She got her paints, paintbrushes, palette, and other materials she needed.
It felt like deja vu...
A blank canvas was infront of her, just like her heart— empty. There were so many images she could make. There were various colours she could use. She could use the grey paint to express what she feels, but she just remained still, just staring at the blank canvas.
What am I even doing?
She didn't know. She didn't have any recollection of what happened to her. All she remembered were the past days where she was aggressively looking for someone with blurry picture.
In every dream, she would find herself being happy with that stranger and every time she opened her eyes she would find herself crying. It could have been better if someone could tell her the name of that person, but no one can remind her who was that person even if they are aware about the gaps in their own memories.
It was strange... Did someone erase our memories?
For other people, they were able to move on fast from that weird phenomenon, but for Seulgi it became a scar she always see and cannot forget. She had been feeling unfamiliar for the past months. She knew that she broke up with Irene already. And after that she met someone and everything changed until such time she woke up and felt nothing, but being broken because of a certain stranger.
"You're doing it again." A voice came from behind her making her jumped in surprise. She turned around and looked at the perpetrator and saw her young friend grinning at her.
"I always find you here dating with your blank canvas yet you haven't paint anything. Your studio looks empty by the way."
"How did you enter my house?" Seulgi asked the uninvited guest, frowning.
"FYI you forgot to lock your door AGAIN. And also, Joy-unnie wants me to remind you about the party for tonight." Yeri told her while patting Seulgi's shoulder.
"Why didn't you just text or call me?"
Yeri rolled her eyes. "You don't use your phone nowadays, unnie. Do you even know where did you left your phone?"
Seulgi opened to answer, but then Yeri was right. She didn't know.
"See?" Yeri smirked. "You left your phone in our house by the way."
Seulgi sighed in defeat. "I guess I really need to go there."
Yeri quirked her eyebrows. "Ahh so you're really planning of not going?"
Seulgi looked away faking a laugh to the already glaring Yeri.
"Gosh, how dare you! It's my birthday you dumbear! You should come. Your students, the newly debuted group, Aespa will be there also. I'm sure they would want to see you. Moonbyul-unnie will be there with your bestie in dancing Chaeyeon. Blackpink, Twice, Ji-eun unnie, and others will be there also. Our oppadeul will also be going there and many more. Sadly BTS can't come. I would want to get their autographs to their newly released album. And by the way, our pioneer GG will be there!"
"Did you invite everyone you know?"
"Of course! Our house is too big for small number of guests."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Anyway, where's my gift?"
Seulgi smiled. "I didn't prepare anything, but I've got some things laying on my bed. You should check it out."
The younger girl went to Seulgi's room and then came back hugging the latter dramatically. "I love you so much Seulgi-unnie! Let's marry each other and you shall continue providing me latest technologies!"
"Get off and stop being parasitic!"
"Unnie, if you can't find someone until your 30s, marry me." Yeri said in determined face.
"Tch... For all I know you're just going to use me as your human bank."
"What are you saying? FYI I love you from the bottom of my hypothalamus!"
Yeri continued in razzing as Seulgi tilted her head to see the blank canvas as if it was laughing at them. The canvas was making her misses someone she cannot remember.
Seulgi was dragged to the sibling's home where everything was fancy and well-decorated. It's really a big party. Joy just spoiled her sister again and Yeri was too happy and excited.
The girl was dressed beautifully and was busy entertaining her guests. She didn't lie when she said that she invited everyone she knows.
"Your place needs light. You look gloomy here. Should I call for Yeri?" Irene who was wearing an elegant black dress sat beside her.
"You look beautiful as ever, unnie." Seulgi complimented her.
Irene smirked looking at Seulgi's outfit. "You look cool as ever. You're looking like a bad girl with your leather jacket on. Other guests were talking about you. You should go meet them. There were new faces too."
Seulgi frowned. "New faces? No wonder the number of guests seem doubled."
"Yeri invited people whom she just met yesterday."
Seulgi sighed in defeat. "She's really a social butterfly."
Irene chuckled. "How are you Seulgi?"
"To be honest, I'm not fine, unnie."
Irene turned to look at her. "Is it about that person again?"
"Yes... I can't get it out off my mind. It haunts me everyday and I don't know what to do since I don't know that person's name." She put a hand on her temple. "My body's screaming for that person's appearance, voice, touch, and everything. I want that person."
