Meaning: To me, you are like the cool shade of a tree

Prompt: From a Seulrene fanart I saw but the artist deleted their account on Twitter and I don’t want to repost without permission, so DM me on Twitter if you’re really curious (you can also type in 마지막 호의 네모밤 on Google images and it’s that first 3 panel drawing)

            Seulgi knows she’s always been a bad kid. Growing up, she’d get into fights, end up in the stained backseats of police cars. It would be well-deserved if she was not allowed anything good in life. It would be expected.

            But Joohyun was unexpected and yet, Seulgi still knows that she doesn’t deserve her.

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            She wishes that her mother would have died in childbirth or after a long battle with illness. At least that way, Seulgi wouldn’t be able to blame her. But at an age too young, Seulgi learned that her mother was alive and well. Left the father of her child for a rich man. Because rich men could make her happy.

            Or, Seulgi thinks, she wishes she would have never learned the truth. Because the moment she did, something broken and ugly and riddled with insecurities started to grow through the cracks of her shattered being and blossomed so fully that it made her forget what the warmth of sunlight felt like. She doesn’t care though. She can’t remember what it feels like to crave warmth anyway.

            But that would be a lie. Because she’s always been pleading for her father to look her way, even fleetingly, with love in his eyes. He doesn’t hate her, that much she knows. But in the way he turns away, in the way he spends late hours at work, in the way he holds no disappointment in his eyes at her dangerous tantrums—Seulgi knows he isn’t looking. That doesn’t mean she’ll stop trying to make him do so.

            She grips the bottle tighter in her hand, wondering if it’s enough to shatter the thick glass. Her mind is hazy and her body is loose, but there’s something telling her to keep pushing forward, let out her pent up sorrows, defy the orders of the world, so she slams the end of the bottle against an edge and charges forward to meet the others.

            Anyone would’ve said it was a stupid maneuver. Three highschoolers against a single middle school girl: it’s a story that writes itself. But Seulgi has never been one to listen to others. In the darkness of her mind’s walls and the mirrored black sky up above her, Seulgi waits. She thinks there might be a sliver of something within, even if she can’t define it. An indication that she’s meant to continue on in that precarious way she lives, daunting death with macho facades. Her back hurts. It slammed pretty hard onto the cold concrete mere minutes ago.

            “Hey, are you okay?”

            And there it came, her sign. Seulgi blinks twice before sighing and pushing herself into a sitting position.

            “Oh my gosh, are you hurt?”

            She lets the girl scurry over and observe her but doesn’t engage. It’s dark and all Seulgi can think about is how she’ll need to go to the pharmacy, since she ran out of pain relief patches.

            “I think you’re bleeding, oh lord, here let me help you up—”

            Seulgi holds up a hand, stopping her. “No.”

            The girl must be taken aback, from the way her silhouette leans ever so slightly away, but she doesn’t falter, not at all. Seulgi is a little annoyed at the way she keeps on insisting, but she thinks it would be easier to just play along, so she lets the girl pull her up.

            “Do you need me to call the police? An ambulance? Oh gosh, you’re so skinny!”

            Seulgi raises an eyebrow at the hand around her wrist but maintains her silence.

            “Are you not going to tell me what happened?”

            “No.”

            The girl, now in plain sight due to their position under a streetlamp, presses her lips together. Seulgi sees that she’s a bit smaller than herself and pretty in that way where people would turn to look at her, wondering if she’s a doll come to life. Nothing flashy or bold; especially not with that rule-abiding, standard high school uniform. Just that kind of face that has its observers looking one more time. To make sure she didn’t smile back at them.

            “Is there something on my face?”

            Seulgi calmly shakes her arm from the girl’s grasp. “No.” She continues walking ahead.

            “Hey. Hey!” Seulgi rolls her eyes and stops, not turning. “Don’t leave me behind; I helped you!”

            That makes her turn. “You literally only found me.”

            “Aha!” The girl clicks her fingers. “So you can talk in sentences.”

            Seulgi turns around again to walk away.

            “Hey, hey, wait!” The girl holds onto Seulgi’s wrist again, but it’s gentle, considerate of the scratches lining the younger girl’s arm. “Let me help.”

            Seulgi scoffs. “I thought you already helped me.”

            “I…” She scrunches her nose in frustration. “Your eyebrow is bleeding pretty badly. Let’s get you to a doctor.”

            “No. I’m fine.”

            “Can I at least get you a bandage?”

            Seulgi sighs. “I have them at home.”

            “We should clean it soon though.”

            The girl doesn’t wait for a rebuttal as she slides her hand down to Seulgi’s, where there are less cuts, and pulls her along until they reach a nearby drugstore. Seulgi stands near the aisle closest to the entrance as she watches the girl hurry down the sections and squat completely to grab some products near the bottom. She pays for them. Seulgi sighs again.

            “There’s a bench right outside.”

            Once again, Seulgi is dragged along before she’s seated on cold metal.

