Dancing with uncertainties

[One-shot] Dancing with uncertainties
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Nayeon’s been singing. It started with a low hum, a natural habit of the lead vocalist, something everyone does. Nothing extraordinary. But days go by and words start to form in tune with the songs. One line, then another, until it becomes a whole verse. Then, the members start to recognize it. The sadness on every note she hits and the unspoken heartbeat on each word of the lyrics.

They start to take note of it, listening to Nayeon singing and waiting for her to complete the song with a crack in her ribcage, pain so obvious on the shortness of her breath. They know what this means.

Nayeon sings when she’s heart broken. And it’s been breaking for too long.

Chaeyoung tried to distract her and brought her to a tattoo shop. Tzuyu and Dahyun babied her and acted cutely to see her smile. Sana and Momo made a surprise vlive and sang praises to her. Jeongyeon even allowed the older girl to kiss her and shower her with random hugs. Jihyo tried to exhaust all their feelings and drown themselves singing at a famous noreabang.

But Nayeon continues to sing.

Mina knows it’s her turn to comfort the girl. And she does what the other members have not yet done.

She confronts Nayeon.

“Nayeon unnie, you’ve been singing for weeks.” Mina informs their roommates to have the room just them tonight, just in case Mina succeeds in comforting the older girl.

Nayeon hums solemnly. “Sorry. Am I too loud?”

Mina shakes her head. “Unnie…it’s the other singing.”

“Oh.” Nayeon forces a smile on her lips. The older girl understands what Mina means. Years of living in the dorm made them understand one another like one close family.

“For weeks, huh?” Nayeon scratches the back of her neck and takes a pause. “I’ll stop singing. I’m sure everyone noticed.”

“Yes.” Mina squats under her bed and searches for a chocolate box her parents gave her from Japan. “You want some?”

“Hmm. That’s a new flavor.” Nayeon nods and scoots to Mina’s bed. Mina smiles in return and sits a few inches away from her.

She offers the first bite to Nayeon and they look at each other while trying to taste the chocolate melting in their mouths. They stay quiet for a while, until Nayeon starts humming to a sad song she’s familiar with.

“Did you get your heartbroken again? Or are you in a relationship that we don’t know?”

Nayeon grins bitterly. “No. No. It’s nothing.”

“Unnie,” Mina turns her body and faces the older girl. “I’m the last one to reach out to you. Everyone’s worried.”

“I know…I know. I’m sorry.”

“You keep saying sorry like you did something wrong. Is it that bad?”

Nayeon lets out an exasperated sigh. “I’m just realizing something for a while now.”

Mina moves closer and grabs a blanket and some of her stuffed toys to cover both of them.

“Since when, unnie?”

“At Okinawa. While we were filming.”

Mina recalls the last shoot they had at Okinawa, which was to film their summer song, dance the night away. “That’s…” Mina counts the days in her mind.

“That’s almost three months now.” It’s the longest since Nayeon’s been singing like a dying bird.

“That bad, unnie?”

Nayeon laughs. And it sounds so off-tune Mina has to close her eyes. “It’s getting worse, I guess.”

“Can I do something to help you, then?”

Nayeon looks at her, her eyes showing a second of doubt, before closing it. It’s as if she’s preparing to sing her heart again.

“It’s been months, right? Okay. Let’s get this over with.”

Nayeon holds the ear of Mina’s penguin stuffed toy. “I’m going to say something, Minayah…”

“I’m listening.”

Nayeon takes in a big inhale and continues.

“I’ve been thinking since that day. And I can’t decide if I should just hide it or ignore it. But you see it getting worse so…” Nayeon chuckles and Mina feels something heavy on the way the older girl tries to express herself.

“So…Mina, can you please break my heart?”

Mina studies Nayeon’s face—like she’s smiling but on the verge of crying at the same time.

“I…I don’t understand, unnie?”

