Taehyung remembers Seokjin's random wisdom mid-bite.

"So you know how they say the first date never goes as planned," he asks around a mouthful of pasta.

Jeongguk hums into his slice of pizza, too busy to actually nod.

For those asking - not that it's anybody's business: yes, Taehyung and Jeongguk are having lunch together. Yes, Taehyung ditched Baekhyun and Minaje in favor of going with Jeongguk, despite knowing they might eat dinner together anyway. And yes, Taehyung is absolutely fine with this becoming a regular thing.

Anyway. Back to the question.

Taehyung shovels some more pasta in his mouth, chews and then explains,

"I guess it's an universal rule. Because see, I never planned to kiss you on our first official date. Like, this was never my intention, you know?"

There is a silence that stretches a little too long for Taehyung's liking. For some reason he feels uncomfortable. It makes him shift in his seat and watch Jeongguk's every minute reaction.

This is weird. 

"I see," Jeongguk finally says, tone clipped.

And doesn't utter another word for the rest of their break.

And not for the rest of the day.

Now Taehyung isn't dense - at least not most of the time.

He knows when someone is avoiding him.

And Jeongguk is being quite obvious right now what with the way he doesn't react to Taehyung's knocked messages anymore, how he claims he no longer has time for their dinner together because something urgent came up. How he keeps bringing Taehyung his tea but avoids eye contact as if he could catch some serious sickness just from looking at the older.

Taehyung doesn't get it.

Asks Baekhyun and Minjae if they know anything but the two of them are too busy roasting him about being ditched in favor of going out on a date with his new boyfriend in broad daylight. They don't care that Taehyung keeps saying how they are not a thing, not at all, not even close. All they care about is-

"Holy , you really kissed?! I need details, details! Was it good?"

Baekhyun looks ready to vibrate himself out of his body, doing little excited jumps and clapping his hands.

Next to him, Minjae nods. "I bet dude got mad good tongue game."

Taehyung splutters. "That- what the hell, that's not even the point-"

"Does he though?"

"I-I'm not gonna answer that."

Minjae purses his lips, nods again and looks very satisfied with himself. "So he does. I feel accomplished."

"I literally never said-"

His attempt to get some useful information ends with Taehyung leaving his two idiot friends where they are, face burning. It's not that he's a prude, he's just... well, it's none of their concern, really. They may be close but not that close. Not Jimin-level close. With him Taehyung will talk about each tiny detail of his first kiss with Jeongguk, no qualms and all.

But Minjae and Baekhyun? He still has to digest the fact that Baekhyun seems to be in fact cool with him being gay. Wasn't sure about how he would react at first. So yeah no this was a weird talk just now.

He tries the office of Yugyeom and Mingyu next. Asks them if Jeongguk said anything about why he is no longer on good terms with Taehyung. The reactions he gets are more unsettling than anything.

Mingyu keeps avoiding eye contact, lips pressed into a thin line, and doesn't say a single word.

Yugyeom is even worse. The way he looks extremely uncomfortable in his skin and keeps throwing Taehyung apologetic glances before looking at Mingyu again.

"I'm sorry Taehyung-ssi but it's not on us to tell. We promised."

The sad puppy eyes he then gives Taehyung are almost more unsettling than his words. He looks so regretful, like he really wants to tell Taehyung and help him out but physically can't.

So what else can Taehyung do, than force a little smile and assure him he'll figure it out on his own for sure.

Back in his office he tentatively knocks a question mark at Jeongguk: twice short, twice long, twice short.

He sits in his office chair with bated breath for minutes but there comes no reply.

Taehyung burries the face in his hands and groans.

Just what went wrong?

Jeongguk keeps avoiding him for the better of the week.

On Tuseday he stops bringing Taehyung tea, and visiting him altogether. Not a single conversation comes to life even though Taehyung keeps knocking, calling Jeongguk on short dial and even bursting into his office unasked once.

After that, he caves. Decides to give Jeongguk the space he obviously needs and not force himself on the younger.

It feels weird, off.

Taehyung grows more sullen and withdrawn each day. Soon enough Minjae notices and asks him what's going on but Taehyung shrugs it off. He doesn't think him or Baekhyun could help him in any way.

He calls Jimin twice but catches him at incovenient times, the model stringing together lengthy apologies and promising to call back as soon as he's done with the current photoshoot and doesn't feel dead on his feet.

