Have you ever looked at someone and think about all the moments you spent with her? All the laughter, the concern, the comfort, and all the pain. When you look at her, you just get reminded of how you spent your time with her and think that even after all those multiple nights of crying because of her, you never felt an ounce of regret.

 

Because Joohyun did. Every day. for five years.

 

five years.

 

a thousand and eight hundred days, or more?

 

she reached this far. she loved her for a long time now and still nothing has changed.

 

she's still her best friend.

 

--

 

February 25, 2021.

Dance Studio.

9:15 am.

 

Joohyun found herself sitting in front of Seulgi's class, watching her through a window teach teenagers the art of dancing with a glitter of passion clouding her beautiful eyes. Joohyun would always find herself getting lost in those eyes and how they spoke innocence and optimism every time. She liked that. The way Seulgi always carries herself with such positivity, with a grin so contagious one can't help the growing smile on their face when they see Seulgi.

 

If Joohyun was a stranger to Seulgi, she would never think that her best friend had broken so many hearts, including hers.

 

She ripped her eyes off her best friend when a blonde woman sat beside her, greeting her with a polite "hi."

 

"hey." Joohyun couldn't help but to notice the gleam in the stranger's eyes, as if wanting to ask her something. She decided to help the girl out, "you want to ask me something, don't you?"

 

the girl's eyes widened comically, Joohyun was worried it might fall out of its sockets if she continued doing that. The girl awkwardly laughed, avoiding Joohyun's gaze as she searches for words to answer Joohyun.

 

she's small, not that Joohyun was tall, the woman was just not one of the tall people in Korea. Not like Seulgi who have such long legs, Joohyun would always find herself powerwalking just to keep up with Seulgi whenever they hang out. But she didn't mind, she liked the way Seulgi would always wait for her to catch up, Seulgi would let her hook a hand on her arm so that their pace would match, she would even find Seulgi walking a little bit slower in consideration of her.

 

Enough about Seulgi. this isn't the time to swoon about her awfully considerate and kind best friend.

 

"I just can't help but to ask, is the instructor your girlfriend?" it was her eyes that widened this time, immediately waving her hands in denial, looking like a defensive fool who can't even hide her romantic feelings for her best friend in public.

 

"she's just my best friend." Joohyun knew that she's being too obvious at this point. the stranger could see how Joohyun was awful at hiding the fact that she's in love with the instructor, she shoots her a knowing look and that was enough for Joohyun to drop her defenses.

 

she never really learned how to hide her feelings anyway.

 

"I'm Seungwan. My girlfriend takes this class, so I'm here to watch."

 

"Joohyun." She took Seungwan's hand for a shake, noticing the silver band wrapped around her ring finger. "You're engaged?"

 

"Yeah, for a month now." Seungwan's cheeks grew red and a shy smile found its way on her face as she eyes the ring on her finger. Joohyun could see the happiness and content filling her dark irises. Joohyun would be lying if she told herself that she wasn't jealous because she is. She wants that feeling too, that feeling of contentment and pure bliss of finding the love of her life, of being owned and having someone to own, of being loved back.

 

"That's cool." she dryly said, Seungwan fortunately did not take her tone as an offense as she giggled, a shift in the look in her eyes and Joohyun could immediately feel that she's going to have a long conversation with a stranger who felt like a breath of fresh air, different from the friendship she has with Seulgi which made her suffocate and feel caged because of her untold feelings for the latter. Seungwan felt like a genuine friend.

 

"So, how long have you been in love with your best friend?" Joohyun's eyes immediately found Seulgi's figure, passionately teaching the steps to a dance routine. She couldn't help but to smile when she saw Seulgi turn to her as if sensing Joohyun's eyes on her, and like an instinct, Seulgi would flash her a smile that would make her eyes form beautiful crescents and the air in Joohyun's lungs would leave her in the most pleasant way possible.

 

"Oh, you're totally in love with her."

 

"Is it that obvious?" Joohyun surrendered when Seungwan nodded sympathetically, brows creasing and shoulders dropping helplessly, just like the walls that she built to stop her own feelings for her best friend to overflow.

