dude, at the end of the day, we’re both too good to care about these people, so it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t matter.”

“Are you being serious right now?” Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol’s face to see if there’s a sign that he’s just joking around, but Chanyeol appears to be earnest. “You’re kidding me, right? ‘It doesn’t matter?’ You haven’t even talked to her. You don’t know what she’s like and what she’s putting me through.”

“I don’t need to,” Chanyeol insists. “I just know that this is so stupid. Look at how mad you are right now. And for what? Because she called you ‘blondie’ and said you were privileged? Like that’s not the truth?” Chanyeol purses his lips. “And you know, she’s right too,” he says in a quieter tone. “Neither one of us wouldn’t be going to this university if it weren’t for our dads.”

“That’s beside the point.”

“Whatever,” Chanyeol dismisses. “I still think you’re overreacting. You can’t be mad at her because of something you did. There’s literally no reason to be this pressed. In fact…” Chanyeol squints at Baekhyun as if he were trying to decipher him. “Is there something you haven’t told me? I haven’t seen you this upset over a girl since Tiara Khan dumped you in high school.”

“Okay, shut up.” Baekhyun pushes Chanyeol right in the chest, earning a laugh from him. “I’m going to class, and you’re paying for me at Nobu this Saturday.”

“You know, most people would go to Taco Bell or In-N-Out for lunch, right?”

“I guess we’re not like most people, Chan, because you invited me, remember?”

“True.” Chanyeol holds his fist out, and Baekhyun gives him a fist-bump despite their little argument. “This Saturday at 1,” he says. “Don’t be late because I want the monkfish.”

[ 2 ]

Baekhyun slumps his seat as he listens to Professor Yeager continue with today’s lecture. It’s Wednesday, it’s dreary, and it’s prime napping hours. Seated right next to Baekhyun, that’s exactly what Andreea is doing: sleeping in class and using her textbook as a hard pillow. She has her head down, but her hands and fingers are poised in such a way that she’s still holding her pen upright like she’s taking notes when, in fact, she’s fast asleep. Since the two of them are seated at the back of the classroom, however, and Baekhyun’s too nice to wake her up, she doesn’t stir.

Professor Yeager presses a button on a remote, and the PowerPoint slide goes from one with a picture of a lion to one completely filled with text. As a result, Baekhyun shifts his attention from the front of the class to the threads of Andreea’s knitted sweater. Her beanie of choice—another snow hat with a puffball at the top—matches the color of her sweater: yellow.

“Pass these papers back,” Professor Yeager announces at the front of the classroom. People in the front row start shuffling, and the next thing Baekhyun knows, there’s a packet of instructions on the table before him. “Today,” Professor Yeager says as he switches the PowerPoint, “I’m introducing the group project.”

At the sound of group project, Baekhyun’s interest moves from Andreea’s hat and onto the packet.

“Oh, me,” Baekhyun mutters to himself.

The heading of the page is GROUP PROJECT, 150 POINTS.

“The groups aren’t assigned,” Professor Yeager says in his authoritative voice, “so you can choose who you want to work with. However, there’s a limit of three per group. You may not work alone. Do I make myself clear?”

A student raises his hand to ask a question just in time for Andreea to finally wake up.

“Huh?” Andrea murmurs to herself. She sits up to stretch and groans as she cracks her neck. “Hey,” she says, turning to Baekhyun. “What’s going on? What’d I miss?” she whispers while rubbing her eyes. She glances down at the instruction packet in front of her. “What is this?”

“We have a group project,” Baekhyun mumbles, staring at the paper. “About a unique topic that we can choose as a group.”

“Wait, what? You’re in my group?” 

In truth, Baekhyun doesn’t want to be in the strange Andreea’s “group”—yet alone anyone else’s, really—but he glances at around the room and only finds unfamiliar faces of sophomore students. He’s gone through this before; if he doesn’t pick his own group members, the professor would assign him to a random one with strangers. Sighing, Baekhyun presses his cheek against his balled fist and raises an affirmative brow.

“Yeah,” he confirms. “You’re in my group.”

