Chapter 1

Spiral
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“Now, if you had to choose between the three men: Yul, Ricky and Kuku, who would you consider your type, Solar-ssi?” asked the older male host of the radio broadcast as his eyes twinkled with naughtiness. MAMAMOO were invited to the radio broadcast to publicise their new album ‘Pink Funky’, their second album. The titled song ‘Um Oh Ah Yeh’ was a playful and dramatic song about a girl falling head over heels over a very dashing man who turned out to be a woman all along.

They had good fun in that roleplaying in that music video since it meshed with their fun-loving personalities. MAMAMOO was built around the concept of loving fun. Moon Byulyi was selected to play ‘Yul’ the dashing man that Solar had fallen in love at first sight. Ricky, acted by the y Hwasa, was a fanatical suitor of the beautiful Solar who had eyes for Yul. Kuku, performed by the adorable Wheein, was simply a comic relief, appearing either as a witness to the first encounter between Yul and Solar, the E.R doctor who stopped his own heart and the unfortunate passenger on the plane sitting next to Yul. She never stopped eating throughout the video, a fact that she was pleased.

Byulyi stiffened slightly when she glanced at her leader briefly.

There was a slight furrow between her brows as she ran her hand through her long wavy hair. “Looks? Yul. Yul is totally my type if she wasn’t so greasy.”

Her stomach did a strange cartwheel at her sincere answer. Wait, Yongsun actually preferred her looks? Her eyes lighted with hope.

“Ah huh, Solar-unnie admitted in an interview with a magazine. She can’t stand Moonbyul-unnie’s greasiness,” added Hyejin, grinning wildly. “They won’t date each other even if Unnie were a man.”

That brief hope was dashed immediately. Her stomach writhed painfully as she kept a friendly smile plastered on her face.

Wheein chuckled warmly, joining the interesting conversation of the effects of filming the music video.

“That’s such a pity—”

“What do you mean?” asked Byulyi, astounded by the sincerity in his tone. She laughed to hide her embarrassment, feeling Yongsun’s disapproving eyes on her for a moment. She covered her face with her hands, hiding the crinkles of her nose. The rapper cleared her voice, lowering her head respectfully. Solar hated when Moonbyul was disrespectful, a habit that she was trying to reform actively.

“We don’t have time to date,” concluded Wheein earnestly, continuing the light conversation. An idol rising in fame had no time for dates. Hyejin nodded earnestly, in accord with her best friend.

The older male host waggled his brows at them. “Why not? Don’t you know the fastest way to gain fame is through scandals?” Her tone became openly mischievous.

Awkward laughter filled the air.

“Well, Solar-ssi was involved in a scandal just a few days ago,” confessed Byulyi, entertained when she lowered her hands to look at her leader. Yongsun sighed, looking sheepish, knowing what she was referring to.

“Oh really? Tell me about it!”

“The paparazzi caught Solar-unnie and I during our filming. I was Yul,” elaborated Byulyi sheepishly, scratching the side of her head idly.

“Ah huh. Our company received a lot of calls from worried fans about the news. It was so bad that we had to release a statement the next day explaining that we were filming a new Music video and that suitor was actually Moonbyul-unnie in disguise,” chuckled Wheein, absolutely tickled. She clapped her hand at the recollection of the trouble the company had. “It was quite disgraceful.” She hid her face with both hands as she laughed brightly.

The male host searched on the computer for the photographs from the scandal and stumbled into a series of them. They were quite incriminating with one photo shot to look like Solar was sharing a heated moment with a man. “Oh. I can see why there was this misunderstanding.” He rubbed his chin and chimed in silvery laughter.

Byulyi laughed brightly, clasping her hand together. “It was the angle of shot. I had my hand on her shoulder as I leaned in.” She placed a hand carefully on the shoulder of Yongsun, ignoring the jolt at that simple touch as she leaned towards the older woman slightly. Her side profile inched closer to her and she could not help but be struck by her sheer beauty. It was true that some of her facial features may not meet their country’s standard of beauty, but there was no denial that Solar was a very gorgeous woman. It did not help that she had such an endearing, quirky and bubbly personality. Her heart quickened slightly at the proximity, but she ignored it, facing the host instead.

Yongsun, the culprit, was blissfully ignorant of her tumultuous feelings. She ran her hand through her long and wavy hair as she smiled widely, amused by the misinterpretation.

“I am looking at the pictures. You look so good together. Are you sure that you wouldn’t date Yul?” asked the male host for the last time.

“No please,” refuted Yongsun immediately, running her hands up and down her bare arms due to goosebumps. She grimaced again at thought. “Definitely not.” She shook her head again for emphasis, obviously very distressed by sheer idea being together with her good friend.

