Chaeyoung's letter to Mina

Dear My Mina,

Just like how usual letters are wrote, I want to start this with a greeting. So, hello my love, my baby, my princess. How are you today? I hope you are happy and well. I hope someone saw that beautiful smile of yours. I hope you're doing what you love. And I hope, there's no tears in your eyes.

What have you've been up to, Mina? Were you pursuing your dreams? I bet you've been more successful now. I just wish you're eating your favorite foods, but please don't eat too much mint ice cream and don't put too much ketchup on your food. I wish you're traveling to the places you wanted to go. The places we wanted to go. I hope you've already saw the Eiffel Tower and the Northern lights. I hope my love, you're able to live your life to the fullest, even without me.

If you're already reading this, I bet Dahyun successfully fulfilled her promise to me. But, I am ashamed because I didn't kept my promise on you. I am so sorry to you because I am a coward, for not even having the guts to give this letter personally to you. I am a coward for not choosing to fight with you.

Maybe while you're reading this, you have lots of questions on your mind. Maybe you're crying, or hurt, or confused, or mad. Maybe you're wondering, off all times, why now? Whatever it is you're thinking right now, either way, I am still being a pain in your life. Even when I'm already.. long gone.

Mina, although I don't know if someone already told you or if someone already explained to you everything at this moment. I still want to tell you the truth in this letter. I still want you to hear it directly from me. Even if I couldn't tell this to you at that time because of my cowardice. I know I am not making sense at all but Mina, I think I just want to pass away knowing that at some point in this stupid life, I had the chance to be completely honest with you.

That day when I was diagnosed, when I found out that I have a cancer and I only have six months left to live, my whole world crushed. I was so scared. I was so scared not because I have a deadly disease, but I was scared because I automatically thought of you Mina.

Thoughts of leaving you, of letting you suffer because of me, and the vivid picture of you grieving suddenly surged on my mind. It frightened my whole being that I became so weak and coward of considering to fight all of this beside you. With you. I became the worst you could ever met and resorted to a decision that I know that would still hurt you. I even used someone and took advantage of her feelings for me.

Everything was just a chaos that time Mina, I know I was making the worst decision out there. I know I was going to hurt everyone around me, specially you. But what do I do, Mina? When at that time, the thing that I did seemed to be so right. Just the thought that even I'd hurt you either way, but at least it won't be because of another death made me think that everything I've done was right.

I wanted you to hate me, I wanted you to get mad at me, to forget me, and to unlove me. I wanted you to think that I just left you because I cheated and not because I died. Because that time, I really thought that it'll hurt a little less. You're gonna be able to move forward with your life or even find a new lover. Someone.. better than me.

So Mina, I am deeply sorry. I want to apologize for so many things. I am not asking for your forgiveness, I just want you to know how sorry I am. I am sorry for hurting you in so many possible ways, intentionally or unintentionally. I am sorry for making you cry a lot of times when I am no worthy of your tears. I am sorry for making your life miserable when you were with me when I promised to give you a happy life that you deserved. And also, I am sorry for breaking the promises I made. One of those is about leaving you alone when I promised to be with you for a lifetime. And.. for breaking your heart.

But still Mina, even if things between us turned out this way, I am not regretting anything. I am not regretting meeting you, being your wife, spending my life with you, and of course loving you. For I am more than thankful to you for so many things. Thank you for coming into my life and making it worth living. Thank you for letting me feel how to be loved by you. Thank you for letting me have a wonderful family, with you and Maddie in it. Thank you for fighting for me and for our love. I am very grateful to have you, my princess.

I loved you since the first day I laid my eyes on you and I'll continue loving you until the last day this life will be taken away from me. I will love you until we cross paths again and is given another chance to rewrite this wonderful love story we made.

As I'm writing this, I am thinking of you and my heart is crying because I wanted to be with you. I love you so much that I'd rather die alone than to die in your arms, and see you die with me. But Mina, I really wanted to be honest to you in this letter. I think I can never fool myself or you this time.

Even if I am already decided to keep things out from you, deep in my heart, I know that I want to tell you everything. Mina, I am scared to fight this battle alone, without you by my side. Because you see, you are my strength and my reason to live. I am scared to see you in pain but I am more scared that you're not there whenever I am in pain.

Mina, I am scared to die alone. I want to see your face before I'm gone. Mina, I wanted to die in your arms.

But I guess, this is only just my wishful thinking. By the time you're reading this, it's all too late now. Maybe, I am already gone. Still, I want you to know that even for the last breath I'll take..

Mina I wanted you to be beside me. Baby, I wish you're there beside me. Only then I think I could die happily.

My letter ends here, my love. Please wipe those tears away for I am no longer there to wipe it for you. Please smile for me, that gummy smile I always fall for. Please Mina, please live for me and be happy. That's all I want, baby. That's all I ever wanted.

You are not alone, Mina. I will be always here for you. Me and Maddie will always be here for you. And when the time is right, I know we will see each other again. So for now, I'll just be waiting here for you patiently for I know you still have a bright future ahead of you.

Mina, I love you, and I'll love you even in the afterlife. My princess, till we see each other again.

Love,

Chaeyoung

Mina doesn't even know how many times have she read that letter from Chaeyoung. But even after those so many times, she'll still shed a tear as if it was the first time. Her heart is still aching for those words written on it and it all hits different now that Chaeyoung is really.. gone.

She's sitting on her hospital bed, Mina picked up the paper and pen on her bed side table. Her breakfast table is already cleaned up so she could already use it when she writes. Mina took a deep breath as she watch from the window the now setting sun. She smiled to herself and started writing words to that blank paper.

