saudade (it's still you)
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Days easily passed by and it’s already the day where the meeting between the Business Department and Law Department will be held.


Yujin didn’t think of it much, just going through her usual day, usual routine every single day. That day isn’t so special to her either but she wouldn’t deny that she’s a little bit tense for some reasons she doesn’t want to admit.


She was in a daze as she ate her breakfast. Cereal again—she’s not in the right mind to function well to cook some decent breakfast, plus, she needed some time to think deeply.


Possible outcomes and scenarios entered her head as she scooped a spoonful of bright colorful cereal and lazily shoved it into , chewing the crunchy yet a little bit soggy food slowly.


She didn’t finish the cereal.


After placing the leftovers in the trash, she washed the dishes and decided to make some coffee instead, there is time left before the bell rings anyway. She really needs caffeine in her system, she wants a bitter taste that will make her mind clear and focused.


It didn’t take her long to finish drinking her hot pure black coffee and immediately dashed to the garage, driving away from her apartment building with her black Mercedes Benz—more pumped out, a little bit jumpy, and fully woken up.


Luckily for her today, the traffic was not quite heavy that morning again so she managed to reach the school smoothly and fast. She met with her friends at their usual spot by the entrance—all of them are sipping on their coffees or milks while already talking about the short film that the engineering and arts students will make since their meeting was held yesterday.


“I’m the editor,” Yena sadly complained, taking a sip from her milk like it’s alcohol, and sniffled. Hyewon snorted, pulling out a bottle of yogurt, passing it to Yujin the newcomer. The latter placed it inside her bag, she wouldn’t risk drinking it after she just drank black coffee.


No trip to the infirmary today. Not today!


Nako looked at her friend, sipping on her black coffee, the strong aroma of it lingering around the open air. “It’s nothing surprising. You’re good at editing, be it about photos or videos.” She said, shrugging after.


Yena’s nose flared, pointing at Sakura who’s silently drinking her coffee with her eyes screwed shut, face scrunched up—obviously lacking sleep, again. “She’s the second lead! And she’s also known around for being a good editor! I can’t believe this, she should be in the editor team!” She wailed, feeling defeated—like heaven and earth crashed her in between.


Chaewon laughed at the misery of her girlfriend, even Yujin cackled at the sight of gloomy Yena. “That’s okay, love. You aren’t a good actress anyway.” She honestly blurted out and the older woman let out a sharp loud gasp, staring at her girlfriend in disbelief.


Yujin giggled, giving Yena a brief side hug when she saw the latter’s lips quivering already. “It’s okay, Yena-unnie. You’ll do better being the editor, I can’t wait to see the final output you will edit soon.” She tried to comfort her but the duck remained sulking.


“It’s Business and Law today, right?” Sakura said with a raspy hoarse voice, it was weak but audible enough.


Yujin nodded with a small smile plastered on her lips, “It is,” She answered casually, crossing her arms. She took a glance in Hyewon’s direction and the latter was also looking at her, they smiled before turning to their friends again.


They talked for another few minutes there and when the bell rang, they all parted ways and promised to meet each other at lunch as usual. And Yujin found herself walking alone again towards her first class, one bud of her earphones in her ear.


But in the middle of walking, a figure suddenly matched her steps and pace, walking beside her and that caught Yujin’s attention, twisting her head a bit to check who might be beside her with a quirked brow.


“Hi,” The familiar girl greeted, flashing her a sweet smile and they just continued walking beside each other.


Yujin relaxed when she recognized the face, it’s her classmate, and also taking up Business Management—Shin Yuna. She was a little bit confused, thinking of the possible reasons why the girl suddenly approached her. There’s definitely a purpose but Yujin is clueless.


“Hello,” She greeted back, in contrast to Yuna’s bright enthusiastic greeting that reminded her of her best friend, Yena (they share the same vibes)—her greeting was plain and quiet. “What can I do for you?” She formally asked, a little bit hesitant and confused.


She and Yuna are not close. They never talk much, and they’ve been classmates for three years already. Well, Yuna liked to approach her before but Yujin was just such a ball of introvert and coldness so she didn’t pay much attention to her.


Yuna’s lips puffed, showing a small pout. “You sound so cold and formal,” She pointed out and Yujin just blinked, turning to face the way—she wouldn’t risk bumping into someone but Yuna remained staring at her, following her steps and her pout turned into a smile again. “As expected, Ahn Yujin-ssi. Please, we’ve known each other for years now.”


