It’s 5 in the morning. Everything’s still dark around you but it doesn’t matter. You like the feeling of tying your apron every morning, after preparing since 4. It’s been a week since you passed the interview and got to work in this Café which, at first glance, seems just like any other café, but there’s one thing that strengthens your resolve to become a barista here no matter what. 

 

The ping sound from the machine roused you out of the daydream. It’s the sound when an order is being received. That means the courier will get the ordered drink shortly. Start preparing then. 

 

After going through a series of tasks that feels like a second hand, a knock through the thin wall almost makes you drop the drink. 

 

“Excuse me. I’m here to get my order.” 

 

-- 

 

Several things to be known about this café. 

 

Since it opened a month ago, it has gained rapid popularity based on three points: a cup of coffee, a furry bear claw, and an uneven hole on a rough, unfinished grey wall. Customers can scan the QR code hanging on the wall to receive the coffee order or simply order it remotely. A take-away cup will be handed out with a brown paw. During the waiting time, customers can interact with the paw. 

 

But that’s not the only reason why you’re here. 

 

The owner is someone who’s not just have an obsession with coffee, but he also aims to provide more employment opportunities for people with disabilities.  

 

You have no problem with the interaction and all but 5 in the morning? An order on the spot is quite rare in this ungodly hour. Maybe a construction worker who just got out of their overnight shift? Who knows. Still, you aim to please. 

 

You get to the cupboard and slither your hand inside, pulling out a hairy, fluffy bear paw. The fluffiness of the mitt is distracting in a good way as you hold the cup with the best grip you can muster, praying the soreness wouldn’t act out in this important moment. 

 

Take some time to get your hand out of the hole, and there you go! You can feel the piping hot coffee taken from your paw. 

 

“Thank you.” 

 

That’s the sweetest thank you you have ever heard. The melodious quality leaves you in a daze you forgot to sign you’re welcome. Oh no!  

 

Stick your thumbs up in a hasty OK, enjoy your day sign. Just when you’re about to pull in, the customer speaks again.  

 

“Can I have some of your time?” So It’s a she. You start visualizing a petite woman, probably wrapped in the thickest sweater of the hour. The night wind is still blowing and— “I want to ask you something. I cannot really confide in anyone else about this.” 

 

You start thinking. Not that there’s any rules forbidding staff to chat with the customer anyway (and no one is here, literally) but if this customer wants to converse, there’s one thing she must know. 

 

You start scurrying over to the counter, taking a drawing book from your bag and a marker, and start writing on it with the bear paw still intact before shoving it outside for the woman to see. 

 

Of course you can ask anything! I am mute, though, so I’m going to answer you through this book. I can hear you just fine! Is that okay with you? 

 

“It’s fine!” The flustered tone puts a smile on your face for a reason you cannot fathom. Your first longer interaction with the customer. You don’t know why it makes you excited. Everything can be thrilling for your first time working, perhaps. You start gesturing that she can start asking whenever she wants. 

 

“I…” 

 

You wait patiently. 

 

“I am working on this… thing. I thought I wanted it all my life but when push comes to a shove, I start having doubts.” Her tone is wavering. “There are times when I think of myself as a half-person. It came out often, but today it took turn for the worst, and I was about to put a halt to this whole thing. I wish I could feel differently about things, but you cannot just change your mind for the most part.” She starts rambling but you still pay attention, leaning closer to the wall to catch her voice clearly, because it seems to dwindle down.  

 

When she stops, you take your book and start writing again. 

 

I think I get what you mean, more or less, you wrote. There are times when you just want to escape and start a new life somewhere, when no one will ever know who you are. But what do you feel right now, after you come to that decision? 

 

A long pause ensues. 

 

“It didn’t get better.” 

 

You put more effort into your wording skill to convey the intended meaning into the words you’re about to write. 

 

If you erase your other half, to those who care for you, what do you think will happen to t