Mina's letter to Chaeyoung...

Dearest Chaeyoungie,

Hello, baby. How are you and Maddie up there? This is such a funny question because I know you can't answer it anymore but still, I hope you're both doing fine. Finally, Chaeng, after thirty years of reading your letter everyday, I already had the courage to write a reply to you.

To answer your question on how am I today, I don't think I'm better but I'm fine. At least, I got to smile and your favorite ugly sunset is the witness. But Chaeyoung, there's still tears in my eyes, I don't know, I think I'll just never stop crying whenever I think of you.

For those thirty years, I think I already lived a good life. I became an art professor for you, my love, because I know how you loved arts. I always visit your favorite restaurants and ate your favorite food. I also already got the chance to see the Eiffel Tower and the Northern lights. I think I lived my life doing the things we used to love and we used to dream of. But Chaeyoung, it was really different because I should be happy, right? I should be happy... but I'm not. Because you weren't there, baby. I was alone.

As I'm reading your letter every time, my mind always goes to the thought that "what if Dahyun didn't gave it to me that night?" and suddenly, I'll get scared too. I always got scared with the thought of you, suffering alone while I am hating you to death. I would've been living my life with a lie, Chaeng. Maybe I wouldn't even had the chance to fight beside you, to help you, and to be the strength for you. Even when me myself is already getting weak with the thoughts of you leaving me behind.

Now that I think of it, I always wish that I should've just succeeded when I tried to take my own life. Maybe by now, we are happy there, wherever we may are. At least, we're together and I'm not alone living this lonely life.

Sometimes I also just wish that it's better to have you cheated on me than you dying, Chaeng. At least if you really cheated, you're just on someone else's house, someone else's arms, and you just loved someone else. But, you're still here, alive and well. Chaeyoung, believe me if I say that even if I'll get mad and hurt because you cheated, I'll still be happy eventually for you and I'll be glad to know that you are doing fine. And, if the chances are on my side, I'll still be able to see you.

Not like this, Chaeng. Not like this. I can't see you anymore. I can't have a chance to accidentally bump on you on a street or a grocery store. I can't hear a news of you happily living your new life with you your new wife, building a new family. In this reality, you are completely gone. And all that's left to me are your memories. Such happy and painful memories.

You were sorry for a lot of things but believe me, you don't have to. We always get hurt because it's part of loving someone. I hurted you too at some point in our whole life. Maybe I even hurted you worser than you did on me. But that's okay because we love each other, in love there's also pain. And we love each other that's why we also learn to forgive. So Chaeyoung, don't worry, because before you even ask for forgiveness, I already forgave you.

You were always thankful of me, you always give me the credits in this relationship. When in fact, it's me who should be thankful to you. You got through greatest lenghts of struggle and pain just because of loving me. Not just by risking our friendship, or the judgmental society around us but also, with my family. I am always amazed on how you stood on your ground and fought for your feelings with me. I will be forever thankful and lucky that I was loved by you, Son Chaeyoung.

The moment I read your letter that night, I didn't even hesitated to make up my mind and go straight to where you are. Because I wanted you to know that you don't need to be scared, you don't need to be alone and that it wasn't just a wishful thinking. My heart and my mind already decided right away that I am willing to stay beside you all through it. Whatever the outcome may be, I knew that I want to fight with you Chaeyoung.

And we did baby, we did it. We did fight it together, we had a good fight. We did it all because we were together and we knew how much we love each other. That's why I am thankful to you more, for letting me took half of your burden. Thank you for fighting and living more than what everybody expected of you just because you wanted to stay longer with me.

I love you so much, more than you'll ever know. I love you so much to the point that even if you talked to Jackson to take care of me and to try to win my heart, I will never do it. I can never do it. He was there for all of these years but he understood that until I die, it'll be only you, Chaeyoung.

I wished and prayed to spend my entire lifetime with you, Chaeng. But thank you for spending yours with me. Thank you for letting my face be the last thing you saw when you took that last breath. Thank you Chaeyoung, for dying in my arms.

And now, in this deathbed, I am writing this letter back to you. I already lived a long good life even without you. I already tried my very best. But I think, it's time to stop now on living this cruel reality of mine. I have to stop now because my heart is already longing for you that I can't take it anymore.

Isn't it ironic? On how I have this heart failure right now when I clearly knew that that day, you took my heart with yours. But it's okay, I already long accepted this. I am even happy to know that I am also, dying.

Please know that until the moment of death I will long for you. Until the moment of death I will think of you. And until the moment of death I will love you wholeheartedly.

This letter should end now. For I am already ready for my life to end. I will leave with no longer tears on my eyes but only with the gummy smile you have always love.

Till the last ink of this pen, I would like you to know that I love you so much and thank you for waiting for me. Chaeyoung, I am now coming to you.

Love,

Mina

After those long years of longing for each other, of missing each other's warmth, of living like an empty vessel..

Everything has already come to an end.

Even if their love story was painted with colorful colors and tainted with black and white..

Mina and Chaeyoung are still happy to have found each other in this life. A life where true love is rare to find, where everything seems to be fake and only a few are real.

Among those cluster of stars, they were lucky to have the chance to experience a love that they won't trade for anything.

A love that they are willing to fight, even with death.

Mina and Chaeyoung passed away carrying only those happy memories of being together.

As they saw each other again even on a glimpse as dusts in the wind, they whispered to each other...

"I am happy to be...

Married To My Bestfriend"