“Let’s ing go!” Andreea whisper-yells. She must be a faster reader than Baekhyun because after a moment’s glance at the paper, she’s already nodding up and down like she understands the assignment. “What topic do you wanna do?”

“I don’t even know what we’re doing.”

“It’s basically just an informative analysis report,” Andreea says, reading directly from the instruction packet. “We can choose any topic that we want as long as we can explain different sources and stuff. “She takes a short pause. “Let’s do it on aliens,” she says excitedly, causing Baekhyun to groan lightly.

“What’s up with you and aliens?” he queries. “You know they don’t exist, right?”

“Are you kidding me?” Andreea hisses under her breath as not to be too loud. “Aliens are ing real, my guy! The Pentagon released a report on UFOs and—”

“What’s a shape got to do with any of this?”

“A shape?” Andreea gasps. “You’re talking about the Pentagon! The United States’ Department of Defense!”

“It was a joke,” Baekhyun says in a bewildered tone. He may not be the most intelligent person in the room, but he knows what the Pentagon is. He expected Andreea to roll her eyes at the stupid joke, but what he didn’t expect was for the joke to fly right over her head. “Jesus,” he murmurs. His preferred topic would have been sports or something related to recreational activities, but Andreea seems set on doing their project about aliens, and he can’t risk losing her as a group partner. “I guess we can do it on aliens,” Baekhyun acquiesces, “but I’m not doing any research on that.”

“That’s fine,” Andreea waves off. “You wouldn’t even know where to get credible sources. You can just read the good stuff and make a nice presentation.”

“Presentation?”

“Yeah, we have to present this in front of the class.”

Baekhyun lets out a groan when he realizes that this group project comes with an extra punch. A presentation isn’t as bad as writing an informational report, but it’s still extra work. He doesn’t want to create a set of slides, but the alternative to that is doing research on a topic that he couldn’t care less about, so he goes along with it.

“We’re going to have to meet up after class,” Andreea says while her eyes read the instructions. “Professor isn’t going to let us work on this during lectures. Should we meet at a library?”

“No, we can do the project at my apartment. I have better food and better air-conditioning.”

“Okay.” Andreea nods like she’s agreeing, but she eyes Baekhyun suspiciously. “But how do I know you’re not gonna kill me?”

“Why would I assassinate the President of the Space Club?”

“You’re right. A coup is child’s play. You’d probably extort me and set up a puppet state.”

Baekhyun stares at Andreea in both disbelief and wonder. She’s right to be suspicious of his invitation since they haven’t known each other for long except for all the times Baekhyun has woken her up from her in-class naps. However, Baekhyun never anticipates the moments when she says these peculiar things. Rather than approaching serious things seriously, Andreea approaches them as jokes—while simultaneously taking unserious things as serious matters. It’s entertaining, though, so Baekhyun plays along.

“I’m already your Vice President,” Baekhyun says with a sly grin. “The extortion has been a done deal.”

“Wow, I can’t believe the Space Club is confirmed to be a dictatorship. That’s ed up,” Andreea remarks as if astonished. This causes the two of them laugh at the absurdity of their own jokes, and Andreea nods again. This time, she seems genuine about it. “What time do you want to meet up? I only have classes on Mondays and Wednesdays, and this is my last class of the day.”

“Um…” Baekhyun hums, not quite wanting to set up a definitive schedule. “I’ll text you.” His eyes find the clock on the wall. Class is almost over which means Nami’s deathly tutoring hours is fast approaching. “Actually,” Baekhyun says, “are you free after class today? We can get started on some research in the library.”

“Okay, I’m cool with that.”

“Perfect,” Baekhyun says under his breath. He’s already texting Nami and telling her that he won’t be able to come to today’s tutoring session.

When class finishes, Baekhyun and Andreea leave together with Baekhyun taking the lead. He’s headed to his favorite library—the great Powell Library—while Andreea chatters about something.

“Did you know that UFO specialists have observed that the majority of ‘unidentified flying objects’ are always seen going belly first when zooming out of our planet?” Andreea asks to which she doesn’t wait for an answer. She hugs her binders and textbooks close to her chest as Baekhyun listens to her ramblings wordlessly. “Isn’t that crazy?”

