It’s been exactly 3 hours 27 minutes and 34 seconds- no 35 or 36 or whatever since her last dream with the man who promised her a movie date. Just like the ‘Confession’ guy he came, swept her off her feet and poof. He too went away with no traces of his identity left behind.

The second dream guy was something. It evoked different sensations in her compared to the guy from her first dream. She wasn’t supposed to compare them but the contrast in their characters was like the two male leads and she felt like she was given a choice to choose among those two. She really wanted to laugh at the thought because in real life no man wanted her. Even if some did, it was for different reasons. She was like the ladder they wanted in order to reach their goals, just like her parents. She doesn’t know if she feels lucky or something for not actually becoming those jerk’s wife since that’s the last thing she ever wanted. Arranged marriage was her fate she can’t escape but at least she could wish for a guy who loved and cared for her not entirely but even an ounce of it would suffice but even if he’s unable to do that she just wanted him to respect and value her, who didn’t see her as a road to his success but as his second half and appreciated her whole being.

The standards, romantic stories has created for her was unrealistic but what can she do when reality felt bitter. Ahyeong once again immersed herself in her last dream; it was unbelievable how she has already started to like him irrespective of the fact that she doesn’t know a thing about him. Her heart doesn’t flutter like the last time but the relief it brought was refreshing. He felt so soothing to her heart and she just felt like spilling her dark secrets to him, he probably won’t judge her for that instead he will flaunt his beautiful smile which might became her solace for a long-long time. She smiled at the thought. But as much as it gave contentment it also posed various questions. Questions she don’t want to touch and her smile faded away just at the ‘what ifs’.

Ahyeong couldn’t pinpoint what exactly she was feeling right now. Sad? Elated? Or rather confused? She clearly remembered she was happy actually too happy in her dreams but what about right now. She once again tried to analyze her feelings, closing her eyes and putting a hand over the left side of her chest she took a deep breath. She was indeed happy meeting those two strangers, the moments with them surreal but at the same time it felt like it was her reality, but reality in every sense was never going to be this beautiful and that mere thought itself scared her.

She knew very well that whatever this dreams were and however happy it made her feel was not good for her sanity. She gasped when a possibility she never thought could be the reason behind such dreams knocked her thought process which was none other than ‘Delusion’. No, it can’t be; please not again, she thought. Has she finally lost it because she couldn’t take it anymore? But- But she was supposed to be strong right. How is she going to cope with it?

Being aware of her delusions was nothing new because when she was young she did fall in that phase were she stopped accepting the reality. She was barely seven at that time. She as usual was sitting in her class with her classmates surrounding her who were talking about how they spend their weekend. Some went to the amusement parks, some to movies while some did different activities with their parents. Ahyeong tried to keep her demeanor as unaffected as possible but when everyone turned to her silently asking what she did. She felt ashamed because she can’t tell them that she was locked out of her house in the middle of night in this cruel winter because she couldn’t remember the tools of accounting or how to apply for an IPO. She at least spent 4 hours to get that freaking information inside her brain. She lied that her parents were concerned she would fall sick in this cold weather so they spend the whole weekend inside watching movies. The irony her answer possessed felt bitter. At the question of which movie she watched, cold sweat broke out because she had no idea about how a movie even looks like. In the hastiness of giving an impressive answer she forgot that she at least has to know what she was talking about. Fiddling with her finger she replied that she don’t know about the movie name but the only thing she remembers was that it was some animation movie with a princess locked inside a castle. She internally thanked her stars as she remembered one of her maid talking about watching this movie with her daughter. This was also the first time Ahyeong lied but unfortunately it wasn’t the last. She kept making unrealistic stories in her head that how much, her parents loved and cared about her. Even though the reality stood far away from it but the delusions she created comforted her. When she hit 10 she started reading stories from the school library to get a basic understanding about how the actual world works so that her lies would sound more real but little did she knew that it was all fantasy, a sweet lie.

She loudly sighed at the memory as felt constricted. It’s been five years Ahyeong ah get over it before you actually go insane, she scolded herself.