“During the shoot at Okinawa. I said, I think I like you. And I just realized that, I really like you when I said it out loud. It’s funny, right?”

Mina’s eyes slowly widen in shock as she recalls the memory of Nayeon saying the exact words to her. It was just…for the show, right? She didn’t even dwell on it too much.

Nayeon’s always been the one to play with everyone’s mind, leaving the part for everyone to figure out themselves. She’s good at giving teasers, at hyping up the fans, and at giving hints. But this is something new. It’s a big whole thing thrown to her all at once.

Mina’s simply not prepared for this.

“Yah!” Nayeon hits her arm softly. “You’re not saying anything but I already feel my heart breaking. You’re good at this, huh?” Nayeon looks down swiftly and punches the stuffed toy again, and again.

“Are you serious, Nayeon unnie?”

Nayeon bows her head more like she’s avoiding her.

“Unnie…”

“I like you! I like you, Mina.” Nayeon swallows thickly and looks deeply at the penguin. “I don’t know what else to say. Because I know it’s not enough. I know you don’t like me.”

“But, I didn’t say anything yet.”

“Okay. So, do you like me?”

“I…”

Mina looks away when Nayeon tilts her head to search for her answer. She hears Nayeon scoffs and stands up away from her.

“I’m right, right?”

Mina chews her lower lip and stays still.

It takes another second before Nayeon speaks again. “It’s fine. This is what I need to move on.”

Nayeon walks towards the door and speaks one last thing to her that night. “Thank you, Mina. You can tell the members to stop worrying about me.”

 

 

--

Nayeon keeps her word and stops singing after. But the way she forces her smiles and laughs makes her members worry more. So they try to pretend. If Nayeon wants to be strong. Then, they’ll try to be strong as well.

Mina doesn’t try though. She frowns and stops her words midway when it comes to Nayeon, like she’s stabbing a knife but stopping once it makes contact with the older girl’s skin. Momo and Dahyun ask her to stop doing it. And Mina does, after a few stolen glances from both of them.

 

 

--

Mina receives a bouquet of beautiful red roses with a box and a note. The girls quickly go to flock like a curious bunch of hens and try to protect Mina away from it.

“These are all from Oppa?” Jihyo opens the gift box. Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung immediately take out all the items while Sana and Tzuyu smell the bouquet of flowers.

“Wow! Look at what he wrote,” Momo clears and reads the small note, imitating a man’s voice. “Thank you for being my partner on last week’s shoot. It’s a beautiful coincidence. I’ve been trying to meet you for so long.”

Sana looks at the note as well and laughs. “He gave his number here, Minachan!”

Mina lets out a cute whiny voice at the girls for touching everything, before it reaches her. The girls start to check the rest of the gifts while Nayeon opens the box of chocolate and eats one piece.

“Nayeon, why did you eat first? That’s for Mina!” Jeongyeon tries to hit her, but the older girl is already skipping towards her.

“Of course, we need to taste it first if it’s good or if it has poison.”

The older girl offers the chocolate box to Mina and smiles. Mina simply shakes her head to reject the sweet dessert, but continues to watch Nayeon.

“And what if there is, huh?” Jihyo taunts Nayeon while she grabs a piece of chocolate as well.

“Then, I’d die for her.” Nayeon’s stare linger for a second, before she blinks and tries to wink at her.

“You should try the chocolates Mina. This is more expensive than the ones I buy for you.”

Mina only frowns at Nayeon in return.

 

 

--

Mina flat out rejects the guy and says thanks for the flowers and gifts. Mina doesn’t look at the red flowers. She doesn’t even try the chocolates.

 

 

--

“Nayeon unnie.”

“Is it my turn to shower?”

“No, unnie. It’s lunch time and we don’t have a schedule today.”

Nayeon groans somewhere in her bed. “Okay. Can I sleep more?”

“Unnie…” Mina pulls the blanket to reveal a curled up Nayeon. The older girl makes a grumpy noise once again.