“So crazy.”

“Another thing. Did you know that in 1948…”

Baekhyun tunes Andreea’s voice as he gazes fondly on all the pretty buildings of the university. With each step, he nears the Powell Library, and the sight of the building brings him back to better times.

In the weeks before his parents signed their divorce papers, Baekhyun visited the university with his mother. He was still in high school, one month away from his graduation and her departure. It was late spring, and the warm air was filled with distant pollen. They walked through the campus for a few hours, and she pointed at every building and told him all about each architectural style. Back then, Baekhyun’s impatience was much worse than it is now, and he couldn’t stand to hear most people give out speeches, but for his mother, he listened well. With his hands shoved into his pockets and his eyes focused on every separate brick of each building, he listened well.

The Powell Library—like all the other buildings on campus—was built in the Lombard Romanesque style. In fact, the porch and its arching doorway bears a close resemblance to the church of San Zenove in Verona, Italy. Despite the adaptation of Italian architecture, the original architects couldn’t help but to include Spanish influences—courtesy of Southern California’s rich history of Spaniards and El Caminos—all around the Library. On the second floor, Moorish Spain is depicted through tiled columns and artfully stenciled wooden beams found on the ceiling.

Unfortunately, Baekhyun doesn’t have time to admire the rest of the building when he hears a familiar voice calling for him.

“Hey, blondie!”

[ 3 ]

“Who’s that?” Andreea whispers to Baekhyun not-so-discretely as Nami strides towards the two of them.

“No one important,” Baekhyun mutters just in time for Nami to step in front of him.

“You’re a ing ,” Nami spits out. She looks like she’s about to kick Baekhyun’s or slap him across the face since her face is so angry, but Baekhyun keeps his feet planted. He’s not a coward, and he’s definitely not going to step back from a confrontation when it’s her.

“It’s nice to see you too, shortie.”

“Don’t get me started, blondie,” Nami hisses. She points an accusatory finger at Baekhyun. “You know what you did.”

“What’d I do?” Baekhyun crosses his arms and waits for answer despite knowing fully well about what he did.

Nami looks around for a second. Andreea is currently still standing right next to Baekhyun, but Nami doesn’t seem to be concerned with her. She only appears to be worried about other bystanders who could potentially overhear their conversation. Luckily, it’s late in the afternoon, the campus isn’t busy, and the three of them are standing in front of a fountain that’s loud enough to drown their voices out.

“I literally wrote an entire essay for you,” Nami fumes in a fierce whisper, “and you gave me malware! What the is wrong with you?”

“Holy , shut up!” Baekhyun hushes. He turns to see if there’s anyone in close proximity, and fortunately, there isn’t anyone present on . Even Andreea has backed away to a safe distance. “Do you want us to get expelled in our senior year?”

“What do you mean ‘us’? There’s no ‘us’!” Nami lowers her voice but barely. She’s so angry that her tanned cheeks are flushing red. For someone with a small stature, she sure can conjure up passion. “You’re the one who needs to get expelled after you put ing malware in my laptop,” Nami goes on. “Do you think that’s a joke? That’s disgusting! Why would you give someone malware?”

Baekhyun feels the flame in his stomach grow. The entire point of putting malware on Nami’s computer was to get payback, and now that he’s getting it… He feels great. This is his time to raise his voice and tell her off.

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun scoffs. “Maybe it’s because you’re a , and you deserve to have your day ruined.”

“Day?” Nami repeats. Her frown grows deeper, and she shakes her head. “Ruin my day? You did more than ruin my ‘day’!” She pushes her face closer to Baekhyun’s, and he can literally feel how angry she’s breathing. “This is your ing problem,” Nami says through gritted teeth. “You’re so privileged that you don’t even understand how gross it is that you gave me malware.”

“Okay, so? I’m guessing you got it fixed otherwise we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“I spent 200 dollars trying to get my laptop fixed, and you wanna brush it off like that’s nothing?”