She was embarrassed at the thought that how the beautiful world she created inside her head was a lie, a lie that she can’t disclose to anyone willingly even her best friends. She hates pretending to be happy before everyone when inside she was burning with complex emotions which she wasn’t supposed to feel. Thankfully, she doesn’t have to do that in front of her friends, and those two men.

Knock Knock. The sudden knock startled her out of her never ending thoughts. How long? Its’ 3 hours 47 minutes- not again. Shaking her head she called in the person who was adamant about breaking her door if she didn’t open it but seems like that person’s own noises suppressed her voice.

“Come in!” She yelled annoyed at the knocking sound and the impatient person peaked inside after opening the door. Every single sign of anger vanished from her face instead it was replaced by sudden embarrassment. Good girls don’t get angry; her mother’s retort kept playing inside her head.

“Why so angry?” The old man swayed his way through her chamber and a solemn smile plastered on his face as if he just didn’t almost faced the wrath of this young girls towards whom the smile was directed.

“Dr. Lee” Ahyeong stood up before bowing to him in apology, “Sorry I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that in fact I was actually expecting you would hurl something at me.” He paused to chortle at his own joke before continuing; “I was annoying, Right?” he sheepishly smiled before sitting in front of her. Ahyeong was always awestruck at the fact that how this 60 year old man still exhibit so much of youthfulness. It seemed unfair but well not everyone is blessed as him.

“But that apart, I heard you wanted to meet me.” He satiated her curiosity about his sudden arrival which unknowingly made her gulp a huge lump that was formed in . She wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready to know what was happening to her because somehow she knew the answers will leave her miserable but was her dreams worth her sanity. A tiny voice inside her agreed that it was worth it but how long will she survive like that. Someday when reality will hit her it will break her apart more than she intends so it’s better to get over it before she succumbs to her desires and temptations which were unhealthy. She glanced up to meet his eyes which were waiting for her answers. It was now or never.

“Recently, I am dreaming about unusual things.” She voiced her thoughts. He looked at her for more details but her body language spoke her hesitation.

“Since when have started dreaming those unusual things?” He asked softly with a hint of understanding.

“Since morning.”

“And what are those dreams about?” At his question Ahyeong bit her lips because she felt shy as if she was supposed to tell about something really private. Ahyeong has taken a session or two from him but it was never related to her personal life. Her questions were vague about how to deal with certain emotions but she never went deep regarding the turbulence in her life. She could see in his eyes that he had inkling about her actual problems given his expertise in Neuropsychiatry, but he never voiced his thoughts about it. He rather played ignorant maybe expecting that someday she will open about it but she wasn’t ready.

“About Men” The old man quirked an eyebrow for her to speak in details. Heaving a sigh she told him about everything.

He went quiet for a moment analyzing what he heard. “Are you still reading you romantic comics?”

How did he know? Ahyeong’s eyes widened in surprise because no way in hell anyone knows about it other than her best friends. Did they tell him because she was certain that it was Hyoson who might have told him about her dreams but she wasn’t someone to disclose about her comic love. She is good at keeping secret even more than Ahyeong herself.

“Why are you acting surprised? I just happen to see you reading one, actually many of them in the hospital’s garden.” He smiled while shaking his head as if he remembered something dramatically funny. “You should’ve seen your face when you are immersed in those comics. By the way I haven’t told anyone even your dear Dr. Hwang, so don’t worry about that.”

“Oh” She was still in her surprised mode which was washed away at his next words.

“I think those comics are taking a toll on you. You know they are kind of making you-”

“Delusional” She cut in between while her mind went numb.

“No that’s not what I was supposed to say.” He said with a sigh before continuing, “Actually I would rather say that sometimes in the face of problems we kind of feel lost and uncertain about things. Even if we give up on them, our minds don’t so we sometimes try to resolve the problems that happened in those fictions similar to our own problem through our dreams. We put ourselves in the shoes of those characters in order to empathize and help them. It’s not exactly delusion but more like being relatable to them and their emotions.” It seems like a valid reason, actually too valid for Ahyeong to accept it without hesitation but she couldn’t. There was something about them that made her believe in them, gave her some kind of hope that maybe one day she won’t be miserable like she’s now. Someday someone will cherish her like the men in her dreams.