            “Oh gosh, you have so many injuries.” The girl leans in closer to squint at the barely visible wounds on Seulgi’s face. “So many scars on such a pretty face…”

            “Stop that.” Seulgi furrows her eyebrows, surprising the girl.

            “Stop what? I only cleaned your scratches.”

            “Stop looking at me like that.”

            “How am I looking at you?” The girl tilts her head, reaches out two small fingers to smoothen the crease between Seulgi’s eyebrows. “Hmm?”

            “I...just stop.”

            There’s a momentary silence as the girl continues tending to Seulgi before she calls out to her.

            “Seulgi...right?”

            Seulgi jerks her head up in surprise, eliciting a gasp from the older girl. She can feel a wet streak right under her eye from where the older girl was dabbing ointment.

            “So I’m right.” The girl finishes and pulls back, carefully placing the used equipment in the plastic bag. “I’m Joohyun, by the way. Your neighbour.”

            At that, Seulgi frowns. She had never seen Joohyun around. But then again, she never interacted with the people in the neighbourhood, her bad reputation preceding her at all times.

            “I’ve seen you around. Coming home late at night usually. Always wondered why a young kid would be out so late.”

            “How do you know my name?”

            “Ah, finally, a reaction.” Joohyun smiles. “I asked around.”

            “I don’t know anyone in the neighbourhood.”

            “But they know you.”

            No Sherlock, Seulgi thinks. She’s their resident delinquent. It’s a surprise that Joohyun is even here, talking to her, let alone in a friendly manner.

            “I think I’ve always been a little curious,” Joohyun continues. “About the rebellious little kid across the street.”

            “I’m not a kid.”

            Joohyun laughs. “You’re what...thirteen?”

            “Fourteen.”

            “So still a kid.” Joohyun slides her arm through the bag’s handles and pulls Seulgi up. Again. “We should head back now.”

            “You don’t have to walk me to my house.”

            “Nonsense.” Joohyun winks. “I’m taking you as my bodyguard. Although I am a bit skeptical about how skilled you are.”

            Seulgi doesn’t comment.

            “You wouldn’t deny me that, right?” Joohyun prods. She smiles, gently. “I helped you, afterall.”

            “You…”

            She’s not wrong. The bandages on Seulgi’s face are a glaring reminder of how Seulgi just got played.

            “Fine. But you shouldn’t be staying out this late at night. It’s dangerous.”

            All she gets is a smile in return. Not mocking, not belittling. A genuine one.

            Her father doesn’t come to the house again that night, but Seulgi doesn’t spend it staring out the window, hoping she might catch a glimpse of the unguarded softness of his face when he’s not around her. She’s too busy fighting the small sliver of sunlight she’s seen for the first time in a long while, wishing that she was a little less broken to embrace it.

-------

            Seulgi doesn’t think she’d run into Joohyun again so quickly, but when it’s only been a week and she’s stopped in the midst of trudging through the rain to reach the top of a hill she always visits, Seulgi can’t help but wonder if the older girl is following her around, deliberately looking to get herself in trouble too. The soft voice incessantly calls out to her, so Seulgi has no choice but to stop, sigh, and turn around with what she hopes is an annoyed expression; it’s to no avail, however, because Joohyun is smiling when she catches up to Seulgi, albeit a bit out of breath.

            “Gosh, you walk so fast!”

            “You’re slow.”

            Joohyun sends a playful glare her way before scooting closer. Seulgi takes a step back. Joohyun moves forward again.

            “Hey, stop avoiding me.”

            “You keep coming into my space.”

            “Barely!” Joohyun throws up her hands. “We’re not even within arm’s reach.”

            Seulgi gives her a hard look before turning back around and walking up the hill.

            “Hey, hey, wait! Seulgi!” Seulgi rolls her eyes and continues on, aware of the fast-paced splashing behind her. “I swear, you—”

            Seulgi stops suddenly. “What are you doing?”

            “Huh?” When Seulgi turns around again, Joohyun is already observing her face. “It’s raining.”

            “Okay, and?”

            “You’re getting wet.”

            Seulgi eyes the cover over her head, then the blossoming dark patch on Joohyun’s left shoulder, right beside where her backpack strap is. “This umbrella isn’t big enough for the two of us.”

            “Then you can have it.” Joohyun shoves the umbrella into Seulgi’s hand. “I have more at home.”

            “That’s not how it works!” Seulgi shuffles into Joohyun’s space to cover the older girl as much as possible. “You’ll get wet then.”

            “I’m fine with that,” Joohyun says, shrugging. “It’s been a while since I got to dance in the rain.”

            Seulgi stares incredulously at the carefree smile on Joohyun’s face. She wonders why Joohyun, someone like Joohyun, is making an effort to be noticed by Seulgi; it’s wildly confusing and slightly scary. When it comes to wants, Seulgi doesn’t require much, but that doesn’t mean she won’t be suspicious when someone waltzes into her life as if Seulgi is a skating rink that can be carved and melted and carved again.

