"Shh...babe, shh..." he was comforting your insecurities, trauma from the endless torment, on your back to calm you down but you were still shedding tears, sobbing.

"Cry all you want, babe. It's okay I'm here" 

"W-what's wrong w-wit-th me? E-everyone h-hates me... Jaehyun-ah you will never understand me. I-I don't even understand myself"

When is this going to end? When will all of this excruciating torment end? Instead of patiently waiting for so many years, should you end it yourself? Nowadays you have this very unusual thought. Last time, you wished to meet Jaehyun everyday but it came to a point where you wanted to meet at least once before you leave this world for good. For everyone's sake. If you're no longer here, everyone will lead to a more peaceful life. You're just here to disappoint everyone anyways...

"Even Baekhyun no longer likes me... He's also disappointed in me. He ignored me. Even the closest person will hate me. You might end up like them too, Jaehyun. Even Jelly and Moonyeong will-"

"Babe, do you even know what you're talking about? Hmm?" tears welling in Jaehyun's eyes when he realized you somehow developed suicidal thoughts on your own, grabbing the side of your arms, rubbing them softly. "We run away together? Okay?"

You were shaking your head, avoiding his eyes as if you no longer have the hope to run away from problems again.

"I'm tired. I'm really tired. Everything is so exhausting. Everyday is a torture."

"I will come up with ideas, okay? You just need to trust me. Or we make a mistake so that they won't separate the both of us again"

You couldn't close your eyes at all in the calming night for the first time. Staring at Jaehyun who was already in deep slumber next to you, looking so serene in his dreamland. You decided to believe only good person will be blessed with peaceful sleep since you always experience sleepless nights. Should you run away again? This time with Jaehyun? You'd thought about this for a million times but it didn't sound right to you at all. You never intended to involve him in the pain you're going through. 

Unlike you, Jaehyun has a perfect family. He has a pair of happy and healthy parents, a lovely twin sister to protect and cousins whom he treasured so much. A tear dropped when you realized the life you have is way too different from him. And allowing him to join you in running away means ruining his family and breaking his parent's hearts. None of them deserves any of this just because of you.

You didn't want him to be sad either. Perhaps the biggest mistake you made was making him falling for you and being with you.

Maybe you should really leave him and the world for good as you believe he deserves a more unproblematic girl like you. And in the end you should break up with him...

Of course, breaking up was the last thing you wanted but it seemed like it was the best decision for him and for everyone.

There were too many things that you couldn't let go due to your needless guilt. When Yuhyeong threatened to kill everyone around you, you thought about it for a lot of times. You were scared, perturbed and afraid the person you treasured will be harmed just because of your rash actions. Your grandma whom you loved so much, Jaehyun, your friends and finally your mum. Although your own biological mother disappointed you for a million times, you were still worried about what would've happened if you ran farther away this time. Will anyone at home hurt her? As much as how you were upset because of her, you just couldn't let go everything because no matter what, she's still your mother.

Last time, you contemplated a lot before planning to run away. There were times you blamed her for not unlocking the door and the fact that she knew you were abused yet she decided to turn a blind eye on everything, but deep down in you, you felt the overwhelming guilt because you were a burden to her anyways, that was why she treated you like this. Being in a shelter and able to eat two bowls of rice are already a blessing which you couldn't ask for more.

You got up from the sleeping position, wiping the unnecessary tears away with the back of your hands, gazing at the window, turning all blank momentarily. Can you give up Jaehyun? Is it possible to leave him? Looking over your shoulder, you stared at the sleeping Jaehyun, peacefully breathing, breaking up definitely isn't easy for you, at all... But he deserves a better life and a better partner.

You didn't even know what to write on that piece of paper so you wrote, 'Let's break up' plainly as if it was just a simple notification before you left the room alone, cowardly, leaving him when he's still asleep. You didn't think you can face him, you didn't wish to see the disappointment on his face, how heartbroken he'd be in case he knew how of a weakling and coward you were. 

This was your decision anyway... 

Sliding your foot into the hole of the shoe, you tried patting away the dirt but to no avail as the stains were still there, so stubborn that tears pooled up in your eyes. You didn't like this at all, walking aimlessly back to the place you dreaded the most but had to call it 'home'. You were slowly started to tremble all over the moment you reached the front entrance, afraid your brother is awake and will kill you if he ever sees you. You were disappeared for almost a day though but thankfully he wasn't home, well no one was so you went straight to your bed, buried your face into your pillow and cried endlessly, couldn't stop thinking about the guilt of leaving Jaehyun behind just like this.

You heart was r