 

"For how long?"

 

"Five years."

 

"Jesus, you're pathetic." Joohyun shoots Seungwan a pointed look only to drop it when she realized that Seungwan's right. "I know right."

 

"You never told her?"

 

"Why would I?"

 

"So, you wouldn't be pathetic--I'm sorry! Please don't hit me with that!" Joohyun dropped the purse that she was about to hit Seungwan with, biting her lips to prevent herself from laughing at how they're acting right now. They were merely strangers earlier but now they're insulting and threatening to hit each other. As if they were long lost best friends.

 

"I don't really like the idea of throwing our friendship away." Joohyun eyes the marbled floor below them, looking but not really seeing as her mind wandered to several scenarios of which she almost blurted her love for Seulgi but choosing to swallow it again when fear started to creep in. "Friendship's good, anyway. No break ups."

 

"yeah, that's how cowards see it."

 

"I really want to hit you right now." Seungwan laughed heartily at Joohyun's threat, leaning her back against the bench they were sitting on as she stares at the instructor inside the studio.

 

"Wouldn't you want to know what could happen if you confessed? She might feel the same way." Seungwan turned her eyes back at Joohyun, "Give her a chance to choose."

 

"I doubt that." Joohyun pressed her lips in a thin line, thinking about all the girls Seulgi brought home to spend the night with, remembering at how Joohyun spent those nights crying silently in her own room.

 

Seungwan suddenly perks up, turning her body towards Joohyun to face her with an excited gleam in her eyes. "We have this game my friends play--Well, it's not really a game, but eh."

 

"What is it?" Joohyun didn't think this was a good idea.

 

"We call it, the recap."

 

"That's lame."

 

"Stop insulting my game." Seungwan pouted for a second before she went back to being excited about her invented game. "You said you've been in love with her for five years, right?"

 

"uh-huh."

 

"You just have to tell me five stupid things you did for her, one for each year."

 

"Excuse me?" Joohyun now looked flabbergasted at how the game works. She eyes Seungwan incredulously, "It doesn't seem like a fair game."

 

"I told you, it's not really a game." Seungwan sheepishly smiled, urging Joohyun to play. Joohyun can't believe that this childish woman actually got herself a fiancée. She could only imagine the headache her fiancée would feel because of Seungwan and her weird games.

 

"So, what's the--"

 

"Wait, how can I make sure that you're not going to be a pain in the after I told you a bunch of stories about me and my simple crush for my best friend?"

 

"It's not a simple crush."

 

"Point still stands."

 

Seungwan looked at Joohyun as if asking if she was joking, only to huff when Joohyun looked at her firmly. She pulled her wallet and took out a small card before handing it to the latter. "Here. My calling card."

 

"You're a ing heir?"

 

"You didn't need to curse me."

 

"Jesus, you're rich!"

 

"I feel like we're getting off topic."

 

"Can you like give me a job--"

 

"Joohyun!"

 

"Fine!" Joohyun hides the card in her purse, "But you have to zip that mouth, no laughing!"

 

"I can't promise anything but go on." Seungwan grinned at her and Joohyun immediately heard the voices in her head that she shouldn't trust Seungwan and her childish antics, but she found something in Seungwan that she didn't know she needed until now. A confidante. Someone she could share her untold feelings with.

 

"This all started in 2016." Joohyun starts.

 

"Okay, so what stupid thing did you do for her?"

 

"We were in our third year of college, and she was a transferee." Joohyun knew her ears would be beet red by now, she never really told anyone about her feelings for Seulgi. She never had anyone to share it with, her only best friend was the person she's crushing on so that was not even an option. This is all new to her, pouring her feelings out. "It was love at first sight, I guess?"

 

"God, you're lame!"

 

"Shut up!" Seungwan giggled at Joohyun's outburst, urging her to continue. "I gave her packed lunch, every day."

 

--

 

August 28, 2016.

University Cafeteria.

12:07 pm.

 

Joohyun wasn't the type to believe in love at first sight. She believed in falling in love because of their quirky traits, because of the way they laughed, because of how they eat, because of their words, because of their music taste, because of their passion, because of everything about them.