“It is nothing.” Baekhyun stares down at Nami. “Boo-hoo. You brushed me off like I was nothing. You’ve been my ‘tutor’ for almost three months, and I learned absolutely nothing—”

“Are you ing kidding me right now?” Nami forces out an exasperated laugh. “Oh, my god. You’re insane. You’re actually insane.” She shakes her head and continues with her forced laughter. “I can’t believe that you’re trying to justify what you did—”

“Because it’s justified!” Baekhyun exclaims. “How do you think I feel when you talk down to me like I’m a ing child? How do you think it feels when y-you—” Baekhyun has to take a deep breath before he starts stuttering in all his passion. “How do you think I feel,” he starts again, “when I’m genuinely trying to understand something, and y-you look at me like, like, I’m some kind of idiot incapable of learning anything? I mean, what the is that?”

“You’re the one who never listens!” Nami counters sharply. Because they have kept their voices at a relatively low volume, they have compensated by standing closer. Nami’s face is so close to Baekhyun’s that he can see the specks of mascara on Nami’s lower lashes. “You’re the one who sits there and draws while I’m legitimately trying to teach you anything, and you’re the one who looks at me like I’m a waste of time! Well, newsflash, blondie, I gave up an internship for this .” She points to his chest with an accusatory finger. “You’re the one wasting my time and your time, and I’m not gonna sit there and act like it’s not making me upset because it’s ing upsetting.”

It’s news to Baekhyun that Nami had other priorities before taking on a role as his “tutor,” and while it is truthfully inconvenient, she’s not the only one going through it.

“Welcome to the ing club then.” Baekhyun crosses his arms and narrows his eyes at Nami. “Yeah, it must feel pretty ty not to get to do something that you really wanted to do, huh?” He shrugs his shoulders. “Yup. I’m not captain of the soccer team that I led to a championship,” Baekhyun says casually. “And I can’t even go to practice half of the time. Feels great.”

“Are you that dense?” Nami retorts. “Who’s fault is that? You got kicked out of captain position because why? You were so stupid that you failed a class twice? And that this is your third time taking it?”

“I get it!” Baekhyun bellows, catching Nami by surprise. She draws her head back to create space between the two of them, leaving Baekhyun to vent. “I’m ing stupid, I know,” he confesses in heavy breaths. “I’ve always been a dumb kid, and so what?” Baekhyun spits. His face is so hot that his cheeks and ears must be a burning shade of red. “I can’t help that I’m not smart like you! What do you want me to do? Apologize? I’m sorry that I was born with the inability to be smart?”

“You being ‘not smart’ isn’t the point, though!” Nami rubs circles into her temples. “Do you not understand? You can be the most unintelligent person on the planet and still be bearable—which is something you clearly don’t know how to do.”

“Oh, you want to talk about what’s bearable and what’s not? Because—”

“This is what I’m talking about,” Nami interjects with a glare. “I’m trying to tell you what’s wrong with this picture—” She motions towards Baekhyun. “—but you don’t even want to listen. You just hate me so much that you think everything I’m saying is a waste of time.”

Baekhyun doesn’t like for his emotions to be stated so accurately which is something Nami has just done. She’s right, of course. He has ignored nearly everything she has said because he simply doesn’t want to keep an open mind to her anymore. However, is he going to admit to this? No, of course not. In fact, Baekhyun would rather shoot himself in the foot—and this is him confessing that as a soccer player—than admit to Nami that she’s right about something.

“Then keep talking, shortie,” Baekhyun huffs. “Yell at me more.”

“I don’t want to yell at you. I never have,” Nami insists. She sighs so heavily that Baekhyun feels her breath. “You’re just so unbearable, you know that?” Nami squints at Baekhyun like he’s some sort of puzzle. “First of all, stop acting like a privileged brat. I’m out 200 bucks because of you.” Baekhyun opens his mouth to argue the statement, but Nami cuts him off. “I’m not some rich kid who lives in Bel Air,” Nami says. “200 dollars is a month’s worth of groceries to me, and you can’t brush that off like it’s nothing! It’s not nothing. Okay? Not to me.”