Jimin doesn't call back for three days.

Taehung leaves him, knows how busy the older can get sometimes and how work can drain him. Jimin needs all the rest he can get if it's one of those crazy times. Taehyung needs to get this sorted on his own.

The thing is, he has no idea how.

How to ask Jeongguk what he did wrong when the younger literally turns on his heels at the sight of Taehyung and locks his office door religiously by now.

Catching smoke with bare hands might be easier than talking to Jeongguk.

Taehyung didn't know the younger could be so good at avoiding him. A part of him is awed at the sheer dedication. It doesn't help his situation at all.

Come Friday, even Baekhyun gives up trying to rope him into a conversation during lunch and lets Taehyung sit there and eat his meal with robotic moves.

Honestly Taehyung shouldn't be surprised by how much he misses Jeongguk's presence. Because he does. A lot.

Jeongguk even started to leave the light on and go home with his and Taehyung's office brightly lit just so he doesn't have to deal with the whole light switch situation.

Taehyung doesn't notice it at first, just keeps working and working, waiting for the light to get turned off.

Gapes, as it says 22.57 in the lower right corner of his desktop the next time he looks. The light is still switched on.

He dares to knock against the wall and then presses an ear against it to listen for any hints of life.

At 23.15 he recons that Jeongguk is long since gone. He gets ready to go home himself, eyes slightly burning anyway from the hours-long strain of staring at the computer.

Back home he has a hard time falling asleep. The image of Jeongguk's eyes widening in shock before the younger turned around to run in the direction he just came from doesn't let him come to rest.

The second week in Jeongguk avoiding him, Taehyung very much feels like a dead man walking.

Sleep has become a fickle friend; whenever he manages to close his eyes for a few hours he wakes up more drained than before. And without Jeongguk keeping him in check the way he grew so accustomed to, he stays at work until it's almost midnight everyday.

With nothing - and no one - waiting for him, there is no point in finishing work early anyway. And he always has more than enough work. It's a never-ending treadmill.

With the way things are being, he hasn't even seen Jeongguk for six days.

Taehyung presses out a shuddering breath and forces back the tears of frustration.

He is so tired.

And he still has no idea what he did wrong. Only knows that clearly he is to blame.

The guilt, unnamed as it is, digs its claws a little firmer into his stomach.

On Wednesday of week two since Everything Went To Hell, Namjoon calls him in his office and asks how he can help Taehyung.

Taehyung shrugs, mutters some apologies for making his boss worry and then leaves one befuddled Kim Namjoon to wonder what might have possibly happened.

On Thursday, Taehyung is worn down enough to not notice people around him properly and smack-dab walks into Yugyeom.

He barely registers the surprised yelp, barely registers the dull pain from where he must've hit his ellbow somewhere. Just bows in the general direction of said yelp and apologizes before continuing to his office.

Maybe he needs a coffee, or ten. With enough sugar and milk to not taste the coffee anymore. Yeah.

His not directly work-related thought process is slow, so it takes him several hours to drag himself out of the office and into the break room where there is a coffee machine that gets refilled daily.

He fetches himself one of the big pots out of the 'For everyone' cupboard - almost drops it - and puts it on the designated place. Pushes a button that looks like it could mean 'large' and watches the dark devil's brew filling up the pot. Finds no milk in the fridge so he compensates with putting even more sugar in the coffee. Drinks it while the beverage is still burning hot.

It barely takes twenty minutes for the coffee to kick in. Sure enough Taehyung finds his life spirits revived. He rides the caffeine and sugar high for the rest of the day, working, working, working until it's even past midnight.

Through swollen eyes he squints at the clock.

Huh. Working til the next day breaks. That's a new one.

Jimin decides to facetime him that night but Taehyung falls asleep only moments after picking up.

This time, sleep is merciful. He doesn't get haunted by Jeongguk. There is only all-encompassing inky blackness.

That weekend Jimin comes to visit Taehyung.

"What are you doing to yourself," is what he whispers in what sounds like horror upon seing his best friend.

Taehyung just wraps himself around the older's smaller frame and hugs him tightly for a very long time.

The whole weekend Jimin does his very best to take care of Taehyung and nurse him back to health. Forces him to stay home the very moment he catches the younger trying to sneak off to work on Sunday morning. Puts him to bed and flits around in the kitchen, cursing at the empty fridge until ultimately giving up and calling Seokjin for help.