 

Joohyun didn't believe in love at first sight. It was ridiculous. To fall in love after one look, to fall in love within a split second. No. That's pure bull. That's not how love works.

 

She would never fall in love at first sight.

 

but Joohyun fell in love at first sight.

 

Because Joohyun gave one look, Joohyun spent a split second, because Joohyun saw her.

 

Her beliefs crumbled down when she saw her, lost in that flooding crowd, looking around as if searching for someone to hold her and pull her out from drowning in that crowd of unknown faces. And when their eyes met, it was like the gray crowd suddenly had color, the suffocating unknown faces suddenly didn't matter as Joohyun saw her smile at her, scared but genuine.

 

Joohyun fell in love at first sight, right there at that moment.

 

She knew she was a goner.

 

--

 

"Here." Joohyun placed a tray of food in front of the transferee who immediately waved her hands to reject the kind offer, hastily pushing the tray back towards Joohyun. "No, No, No. It's okay--"

 

"Just take it, Seulgi." Joohyun's firm tone immediately won over Seulgi who shyly muttered a small thanks. While eating, Joohyun could sense how Seulgi would sneak a quick look at her before looking back at her food, as if studying her face and all of her.

 

"I know you think I'm hot, you can tell me." Joohyun grinned at Seulgi cockily, her brow raising in a flirting manner, she even thought about sending the transferee a wink but opted not to, she might scare the poor girl away if she was being too much. So, she settled for a small smile, one that had an unmistakable adoration in them. At this point, it is impossible to not notice that Joohyun had the hots for Seulgi. She was being obvious even.

 

"I--I think you're really pretty." Seulgi shyly said, going back to picking her food with her chopsticks and Joohyun's ego immediately shot up, she's winning. She wanted to thank all the boys who had asked her out before for indirectly teaching her how to swoon a girl. She was being excited at how the conversation is going, she can't believe she's actually flirting with a stranger right now, she really can't believe this girl stole her heart at one glance.

 

"I think you're cute too." Joohyun flirted back, sending Seulgi another smile that many boys and girls wished they could see.

 

"Thanks. I wish that's true." Joohyun was about to say that it's true when she caught Seulgi looking at something (or someone) behind her, eyes looking like a lovestruck fool, full of longing and adoration, much similar to how Joohyun is looking at Seulgi right now. "She would've notice me by now if it is."

 

Oh God, she's crushing on someone else.

 

--

 

August 29, 2016

University Cafeteria

12:03pm

 

Joohyun took out two packed lunch out of her bag, placing it both on the table before pushing one towards Seulgi's direction. "Eat up."

 

"This..." Seulgi played with the container shyly, her eyes avoiding Joohyun's. Joohyun smiled at how timid Seulgi looked, she could see how Seulgi couldn't even lift her head out of shyness but Joohyun knew she was grateful, her cheeks were red, and would open only to close it again after not finding the words to say. It was a cute sight. Joohyun found herself falling even deeper.

 

"Don't worry about it, I just cooked too much earlier. Might as well pack it and give it to someone instead of letting it go to waste, right?" It was a lie. Of course, she woke up at three o'clock in the morning just to cook for Seulgi, she was that lame. Of course, she bought a bear shaped bread because it reminded her of Seulgi. Of course, she would do it for Seulgi.

 

A way to person's heart is through their stomach, right? Yes.

 

"Just please don't insult my cooking--"

 

"Oh my god, this tastes wonderful!" Of course, it is, Joohyun cooked it with all her heart, at three o'clock in the morning, and she might or might not even had a mental breakdown while cooking it. Joohyun grinned proudly at Seulgi's compliment, the grin turning into a sweet smile as she watched Seulgi gobble her home-cooked meal.

 

"Are you okay?" Joohyun snapped out of her trance when Seulgi looked up to her with a questioning gaze, eyes worried that she might've turned off this potential friend that she was making. "Am I being disrespectful? I just really love your cooking, sorry."