Hyejin and Wheein chuckled at their leader’s heartfelt grimace.

Her vehement rebuff felt like a blow on her chest. It took Byulyi all her acting skills to appeared amused even though she felt as if someone had slipped ice down her stomach. Was it really that bad to date her? She knew that she wasn’t good enough, but her rejection scorched her. At that moment, she realised just how appalling the situation was. Really? Unrequited feelings for a beautiful woman that she spent every minute of the day with? Yes, she was really screwed unless she knew how to shove all these unnecessary feelings into the closet and kept it bolted tightly.

“Well, you could always date either Minhyuk-oppa or Xiumin-oppa,” mumbled Byulyi to herself, so soft that she was certain that no one had pick her up amid the rowdy laughter. She missed the peculiar look that the older woman had shot at her.

Byulyi only looked at her, stunned when Yongsun took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. Her hand was so warm and soft as it curled around hers soothingly. The surprise faded into a gentle smile when she realised that Yongsun was consoling her in her own way, returning fondness in a love language that Byulyi comprehended—physical affection. Warmth filled her, chasing away the asive numbness like dawn after the coldest wintry night. That was Yongsun to her, especially at her weakest, her very own sun. The rapper blinked several times before she withdrew her hand reluctantly away from the grasp of the older woman. It would do them a whole lot of good if she did not cave in to her growing feelings and ignore them completely—at least they would remain close friends.

Neither of them knew that that fleeting moment was the first point of no-return for the intensifying relationship between Moon Byulyi and Kim Yongsun. A bittersweet year had passed since Byulyi had decided to keep her emotional distance from the older woman. They were embroiled in the usual push-and-pull relationship in which their kids, Wheein and Hyejin, had lost interest. No matter how hard Byulyi struggled, she could never overcome that overwhelming need to orbit around Yongsun since she liked being around her. It did not help that the older woman was so accommodating to her and she hated the idea greatly that she was just taking advantage of her sweetness.

It had been a week since Byulyi had last seen Yongsun, a first since she would find opportunity to ask her out whenever their schedules permitted. Individual demands for the members of MAMAMOO had started to pick up. It was a good time to consider releasing solo so that the public would get to know each member of MAMAMOO in a fresh way.

Byulyi adjusted her baseball cap as she continued to stretch her muscles. She was the first to arrive for the practice, so she had to wait for the rest of their members to join her. MAMAMOO were in the middle of promoting their latest album, Melting. She tucked her blonde hair behind her ear absently before she stretched her legs. Heavy footsteps announced the next member, and she was surprised to see a stonily face Yongsun entering the studio. Her long and wavy hair was tied in ponytail and she was in sweats, ready for practice.

She rose to her feet nimbly, apprehensive.

“Byulie, you’re here,” greeted Yongsun with a smile that did not reach her eyes. She looked like she had just ended a particularly unpleasant meeting with their superiors. The tone was similarly detached.

Her brows knitted together as she inched closer to her to offer comfort by taking her hand.

Yongsun took a deliberate step away from her mechanically.

The rapper blinked owlishly. Her extended hand fell to her side uselessly. Her gaze settled on the yawning gap between them. When had this emotional distance began? Her stomach coiled. Awkward silence stretched in the room as Yongsun walked past her as if nothing had happened between them and set up for their practice.

Byulyi frowned as she debated internally. After deciding, the determined rapper approached the older woman again, refused to allow her to brush her aside again. “What’s wrong?” demanded the rapper curtly, staring at her side profile openly.

Her shoulders tensed as the muscle under her brow jolted.

“Nothing,” spat Yongsun through gritted teeth, turning to hold her unwavering gaze unflinchingly. Her lips thinned as she shifted her weight to the other hip automatically.

Byulyi inched closer to her, nearly touching her. “That’s not nothing,” contradicted the rapper, her tone hitching slightly. “What’s going on—”

“It’s none of your business, Moonbyul-ssi,” fired Yongsun, turning to glare at her fiercely. “Can’t you bloody hell take a hint for once?”

Byulyi took a deep breath, managing her rising irritation. She tried for a gentler tone, desiring to get to the bottom of the issue. “Are you angry with me? Did I do something?”

Yongsun spun to face her as she put her hands on her chest and shoved her with all her strength. To her surprise, Byulyi merely step back slightly before the latter closed the distance between them, resolute. “You are always doing something. Because you’re damn bloody rude! I am your bloody leader and your unnie! You should treat me with respect.”

