I don't want anyone else to have your heart, kiss your lips, 
or be in your arms because that's only my place. 

Do I even deserve to be by his side after everything? 

***
 

Do you ever sit and think about the choices you made in life? Do you ever regret them? Do you ever think that our actions might hurt others? Do you wish to turn back time and make things right? Or do you just walk away and try to forget it all? But what if you can't walk away? What if something is pulling you back to the place where it all started? What if you lied to yourself in hopes that you will feel better? What if you can't forget? What if you don't want to forget? 

I must say that I have asked myself those questions a million times and I never had the answer to them. I tried to escape from my feelings and myself, but I just couldn't. No matter what I did or where I went, he was on my mind. I always asked myself and wondered what was going on in his life. Is he alright? Is he happy? Has he found someone? Has he married? I was afraid of those answers so I never sought them. Part of me wanted to know, but the other part didn't want to know. 

I'm not even sure if I have the right to know about his life. I left that day without any explanation, while he was still in the hospital. I was a coward and I refused to accept my feelings, instead, I thought It was best to just leave and let him have a happy life. He has every right to hate me and I won't blame him for that, after all, I messed up, big time. That day when I left town I lost contact with everyone. I thought if I did so it would be easier to forget, but did it work? No.

Here, I am, once again... where it all started. What am I looking for? What I am hoping for? I don't know, but I needed to come. Deep down inside do I wish to see him? Yes. Do I wish to hug him? Yes. Do I deserve it? No. Can I be forgiven? Probably not. So why am I looking for a second chance? It's simple, I still have feelings for him and I am aware that I have no right to that, but I do and it's not easy to let go. 

Whoever said that time heals all wounds is a big fat liar. Time doesn't heal anything, the wounds leave the scar. It's like a mirror, once broken it can be put back together but the crack is still there. Same with people, we try to heal, but scars remain. Whether I am doing the right thing, or not I am not sure. But I guess I will find out in the end. I'm ready to accept whatever comes my way. 

***

Time can never mend,

The careless whisper of a good friend,

To the heart and mind,

If your answer's kind, 

There's no comfort in the truth, 

Pain is all you'll find,

I should have known better, yeah...

 

I closed my eyes and leaned back in my car seat. As I did so memories started flashing back, including my last birthday when he gave me the swan necklace still have with me and it was precious to me. A smile formed on my face as I touched it. Every time she touched that necklace it brought back nice memories with him. Not once did she feel pushed to the side around him. When she had a problem she could always talk to him and he always found a way how to cheer her up, or if nothing he would be a good listener. 

***

"Do you want to take a walk?" He asked as he reached his hand towards me. 

"Sure." I smiled as I took his hand and stood up. 

He pulled me up and smiled, as we turned around and headed towards a small path that went into the woods. The two of us love the same things and we have the same hobbies. Sometimes I feel that even if I don't say anything, just by looking at me he can read my mind and I like that. It was easy and relaxing to be around him. 

"Do you trust me?" He asked. 

"What kind of question is that?" I asked, looking at him. 

"Good, let's go." He winked, taking my hand as we walked faster.

I didn't ask anything as I knew that he would never tell me anyway, so I just followed him. After a few minutes of walking, we came to a stop and he turned around, looking at me. 

"Close your eyes." He said.

I nodded my head and did exactly that. At that moment I felt his arms around my waist as he led me a bit further until we once again came to a stop. 

"You can open them now." He said as he let go of me. 

I opened my eyes and looked around, and what I saw left me brea