 

"N-No, No. It's cute." Joohyun blurted out, blushing at what she just said before clearing . " It's nice to see someone who... you know..." Joohyun couldn't even find the right words because of how Seulgi keeps on looking at her with her beautiful monolidded eyes, so innocent and kind and Joohyun found herself swooning again. It's just too much for Joohyun who was extremely whipped for Seulgi.

 

"Can I ask why you're doing this?" Joohyun heard the genuine curiosity in Seulgi's voice, maybe even heard a bit of anxiousness in there but Joohyun isn't really sure. Maybe because they just met yesterday and she's been acting like this, cooking her food, giving her compliments, sending her heart eyes.

 

It wouldn't make sense to Seulgi if she said, "I think I'm in love with you." Nope, she might scare Seulgi away.

 

So, she opted for something else, something safe, something which she wouldn't need to risk something.

 

"I want to be your friend." and maybe something more in the future, she wanted to add.

 

Joohyun didn't know that she'd be stuck in the friendzone for five years.

 

--

 

October 13, 2016

University Cafeteria

12:10pm

 

No, really. When Joohyun said she wanted to be Seulgi's friend, she meant she wanted to become friends first then become her girlfriend. But as days pass by, Joohyun found herself suffocating alone in the friendzone, no escape, no doors to open, not even a ing window. Just a small pitch-black room being filled with water that will eventually drown Joohyun if she stays there.

 

But Joohyun also found herself being in the front row when Seulgi smiles, the type of smile that makes her eyes make perfectly beautiful crescents, and her cheeks would bunch up in a very cute way, her awkward but adorable laugh would eventually follow and Joohyun liked that. She liked seeing that. Joohyun would also find herself liking the way Seulgi pouts when Joohyun would tell her no, the way her eyes would sparkle with want, her brows would crease in the cutest way possible, and the sight would melt Joohyun's firm no, and Joohyun would eventually give her a yes. She didn't mind surrendering if it means seeing Seulgi jump in joy, cheering like a child, hugging Joohyun tight and Joohyun would hug her back tighter, longer, sweeter. Drowning in her, in all of her.

 

"Joohyun!" a smile immediately found its way on Joohyun's face as she watched Seulgi take a seat across her, eyes excited upon seeing the familiar container that Joohyun prepared for her. "So, what is it this time?"

 

"See it for yourself." Joohyun gestured to the container, urging Seulgi to open it. This became their habit, Joohyun would cook for Seulgi and Seulgi would gratefully eat it during lunch time. Seulgi's excitement and gratefulness never changed since day one, she still acts as if it's the first time Joohyun cooked for her, she still thanks Joohyun profusely after the meal, she would still compliment Joohyun to the point that Joohyun would doubt her words but Seulgi would assure her that she's telling the truth.

 

Everyday. It never changed for a whole year, maybe even until it became five years. Joohyun would always cook for Seulgi.

 

--

 

February 25, 2021.

Dance Studio.

9:34 am.

 

"You cooked for her? Every damn day? Jesus Christ, Joohyun you're whipped!" Seungwan's voice rang through the hallways outside the studio, Joohyun was worried they might disturb the ongoing classes because of her friend's booming voice. She even thinks that Seungwan's loud voice could overpower the speakers that the dancers are currently using.

 

"Yup. Everyday." Joohyun accepted the judgmental look Seungwan sent her because even she, herself, thinks that she was stupid for doing that. Cooking for a friend a few times isn't wrong but cooking for them every day is too much. She can't even believe Seulgi didn't notice Joohyun's feelings for her. I mean, what friend would cook for their friend every day, right?

 

"Goodness, I don't even cook that much for my fiancée."

 

"You don't love her that much, do you?"

 

"No, Joohyun, it's because I'm not stupid like you." Joohyun rolled her eyes at her overly talkative new friend. "I guess, It's my love language."

 

"Funny cause your language wasn't successful in communicating--Nope! I take it back!" Seungwan cowers as she sees Joohyun raise her purse again to hit her. Joohyun grinned cockily at the blonde before putting her purse down.