Irene sighed. "I understand what you feel. Even to me, to us, we are sure that this person existed, but we cannot grasp who was her."
Everyone who encountered that person had the same fate as hers. The moments stayed in their memories, but the appearance and identity of that person was erased.
"It's like magic... an annoying magic..." Seulgi whispered.
"Hi unnie," a raspy voice interrupted them.
Seulgi looked up and saw Joy who was wearing a black hoody jacket and a black mask. Seulgi grimaced by the appearance. She expected her young friend to wear something as beautiful and as sophisticated dress fitting the party as it fit her body.
"Joy, I told you to stay in your room!" Irene scolded her, but the taller girl ignored her.
"Why do you look like that?" Seulgi asked Joy in disbelief.
"She caught a cold. After being exhausted for a day preparing for Yeri's birthday party, she slipped on the floor and fell into the pool." Irene explained for Joy while massaging her temple.
Joy chuckled a bit and then handed something to Seulgi. The latter accepted it. It was a cassette tape.
"I saw it in my sanctuary. Your name was written there, so I think it might help you with the person you was searching for." Joy said and then coughed simultaneously. Irene who was sitting a while back was already beside her with worried expression. She's caressing the tall girl's back.
"You could have just called me, so that I could have given the tape to Seulgi instead. You should be resting." Irene said and Joy just gave her a peace sign.
Seulgi eyed the both of them. "Are the two of you dating each other already?"
Irene blushed and Joy just answered her coolly. "No."
"Eh? I thought—"
"I'm going back to my room." Joy cut her. She turned to the silent Irene. "Unnie, don't follow me. Stay here and monitor my sister for me. You don't have to worry about me because I won't go anywhere."
Before she went away, Joy told Seulgi about a room where she can play the cassette tape.
"Did you confess to her again?"
"Yes and she rejected me again." Irene replied while smiling. There's a hint of sadness in her eyes.
Seulgi smiled just like that of Irene's. "Joy's still around, which means there's a lot of chances, unlike to me who lost an important person whom I cannot even remember."
Seulgi greeted some guests as she made her way to the room Joy had told her. She closed the door soon as she was in. The loud music background was already muffled too, which gave her a sigh of relief.
Atleast, it's peaceful now...
Her eyes sparkled soon as she turned around and saw the overall surroundings of the room. Joy didn't lie when she described it as her sanctuary. It was full of healing stuffs.
Both Joy and Seulgi have the same interest in this kind of aesthetic: vintage.
Seulgi feasted her eyes from the beauty of the room. In every inspection, she would mutter words of appreciation. The room was very organized much to Joy's liking. Until such time Seulgi's eyes stopped on a walkman. She reached for it and wear a headphone. She sat in a corner and examined the cassette tape.
In Side A, her name was written by a marker. In Side B, an 'I love you' was written.
Seulgi wouldn't deny, but to have her heart beat fast, felt sad, then happy because finally she would be able to know the identity of the person.
She inserted the cassette tape, Side A first then pressed the play button of the walkman.
There was silence, but Seulgi was patient. She just slightly jolted and her heart beat skipped a beat when a voice suddenly spoke followed by a chuckle.
Seulgi didn't blink and was steady hearing the familiar voice she longed for so long she cannot identify. That person was real.
"Hello... Is it really working? Wait... Oh it is! What should I say here? It's kind of awkward to speak like this. Wait... Hello Seulgi!"
Seulgi's pupils dilated from the mention of her name, but the very reason was because hearing the voice despite the low quality of the sound, she felt her soul being revived.
"By the time you're hearing this, I am nowhere to be found and perhaps you would be so curious who I am. Someone who suddenly came to your life and someone who suddenly disappeared. I'm sorry, but I cannot tell you who I am. That's the rule."
Seulgi paused it. With a creasing brow, she messed her hair frustratedly letting a groan. "Why...?!" she cursed under her breath.
It was the identity of that person she wanted to know the most, so that she could find her, so that she would have a reminder that she's not being delusional. The person knew something all along. It was planned.
Nonetheless, despite the disappointment, she still continued in playing it, anticipating for clues.
"To the future Seulgi, this is what I'm going to tell you..."
"First, I shall start by apologizing to you... I know that you're frustrated. I know that you've been suffering from an absence of someone very familiar yet you don't remember. I'm sorry that I was needed to do this. I'm sorry for leaving you."
