“How are you feeling about the practice today?”

Minjeong knew her friends were sincere asking because they were excited about the performance, as they always have been, and yet, Minjeong could not help but feel herself struggling whenever they mentioned the performance. They wanted to make sure they mentioned their favorite song to Minjeong before she went in and decide the performance song with Aeri, as they always have. Everyone had an idea how they wanted the performance to be, and Minjeong knew she needed to think about it as well, however, it all felt so overwhelming. It still had not sunk in that she would be practicing with Aeri almost every day, and share an entire stage with her. A few months ago she was pushing herself so much to forget everything about her, and now, she would spend her time with the person who caused her first ever heartache.

Her friends bickering with each other brought her back to her thoughts.

She had not eaten a single bite in the cafeteria even though she knew she needed to have her energy before meeting with Aeri after the school. Her vanilla scent Minjeong tried to forget so much lingered in the air from when they were standing together in front of the class even though she was sitting in the messy cafeteria or the wandering in the halls together with her friends. She thought she hated Aeri after everything that happened between them, for the way they got together and broke up, flirted and fought, and still, she could not get her out of her head. This was not how it supposed to be. She must have been the only one suffering still. She should have mastered the art of pretending to not care by now, she was disappointed in herself. Knowing she was still preoccupied with Aeri, she was worried about how the meeting would go.

Maybe she was being too hard on herself. It had only been months and this was her first love, she should have cut herself some slack. Everyone had a problem forgetting about their first love, and it did not mean they were still in love with that person, not necessarily anyway. She was going to approach this situation through science, hers was just a response to the stimulus existing in the environment. She would get used to spending time with Aeri as coworkers and these feelings would be less dominant. Overthinking the situation would make things worse for her, she would constantly be a slave of her thoughts and she would not want that. The carefree Minjeong needed to have the same mindset about this situation. It was only for a few months anyway, everything would be the same in a snap, and she would forget about all of this when she joined university. She just needed to hang in there for a little more and make sure to put her professionalism and best performance.

Yet, why was it so hard?

The bad moments should have overwhelmed the positive ones. In her mind, why was she remembering the best moments rather than the negative ones? The moments where Aeri made her smile brighter and happier than anyone else ever did... All this time, she tried to focus on the fact that they were not meant to be anyway, but the way they were always ending up together was ironic. It was silly to think about everything that way, she knew that, and yet, she could not help herself. Along with the positive moments, the things she wanted to say to Aeri was getting louder inside her chest. She wanted to walk right up to her face and tell everything, but knowing she would never be able to do that, she could not focus on anything else. In her head, so many scenarios were playing, and she was feeling herself worse, more miserable, for even thinking about them.

She left the cafeteria with her friends, her stomach growling, and even though they were wandering around the hall, she did not want to have snacks or do anything else. Her friends seemed to notice she was a bit absentminded, and that did not stop them from asking questions or stating their opinions loudly to her, sometimes bickering with each other until Minjeong stepped in. She wanted to ask them to stop, to tell them this was the last thing she wanted to think or talk about, but she could not, knowing it would be suspicious for her to. She wondered how Aeri was dealing with all of this, what she was thinking about this whole performance event. Would Aeri was worried about the same things she was worrying about? Was Aeri at least thinking about her too, even slightly, and remembering all that happened between them? Was it only Minjeong suffocating? How could she know about Aeri, and what difference would that make, Minjeong had no idea. She wanted to bang her head against the wall until her thoughts quieted down, but she would not be able to do that either.

“Are you okay, Minjeong?”

Head nurse Son Seungwan asked Minjeong as she almost crushed onto the head school nurse without even realizing. Minjeong immediately took a step back and bowed to apologize for her behavior.

“I am so sorry, Ms. Son!”

Ms. Son assured her that everything was okay. Ms. Son was the nicest person in the school, and Minjeong was considering herself both grateful and lucky for the fact that it was Ms. Son she almost stumbled upon. It could have been the Mr. Kim, the science teacher, and Minjeong would be punished with running around the school for half an hour. Ms. Son must have noticed how absentminded and robotic Minjeong was that she asked her to come to the nursery before the class after placing her hand on Minjeong's forehead. She told her that she had a slight fever, and it would be better if she had rested a little while. Minjeong nodded and followed her along, it would be a nice break from all the performance talk and pressure. Her friends told her they would inform Ms. Park, their home teacher, about Minjeong's condition and without another word, Minjeong followed Ms. Son to the nursery.

Ms. Son offered her a sandwich the moment Minjeong entered the nursery, and Minjeong was surprised how well Ms. Son guessed she had not eaten anything. Unwillingly, she took the sandwich and started eating, knowing she could not refuse someone kind like her and eating was a great excuse for the awkward silence. Ms. Son did not ask her to tell her anything, she just showed her the empty bed and asked if she would also like to have water. The room was so silent, the only sound Minjeong could hear was coming from Ms. Son's typing on her computer. This was indeed so much better than being bombarded by the questions from her friends and the rest of the school. Aeri would never know she was here as well, so she could say that she was safe.

Not from her own thoughts, apparently.

Minjeong tried not to make it obvious, but she knew deep down she kept wanted to bump into Aeri. Whether in the hallway or in the cafeteria... She wanted them to have a moment where their eyes would meet. Minjeong always felt proud that she could tell what Aeri was thinking when they made eye contact. Not that it would change anything or matter hugely, but she wanted to know what she was thinking about this whole thing. What if Aeri really hated her and did not even want to think about anything regarding the festival and, more importantly, Minjeong? She could feel her stomach crawling inside her whenever she thought Aeri hated her. They broke up pretty badly but still, there was a part of her that wanted Aeri to remember the better parts of the