 

"But really, you never got tired?" Seungwan's question made Joohyun look at the person they're talking about, still teaching her students a dance routine, sweat dripping on the side of her head, she looked tired, but she was passionate. There's still that unmistakable fire in her eyes that kept her going despite feeling the fatigue catching up with her. Joohyun loves Seulgi’s passion. It's a part of Seulgi's persona. It's who she is.

 

And just like Seulgi, Joohyun never got tired. She shook her head at Seungwan's question, a sincere smile on her face as the memory of Seulgi eating her cooked meal whole heartedly made her own heart swell in pride and adoration. Seulgi's love for her cooking was one of the reasons why she never got tired.

 

"I don't think I would ever get tired."

 

"Please don't look at her like that. It's cringey." This time, Joohyun really hit Seungwan with her purse, laughing satisfyingly as Seungwan grunted in pain as the hard leather collided with her arm. Seungwan looked at Joohyun that screamed revenge before she, again, grunted in pain when Joohyun once again hit her.

 

"You're awfully violent, maybe that's why--"

 

"Try continuing that."

 

"--that's why I'm shutting up." Joohyun smirked in contentment at how obedient Seungwan became.

 

"So, would you let me continue or not?" Seungwan dropped her cowering act as her eyes sparkled with excitement again, nodding like an obedient puppy at Joohyun who giggled at how childish this girl can be.

 

"What did the most stupid thing you did in 2017?"

 

"Remember the part where I told you she was crushing on someone else?" Seungwan nods quietly. "She courted her in 2017."

 

 

"And?" Joohyun didn't know if she should feel awful or laugh at how Seungwan's eyes widened exaggeratedly, her jaw dropped in disbelief as if she heard the most horrendous news ever. Joohyun stopped herself from reaching out and pushing Seungwan's jaw up to close . She can keep it that way, distract her from the stupid thing she did that certain year.

 

"And I helped her."

 

"WHAT?"

 

--

 

January 18, 2017

University Hallway

3:31 pm

 

"Joohyun! Joohyun!" Joohyun suddenly had a panting Seulgi in front of her, holding a hand up to signal her that she needed a second to breathe. Joohyun patiently waited for her friend to recover from her run, her eyes scanning Seulgi's figure. It's odd to see Seulgi run since the girl was a shy kid in school and didn't like the attention. Joohyun took out a handkerchief from her pocket before gently wiping the sweat on her best friend's temple, clicking her tongue in disapproval.

 

"Why were you running, idiot?" Seulgi chuckled at the look her smaller friend is sporting, creased brows and worried glances. "Stop laughing."

 

"Soojung!" Seulgi finally breathe out the name she was dying to tell Joohyun, and Joohyun felt like actually dying hearing that name come out of her best friend's mouth. That tall, chic, popular, smart, athletic, and perfect girl that Seulgi has been crushing on since day one. The very reason Seulgi transferred in this university, to follow Soojung, her long-time crush.

 

God, she hated that girl. She hated how Soojung would casually walk down the hallways and all eyes were immediately on hers, including Seulgi's. She hated how Soojung would confidently answer the question their professor had ask them, while Joohyun would quietly doubt her answer and then later on find out that her answer was actually correct, she just didn't really have the confidence to speak up. She hated how Soojung was the center of their cheerleading squad. She hated how Soojung would always win the first prize in every competition, even won Seulgi's heart.

 

She especially hated how despite all her perfections and achievements; she wasn't an arrogant . She was kind to everyone, helpful to those classmates who are in need, fun to be with even though you're not close friends, respectful to teachers, the perfect girlfriend to those who she dated.

 

She hated how she's so damn perfect. Joohyun can't even compete.

 

"What about her?" Joohyun went back to putting her books inside her locker, trying to sound interested despite wanting to plug her ears with something that could block Seulgi's words. She's not really in the mood to tolerate Seulgi act like a giggling schoolgirl who was noticed by her crush.

 

"She's letting me court her!"

 

and there it is. the sound of her heart shattering into pieces.