The restaurant owner arrives with a whole little cart packed with food and rolls it straight to Taehyung's bed.

"Alright, whom do I have to kill?" Seokjin crosses his arms and looks down at Taehyung, takes in his pale complexion and shaky hands.

"I don't know." Jimin sounds as helpless as Taehyung feels. "He won't say anything."

"Not even to you?"

Jimin shakes his head sadly. Pick up a spoon and takes a seat on the edge of Taehyung's bed to feed him.

Taehyung doesn't have it in him to fight, to say that he is not sick and can eat on his own, thank you very much. Lets his friends fret and worry, watching them with a warm feeling in his chest. With that distinct feeling of 'Look, you are being cared for, you are loved by some of your most important people'.

It's that feeling, that definite knowledge that his two friends will always have his back, that makes him break his silence.

"Hyungs," Taehyung croaks, "am I a bad person?"

For that's the only answer he's come up with so far. That Jeongguk must've seen something in him that scared or disgusted him so deeply he can't even stand to be in the same room as Taehyung anymore. There must be something wrong with him.

Both Jimin's and Seokjin's eyes go wide at the question but Taehyung doesn't see. Doesn't really hear their assurances that 'No Taehyungie, how could you ever think that, you are one of the kindest people we ever met' either.

Jeongguk is back in his head and not going away.

Just what did I do wrong?

It takes three more days at work and Taehyung almost collapsing in the lobby for him to be graced with the sight of Jeongguk again.

He isn't even sure how it happened, only knows that the tiles were moving when he waited for the elevator and that there was a faint hint of nausea before strong arms gripped him from both sides and steadied him. Knows that he somehow ended up in his office with somebody else unlocking the door for him and that he slumped down against a wall as soon as the door closed.

Thinks he heard Yugyeom say 'I can't watch this any longer, it hurts just looking at you two. You go and fix this right now' before Jeongguk stumbled into his office. But he could be wrong.

For a sweet moment Taehyung is even convinced he's making it all up. There is no way Jeongguk is suddenly crouching down right in front of him. Not when he's been avoiding him for three weeks.

They stay like that for a long time, just sitting across from each other and watching the other without saying a single word.

Taehyung can't even feel bad about neglecting his work, he's that tired. Exhausted. But what weighs even heavier are the dark purple circles beneath Jeongguk's eyes, a mirror to Taehyung's own.

With his inhibitions lowered, head still feeling mushy and eyes blinking shut on their own accord more often than not, Taehyung doesn't think his actions through. It's pure instinct for him to reach out and swipe a tender finger over one of the dark bruises, his brows creased in worry.

Jeongguk for once lets him. Doesn't flinch away, doesn't turn on his heel, just stays put and watches Taehyung out of those depthless eyes of his.

"I'm sorry." Taehyung's voice is barely more than a whisper.

He doesn't dare to speak louder, fears Jeongguk might disappear if he raises his voice.

Again one of those intense stares, as if the younger can look right into his very soul. Searching for Taehyung doesn't know what. Doesn't know if Jeongguk finds what he's been looking for, either.

"What for?"

And honestly, Taehyung shouldn't feel elated just from hearing those two words. Shouldn't feel warm all over. Yet the truth is, he does. Has missed Jeongguk's voice so dearly only after being robbed of it.

But the question, oh that question is key. He should concentrate more. Needs to get this right, now that they are finally talking again.

"I don't know for sure." It's the truth. "But I must have done something terribly wrong for you to act that way."

The last few words are drowned out in a mighty yawn that rocks Taehyung's whole body back and forth. When's the last time he got a proper sleep? Better not to think about it.

Something like pain flits over the younger's face, something like annoyance. Taehyung can't keep up.

"It's not- you- you didn't do anything terribly wrong." The last two words Jeongguk spits out like tasting venom.

Taehyung flinches away.

"Then what-"

Jeongguk huffs. And with eyes glittering, declares, "I'm stupid sometimes, okay?!"

Taehyung still has not a single clue where this is going. He must look the part, puzzlement written all over his face for Jeongguk to add,

"I just, it's just that, I mean. What are we?"

Tired, Taehyung thinks.

"I don't know," he says instead. "I told you it's your choice. Whatever you prefer."

