T W E L V E

Words of the Day – “Amuse-bouche”

Kyungsoo scurried down to the office in a state of madness. He was becoming more and more careless in his words as days go by. He was losing control over himself. The most preposterous things just constantly slipped out whenever she was around. It could be the teenage Kyungsoo who always teased the child Miyoung projecting out of him uncontrollably each time there was an opportunity.   

Or it could be something entirely different, something new ... something pretty darn dangerous.

He popped his knuckles to divert himself and made his way to his side of the desk, just right across from Soobin’s computer. He pulled open a drawer where he hid his ample amount of snacks and treats.

He grabbed two packs of instant noodles and a pack of beef jerky.

He didn’t usually eat a full meal of breakfast. His morning always consisted of three, if not more, cups of coffee. Caffeine was his fuel. Today, however, he figured Miyoung might want some breakfast. He could only assume that she didn’t have the time to eat anything before coming here.

Besides, Ra Miyoung had always liked instant noodles. Hence, her nickname, Ramyeon. Also, it just really rhymed with her name and he wanted to piss her off at the time when he came up with it.

He left the office and went back into the kitchen. Miyoung was still busy washing the dishes but from what he could see, there hadn’t been much improvement on the loaded sink. She wasn’t going to finish anytime soon. She was going to take forever if she did this today, it was going to affect everyone. “Leave it, that’s good enough for now. You won’t officially start until tomorrow anyway.” He suggested making the woman toss a sharp look at him.

“Are you kidding me? Then who’s going to do this for the rest of the day today? Is the dishwasher still coming today?” Miyoung turned around while removing the rubber gloves off of her. She then proceeded to untie the knot on the apron behind her back. Kyungsoo made his way towards the burners and set the packs of instant noodles and beef jerky aside.

He was originally going to make her start right away but then … he just felt too bad to put that much pressure not only upon her but also the restaurant on the same day. It was going to be hectic today, as always, and she wouldn’t be able to handle it all alone. “We have an apprentice who could do that for today. It’s just better for you, you get to prepare yourself.” He assured.

To his much surprise, Miyoung didn’t seem as relieved as he had expected her to be. “Prepare for what? Why don’t I just go straight at it, totally it up and then get it over with? What’s the point of going home and dreading tomorrow the whole day anyway?” Her argument left him quite speechless. Her egocentric yet uncaring drive … felt familiar. A smile threatened to curve on his lips but he quickly hid it by tipping his head lower. “What’s so funny about what I said?” Miyoung grumbled as she approached him, still untying the apron off of her.

Kyungsoo lifted his chin back, locking eyes with her. “We’re more similar than I ever thought. I—” He chuckled while rubbing the tip of his nose. “I remember doing that in a lot of occasions. I guess that’s why I decided to get married, huh? And see, I totally ed it up.” He finally managed to finish his sentence firmly. Miyoung responded with a hardened expression as she looked away, eyes blinking hysterically.

Leaning on the stainless-steel counter, Kyungsoo continued to watch her struggle to untie the apron. “How many knots did you do on that?” He teased. With no further hesitation, he grabbed her by the shoulders and twirled her around until he was facing her . “Why, I don’t—let go—ugh.” She whined for a bit but eventually allowed him to untie it for her.

“Remember that time? You were starting to pack to leave for Canada. I asked your opinion about … me planning to propose to her.” Kyungsoo blurted out. He relived in his head and a crooked smile formed on his lips. What a day, that was. It wasn’t the best, he had to admit. “Yeah, as you did to everyone. So mature, a proposal isn’t something you can make everyone decide for you. Especially not from an eighteen-year-old. If you had to ask everyone around aside from yourself, it means you didn’t want to, idiot.” Miyoung retorted with a sharp tone.

“No, I only asked you.” He responded, not affected by her strong criticism.

He watched her head tip ever so slightly to one side but it wasn’t enough for their eyes to meet. He didn’t know why he was telling her all these but just like earlier, the most random things just kept coming out of his mouth. He was most likely going to regret it. He was aware of it and yet here he was, digging his own sad little grave. “Wha—what do you mean?” Miyoung’s voice was faint, almost nothing but air.

He had finished untying the knots but he didn’t let go of the tie just yet. His eyes toured down to her back, watching the tender curves of her shoulder blades contract through the slightest of movements. “I guess, it’s because I know you hated me so you most certainly would have told me not to do it since you wouldn’t want happiness for me or whatever.” He paused for a moment, his smile fading slowly as self-inflicted realization hit him. “But then you said you didn’t care and that I could go to hell for all you cared. Well, guess what?” He pressed his palms on her shoulders before gently pushing her off.

Miyoung whipped around to face him with a stiff glare. “What, now it’s my fault you ed up your marriage? I was eighteen, for ’s sake. You were twenty-seven and you could think for yourself better.” Her head leaned in a mocking way as she flung the apron off. “What did you expect to me say that time? As you said, I hated you.”

Kyungsoo laughed to himself. Why did he even mention this at all? He wasn’t blaming her but it was understandable for her to see it that way. He had no reason to open up this conversation. It was irrelevant … and a little too damn late. “I don’t know—like, you could—I mean, you could have said no, don’t do it? I don’t know, whatever. Forget what I said. I really wasn’t blaming you anyway, I just mentioned it randomly since we were talking about ing things up.” He turned around and grabbed a saucepan, sprinting across the kitchen to the faucet to fill it with water.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. He shouldn’t have opened his stupid mouth. None of that even remotely mattered anymore.

“We have about half an hour until I have to start prep. I’ll make us some instant noodles. I’m sure you haven’t eaten yet.” He walked back to the other side and set the saucepan on a burner and turned it on. Finally, Miyoung’s expression morphed into a defeated glare. Her gaze moved to the pack of instant noodles and he just knew he won her over this time. While waiting for the water to boil, Kyungsoo started chopping some garlic and green onions.

It was dead silent for the next couple of minutes, only the sound of him moving around filled the entire kitchen. Once the water was boiling, he turned the fire lower and put the noodles in first.

“Did you really want to marry her?” Miyoung suddenly asked after long moments of quiet. “I mean … that time.” She moved her eyes away to avoid his gaze.

The unexpected question left him thinking hard. He leaned by the counter and folded his arms. They faced each other, almost a meter away. But somehow, he felt extremely close and vulnerable by the fact that they were completely alone and he had nowhere else to go to avoid the question. For the first time in a while, Miyoung’s voice wasn’t filled with hatred or sarcasm … only genuine curiosity. She was curious about what he felt, as if she cared.

He simply didn’t expect she’d ever ask.

His mouth clamped in a tight straight line as he braced himself for the right words to say. Was there any way to explain this without making himself look totally stupid? Probably none. He was indeed stupid. “Well, Sera and I had been dating for over three years at that time and everyone around us were saying we should do it already and … I guess it influenced her and she started giving me a lot of hints and—” He paused for a moment, realizing just how poorly he decided on such a huge matter. “I don’t know. I loved her but … I just couldn’t picture myself in—you know what, I really don’t know. It doesn’t matter.” He faked a laugh.

“So, you basically wanted someone to agree with your deepest inner thoughts that you refuse to show to everyone and have someone else aside from yourself say no … which you were hoping was me.” Miyoung propped her hands on her hips. “Didn’t that action alone answer your question though? If you didn’t want to, why’d you do it then?”

There was a moment of silence as Kyungsoo stirred the noodles. He felt her come closer as her chuckles got louder behind him. “I mean, I’m sure you have abandonment issues but still, Kyungsoo, that’s kin