Byulyi stood with arms akimbo. “Don’t digress. That’s not the damn issue,” decided the rapper finally, studying the tense lines on the older woman’s face. She adjusted her baseball cap on her head again as she cocked her head slightly and stared at the older woman expectantly.

“Oh, it is an issue, Moonbyul-ssi.” She slammed her hand hard on the desk and Byulyi leapt, shocked.

Byuly lurched forward and grabbed her hand firmly, worried.

“Don’t!” cried Yongsun, yanking her hand from her sharply. “Don’t you—”

“Yong, be still,” snarled Byulyi sharply, her abrupt flare of anger silenced the stunned leader immediately. Her gaze was so icy-cold that it sent ice down the leader’s spine. The lines of her face were tensed as Byulyi flipped her hand gently so that her palm was exposed. She ran her the pad of her fingers along her reddened palm with feathery caress as she tried to assess the damage.

Yongsun’s right palm was a bright red, slightly swollen from all the strength she had used in her fury. Her heart ached at the sight even though she was frustrated with the older woman. Frowning, she reached for her bag, yanked out her bottle of cold water and pressed it to her palm gingerly. “Why are you so stupid?” chided the rapper sternly. “Don’t take your anger out on yourself.”

Tears filled in Yongsun’s eyes as she stared at her with an indescribable expression. Her lips trembled slightly. She lowered her head immediately and stared at her sports shoes. “May I?”

Byulyi loosened her grip of her wrist slowly, realising that she was holding her. She cleared her voice as Yongsun immediately retracted her hand from her sharply.

Byulyi scratched the side of her nose absently, conscious of the void in her chest. The anger that she tried to rouse fizzed at the crestfallen look of the bubbly Yongsun. She looked at the woman powerlessly, detesting the idea that she was despondent. She had surrendered to the idea that this older woman was her kryptonite. Her mind backpedalled to their bizarre conversation, examining her words objectively.

Tensed silence stretched across the room.

“Unnie, what do you mean?” asked she in a measured tone, tilting her head slightly.

Yongsun’s lips thinned, and she shook her head lightly, returning her attention to her laptop. Her voice broke slightly. “I don’t understand—”

“What do you mean when you said that I am always doing something?” prompted Byulyi coolly as she studied her aloof countenance for a change of her expression.

“I mean exactly that,” countered Yongsun with more bite in her tone, her jaws clenched. Byulyi flinched openly at the bitterness that bellied her answer. The singer brushed the wavy tendrils of her hair away from her face. “All those small touches.” She paused, staring distantly at the screen. How should she put it to her? From the corner of her eye, she could see Byulyi trying to formulate another question. She expelled a breath she did not know she was holding. “The way you always hold my hand. The way you hug me whenever you can, no matter the situation. You flirt with me too. Everyone knows that you spend all your waking hours with me.” A furrow appeared between her brows as she listed, deadpan. She clapped her hand at each point just to bring the point across. “It’s this unusual closeness…” She shook her head, exasperated, and gestured airily with her hands.

Her stomach writhed horribly. Yongsun was describing her. And that fear that she had outlived Yongsun’s patience clasped her heart. Bile rose from the pit of her stomach when she realised that the older woman abhorred her expression of fondness and was tolerating them—stomaching her.

That conclusion made her sick.

Byulyi stumbled backwards, winded as if she took a blow to her chest. And she found herself in a similar situation of the past. A crystal-clear image of her charming and youthful face superimposed on Yongsun’s: dark double-lidded round eyes frosty, wearing a lethal smile. “Yes, I was the one who told the others about that ridiculous dream to be an idol. Just look at you, Byul! You’re simply absurd.”

She swallowed the bile that rose to . Ice slipped down her spine. She was that powerless high schooler again, betrayed by her closest friend. She could hear the cruel and haughty laughter of nameless face, taunting and sneering at her dream especially since she was overweight.

And that innate, quelling fear that no one would ever care for her because she was so unlovable clawed at her chest, dousing her with reality. The woman before her was just like them and would never love her genuinely. At most, Yongsun was duty-bounded to love her because she was her member.

The room became suffocating as she receded away from her instinctively, her mind whirling from all her thoughts.

“Look, I understand that it helps to calm you down—”

Byulyi must have held a hand up because the older woman did not complete her sentence. Instead, she was wincing at her uncomfortably.

She questioned what kind of expression she was wearing briefly, but Moonbyul, who had rose from the ashes, needed no pity. Her expression relaxed and it became blank. “Unnie, please excuse me for a moment. Please let me know when the kids are here,” decided the rapper courteously, opting for formal language. She adjusted her cap again, forcing herself to maintain a normalcy so that she could keep that modicum of dignity she had. When she dropped her hands to her side again, she balled them instinctively into fists as she suppressed her emotions. The rapper mustered all her strength to straighten herself as she walked out of the studio, her head held high. No, she refused to let anyone see the disgraceful tears that was filling her eyes and obscuring her vision as she headed out of the studio.