“You don’t look good. You’ve been coughing in your sleep.” Mina hands her a glass of water. She waits for Nayeon to open her eyes and adjust on the natural light.

Nayeon clears and makes a disapproving face as she accepts the drink. “My throat kinda hurts. Ugh. Thanks, Mina.”

“You’re a little bit hot, too.”

Mina holds the glass when Nayeon empties the water in one drinking.

“Probably just a slight fever. Can you ask Jeongyeon to cook me Samgyetang? I know she won’t say no to you. I’ll text Jihyo to buy me some meds.”

Nayeon faces the opposite side of Mina and covers herself with a blanket to rest. “Thank you.”

“I already texted Jihyo unnie. And everyone’s not here. It’s just the two of us today.”

“Hmmm. Oka—Wait, no!” Nayeon quickly gets up and holds Mina’s hands. Mina’s forehead creases when Nayeon coughs again. “Let’s just order food, Minayah. I don’t want to be a bother.”

“No.” Mina slightly pushes the older girl to lie down and places the water on the side table. “I already cooked something. And you’re gonna eat it.”

Nayeon keeps her eyes shut. “But—”

“No more buts, unnie. And don’t worry. I asked Jeongyeon about her recipe.”

Her roommates know Nayeon isn’t feeling well when all of them woke up from the older girl’s groaning and coughing that morning. And since they have a free schedule, everyone decided not to wake up Nayeon until later. Mina volunteers to be her caretaker since she mostly doesn’t go out of their dorm.

Mina goes back inside their room and carefully holds the soup before placing it on the side table. She’s learned how to cook ever since she stayed there to pursue her career, but she’s never really tried cooking for someone else. She even called Jeongyeon a few times and asked some tips on how to cook it as perfectly as possible.

“Unnie, let’s eat.”

Nayeon moves lazily. Her hair’s a total mess and she tries so hard to open her eyes.

“Sorry. I’m really not the prettiest when I’m sick.” Nayeon tries to smile with her hoarse voice.

“Don’t worry. You’re still beautiful, unnie.”

The older girl tries to get the spoon but Mina is quick enough to sway it away from her. Mina then scoops from the bowl and blows it for her. “Say Aaah, unnie.”

Nayeon looks so tired and giggles softly before obeying Mina. She opens wide and accepts the small gesture, probably too tired to argue with her. Sadly, Nayeon’s appetite isn’t that good. She already waves her hand to signal the Mina without emptying the bowl.

“I’m already full. Thank you.”

“Can you do one more, unnie?”

“I don’t think I can. Especially that you’re feeding me.” Nayeon coughs again, and Mina refills the glass of water before giving it to her.

“Thanks. You’re making my heart swell. I can’t concentrate.” Nayeon fakes a laugh and gulps weakly on the water.

“Is it really that bad? The way I make you feel?”

“Right now?” Nayeon gazes at Mina and gives her a weak smile. “It feels good but it doesn’t. I know you’re doing this for me. And not because it’s me.”

 

Mina scrunches her nose and thinks. She places the bowl on the table and shakes her head.

“I don’t understand.”

“I also don’t, Minari.”

“No. I really don’t.” Mina watches the girl resisting her heavy eyes from closing. “You never let me finish my words and you ignore me. You push me away and look at me like you want me here.”

Mina carefully sighs and looks at the half emptied food. “When you confessed that night. You didn’t let me finish and just decided to end it.”

“Minaa…”

“I…I wanted to tell you something too.” Mina tries to calm herself down. She ignores the sharp stare of Nayeon and the overflowing emotions in her chest. She needs to say it now or she might not be able to do it when Nayeon starts avoiding her again.

“I can’t say I like you too, unnie. Because you…haven’t shown it to me yet. I just…found out you like me. And it’s unfair for me that you want me to break your heart right away.”

Nayeon pinches her temple and closes her eyes. “Mina. You rejected Oppa on the same day he gave you flowers. Of course, you can do that to me too.”