Because in these past three weeks he came to the painful conclusion that yes, he will take whatever Jeongguk is willing to give him. As long as it's just something. As long as it's more than nothing at all and he stops running away at the sight of Taehyung. It's a truth he doesn't know how to face properly yet, but a truth nonetheless.

"No no, that's not what I- hyung!"

Jeongguk seems to grow more agitated by the minute. Taehyung is forever confused as to what's going on.

"Do you regret it?"

Taehyung blinks.

"Regret what?"

"Kissing me!"

The world it seems, has stopped making sense altogether.

Taehyung gapes at Jeongguk and tries to process what he just heard. What. What the . Where did that just come from?

"Huh?"

Part of the anger leaves Jeongguk's frame in favour of the younger shrinking back.

"It's just. Uhm. I mean, rationally I know it's stupid but, okay, I, well. You kept talking about how you never planned to kiss me, didn't think of it in your wildest dreams and. How else am I supposed to take that?"

At the last part he crosses his arms and gives Taehyung an almost defiant glare.

Taehyung, who is still in the middle of processing.

"What?"

"Don't 'what' me!" Oh, okay, here comes pissed Jeongguk again. "You can't tell me you completely forgot saying that."

Taehyung ponders the words, scrambles for the memories of said conversation and- oh.

Finally the puzzle pieces slide into place and things start to make sense. Maybe not make sense but, Taehyung can see what happened here.

He wants to strangle the both of them. Two insecure idiots, a match made in heaven.

The revelation, that feeling of understanding of the whole situation is the only thing keeping Taehyung from either lashing out or crumbling to the ground. Keeping him level-headed instead. Rare as it is.

"Do you also remember the part where I said that in direct context of 'during our first date'?"

His own collected voice spooks Taehyung out. This is not normal. Maybe he should use the sleep, soon.

"But," Jeongguk splutters,"you said you never planned to-"

Taehyung raises an eyebrow. "And where, pray tell, did I say it was bad that things did not go as planned?"

Jeongguk shuts up and looks down. Taehyung cooes, earning him a kick to his leg.

"I don't regret anything about our first date," he confesses. "To be honest, I'm glad things didn't go as planned."

Taehyung throws a crooked little grin at the younger. Jeongguk turns a spectacular shade of red, absloutely adorable. And just like that, the past three weeks of confusion, hurt and dread are... gone.

It's the most alien and weird concept. Should by no means be easy like that, considering, well, everything. Considering the fact Taehyung has been working himself to the bone, so much that he almost fainted not even half an hour ago. Considering that Jeongguk was an immature idiot who made life difficult for the both of them with no real reason.

And yet.

How could Taehyung be mad or not forgive him really, if it's so much easier to be with Jeongguk? To be close to him, casually talk to him, and enjoy his company with all the ridges and edges included?

He must sport quite the besottet expression, Jeongguk turning an even darker shade of red and hiding his face in the crook of his ellbow.

"So...," Jeongguk peaks up shyly, "what are we now?"

Taehyung shrugs. Jeongguk gnaws on his lip.

"If we continue to go on dates and all... are we boyfriends then?"

The older hums. "If that's what you want, then yeah. I'd love to be your boyfriend. But we don't have to be. There is no need to put a label on it. We literally had one official date, there is no rush."

Jeongguk nods.

And, with a much smaller voice, Taehyung adds,"If you'll still have me, that is."

Because no matter they have resolved the Big Emotional Mess in general, him thinking he did something fundamentally wrong and wondering in earnest whether he is a bad human won't go away within five minutes. The foul seed has been planted and it will take some time for Taehyung to get rid of it again.

For now, it's what makes him wonder if being together is what Jeongguk wants or if he's been reading him wrong.

The look of utter bewilderment and hurriedly spluttered out answer, pushed through eager lips so fast the words trip over each other, is charmingly reassuring.

"Wha-of-what, I, of course, what, of-of course I still want- what even, what-"

Taehyung smiles at him. Maybe it won't take all too long to mend himself. Not if Jeongguk is being like that.

Endearingly honest, a little brat still.

"You're such an idiot if you ever thought I wouldn't, I mean, come-on-"

"I'll have you know no matter how exhausted I am, my hearing is still quite good. That's no way to speak to your hyung, yah."

Taehyung has taken to rest his head against the wall, eyes slid shut on their own accord.

There is some shuffling going on which he thinks means Jeongguk is creeping closer.