A sigh escaped from Yujin’s parted lips, bringing up her hand to her cheek and scratched it, her brow lightly twitching in annoyance. It’s her reflex, to be formal to someone she barely knows. They might have known each other for a long time already but here’s the catch, they aren’t even that close.


“Well, what’s with the sudden approach then, Yuna-ssi?” It came out as a hiss, not that harsh but it was obvious that Yujin was slightly irritated at the other presence and they both entered the classroom.


Yuna was amused, taking the seat beside Yujin. “Haha, nothing serious really. I just want to be a lil’ bit close with you. I’ve been trying to approach you since I entered this school three years ago,” She sulked and Yujin glanced at her, unamused but she listened anyway—taking off her earphones and dumped it inside her bag.


“I realized that we’re going to graduate soon and I really want to be your friend, you know. I’m trying my luck again today so I hope you won’t push me away this time. I braved myself up and risked looking like I’m thick-faced and desperate for a friend.” Yuna added with a beam, grinning brightly at the other woman. Her eyes twinkled in deep sincerity but still, it weirded Yujin out. It feels this woman has another purpose?


She tried not to think of it much.


Yujin frowned, not responding for a few moments before taking a sharp inhale—slowly nodding. “Okay?” She replied shortly. She’s awkward, she’s really not good at this but Yuna seemed not to mind her short reply and squealed, taking her hand, and shook it with hers.


“Finally,” Yuna grinned sheepishly. “Ahn Yujin-ssi is in my reach now.” Her grin then turned into something sweet and her hand gripped Yujin’s tightly yet softly.


The other woman blinked and retracted her hand gently, and she saw how Yuna’s smile dropped when she did that. Clearing , she awkwardly nodded her head, scratching her nape and never said anything.


“You’re really quiet and so… calm? You’re awkward but in a good way, and very mysterious.” Yuna commented, a little bit dazed and Yujin was surprised at the sudden blabber, tilting her head a bit to look at her new friend (?). Well, Yujin knows that Yuna is very straightforward and blunt and that’s one of the reasons why the other woman didn’t really involve herself further with Yuna. She’s the opposite of Yujin in many ways.


Yena and her might have different personalities, and behaviors but they share the same interests that’s why they are so close despite being also opposites in some ways. But Yujin, as an observant person she is, noticed that Yuna is just completely the opposite of her.


And that’s okay. It’s just Yujin doesn’t like being with people who don’t share the same interests as hers.


“You’re really mysterious, Yujin-ssi. People say you’re boring but you’re not, you’re a person full of thrill.” Yuna added with a smile, staring at her intently that it made Yujin uncomfortable, wondering why their teacher is not yet here and started to wish that she would arrive quickly so she could be saved from this madness.


Squinting her eyes, Yujin was a little bit wary at what Yuna said. It didn’t just sit right to her but she tried to shrug it off. There’s something more to it, Yujin shook the thoughts away. “Thank you?” Yujin could only respond, also uncertain and that made Yuna burst into laughter, gathering some stares around Yujin huffed, sinking further into her seat, not liking the eyes lingering curiously at them.


Yuna calmed down after a bit, still giggling. “You’re really something else.” She whispered, her head tilted sideways a bit as her burning gaze stayed still on Yujin and the latter just sighed—shaking her head and took out her book.


Luckily, the teacher finally entered the room, chirping. “So, are you guys ready for the meeting later with the Law students?”


What a weird day, Yujin thought—her eyes going to the side to take a glance of her seatmate who’s now listening intently to what the teacher was saying with a small smile on her lips. Shin Yuna is weird, Yujin thought.



“She’s clearly interested in you, .” Yena responded, making Yujin let out a frustrated groan, shaking her head to deny it as she picked another piece of dumplings from her plate.


The others sitting on the table nodded to agree to what Yena had said and Yujin regretted that she told them about Shin Yuna’s sudden approach to her earlier this morning and basically just trailed behind her when they went to their classes, insisting to sit beside her in every class.


Hyewon hummed in delight, not because of the food but because of the new gossip regarding Yujin. It’s rare for Yujin to share a very interesting story aside from the video games she plays and books she reads.


“Yujin-ah, don’t be such an oblivious idiot.” Sakura fired, wiggling her brows in a teasing manner and the youngest threw her a glare.