“I don’t like him. But you, you’re different.”

Nayeon opens her eyes. Her eyes are filled with exhaustion and pain—not sure if it’s from the fever, or from what Mina’s doing right now.

“And me?”

“I…I’m not sure.”

“That sounds worse than what I feel right now, Mina.”

Mina’s throat feels like sandpaper scratching every word escaping from her lips. And it’s hurting her.

“Nayeon unnie, you never showed me you like me. How can I try…or like you back if you don’t show me your intentions? You just told me you like me and then pushed me to deny you. That’s not what I want, unnie.”

“Oh my God. This is making my head hurt more.”

“I’m sorry unnie. I just…want to try it first, before I say yes.”

Mina maintains eye contact with Nayeon. If Nayeon’s so sure about this, Mina, on the other hand, would like her to know how confusing and scary it is for her.

Mina thinks a lot. She doesn’t say much unless she’s sure of something. And she hates the hesitation of her whole feelings for Nayeon. She wants to be prepared when she decides to come and dive with the possibility of being with the older girl.

“You want us to try, test the waters, and show you how much I like you?”

“Yes, unnie.”

Nayeon closes her eyes. “Like an old school courtship? The one where I prove my undying love for you, something like that?”

“Yes…”

“Okay, then.” The older girl covers herself under the blanket and turns her whole body to the opposite side of the bed.

“Then, no, Mina. I’m okay with interpreting everything here is a ‘no’ from you.”

 

 

--

No one dares to ask Mina what’s wrong. Not even Momo and Sana.

She’s turned grumpy and as cold as ice. If she’s alone most of the time, then she wants to be more than left alone these days.

After the incident with Nayeon, she never stays in the shared room with her three members. She asks and pleads Momo to sleep beside her and stay in her room with Jeongyeon. She avoids Nayeon as much as she can, not even eating together with the rest of the girls in the dorm.

Mina rarely shows this side of her. And everyone doesn’t know how to approach this kind of mood she’s showing.

She feels cheated, more like defeated in a game she hasn’t even started. And it feels so, so unfair to her. It feels like Nayeon has stolen the final decision to their relationship. It looks so easy for Nayeon to accept the failure of their blooming relationship.

Mina stops building the lego pieces she’s holding. Instead of making her calm, the said hobby is just starting to annoy her more.

“Mina, you in there?” Jihyo knocks on the door.

“Yes, unnie.” Mina waits for the door to open and sees Jihyo waving her hand. Mina raises an eyebrow at her. And Jihyo pulls a timid Nayeon in front of her.

“Nayeon has something to say, right? I think it has something about saying sorry.” Their leader pushes Nayeon to enter the room. “I’ll leave you two now, okay?”

Nayeon closes the door and awkwardly stands while she wanders her eyes around the room, before resting her gaze at Mina.

“Hi.”

Mina tries to concentrate back on her lego building. “Did they force you to come here?”

“I, sort of, wanted too.”

“Wanted to what, unnie? Say sorry?” Mina shoots her with a glare.

“No.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Because I want to know why you’re mad when I’m the one who’s getting my heart broken here.”

Mina grips the toy she’s holding a little tighter until she feels the sharp pain.

“So, is it my fault then, unnie?” Mina bites her lower lip.

She doesn’t like fighting. But why does Nayeon make her feel so many emotions at once? She’s usually the calmest one in the group. But here she is, challenging Nayeon for a bickering fight.

She doesn’t want her feelings taking over her head. But the way Nayeon huffs at her, not backing down at their staring contest, enrages her.

“You don’t get it, Mina.”

“Try me, then.” She stands up and walks closer to her. As if closing the distance would make her look braver.

“I’m the one who likes you. If we do this. And if it doesn’t turn out the way I want, it’s still going to be the same for me. I will only like you more. And I bet it’s gonna hurt a lot more than this.”