 

She honestly didn't expect that. Joohyun's hand froze in the air, her book falling inside her locker as her hand failed to keep a hold onto it. Her eyes suddenly lost its focus while her mind tried to register what Seulgi just said to her, it wasn't helping that Seulgi was so excited about her news that she took all of Joohyun's remaining books and carelessly threw it inside the locker before locking it and facing Joohyun with eager eyes, failing to notice how the light in Joohyun's own pair died along with the news she said.

 

"And you're going to help me!"

 

Have you ever experienced having your heart broken? Yes?

 

Then, have you ever experienced having that broken heart stomped on, crushed even more into little bits of pieces until no one can ever put it back together and fix it? Because Joohyun did. Joohyun felt that, right there at that moment, her broken heart got broken twice as much, until it's beyond repair.

 

But Joohyun was in front of Seulgi. Seulgi who was looking at her with eyes so eager, so passionate, so excited... so in love.

 

And what was Joohyun whenever she's in front of Seulgi?

 

A fool.

 

So, she said, "Sure, I'll help you."

 

Breaking herself as she said so.

 

--

 

January 20, 2017.

University's Garden.

4:21 pm.

 

"This is ridiculous, Kang Seulgi!" Joohyun complained, her hands throwing the basket full of pink petals on the ground, scattering it messily. Seulgi immediately ran up to her side, crouching down to collect the scattered petals on the ground and put it back inside the basket before standing up to face her angry best friend.

 

"Please, hyun. I want to try--"

 

"This isn't the right way to swoon a girl, Seulgi."

 

"Why not?"

 

"It's not cute. It's lame and cringey and--"

 

"You won't like it if you're the one receiving this?" Seulgi gestured around the garden decorated with pink flowers and pink balloons, it looked like Valentine's came early and Joohyun didn't like the idea that Seulgi is doing this for someone else.

 

"What?"

 

"If... If you were the one that I'm going to surprise, you wouldn't like all of this? You wouldn't want to be my girlfriend?" Joohyun's mind suddenly imagined walking through the entrance of the garden and seeing Seulgi in the middle of the awfully decorated garden with an equally awful slow song playing as their background music and the students watching them from the outside of the garden, cheering for the both of them and-- No, it wouldn't matter.

 

She would always say yes to Kang Seulgi.

 

She wouldn't care about the pink decorations, or the slow song, or the cheering of the students. She would only care about Kang Seulgi, and she would immediately say yes.

 

"Hyun?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"You wouldn't say yes, would you?" Seulgi's shoulder dropped at the realization, a frown evident on her face as she wandered her eyes around the garden, crestfallen and dejected.

 

"N-No! No, I think I would." I know I would.

 

Seulgi's eyes brightened and the previous hope that disappeared for a second came back, even more obvious now. "Really?"

 

"Yeah." Joohyun offered her a smile that didn't reach her eyes, because even though she knows she would say yes, it didn't really matter. It's not going to be her anyway.

 

But Seulgi didn't need to know what she felt, Seulgi failed to notice the smile she was faking as she hugged her best friend tight, muttering words of gratefulness before she went back to what she was doing earlier before Joohyun whined.

 

When Soojung went through the entrance of the garden, all she did was take a quick scan of the surroundings before looking at Seulgi with a somber gaze. The first sign of Seulgi's upcoming heartbreak.

 

--

 

January 20, 2017.

Joohyun's Dorm.

9:35 pm.

 

It was hard to support Seulgi's immense love for Soojung. She hated every second of helping Seulgi plan the whole surprise, it was even terrible when they started decorating the garden, only to know later on that Soojung hated the color pink.

 

Seulgi and her stupid brain to think that the chicest student in school liked the most feminine and bright color to ever exist.

 

But those moments of dread did not equal to how awful Joohyun feels right now as she watch Seulgi bawl her eyes out and cry at her own stupidity while drowning herself in a bowl of cookies and cream ice cream. Joohyun sat beside her friend with a box of tissue in her hand, while her other hand reaches up to Seulgi's face to wipe the tears that wouldn't stop falling from her eyes.

 

Joohyun's heart felt like it was being squeezed as Seulgi continued to shed tears.