Nami genuinely looks…hurt. Although she had been inching closer and closer to Baekhyun’s face and raising her voice, she doesn’t seem to have the spirits to continue on like that. Her shoulders have slumped, and she has unfurled her brows from frowning. She doesn’t even glare at Baekhyun anymore; she merely looks at him like she’s tired. Like she wishes that she never even approached him in the first place.

Baekhyun doesn’t excel much when it comes to nearly everything, but he’s a great soccer player, and that means he works well with others—most of the time, of course. Part of the reason why his team chose him as the captain was because he empathized with them easily. He saw their struggles as his own, and he helped them overcome those obstacles. While Baekhyun knows he hasn’t necessarily empathized with Nami out of his own arrogance, he feels bad now. Coach always told the team not to play dirty because the end of the day, all competition is still deserving of dignity and respect. And Baekhyun knows that he hasn’t been living by that creed.

“Fine, I’m a ing ,” Nami goes on in a much softer tone albeit still combative. “I called you a failure, and I thought you were a degenerate. Say worse things to me, but don’t ing mess with my stuff and stop acting like a brat. I already go through enough.”

It’s pride that keeps Baekhyun from taking the higher road.

“Welcome to the world where everyone’s getting ed over everyday,” Baekhyun mutters pettily. “You’re not special.” He thinks about his father, and just the very thought of that man reignites the flames in core. “I go through enough too, and I don’t need you to make me feel any worse than I already feel.”

Nami forces out a laugh. She takes a step back and shrugs. “I’m not arguing with your dumb face anymore.” She shakes her head disdainfully at Baekhyun. “Just know that I hate you, blondie. I hate you a lot.”

“And I hate you back, shortie.”

Baekhyun, like Nami, is finished with the arguing and finger-pointing. He’s thankful that she’s tired of it too because he doesn’t want to continue putting up with a fight that he has already lost. Yes, he feels bad. Awful, even. For what reasons, Baekhyun can’t exactly pinpoint, but he doesn’t want to track down why feels this way. He just doesn’t want to say it out loud.

Saying it out loud—even acknowledging it—is an admission of guilt, and Baekhyun doesn’t want to admit to having faults.

Nami has to become a small figure in the distance when the unfortunate Andreea takes a position by Baekhyun’s side.

“So…” Andreea mumbles. “Who was that?”

Baekhyun clenches his jaw for a moment. “That’s Nami. She’s my tutor,” he says. “Or, I guess she was my tutor. Not anymore, though. Probably not after that.”

“Oh.” Andreea looks at Baekhyun, and he sees her staring at him in the corner of his eyes. Baekhyun expects her to start asking invasive questions about the conflict between Nami and him, but luckily, Andreea doesn’t push there. “So,” she starts, “are we still going to do research at the library?”

Truthfully, Baekhyun wants to go home and take a nap for the rest of the day, but he probably won’t be able to catch a wink of sleep—especially after that. His argument with Nami will probably haunt him for the next few days if he doesn’t find a distraction to keep his mind busy.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun murmurs to Andreea. He begins walking towards the Powell Library’s entrance again, and she follows. “Tell me all about UFOs, please.”

[ 4 ]

The week flies by and so does the weekend. Baekhyun doesn’t order the monkfish like Chanyeol at Nobu. Andreea sends Baekhyun strange videos of flashing lights in the skies. Baekhyun’s father calls him and asks about his grades to which Baekhyun dismisses as “fine.” By the time Monday hits, Baekhyun feels like melting into the ground.

“I wish I could go to more games, you know?” Baekhyun confides to Mark when the two of them are headed towards the soccer fields for practice. “I can only go to home games which kinda because that means I only get to wear the white jerseys.” Mark doesn’t seem to be respondent of Baekhyun, but it’s fine because Baekhyun only needs to vent. “And today,” he goes on, “I’m supposed to be at some wack tutoring session, but there’s no way I’m coming to that.”

“Holy .”

Baekhyun doesn’t even have to look ahead of him to know why Mark is suddenly talkative. It’s the girl from his anthropology class—Zeen, or as Mark calls her in not-so-secretive code: his