Seulgi bit her lower lip. You knew all along, but you chose to do it anyway. Why are you being sorry? She thought.
"Second, I shall tell you the things about me, but not my name..."
Seulgi laughed in sarcasm. Why can't you just tell me who you are?
"I was the girl whom you met in your art studio. I claimed to be in love with you, that I was made to love you... Seems like a joke, no? But that's the truth. Having me was too good to be true that there's a catch in the end. Us, loving each other was a losing game, Seulgi. I was cursed. Impossible...? No. It was possible just like how I came out from your canvas and you, listening to this is the proof that you were searching for me."
Seulgi agreed. She was really searching because the person with no face and name made her too curious. The blurred memories of someone, not to mention the emotions left within her, she wouldn't be there if it's not for those. Deep inside, her body wants that person more than anything.
"Seulgi, I have wished to be loved, but the prize was for me to disappear when I was loved back. There was no escape since it's the only outcome waiting in the end. I am needed to break my own curse. When that happens, I maybe able to answer your question fully without the uncertainties."
Seulgi didn't care about the answer. She only wants that person, to meet her, to lock that person to her, so that she won't go anywhere.
"Third, I want to thank you. Thank you for loving me back, for being caring, for being my artist. Thank you for creating an image of me through your emotions. I've felt it, everything. Thank you for all the moments you are with me. Thank you for letting me meet your friends. Thank you for everything, Seulgi."
Seulgi felt herself tearing. Why does 'thank you' felt so painful?
"Fourth, I want to tell you that I love you. Let's pretend that I wasn't programmed to love you... Seulgi, I love you when you're being clumsy. I love you when you're being jealous. I love you when you're being forgetful. I love you when you're being possessive of me. I love you when you're losing in an argument with Yeri. I love you when you're being clueless. I love you when you're being shy. I love you when you're annoyed. I love you when you're mad. I love your imperfections. I love every aspect of you. I love everything about you. These aren't reasons, but rather what I've felt in these every stances I am with you."
Seulgi was already crying at that time. She constantly wiped her tears, but to no avail it kept on falling.
"Why can't I remember your face? Your name? Just who are you?" Seulgi sighed in frustration.
"Lastly... Seulgi, this is not a goodbye. We're going to see each other again in an unexpected day, unexpected place, and unexpected time just like how we met each other before. I will come back. I will find you. Just wait for me. You don't have to find me. You're going to be Patience and I'm going to be Love. I will surely come back to you because by that time I am freed to answer you without restrictions... Seulgi, I'll meet you in the 23rd tree in our own olive orchard..."
The Side A was finally finished.
Seulgi leaned her head on the wall and closed her eyes. She didn't know what to feel specifically. Her mind was fuzzy, her heart felt bombarded with mixed emotions.
She subconsciously turned the Side B into the Walkman and played it.
"This song is entitled The Road..." There was a chuckle and then she started singing and Seulgi's whimpers were concealed.
A year later...
"Good job everyone!"
The trainees thanked her and one by one they left the room leaving Seulgi behind.
She sat on the floor. She reached for a bottle of water and drank it. She was tired, but she was satisfied from the outcome of the practice. The trainees were getting better just like herself getting better from the emptiness she felt for the past months. Thanks to the cassette record, she was able to heal herself. Although, there's still part of her that longing deeply for that person. She's been waiting and still waiting patiently. She trusted that person's words wholeheartedly. She believed her and still believing her.
Just as she was about to close her yes, she heard several steps and then Irene and Yeri were in front of her.
Irene was frowning and Yeri was blushing. Seulgi on the other hand was confused.
Irene sat beside her on her right and Yeri on her left. Seulgi was now sitting in-between them.
"Why do you guys look like that?" she asked again.
Irene and Yeri talked at the same time. Seulgi who cannot understand a thing yelled at them. It was then decided for Yeri to speak first.
"Saeron is here."
"She asked me on a date."
Yeri suddenly hit Seulgi's arm while squealing in delight. "Oh my gosh, unnie! That was so unexpected!"
Seulgi pushed her away in annoyance. Massaging her arm, she glared at her young friend. "Stop hitting people just because you have a date." Seulgi whined.
Irene nodded in agreement.
"Who told you I have a date?" Yeri questioned, her eyebrows raise and eyes widening. "FYI, I rejected her offer."