 

"You look like an idiot." Joohyun's brow creased worriedly when Seulgi acted like she didn't hear anything and carried on gobbling the ice cream with tears in her eyes. She really did look like an idiot. An idiot that Joohyun wanted to hug.

 

And so, when Seulgi didn't show any signs of calming down, Joohyun took the initiative to snatch the ice cream bowl from her best friend's hands and putting it on the coffee table in front of them, she didn't let Seulgi complain or speak a single word as Joohyun pushed her back on the sofa and wrapped her in a tight embrace.

 

Just love me, Seulgi. Love me instead.

 

She wanted to say those words so much as they settled in a comfortable embrace, with Joohyun's face buried in Seulgi's shoulder, taking in Seulgi's scent and warmth, her arms wrapped around her firm torso securely as if she was the one who needed the comfort, as if she was the one who needed the embrace.

 

Or maybe both of them did need a warm embrace.

 

When Seulgi continued to cry in Joohyun's arms, she didn't notice how Joohyun was also quietly sobbing with her.

 

They spent the night crying because of their broken hearts.

 

--

 

January 21, 2017.

University Hallway.

8:07 am.

 

They both went to school looking like a mess. Joohyun had her arm linked around Seulgi's for support as she sticks her whole body on the side of her taller best friend, at one point she even wanted to just jump on Seulgi's back and let her carry her towards her classroom, but she opted to just walk, worried that she might tick Seulgi off who was also not in a good mood after crying the previous night.

 

"I wish we could just date each other, Hyun." Joohyun snapped her head towards Seulgi's way only to see Seulgi's dead eyes looking ahead of them. She stayed quiet, she had too many words she wanted to say like, " it, just date me!" but she was afraid to risk their friendship, afraid that Seulgi would be too weirded out, afraid that she would scare Seulgi off. So, she kept shut.

 

"I think we would be a great pair." Seulgi said, eyes flickering down to meet Joohyun's. And just like the coward that Joohyun is, she avoided Seulgi's gaze and faked a laugh.

 

"Please, I'm way out of your league, Kang Seulgi." Joohyun joked, wanting to lift Seulgi's spirits up. "Plus, I'm not your type."

 

"I think you're a special case since you're my best friend."

 

"Excuse me?"

 

"I'm saying, it doesn't matter if you're not tall--"

 

"So, you're saying I'm short?"

 

"I mean, you actually are."

 

"but?"

 

"that's it."

 

"Kang Seulgi!" Seulgi finally laughed, her eyes turning crescents and her cheeks bunching up in the cutest way possible as she stopped walking to face the exasperated bunny that is in the form of Bae Joohyun. Putting her hands on each of Joohyun's shoulder and leaning in, Joohyun's act almost immediately crumbled down because of their close proximity, she could even hear her heart pounding violently inside her, threatening to jump out and fall into the hands of Kang Seulgi.

 

"I'm kidding, hyun." Seulgi grinned, her eyes scanning Joohyun's figure. A blushing Joohyun had to smack her arm and lift her chin up to stop her from checking her out further more, "Eyes up here, idiot."

 

Seulgi cleared embarrassingly, "The point is, you're hot, cute, and nice. I don't mind dating my best friend. Save myself from heartbreaks."

 

But that wasn't what Joohyun wanted to hear. She didn't want to be another option that Seulgi would choose when she's being a coward, she didn't want to be the choice that Seulgi would make because she wanted to play safe, Joohyun didn't want to be treated as a lifeguard that Seulgi would call out for when she's drowning too much in heartbreak. As much as Joohyun loved Seulgi, she wouldn't to date Seulgi because her best friend was being a coward.

 

"Thanks, but I don't date close friends." Joohyun avoided Seulgi's gaze, pushing herself out of Seulgi's personal space. It hurt. Of course, it did. She walked the bustling hallways of their university with eyes glossy with unshed tears and her heart being held tightly in her hand, protecting it from further damage, protecting it from her best friend.

 

Later that day, Soojung came to their shared table in the cafeteria and gave Seulgi another chance.

 

It was a terrible day for Joohyun.

 

--

 

February 25, 2021.

Dance Studio.

9:42