So intent in leaving, the rapper did not notice the muted sniffle the escaped from her leader.

Byulyi hid in the washroom to calm down, fighting to detach her past from the present. It was nauseating. Her conversation with Yongsun dragged out dreaded emotions that she never wanted to face again. She stood in front of the mirror, staring critically at herself.

Her single-lid eyes were red from crying; fat tears rolling down her pale cheek to her sharp chin. The image blurred into another fresher face, with more weight around her cheeks that her face was round. She blinked again and there was no more puffiness in her cheeks; her cheekbones prominent from the loss of weight, narrowing to end with a pointed chin.

Her eyes tracked the tears that rolled slowly down her cheeks to the tip of her chin before they drip on the basin.

She tried for a small smile, trying not to wrinkle her nose—a habit that did not quite stick. However, the crinkles of her nose appeared as her lips lifted slightly in a smile. “Too ugly. It shouldn’t be seen.” She covered her face with her hands, feeling miserable. She took a deep breath and centred herself again.

No, she ignored that thought. Moon Byulyi was different: she was more world-weary, equipped with new skills that helped her to remain in her profession of her choice, she had fans who loved her music.

She inhaled deeply and held it in for a few seconds before releasing her breath slowly. The rapper closed her eyes as she braced herself in front of the mirror with her hands, palms pressed flat on the basin.

Her short nails dug into the flesh of her palm bitingly and the change of position helped to relax her hands.

She was different now. She could barely see that lonely girl in that mirror from all the changes she had experience. The situation was different too. She may have naively poured her heart out to her former best friend who betrayed her, but she was not that high schooler anymore. Yongsun wasn’t like that spiteful and jealous bully either. The suffocating feeling in her chest dissipated slightly when she recalled the times she had spent with the older woman. Her silly Yeba possessed no malice in her and would always do her best to look out for her members which included her.

Yongsun was a good leader and she dealt with her obligations of caring for her members well.

Her lips curled in a small smile at the amount of scolding Yongsun had willingly take for her simply because she couldn’t kick the habit of wrinkling her nose as she laughed carefreely in public. That was Solar, the leader of MAMAMOO.

She shook her head lightly as she took out her cap and adjusted it carefully again. She needed some familiarity to ground herself. Like a clockwork, she took out the hair tie from her ponytail so that her blonde hair fell around her shoulders in straight curls. She gathered all of them again and swept them into another neat ponytail before she tied it up. She set the dark baseball cap on her head, straightening it meticulously so she looked impeccable.

The tight feeling of her chest was relaxing slightly.

The rapper the facet and sounds of water falling

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Wake2sleep
Hello faithful and wonderful readers, this concludes my second story on this pairing! Hope you enjoy it. Look forward to my next story

Comments

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greenjade21 #1
Chapter 11: I guess I need to properly say thanks for writing this story! It was actually my second time reading this! It is awesome and entertaining to read. Fighting authorssi!
rei_lein
19 streak #2
Chapter 11: Thank you, author-nim ❤️ i love your brain haha 😂
goldrushbyul
#3
Chapter 11: This was so good omg
girlofeternity_ss #4
Chapter 11: I wish to be have someone that I can be fully and freely myself too. This well-written heartwarming stories make me want a lot, huh?
girlofeternity_ss #5
Chapter 10: Byul has always had a soft spot for younger women, it's her just being an unnie.
girlofeternity_ss #6
Chapter 9: This chapter reminds me of Yongsun's "I'm not a crazy ert. I'm just a ert." 🤭
girlofeternity_ss #7
Chapter 8: Where can I find myself a Byulyi?
girlofeternity_ss #8
Chapter 7: I haven't finish the chapter yet but I have to say that I'm in love with the way you write, author-nim. Your choice of words are unabashedly poetic, I find myself reading some lines over and over again just to immerse myself in the aesthetics.
girlofeternity_ss #9
Chapter 6: Oh my gosh! oh my gosh! OH MY GOSH!
What will happen now? I'm always amazed by how much my emotions are played while reading. It's like I'm watching a drama play in my head.
girlofeternity_ss #10
Chapter 2: <span class='smalltext text--lighter'>Comment on <a href='/story/view/1479621/2'>Chapter 2</a></span>
I have just been in a rollercoaster ride of emotions but I'm curious just how strong is Yongsun to carry Byul that long? 😅