Indeed, the next sentence sounds much closer. As if the younger were hovering right in front of him.

"You... are?"

The two words sound hesitant enough to have Taehyung force one of his eyes open. He squints at Jeongguk who looks like he might go cross-eyed soon.

"Yeah? I'm two years older than you, I thought we already established that."

Jeongguk pouts.

"No, I mean. Yes. I mean."

He's peering at Taehyung from beneath his dark lashes and wow. That's. That's a lethal vision is what it is. Taehyung chokes on air.

"You are exhausted?"

Taehyung huffs a little laugh.

"Yeah. Only a little though."

Which is an understatement, and a big one at that. But he doesn't want to worry the younger any further. There has been too much worrying and feeling bad going on as of lately. And if it's up to Taehyung, Jeongguk will never learn he stayed at work past midnight.

Jeongguk is probably pouting, Taehyung can't tell. His eyes both shut once more. He really should open them and get up if he doesn't want to be asleep and dead to the world within two minutes.

"Okay. Sounds fake but okay."

Taehyung chuckles.

Thinks he can feel Jeongguk's gaze on him, even with his eyes closed. It makes his whole body light up in warmth. Gosh. He missed Jeongguk so ing much. Wants to pull him in a hug and tell him just that exactly...

Taehyung is out like a light before he can end the thought.

The next time he comes to, Taehyung is no longer sitting, instead laying in-

is that a bed. Is that silk he feels. Is that his bed. How.

Taehyung bolts up, only to fold in two as the world begins to spin the moment he opens his eyes.

A strong arm wraps around his waist and pulls him back down. Taehyung lands on the pillow with an 'oomph'.

What.

"Stay down, stupid," Jeongguk mumbles from where he's laying right next to Taehyung.

As in, in Taehyung's bed, under Taehung's blanket, wearing nothing more than the oversized white tee he wore at work. And hopefully pants. But, like. Yeah those are definitely legs pressing against his own.

Taehyung gapes. Gapes even more when Jeongguk snuggles more into his pillow, tightening his - mind you - iron grip around Taehyung's waist while looking so very angelic with his features relaxed, black hair fanned out around his head and eyes closed.

What the ing hell. When did this happen? What did happen, even? Did anything happen? Do I need to be concerned? What the did I miss?!

"What- when- I mean, how-"

Taehyung is too sober for this .

Wait, is he sober?

He is too tired for this .

"Oh. Right, you probably don't remember." Jeongguk yawns, retracts his arm at last and turns on his back.

There is an immediate rush of cold-cold-cold so Taehyung, still more asleep than anything, doesn't hesitate to grapple for the arm and pull it back around him like a blanket. Jeongguk snorts.

"Okay, you do you."

"Mmmh."

"Anyway. As I was saying. You're home, I drove you back."

Taehyung furrows his eyebrows, eyes still closed.

"You have a car? Did I miss something?"

Another snort, a light slap to his chest.

"No I don't. I do have a license, though."

"Oh," Taehyung says because, oh. Wait. "I have a car."

"Ding-ding-ding, ten points to Gryffindor."

"M a Slytherin. Wait. You drove my car?"

"Yep."

Jeongguk sounds way too smug for Taehyung's liking. Little pest.

"But, you don't have a key?"

"Yeah, well, you do. Obviously."

Taeyhung sniffles. "Pretty sure that's some kind of theft."

"Not when I swore an oath to Namjoon-hyung to bring you home safely and take care of you."

"You-"Taehyung yawns a big round, face feeling as if split in half and whole body trembling with the effort. "You swore an oath."

"Yes."

"What."

"Stop asking stuff," Jeongguk huffs. "The 'what' is not important, important is that you're home and you need to rest like, yesterday."

And well.

Taehyung can't argue with that.

"You do realize we are technically on a date?"

Taehyung makes the effort to turn on his side just so he can level a flat look at Jeongguk.

"We are literally dozing off and doing nothing, what the ."

"Yeah but like, that's a thing. To actively sleep in the same space together. It's about strenghtening your bond and trust in each other with being so vulnerable."

"Huh."

Neat.

"Uhum," Jeongguk hums. Stretches out all his limbs like a starfish with a content sigh, and slaps Taehyung square on his face.

"Ow, mind you, I'm still here too!"

"Aw, too bad."

"Why you little cretin, I swear..."