Present Day (Sana's POV)

The morning was bright and blue , but it didn't help in easing my headache away. I groaned as the sunlight passed through my eye for it did a better job at waking me up than my alarm clock ever did. I didn't plan to get up this early nor did I plan to get up at all. What's the point in trying anyway when everything was already planned for me,  I have numbly accepted the course of my life going downhill.

As long as I refuse to be enslaved by my own emotions, I will not give people the satisfaction of bringing me down. It's the least I could have control over. If I don't feel anything then nothing could ever hurt me.

I've built up walls high enough to prepare myself for what I was expecting to hit next but as I felt her lips on mine, it came crushing down in seconds.  To be lost in her is a dangerous place to be, it makes me think I could be happy.

But the illusion fades the very moment reality checks up on me. I had  to fill in the void from disappointment after every realization.

I can't be happy. It was stupid of me to think I could be when the only time I was, was done out of selfishness. Pushing people away will  stop me from getting hurt and hurting others. Most especially Dahyun.

This isn't how our love was supposed to be, it is why I tried so hard to be enough.  I am filled with unhealed scars and she deserves more than to be just my band aid.

But the moment I wanted to be right for her, the threatening texts comes in. The day she said she loved me, I wanted to risk it all.. but moving to another state, ruining our college plans together – the brighter future I was gripping so hard on, and the only reason why I even held on this long in the first place... taken away from me in an instant.

That was my assurance that whatever I was going through, another life with her was at the end of this suffocating tunnel.

What was once so bright and hopeful was now dark and empty and I feel lost. 

How will I be able to love her right in this state when my life itself is in shambles . Timing isn't on our side, or perhaps this is the consequence for all the wasted time I could've spent with her yet I chose to go on wild endeavors instead of facing my own goddamn feelings.

I cursed myself for losing my control and letting my desire take over yet again... in a public hospital at that. Jesus, Sana.

My mistake from last night further reduce my will to get up and get ready for school. I didn't wanna face her after what happened.  However, the knock on my door gave me all the reasons to get up, I would rather not give my mother any point to start a conversation with me.


I went to school with nothing but my car keys, reminding me to get myself a new phone. The past few days without it was unusually silent, and not the good kind.

For some reason, it makes me more anxious not hearing anything and not knowing whats going on than when I recieve it. And despite the amount of times I try to tell myself to act unbothered, I can't help but be wary.

I take a long, deep breath as I fix myself in my car. My make up was light but my lips were redder than usual. My skirt was fit and shorter, further emphasizing my body frame. I look like I was going to a Bratz-themed party rather than an 8AM literature class but atleast I look powerful.

The sound of knock in my passenger seat shifted my focus away from the mirror. Mina waved at me from the outside. She immediately opened the door as soon as I unlocked it. "Can I come in?" I nodded at her request, and she gave me a smile in return.

As she settled her way in,  she grabbed the seatbelt and fastened it to her side. I throw her a questioning look.

"I'm assuming you don't wanna deal with those judgy stares?  Let's get away from here, Sattang. Don't worry about dealing it right now, people will forget once it dies down. "

My anxiety went up to the roof with what she said. Did they release it? Did they finally decided to strike?  I steady my breath, and kept my chin up, staring straight ahead to focus my thoughts to anything but that. I tell myself to deal with it the way I practiced  in my mind, making me grip at the steering wheel for support.

Mina reassured me with a side hug. Giving my shoulders a squeeze, as she sees that I looked tensed. "I came up with alot of comforting words to tell you as I waited but I'm glad to see that you're okay. I hope Dahyun is holding up just fine"

The mention of her name immediately made me turn my head. "What? What does she have to do with this?"