“Well, don’t be such an assuming idiot.” Yujin countered, her bottom lip puckering for a half pout and continued to eat her lunch.


That made the others laugh, their banters are really amusing especially if Yujin is involved—their youngest is just naturally snarky.


Chaewon finally spoke after wheezing out loud at the short exchange between Sakura and Yujin. “Well, if we’re being honest, Yujin. It’s safe to assume anyway, especially if it’s obvious.” She said, pointing the chopsticks to the sulking youngest. “We’re experts in this field.” Added by her.


Yujin snickered, glowering but she never said anything.


Nako let out a short laugh. “Yuna is clearly interested in you, Yujin-ah. Look,” She paused for a bit to take a bit from her apple then fully faced the youngest. “If she really wants to befriend you even way before then she already has done that and became too persistent these past years.” She explained, even doing unnecessary gestures. “But no, she did not. And you mentioned that she’s ‘trying her luck’. Shoot, girl! This is her last chance to test the waters if there is a chance, you know.”


Yujin was confused, she didn’t understand Nako and just grimaced at what she said. “There are a lot of possible reasons, geez,” She rolled her eyes. “What if she just wants to be friends for real. You guys always think the people who try to befriend me have hidden malice.”


Sakura shook her head, raising her index finger, and wiggled it left and right a few times to show that she’s not agreeing with her at all. “No,” She firmly responded, giving her a smug look. “Yujin. Yuna is clearly interested! Bruh, this is how coward gays act, my god. Befriend, befriend my !” She added, laughing to herself as she mocked them.


Yena’s expression softened. “I don’t know if you’re really oblivious because you lack experience in this kind of stuff or you’re just pretending or telling yourself that people aren’t interested.” She uttered, gentle and genuinely curious.


Yujin huffed, never saying anything and downed her lemonade. What’s to like anyway?


Hyewon snorted, shaking her head as she stole one dumpling from Sakura’s plate. “But seriously, Yujin. You are smart academically but not very… smart in this field. You should give it a try, you know. My god, you’re twenty three and never ever had a love interest.” She mocked, disappointed. “Give it a try. Maybe, Yuna is the one for you.”


Making faces, Yujin eyed them one by one. “You guys aren’t even sure if I like girls.” Yujin never mentioned her real uality to them.


They all burst out laughing. Sakura gave her a weird look. “You don’t even need to tell us, we’ve been friends for four years now, kiddo. The gay is too strong in you and plus, you literally said you have a huge crush on this idol girl and kept grimacing whenever men are mentioned.” She responded, and Yujin just threw her a middle finger, not responding afterwards and it’s enough confirmation.


“It’s your last year of college, Yujin and throughout your school days, you never once dated. You should consider at least, to finally experience dating while still a student,” Chaewon then suddenly butted in, it’s not demanding but a soft suggestion, not being too forceful.


Yujin let out a heavy sigh, letting out a weak chuckle after but never said anything for quite a while, only thinking of something.


“I will never date someone if I’m still into her. That’s just too cruel.”


She thought. She finished her lunch and drink before clearing , finally speaking up when no one thought that she would even respond to what Chaewon had said. “Yuna isn’t my type.”


Her friends were a little bit surprised at the bold reply. Nako immediately recovered, looking at Yujin with full curiosity, a smile creeping up to her lips and leaned closer. “Then what is your type? Who is your type?” She asked, not forgetting to emphasize that certain word.


Yujin just shrugged at that, not giving a verbal answer, earning disappointed groans from them but what do they expect? Like Yuna had said earlier, Yujin is just so mysterious, so secretive and that kinda struck the younger.


There are a lot of secrets her close friends don’t know yet and she doesn’t even know when she will be able to say it. Heck, they might even feel betrayed and Yujin is scared when that day comes.


Feeling anxiety running up through her veins, she immediately looked away, hanging her head down low and tried to catch her breath. She really hates getting attacks at times like this when her friends are around. So, she tried her best to be subtle, breathing heavily through her nose but Yena noticed the heaving of her shoulders.


“Jin? Are you good?” Chaewon’s voice rang, entering her ears.


Yujin managed to nod, taking a deep breath before tilting her head back up. “Yeah, just sleepy,” She murmured, feeling her nerves calming down. The others looked worried but never said anything and Yujin looked away, frantically searching for a certain someone.


And once she got a g

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