Mina’s eyes soften when she hears the last word escaping Nayeon’s lips. She’s right.

It sounds like a losing battle for Nayeon. And it is a little selfish for her to think that the older girl is being unfair, when here she is, not even sure on where she stands in their relationship.

“I’m not here to say sorry. I’m not sorry for confessing my feelings to you. So you shouldn’t feel guilty for rejecting me too.” Nayeon’s shoulders fall as she hands her two tickets.

“I got you two tickets for this ballet show. Jihyo said I have to give you something as a sign of peace offering.”

Mina stares at it and reads the seat number. And from the looks of it, there is no way she would buy these on the spot. Especially not just a sign of peace offering.

She looks back at the older girl who’s now trying to avoid her gaze.

“Unnie, I’m sorry…” Mina steps toward the older girl. Instead of pulling the tickets from Nayeon’s hands. She tugs her arm closer, creating a dangerous small space between them.

“Can you please, wait for me to break your heart?”

Nayeon’s looking at her like the lego piece she’s been trying to assemble for days. And Mina understands why. She’s never been this selfish. Being kind is one of the first things in their household. And she knows the next words would taste bad in , but Mina continues anyway.

“Let’s try my idea, please.”

 

 

--

Mina sees herself on the reflection near the lobby area. The ballet show requires a little bit of formality, and she decides to wear a simple black dress with a low v neck to highlight her prominent shoulders and collarbones. She wants to be as simple as possible, but still enough to be fairly in line as elegant.

And from the way other audiences look at her, she’s rather pleased at it. A shy young girl pulls her dress and asks for an autograph which she happily obliges. She says she wants to be a ballerina because of her. And it makes Mina’s heart skip a beat.

She misses the world of ballet. And she can’t believe she’s going to watch something she loves once again.

Mina smiles through her thoughts. Nayeon’s always been the competitive one, someone who’s not afraid to pull out all her cards on the first game.

And this, this is a very sophisticated event as her first date with Nayeon.

Mina remembers how the conversation went, and how Nayeon agreed to their so-called “30-day trial” relationship. Mina would have acted sourly on the term, calling it like it was an easy thing to cancel or renew, but she knows Nayeon is just low-key trying to make it sound as casual as possible.

15 minutes before the show begins and the crowd slowly moves inside the hall. Mina looks at her phone, her nervousness starting to build up since there is still no update from Nayeon. The older girl happened to have a photoshoot that day and said she’ll just go straight to the theatre after her schedule.

“Hi.”

Mina quickly turns her head and sees Nayeon standing beside her. The older girl tucks a strand of her hair to clip on her ear and smiles widely. She’s wearing a red flowery dress with an off-shoulder design. The slight tightness of the dress highlights Nayeon’s figure. And the loud red lipstick she’s wearing makes her look so confident.

It was in contrast to Mina’s simple black dress, but in a good and refreshing way.

Mina has to wake up from her thoughts, back to reality so she could stop admiring her date.

Nayeon is simply gorgeous. And it’s making her hard to concentrate.

“I thought you’d be late, unnie.”

Nayeon smiles brightly, her front teeth showing as she holds her hand. “You know what they say, save the best girls for the last.”

 

 

--

Their managers assisted them while leaving the theatre. Apparently, a lot of people seemed to notice both of them at the event. And right after the show ended, people wanted to see more of them. Even some of their fans went to the venue. And it caused a huge tight crowd, making it difficult for them to move.

With just their two managers giving them enough space to walk on, Nayeon holds Mina closer to her and uses her hand to protect her from too many flashing cameras pointing at them. Mina only realizes she’s holding the other girl's hands too tight when they reach the van.

“Hey,” Nayeon says. “You good?”

Mina simply nods and watches Nayeon opening the car window and doing one last wave for the fans before their van starts moving.

They share the ride quietly. With Nayeon looking at the window, and her stealing glances from time to time.