Both Irene and Seulgi looked at her in disbelief.
"I can't understand you."
Yeri chuckled then an evil laugh escaped her lips. "Just because I like her doesn't mean I would want to date her. I'm too busy to have a date."
Seulgi rolled her eyes. "Busy doing nothing."
Yeri grinned. "That's right! Doing nothing feels so great!" She then took a peek at their eldest. "How about you Irene-unnie? What's your concern? It's my sister, no?"
Irene heaved a sigh. "Unfortunately, yes."
"Why? She rejected you again? How many times did she reject you already? Is she inhuman?" Seulgi asked, eyebrows furrowed.
"Guess, it's in our blood to reject someone." Yeri commented while shaking her head. Her unniedeul sent her death glares. "Ya, I'm just saying we're hard to get, but it doesn't mean we don't have feelings."
"You're just making the situation complicated, you know that?" Seulgi replied.
"It's more exciting that way." Yeri responded. She looked at Irene. "Don't worry unnie, Joy-unnie loves you as a friend— ouch! The heck Seulgi-unnie!"
"Stop making our unnie sad!"
"I'm just cheering her up—"
"—by pointing out that she's just a friend!" Seulgi intervened.
They stopped soon as they heard a sniff. Both of them stiffed from their position as they slowly turned their heads towards Irene. She's crying.
"Oh, I think I might change my mind. I'll accept Saeron's offer after all ha ha ha ha..." Yeri stood up, but pulled down immediately by Seulgi. "Okay, I'm sorry! Unnie, forget what I've said. I love JoyRene! I'm your number one shipper! Keep fighting! Confess and confess, don't get discouraged when you're rejected!"
"No. It's not about that..."
"Eh?" Seulgi and Yeri looked at each other.
"Then what" Yeri asked.
"You're aware of the rising stars overseas, right? Three of them are being recruited in our company. Joy had been busy with them."
"That's pretty normal, unnie." Yeri commented.
"No, you don't understand. It was already passed the time. Also, she's been sending one of them a bouquet of flowers and different kinds of desserts every day. She's also been calling one of them on phone whenever she's not doing anything. She's also talking to me in dismissal behavior."
"C'mon unnie. Maybe it's just an agreement between her and that soon-to-be-artist here. You know Joy, she's been like that. Setting a deal and using enchanting words. It's not like she likes that particular person." Seulgi said.
Irene bit her lower lip. "She admitted it a while back to me. She likes that person's personality: kind and caring. She likes that person's appearance: honey brown hair and chocolate brown eyes different from my dark orbs and raven hair. And she likes that person's voice: soft, gentle, and comforting. She also said that she wants to date her."
"Have you found Joy?" Seulgi asked Yeri over the phone.
"Not yet... Argh such a wrong timing! Unnie, don't call me! Gotta go!"
Seulgi sighed in frustration when Yeri ended the phone call.
"Seulgi, it's okay. Let's just forget it." Irene reassured her while holding her arm.
Seulgi frowned even more. "No. I need to talk to her. She's being blatant to you and I cannot accept it. I had enough of her sharp honesty."
"Seulgi, let's just let it go. I'm fine." Irene begged, but Seulgi continued to walk, eager to confront Joy.
Then she saw a familiar figure whom she's been looking for ages. Surprisingly, the person was also looking for her.
Seulgi approached her and Irene followed. Seulgi took a deep breath and called the dongsaeng of hers. "Joy,"
"Seulgi-unnie, I've been looking for you."
"Joy, listen, I have something to tell you." Seulgi told her maintaining her serious expression.
Joy was serious too. "I also have something to tell you, unnie. I need you to go to meet this person instead of me. I can't have anyone to go there since you're the only one compatible for that person beside from me. Please, unnie, I need to go somewhere else today."
"I'll text you the location, so please, unnie." Joy put her palms together and then stared at Seulgi with her own puppy eyes.
Seulgi immediately softened. She cannot resist Joy. She sighed and then nodded. "Okay..."
"Thank you unnie! I love you!" she gave Seulgi a hug and the latter didn't escape the death glares coming from Irene.
"Ehem..." Irene cleared .
Joy separated herself from Seulgi and glanced at Irene. "Why do you look upset?"
"Nothing," Irene replied with her cold expression.
"She's been—" Seulgi stopped when she felt a pinch on her side telling her not to say anything.