            “Don’t look at me like that,” Joohyun says, tapping Seulgi’s nose with a wet finger. She’s already stepping out from under the cover into the downpour. A clumsy mess of heavy skirts and stringy hair and pale skin. “This is nice.”

            Sighing, Seulgi follows the spinning girl and attempts to hold the umbrella over her head. She fails as Joohyun keeps skipping off, purposely avoiding Seulgi with a teasing smile on her face.

            “Tell me, Seulgi.” She shifts her backpack higher onto her shoulders and tilts her head, smiling. Walking backwards. “Do you remember me?”

            Seulgi blinks. She’s never been much of a liar. “Joohyun.”

            “Yes, but do you remember how we met?”

            Seulgi frowns this time. “The alley.”

            “Wrong!” Joohyun hums softly before stepping back under the umbrella. Seulgi can feel the frigid air radiating off of her body. “We met once before that.”

            Despite racking her brains, nothing comes to mind, and Seulgi stops walking at the thought that she missed a presence like Joohyun before. It doesn’t seem to bother the older girl though, as she merely raises an eyebrow and stops walking backwards to match Seulgi’s slowed pace.

            “You really don’t remember, do you?” Joohyun looks disappointed, but there’s not much Seulgi can do to appease her. “We met literally last year.”

            Seulgi shrugs, trying to appear nonchalant. She can’t help but be a bit curious too though.

            Joohyun continues talking. “I was cornered by a cat and you came and chased it away.”

            Seulgi grunts. Still no clue.

            “What struck me though,” Joohyun comments aloud, “is that you were so gentle with the cat, even while helping me get rid of it.” She takes the umbrella from Seulgi’s hand and holds it over them, tilting it towards Seulgi again. “I thought you’d scream or kick at it, since I was so terrified and you were so adamant on helping me.”

            “I don’t like hurting animals.”

            “Yeah, I could tell after that.” Joohyun smiles again. “You were scruffy back then too.”

            “Hmm.”

            “But cute too.” Joohyun bares her teeth playfully, pretending to bite Seulgi’s arm. “Like a puppy defending its owner. Even now.”

            Seulgi is a bit too flustered to retort, so she silently lets Joohyun trail after her to the top of the hill, where they sit in silence until the sun sets and head back home.

-------

            “Hey!”

            Seulgi looks up from where she’s leaning against a wall behind some convenience store and sees a familiar figure peeking at her from around a corner. It’s not until Joohyun walks closer though that she is able to make out the older girl’s concerned face and ragged breaths, as if she had been running. Seulgi’s lungs constrict.

            “What are you doing here?”

            Joohyun frowns, then reaches out to hold Seulgi’s shoulder, not minding the way the younger girl flinches. “I was looking for you.”

            “You shouldn’t,” Seulgi counters. “It’s late.”

            “Says you.” The hand gently pushes Seulgi to sit down against the wall. “Did you get into another fight?”

            “None of your business.”

            “Well too bad I’m nosy then.” Joohyun squats down in front of Seulgi and brushes her hair out of her face, lifting Seulgi’s chin to observe the bruises forming on the pale skin. “Tsk. So many injuries on your pretty face. Who did this to you? I’ll show them a piece of my mind.”

            Seulgi doesn’t tell her that she brought this onto herself, doesn’t want Joohyun to get hurt for someone like her. She shakes her head, sighing, and gently removes Joohyun’s hand.

            “You should head back. It’s really dark.”

            “Only if you come with me and let me treat your wounds.”

            “I’ll be fine.”

            “I won’t.” Joohyun gives Seulgi a stern look. “I’m too kind to leave you all battered in some dark alleyway.”

            She knows Joohyun is joking, but Seulgi can’t help but think, of course, that’s all it is for Joohyun. Kindness. Pity. Some sort of moral obligation or saviour complex that she’ll be able to give Seulgi redemption. Pushing down the self-deprecating thoughts, the younger girl stands up and holds out a hand for Joohyun to get up too. The fingers that clasp hers are small and warm.

            “Don’t come looking for me at night. You’ll get hurt someday.”

            “Then don’t stay out, because I’d rather it me than you.”

            But Seulgi can’t agree and won’t let Joohyun try, so she always makes it back to the empty streets in front of her house—even with her chest heaving and legs buckling—every single day, making sure to stand up taller and walk with wider strides so that Joohyun stays in her room at night: away from the cold wind and the lonely glow of the moon.

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            Seulgi is fifteen and Joohyun seventeen when the former realizes that she’s been played. Hard. However, the game is not one of malice and manipulation but one of an inevitable heartbreak that will come and go without Joohyun’s notice. It scares Seulgi, how she can’t seem to remember that her attention-seeking destructiveness had once been entirely to plead for her father’s love. That attention, that frustrated gaze—it now finds itself in Joohyun’s concerned eyes under the stormy greyness of the sky.

            “I told you to carry an umbrella with you.” A hand peeks out from under bright lavender. “I told you it would rain today.”

            “I won’t die. It’s just rain.”

            “You’ll get sick.”

            “I haven’t so far.”