Sure, Nayeon is loud and can be annoying at times. But she’s talkative with the people she’s comfortable with. And also, if their jobs require her to talk. Mina likes to describe Nayeon as a mood painter. She can color a boring room with her bright energy, big smiles, and fine, cute antics. She’s really good at interviews and she looks good at cameras as well.

But Nayeon is also an introvert. And most of their times together are simply colored with a minimalistic, comfortable silence.

Mina takes it as an opportunity to study the older girl a little longer. And as much as she hates to admit it, she’s also getting drawn at the girl beside her. She wants to take a memory of Nayeon staring into the window, lost in her own thoughts. So she holds up her camera and takes a shot.

The shutter sound is enough to make Nayeon look back at her. Her face shifting from a confused to a lighter amused kind of face.

“Like what you see?” Nayeon grins teasingly.

Mina chuckles at her, and mostly for herself. She forgot her phone isn’t on silent mode and of course, the other girl loves the idea of someone taking a stolen picture of her.

“You’re beautiful tonight, unnie.”

Nayeon’s smile grows wider, her gums showing as she hears another word of praise from her.

She flips her hair comically. “What’s new?”

“I actually want to ask.”

“Hmm?”

Mina looks at her other hand, still holding Nayeon’s other hand. “I didn’t see you using your phone.”

Unconsciously, she starts looking down and watches herself as she fiddles with the older girl’s fingers.

“You usually take selcas and videos. Especially if you dress up...unnie. And you’re exceptionally, beautiful tonight unnie. So…I don’t understand.”

 

“This?” Nayeon moves her hands suggestively to her body, as if teasing her. And Mina feels something weird. She wonders if the AC’s not high enough to cool them down.

“Don’t worry. This is reserved for your eyes only.” Mina feels the heat creeping behind her ears and she can’t help but cover her face with her other hand and squeals.

Nayeon laughs loudly in return. The older girl seems to enjoy the embarrassment she feels.

“But seriously,” Her voice changes to a lower tone before squeezing Mina’s hand lightly--both of them, now looking at their intertwined hands.

“It’s our first date so...I guess I wanted to be in the moment. Like, be there more. See you more. Be with you more.”

Mina tilts her head and looks at the girl in front of her. She watches Nayeon’s eyebrows slowly forming a knot and catches the girl’s eyes showing a glimpse of worry.

Nayeon doesn’t dare meet her eyes and instead, continues to look at their hands. “Did you have fun tonight, Mina?”

“I did.” Mina smiles, if only Nayeon is looking at her right now. She’d give the sweetest smile for her.

Nayeon chuckles. “Sorry, it’s...not perfectly planned as I wanted. I want us to have dinner at a private restaurant after. But I couldn’t make the reservations because of the shoot today. You know, I wanted to show you my...undying feelings.”

Nayeon finally turns her head to look at her. But Mina can’t help but roll her eyes at the last words.

“It doesn’t need to be perfect, Nayeonnie. It just needs to be...true?” Mina awkwardly laughs when Nayeon keeps quiet.

“This is why I wanted us to try. I want us to be true with our feelings.”

It takes another minute of silence before Nayeon nods and finally speaks. “You know what I truly want?” Her bunny teeth show as she smiles widely with excitement.

“Ramyun.”

 

 

--

Mina sits patiently and watches Nayeon bring all of their food on their table. Luckily, the older girl knows a convenience store near Jihyo and Nayeon's hometown. The owner and most of the employees are familiar with them since their trainee days. And gives them enough privacy whenever they visit the place.

Nayeon offers a chopstick to Mina which she happily accepts. She places the Ramyun on the table and opens a sachet of kimchi. Mina just sits and watche

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cessstartstowrite
#1
Chapter 1: This was cute authornim! But i felt weird reading it because it felt close to home like woahh lol but yeah cute minayeon fic ㅋㅋ
chaellax
14 streak #2
Chapter 1: this was an adorable read, thank u !!
aglaonema #3
Chapter 1: Aww cute