Joy nodded and got her phone. She typed a message and sent it to Seulgi. "I texted you the location, unnie."
She looked at Irene. She then pulled the petite girl and dragged her away from Seulgi.
"Y-Ya Joy! Stop pulling me!"
Joy just put her arm around Irene and glanced at Seulgi. "See you later, Seulgi-unnie! Thanks again!" she said and continued dragging Irene away.
Seulgi sighed as she grabbed her phone and read Joy's message to her.
A garden you know. If that person wasn't there, go to the beach you also know.
Seulgi frowned from the text message. Is this some kind of riddle? She dialed Joy's number, but the latter's phone was turned off making Seulgi annoyed more. She didn't have time for jokes, but then her gut was telling her to go.
And so, she went.
Seulgi went to the garden she knows and on her way there, she saw lines of wheat. She stopped driving. She opened her car window and just watched the swaying wheats at her as if inviting her to dance with her.
Suddenly a memory flashed in her mind.
"...If you were to forget someone's blonde hair, the wheat will reminds you of me..."
Seulgi held her head for sudden throb of pain. The enjoyment suddenly turned disappointment as she felt herself being nauseous. It took a while before she regained her momentum and continued driving.
"This is the only garden I know... Of course, there's no one here. I hate you Joy..." she cursed under her breath as she looked around and then her eyes set on a flower box. It was full of daisies.
"...If you were to forget about our first meeting, the daisies will remind you of that new beginning..."
Seulgi felt nauseous again. This time she fell on her knees as another memory popped inside her mind.
Is she happy though?
"I hate this feeling..." she muttered then waited for a moment until she decided to go to her final destination.
A natural breeze greeted her when she went off her car. She was holding a bouquet of daisies as if she's really sure that the person she's going to meet was there. Why was she excited anyway?
Am I anticipating for someone I know?
She took a deep breath and started walking on the ghosted beach side. She didn't see anyone. The beach wasn't occupied by any person. It was only Seulgi who continued walking, letting her feet slightly sinking in the sand. She didn't mind being alone. She liked it: scent of the sea, gentle rays of sun, bright sky, the blue waves.
It's been a while...
She paused for a moment took her time to appreciate the beauty of the gleaming body of water: shining brighter than a diamond looking more precious than any jewelries.
She closed her eyes for a moment concentrating, making her senses more sensitive. It was too peaceful and comforting: the sound of the rushing waves, the natural smell of the beach, the warm rays touching her skin.
She opened her eyes and at that moment her peripheral vision caught someone walked past her. Her pupils dilated as she was glued on her feet just staring at the back of that certain individual.
She opened , but no sound was produced. Her voice was stuck on .
The girl was getting far away and Seulgi didn't know what to do. In panic and fear of having to lose her, she forced herself to run. It's just only a meter when she was about to reach the stranger. The latter may have able to notice her presence. Just as she was about to turn around, Seulgi fell on the sand.
Seulgi groaned from the impact. She opened her eyes and saw the bouquet of daisies that fell in front of her. "Ah no..." She was about to reach it when a pair of hands reached for it first. Slowly, Seulgi looked up and saw a folk daisy dress. The girl crouched down as Seulgi's attention was only directed to the person's face.
"The sand really loves you." she said. Her honey brown sharming cut hair was being flew alongside with the wind.
"Who... Your name, tell me what is your name?" Seulgi asked, eyes not blinking and was silently tearing. She knew about the person in front of her. Despite not knowing her name, she was sure of it. It's the person she had been longing for so long. Her heart almost wanted to leap out from her chest.
"I heard you painted a girl with blonde hair, blue eyes and daisy dress. Do you still have it?" She chuckled seeing Seulgi's confused expression. She extended her hands and cupped Seulgi's face. Her chocolate brown eyes were sparkling with overwhelming emotions just like the sea where Seulgi felt herself drowning... something she experienced before.
"My name is Seungwan Shon." Her lips curved perfectly like an inverted rainbow. "I'm more famous with the name Wendy. Can you paint me, again?"
I was planning on makin Wendy distorted like a paint everytime she was exposed w/ any substances, but I've chosen her to become human instead. This, however, made the story more focus to Seulgi's love story rather than her literal art who came to life.
And yes, the ending . Oh well... Thank you for reading and appreciating their story. Take care of your health.
Let's continue to love and support Red Velvet and their individual activities.