But Cain said to the Lord: My punishment is greater than I can bear.

Genesis 4:13

The next few nights, Taemin had trouble getting to sleep. His thoughts were racing. They were louder than any line of the Bible he read. He didn't want to think about him, but Minho's image kept creeping into his mind. Taemin knew better than that. He was not allowed to think about Minho. His father had told him clearly. If he knew in what way he thought of Minho. Taemin dared not even think what would happen if his secret thoughts came to the surface.

Taemin understood that he was not allowed to like Minho in the way he liked him. But Minho was kind and also a very good father. What was there not to like?

Once he got through his ordeal, God would finally make him normal. Normal like any other boy. But then he would surely continue to like Minho as a person. Was he the only one who saw Minho like that? Naeun had told him that his wife and Minho's own father did not think much of him. So why did only Taemin see him as a good person?

Again and again he asked himself the same questions. And with each passing night they grew louder. He didn't want to be alone with his thoughts. Why did they keep haunting him? He was not sick. He was pious. Every Sunday he showed it. Every evening he prayed to God. He knew every word in the Bible and what it said about his forbidden thoughts.

Taemin had already proved to God that he was not like that. Why was he giving him this test again? Back in school, he had been able to overcome it too. Wasn't that proof enough for God? Why were they digging themselves up out of the ground again? When he worked, he tried to concentrate on the horses. On their food, their hay, their stalls. But as soon as he saw Eve, all his efforts collapsed.

He could notice the smoky scent of Minho's cigarette. His heart raced as he thought of his warm smile. He felt hot when he thought of his beautiful hands. Hands that had touched him so tenderly. Dirty and alluring, the thoughts crawled up his spine. They tickled him between his legs. Whispered lustful things to him. All under the cover of Minho's face. He knew it wasn't Minho's hands caressing him. But the thought of it tasted sweet as milk and honey. Breathing heavily, Taemin kept his eyes tightly shut. His fingers trembled as they met his glowing skin. He his lips as he gently the bulge in his boxers.

But when he saw Minho before him, he saw someone else beside him. Minho was married. What was he doing? Abruptly, Taemin took his hand away and switched on his bedside lamp. Minho was not just a man, he was married. How could he think of him like that. Ashamed, Taemin took the Bible in his hands. He had to keep his hands busy so they wouldn't find their way between his legs again.

When Taemin opened his eyes, it was already light. He jumped up from the bed in panic, causing his Bible to fall to the floor. He could not believe that it was already afternoon. After dressing quickly, he ran down the stairs.

"What's the rush?" Jinki asked him casually.

"I overslept." Stressed, Taemin put on his shoes.

Jinki wasn't used to seeing his brother so restless. Even though Taemin was younger, he had always been the more responsible of the two.

"You should eat something first." But Taemin was already pulling his jacket over his shoulders. Jinki tugged at his jacket.

"Hey!" a little sterner now, Jinki spoke up.

"I took care of everything." With a serious look he looked at Taemin. Feeling tired, the latter lowered his arms.

"You should have woken me up." Taemin's voice was still weak.

"You've never overslept before. If you're not feeling well, you should rest." Wordlessly, the two looked at each other for a moment.

Jinki meant what he said. Taemin hadn't allowed himself a break in the last few years. If he had overslept, he must be in a really poor state. He just wished his brother would talk to him. Maybe Jinki wouldn't have a perfect solution ready, but he didn't want Taemin to have to carry his worries alone.

Taemin didn't know what to say either. Could he really trust Jinki with everything so easily? Why hadn't he woken him up? It wasn't that he was sick. He just hadn't gotten enough sleep.

"Dad gave you the day off." Jinki pointed with his head towards the kitchen.

"Dad should have woken me up." Taemin sounded crushed.

Shaking his head, Jinki poured his brother a cup of coffee. It was a trait he observed in Taemin and in his father all the time and couldn't comprehend. Why were they both so eager to work? Sometimes it seemed to him as if they wanted to distract themselves from something. That they weren't concerned with working at all, but rather would not deal with their thoughts.

"What's wrong?"

He sat opposite Taemin and looked at him seriously. But Taemin, as he always did, said nothing. Not knowing how his little brother was doing pained Jinki. He was the older one after all. He had to look after Taemin. So why didn't Taemin let him? He bent over the table.

"Taemin, you can talk to me about anything." Taemin's gaze was on the coffee cup in front of him.

"It's nothing." Jinki could tell Taemin didn't want to talk and he wasn't going to force him. But he was beginning to wonder if his efforts were in vain and he