PLAYLIST: "No Make Up," Zion.T

DOHEE

‘When I wake up in the morning, I think of you. Before I go to bed, I still think of you. No matter how much I try to forget I was ever here like you wanted me to, I can’t—Minsoo, I … I think I—'

I love you. I mumble out the magic words as he did. I just had to. Tears fill up my eyes as soon as the beautiful soundtrack played in the background. He finally confesses his true feelings and oh my god! He’s grabbing her, tilting his head, and there it is. Finally, a kissing scene! Ugh, why did I have to wait for nine episodes before this happens? I press the pause button on the TV controller before leaning lower to the couch. “Just a second, my heart needs a break.” I giggle to myself while rubbing my chest. With one eye open, I flick back up to the television. He is so good at kissing, I mean I think so?

One thing about me, amongst a lot more, is that I’ve never had my first kiss. I don’t know how I survived through my thirty-two years of life without ever experiencing such a vital thing. I’ve been given many a chance but I always seem to mess it up. I just chicken out all the time. I sit up again to continue watching. My head falls to one side, and to the other. I move along the kiss—as if I’m Minsoo, the main girl in the show. “Wow.” I simply say in awe. I wait for the customary astonished expression from the girl to appear as they slowly end the kiss.

I’d probably be just as shocked as she is when I finally get my first kiss—especially at this age! What man in his right mind would even be interested in a clueless woman like me? It’s easy to think I’m a psycho or something. I look down as I let the intrusive thoughts flood my head—as they do every day. “Why do I keep doing this to myself.” I turn the television off and threw the controller beside me. No matter how hopelessly expectant I end up being every time I watch these romance shows, I just can’t seem to stop.

After all, it’s my only basis of romance all throughout my life.

I pick my phone up to check for any notifications. Hm, I got two matches on Tinder. Nice—oh hold on. “Topless mirror selfie, no-no.” I pressed back to home, ignoring both matches. Men who post topless mirror selfies are usually playboys or they’re only looking for hook-up’s which I dislike—I am saving myself for someone who is really important. “Too bad, they look cute,” I mutter to myself in dissatisfaction. Why can’t I just find a good man on this dating website? One who has a good job, nice posture, career-oriented, a family man. Instead, all I get matched with are these unsophisticated and vain characters. Although, I am still partly to blame since I swipe right on them too—duh.

‘Looking for some fun.’

‘Not into something serious’

‘Looking for a date for parties.’

‘I like women who work out a lot.’ Ooh, this gets me furious sometimes.

That’s all they say. No one ever wants a real commitment. How can fun and working out alone create a relationship even? Hm, I have a lot to say but I can’t even keep a third date. I adjust my glasses before standing up to go to the kitchen. I might as well start getting ready. I work an afternoon shift today and before I do, I need to go to the salon to get my hair styled. My boss is coming to check in on the café today and we might have a one-on-one meeting. I am a manager in a nearby café called Bean Hub. I moved into this apartment about five years ago for the reason that it was close to work and a lot more things; like grocery, book stores, and salons. Anyway, it’s a special day for me so I need to look presentable. I will see my boss. I can’t wait. He’s one person I can always see my future with. Okay, that sounded way too melodramatic. I may have a little infatuation for him—I name our future babies sometimes and plan our wedding—but then he’s too perfect for me.

Also, he has a fiancée.

No chance at all. I am not a home-wrecker.

But it’s a harmless crush, no biggie—right?

I open my almost empty cupboard. I need groceries again. I flick my tongue in annoyance as I take out a pack of instant noodles. Because I’m lazy, I boil water for the ramen in the electric kettle before walking away to start changing. Thank God I took a shower late last night. In terms of fashion, I want to say I’m pretty good at it … or at least, decent. I pick out my clothes for the day and of course, I need to pick a pretty one—there’s no point in looking presentable to an engaged man but I do it anyway. Daydreaming is free. I simply tie my hair up once I’m done since I’m getting it done professionally anyway. Going to the salon to get pampered is one of my biggest stress-relievers. Today, I might want some loose curls and maybe braids? I want to look as cute as I possibly could.

I go back to the kitchen just in time for my already hot water. I grab a pot to pour the water in before turning the stove on. As I open the pack of noodles, my phone rings. Elite Hair Studio is calling. “Uh-oh, am I late—no wait, I’m not late, am I? It’s so early.” I blink in confusion but I answer the call. “Hello, Shim Dohee speaking,” I state as I throw in the pack of noodles in the boiling water. “Hello, good morning Miss Shim. I’m calling from Elite Hair Studio. It’s Yeonji speaking. I would just like to check-in if you’d be interested to move your appointment earlier? Our director stylist’s first client at eleven was canceled so he said he can take you an hour earlier. Would you like me to move your appointment to eleven? He said I could give it a try to call you since you live nearby.” Yeonji asked.

Awe, what a sweet girl. But also geez, pressure much, Baekhyun? But that’s okay, he makes miracles and makes me pretty every time I come there—this one isn’t free, unfortunately.

I’ve been going to Elite Hair Studio for a little over three years now and they know me very well already. I literally live just a few blocks away and so they tend to give me these kinds of favors. I am not a vain person at all but it just relaxes me to be in there—everyone’s nice and interested in you, of course, I am well aware that they basically get paid to be interactive and friendly to clients but I’ll take that any day. I’ve always been a very shy woman and so it’s always hard for me to socialize and have friends, so nail and hair salons are the places I love to go to, to fill that void. I get to tell them anything—literally anything—but still maintain the distance that I prefer. I am the type of person who craves friends but at the same time, I am terrified to have friends.

“Oh, he’s free now? Uhm, let’s see.” I tap my chin to think. That gives me more time to get the café ready for the boss if I get there earlier. I stare at the half-cooked ramen and turned off the stove. “Okay, sure. I’m coming there. Just give me a couple of minutes, okay? Thank you so much.” I speak and hurriedly grab the pot and put it down the sink. “Yikes—I’m sorry, ramen. I’ll get back to you later if possible.” I talk to my half-cooked food. “Sorry, what’s that Miss Shim?” Yeonji asked on the other line. “Oh,