“Why do you think this is happening to me? Why does it feel so real? What those dreams mean?” She questioned her uncertainties that was wrecking down her thinking ability.

“It’s a way of escaping reality. Sort of distraction from problems in hand.” A subtle definition of delusion, she thought. Who was she kidding? She already knew but somehow she wanted some kind of different theory like she’s having a premonition dream or anything that’s not a delusion.

“So how am I going to cure it?” Even though her dreams were her happy pills she can’t keep on relying them as an escape mechanism. In any form it was not right and before she start to clung more on to them it’s better she stop it in its initial stage.

“Well there isn’t any certain cure but I guess you should stop reading your comics little by little. Get yourself a hobby and your sleep pattern needs some kind of reconsideration I guess.” Dr. Lee spoke after thinking for a while. Ahyeong nodded in understanding.

“Other than that if you feel anything else please don’t hesitate to tell me, let’s see your progress in a week then we will decide what’s exactly needs to be done.” He got up from his seat before smiling.

After Dr. Lee left, Ahyeong tried to not think about her dreams too much. She spent almost an hour considering his explanations but got tired of using too much of her brain in it, so she grabbed her things and called her friends to do something fun.

She waited for both inside her car and a thought took a wide portion of her focus which revolved around the men in her dreams. She closed her eyes wanting to forget about it. No matter how giddy it made her feel, it was not good for her.

“Love, I love it when you do little something for me and me only. When you care for me without asking for anything in return, when you bring me lunch because I am too busy to even grab a simple meal and especially when you love me unconditionally. I feel like the happiest man in the world for having a wife like you.” This voice, the confession guy or should she say Husband, the sincerity in his words pulled her heartstrings. She knew it was a dream but she felt appreciated. But wait- how can she dream when she never slept in the first place. And it feels as if he said those words close to her left ear.

Ahyeong opened her eyes in startle and started looking around. She once again closed her eyes and this time she could see him.

The man sat beside her in the couch with left elbow supported in the arm of the couch and his face resting on his left palm. His loving gaze tracing her feature like she was the 8^th wonder of the world of which he can’t get enough of. Ahyeong can’t help but love his attention as well as affection. She looked around her; the interior felt different than the last time she was with him, must be his office. It was posh, clean and a bit too dark. The hexagonal room painted in 5 different shades of grey for each wall while the ceiling high glass window behind his desk giving glimpse of the darks clouds the sky wore. The couch was on the other end opposite to his desk and a painting of city lights and night sky hung behind them. The table in front of the couch was filled with total 7 lunchboxes which were almost empty. She could still feel his eyes on her that were stubborn to take her every movement without missing any detail.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” She questioned feeling giddy but she can’t show him that because this man was a tease given her past experience with him ‘in her dreams’.

“I am just thinking.” He smiled. Why these men have such beautiful smile? Her heart fluttered like the leaves when wind blows through them.

“Thinking about what?” She asked in low voice as shyness washed over her.

“You” Ahyeong face deadpanned at his words. This man and his cheesiness but the seriousness in his face prevented her from retorting.

“I know I say it all the time but I can’t help but feel thankful when you said ‘I Do’ in the aisle. Sometime I think it’s just a dream but when I wake up every morning next to you, when we share meals like these together” gesturing towards the lunchboxes, “when we spend every single moment together it bring so much of warmth and happiness that it feels so unreal. I know our marriage was a bit rushed and you might have certain expectations and it scared me that you might think about running away if you learned that I was nowhere near your ideal type but you still embraced me for who I am and I am grateful for everything.” The words held so much sincerity that Ahyeong eyes filled with tears. She extended her hands towards his cheeks but before she could touch them the door of the office opened which made both of them look towards the door.

‘The Movie date guy’ her eyes widened in shock and the tears spilled from eyes which she thought would never leave her eyes.

“What are you doing here? You said you’ll waiting for me in the parking lot.” His voice sounded indifferent, as if emotions were never his ally but why? Is she? No way, she can’t be cheating on both of them. She gasped as uneasiness swallowed her whole. She has to resolve this situation.